Written by: Leslie Gaudet, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Have you ever wanted something so badly that you stopped yourself from the “doing” to get what you want because you felt like every step you took or every move you made had to be perfect?
That’s a world I had been living for so long and why I adopted a new lifestyle of self-love and self-growth.
My life was so different 5 years ago! I chased being perfect because I felt less than worthy of even the smallest win, whether it was a new job, a great reference letter, or some small step forward to creating something new or exciting.
Here I am 5 years later, and I found myself in this space yet again as I was making my move to up-level my coaching (who I serve and how I help them), and I was reaching big. Bigger than I ever have before!
Here I was, ready to make changes in my life and ready to make a move.
I had been sitting in what I like to call the “Uncomfort Zone” in a sitting and waiting mindset.
Sitting still and listening for the next steps so that I could take inspired action, and when I finally got an aha moment revealed to me, I would do one tiny simple step to achieve that goal.
However, just recently, in this space of reflection, I got scared and in my own way because I started to feel like I wasn’t ready, and that’s because I got into my head and started telling myself that taking action wasn’t possible for me right now because I am not perfect (yet).
I was feeling that I was not perfect yet because when I was finally ready to take inspired action on my new idea, and when I started to look around at what my peers were offering and/or doing, I got scared and started telling myself that I was reaching too big; that I wanted for too much; or that my share in life was much smaller than what I wanted.
I say this because as a woman, I wasn’t raised to ask for more than I deserved, or to want for more than I deserved, or to reach for more than I deserved, and what I thought I deserved was always based on my comparison to others who came from privilege (at least that was what I was telling myself).
Because I came from a world of less than, I believed that I was only allowed to ask for and want for just a little bit less than those who were more “privileged” than I was.
I felt like I had to fight for everything I achieved in life instead of believing that it was me applying myself and being rewarded for the effort that I put in. I didn’t want to believe that I wasn’t given more than or less than just because of my social status.
I felt like I was constantly sitting on the sidelines of my life only to get into the game and then get pulled because Coach Leslie (that’s me!) would pull myself out because I started to get freaked out about the process and started second-guessing the who I help and the how I help them and started thinking and asking myself probing questions that were on the negative side. You know the questions.
Who do you think you are?
Who said you would be good enough or are good enough to serve this new group of women?
Why do you think you are qualified?
Although there is some validity, of course, to asking yourself questions about who you help and how you help them, I was bringing it to an all-new level for me that bordered on comparison syndrome and imposter syndrome.
I started looking at my peers and their successes in who they help and how they help them, and I started questioning what I do and if it was even good enough. It got me started on the path to chasing my “perfect.”
You know the perfect I’m talking about.
Perfect language. Perfect website. Perfect program. Perfect pricing. Perfect client. Perfect message.
Yes, speaking to your client showing them that you “get them” is important.
Being perfect is not.
Being imperfectly me has allowed me to be myself. Embracing that I’m not perfect has allowed me to be authentic. So why was I, yet again, chasing perfection?
I started to really think about it, and I realized that when you start making changes in your life, and you get the scared feeling, your fear will have you creating scenarios in your head that don’t exist but feel so real that they can make you chase after things that don’t align with you because you think it’s who you should be or because you’re not quite confident in who you are.
Why am I telling you this? Because if you are anything like me, the analytical type who wants to know the “what” that has you stuck, then I want you to know that there really is only one way to come out of this, and that is to switch the mindset and adopt that “Done is Better than Perfect” because it is.
I ran a recent training in my Ladies Facebook Group (Transform Your Triggers for Success Community), and it was about Letting Go of Being Perfect, and I gave two possible scenarios of perfectionism.
1. Let’s talk about one that I call the Controlling Perfectionist
This is the person that won’t seek outside validation because she wants to be the one in control all of the time, and so she won’t ask for opinions, help, or guidance.
Does this resonate with you? Do you believe in yourself enough that the only opinion that matters is your own, but your self-opinion is supercritical most times, and so you pick apart everything?
Are you the person who has to control everything, be in control of every step of the way, and so you don’t allow for tweaks, change, or other ideas, even if the ideas sound amazing?
Do you have to do everything yourself because no one else could possibly do it better than you so you won’t ask for help, and you won’t entertain an amazing idea that falls into your lap from an outside source because how could that be better than what you have already been doing?
Do you have to map everything out to the last minuscule detail and find yourself mapping out an idea for months on end and end up never starting anything? Even going so far as scrapping the whole thing because you got in your head that it wasn’t good enough or wouldn’t measure up if you put the idea out there because of your FEAR of getting feedback that you were right all along.
Or maybe you are the person who starts something but as soon as it gets hard, you face a challenge, or your process gets disrupted, you start with the negative self-talk and again maybe even scrap everything because you automatically believe that what you are doing isn’t good enough because you just received proof?
And you won’t look at the disruption as possibly being positive (meaning to get your attention that something needs to be looked at closer) or that a part of your process needs to be looked at closely to see if it’s really working the way you want it to so that you can tweak it, make it better, and then get back at it. And all of this because you have to control everything all of the time.
2. Maybe, you’re the Outside Validation Perfectionist
You will put yourself out there, but your value and what you’re doing is only good enough once you receive the validation you seek.
Here’s the thing, though. Once you get that positive validation, you won’t believe it because you don’t believe in yourself.
Even if you receive the feedback that you were seeking, the outside validation of your worth, and the okay to keep moving forward based on the outside validation, you’ll often find yourself being a non-believer, and you will find ways, in fact, you will look for ways, to debunk the validation.
Always approaching with that critical eye looking for the flaws and cracks in the validation. How could that possibly be true that positive validation?
And then you start looking inward to find that proof within yourself that you are not worthy or deserving of the positive feedback, and then you start looking at your past failures as you being a failure rather than as lessons learned that enabled you to see things from a different perspective.
So, what is your “perfect”? Because at some point in our lives, I don’t care who you are. You have fallen under some perfectionism scenario because we live in a world that not only touts perfection but actually supports it. Oh, and by the way, in case you didn’t know this, seeking perfectionism is on the rise.
We use the word perfect in a lot of our vocabulary. The perfect wedding. The perfect business. The perfect partner. The perfect weather. The perfect (fill in the blank).
And I don’t think we do this to hurt ourselves necessarily or to hurt others using the word perfect.
It’s only when we adopt the perfectionist mindset that it becomes a negative for us where we start looking at ourselves and at our imperfections, and we focus on our imperfections and on our belief in our unworthiness.
And so we beat ourselves up and then believe that we are not meant for better or to do better or for living a great life.
LISTEN, we all are absolutely entitled to live a great life.
We were all born to add value to this world. There’s only one of you. You are unique. You have a voice. You have a purpose. You have a message that someone needs to hear.
You have to allow yourself to be okay with the hiccups and the failures (or lessons learned).
You have to be okay with not getting it right the first time.
Like I said, "Done is Better than Perfect" because it keeps you moving.
It keeps you motivated. It keeps you interested. It keeps you looking for inspiration to keep on moving. It keeps you growing.
Done does not mean perfect. Not even close. There is no such thing as attaining perfection.
There’s only attaining growth and learning. To finishing something. To creating and always learning and growing.
That’s what you should strive for. To grow. To learn. To create. To be inspired. To inspire. To live. To love. To laugh. To enjoy your life.
Want to know what your “perfect” is? Take a look at these questions and answer them honestly because honesty to yourself will get you far.
I want you to really dive in and discover what your “perfect” is because self-awareness is part of the puzzle now.
Being aware shows us how we show up in our world and of our tendencies to seek perfection or not or to seek to do the best that we can and moving always moving to completing our goals and adopting the mindset of Done is Better than Perfect.
I really hope that you take me up on this amazing opportunity to get clarity around this for yourself because, as I said, we have all at some time in our lives fallen under the spell of perfectionism, and whether or not you are chasing perfection today or have in the past, I’m sure that there still sometimes pops up those moments when you might let’s say complete something and then maybe take a peek around looking to see how others respond to your creation, and maybe you get in your head if you:
I don’t get any response.
Maybe you don’t get the response that you expected.
And expectations are another negative thing about seeking perfection because that also can set you up for disappointment because what you see, feel, hear and think is going to be different from everyone else that you know because we all have our own opinions and just because someone has an opinion that triggers you, remember this. It’s an opinion, and it doesn’t have to be true if you don’t let it be true.
I say do the best that you can without expectation of outside validation and without self-criticism and let yourself learn and grow and learn and grow and keep at it and keep doing things and adopt the Done is Better than Perfect Mindset because that will be a truly spectacular gift to yourself if you did that. In fact, why don’t you write it out in big letters on a big piece of paper and put it up on your wall where you can see it every day to remind yourself.
Write down“DONE IS BETTER THAN PERFECT” and put it up on your wall.
In fact, if you feel so inspired, get really creative and write it in a bold color, in your favorite color even.
Draw some hearts on it.
Draw some flowers or suns or whatever floats your boat and put it up so that you can be reminded in those moments when you start getting supercritical and start letting the flawed eye take over (meaning looking to pick apart everything by looking with that fine-tooth comb for all the things that you think are not up to par).
Instead, let yourself go and do and live and have this amazing life because you keep moving, and you keep doing, and you keep living and growing and enjoying your life.
Leslie Gaudet, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Leslie Gaudet is a Mindset and Emotional Awareness Coach for women. She helps her clients achieve self-awareness around their emotional triggers by shifting their mindset to make better decisions when they respond, which allows them to bring more balance, peace, and harmony into their life.
Almost 4 decades working as a Legal Assistant and Paralegal in the corporate world left her feeling emotionally and physically drained. That’s when she decided that she had to make some changes for her to live the life she loves. Those changes involved learning to love herself (without judgment or criticism). That mindset is the key to everything because our mindset influences our thoughts, and in turn, our thoughts dictate our words and actions. Thru her journey to self-love and self-acceptance, Leslie became certified as a Life Coach and attained further certifications in Group Coaching and Emotional Intelligence.
She works closely with her clients, starting with mindset because that is the foundational piece to self-love and self-acceptance. She teaches her clients about triggers and how they affect us emotionally by helping her clients tune into, spot, and understand their own so that they can become more self-aware of their trigger moments and emotional responses.
With proven tools and techniques and with her guidance, her clients tap into and discover their true potential to living their life and loving the life they are living.
Leslie believes that you will transform your life when you Change Your Brain (the way you think).
