Chapter One: It All Starts With Love
- Sep 3, 2021
- 4 min read
Written by: Dr. Dana Neacsu, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
It was just another regular afternoon in the hospital when I received a call from the ER physician telling me about this unfortunate case: an elderly gentleman was brought in by his side because he could not deal with his advanced dementia anymore. If you have ever had someone dear in your life, or a family member suffering from this disease, you know what I mean. People get lost. They cannot take care of themselves, and they need constant support. Meanwhile, it's quite a frustrating situation for the caregivers.
I went downstairs and walked into the room, expecting the usual patient with that lost look on their face; however, what I saw made me think that maybe I was in the wrong room. This was a couple in their mid-60s, dressed nicely, making small talk almost as though they were there just going through a minor check for surgery. Once I started talking to them, however, I quickly realized that he was indeed lost; he was just covering it better than others. He lost interest in our conversation and he was answering my questions without saying anything meaningful. His wife did most of the talking. She started telling me about her story: they married late and had no kids and they work really hard. She was a nurse and he worked for a financial company thinking that they would enjoy their retirement and travel the world. It wasn’t too long ago when she started noticing the early signs: the forgetfulness, the moment of silence... And being a nurse, she recognized that immediately. So, she did her best and took him to the best of the doctors. They tried regular medication but none of it worked.
At this point, she couldn't take care of him anymore and she was advised by her primary care physician to bring him to the emergency room not only to make sure that there's nothing else making his illness worse, but also because he needed to be placed into one of the memory units. If you don't know what that is, it's simply a house for people who can't remember who they are anymore. This is when they need close supervision because they are a danger to themselves. It's heartbreaking for everybody involved, but especially for the family. She began to tell me that she started crying – her beautiful blue eyes were crying. I've seen the kind of emotional burden this illness puts on us so many times. I don't know if there is something worse than this, because for most people involved, it feels just like they are giving up and they are the ones making that decision.
But this time, something else happened. As she started crying, he became visibly agitated and upset. I thought it was really because somehow, he understood her words and what it meant for him. But listening to what he was saying – the type of broken language that only a broken brain can use – I realized he was actually telling me something or trying to tell someone something, and that something was that he wanted to be with her. He kept saying it again and again, like a mantra. That was the moment I realized he wasn't upset because of his situation; he was upset because he saw her crying. He was upset because beyond all the ravage and the damage Alzheimer's did to his brain, the love for her was still very much present. And after all, the love for her somehow made his brain work, even for a few seconds.
At that moment, I felt incredibly helpless and frustrated because I wish I could've done more. I wish I could've done more for them, and I felt like the medicine had failed them. Even then, I knew that there were only so many things that one can do to prevent this from happening. I knew then that it was too late for this gentleman and for his wife, but most importantly, I knew that they did not deserve this.
That was also the moment when I learned one of the most important lessons in my entire 20 years of career as a doctor: true love does conquer all, and it's not forgettable. That compassion and love towards your loved one is more powerful and stronger than any illness or any situation. I want every one of you to know that!
Dr. Dana Neacsu, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Dr. Dana Neacsu is trained in both conventional and integrative medicine and her goal is to offer her patients the best treatment from both medical worlds. Her practice is a unique combination of ancient medicine techniques like Reiki, functional medicine cutting edge protocols and biohacking devices of the future. The core of her practice remains however the patients themselves and their incredible power of self-healing and courage.
