Break Free from Negative Self-Talk and Reach Your Full Potential

Written by Mark Tully, Men's Personal Development Coach

Mark is a student of life. Who has evolved many times and is now in a beautiful position to use his passion to empower others.

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We all have that inner voice. Sometimes, it lifts us, and when trained properly, it can be our best friend. But far too often, it drags us down. Have you ever felt like this?

The relentless stream of self-criticism, doubt, and fear can be one of life's greatest obstacles. It whispers that we’re not good enough, not smart enough, or destined to fail. It turns small problems into mountains we feel like we cannot or should not, even dare to climb. And the worst part? We believe it.

Have you ever finally done that task and thought, “ahh, that wasn’t so bad after all”? Guess why it was built up so much in your head. Is your brain against you?

Negative self-talk isn’t just a fleeting thought; it’s a human behaviour that shapes our mindset, confidence, and actions. It keeps us from taking risks, pursuing dreams, or stepping into our full potential. Over time, these thoughts become ingrained, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you keep telling yourself you’re incapable, you’ll start to act accordingly. Our beliefs are created from our thoughts. If we believe we can’t, we are correct. If we believe we can, we are also correct.

The strength of a human's belief system is incredible. That alone is another article. Okay, so the KTP method.

• Knowledge

• Transformation

• ProActive Life

I can only really talk about the knowledge part in detail today. While explaining how Transformation and ProActive Life work.

Boo! I hear you say. Yeah, I know, right?

But this is real life, and there are no magic pills. It’s actually a 12-week course. Funnily enough, the course is designed to guide you to ahh moments that feel like magic pills.

But yeah, you have to put effort into getting the amazing results. Imagine that, haha. Welcome to reality. But you're worth it, aren’t you?

Obviously, you are!

I’m just putting this bit in here now, to be honest and not pull the wool over your eyes.

I will, however, give as much knowledge as possible. So you can make a positive impact in your life even if you aren’t interested in the course.

This is due to my own moral standings. I'm here to help empower. Not to take. So giving value while expecting nothing in return makes me feel good, and confirms that I’m behaving in alignment with myself and my values.

Anyone who wants to dive into the amazing power of coaching and the magic of NLP. I’d love to have you in my life for 12 weeks smashing out KTP and throwing the middle finger to negative self-talk like that rebel you are! Then, ultimately, making your life so amazing that the voice is begging to be your best friend.

Knowledge

First things first. I personally deal with anything way better when I understand it. So, what is negative self-talk? Are we really against ourselves?

No, of course not. It’s our brains talking. So, that voice is not you!

This bit is important, please understand. We humans are three entities. Body and mind/brain are obvious and simple. Third is the mysterious thing that gets referred to as our soul or spirit. The bit that's not tangible. You can’t see or squeeze it. But we have a belief that it exists. It’s our true self. All the fun and positive stuff that's in there. Lean into this or just pretend for a moment so you can understand.

We, all three parts, are designed to live in caveman days and run around as neanderthals. Our brains are hardwired for survival, constantly scanning for danger, food, and a mate. But don't get distracted. Let’s focus on the danger part.

This worked perfectly all that time ago, well, I’m pretty sure anyway. Obviously, I wasn't there, so I'm not speaking from experience. I mean, we are here now, right? So let's say many things went well. Plus, some fancy scientists have proven it. Yay.

Back to the point, your brain is constantly scanning the neanderthal environment, to raise the alarm and provide brain chemicals that fire us up when necessary. To do what needs to be done and keep us safe in the moment!

Wow, thank you, brain, amazing job, we are still alive and happy. I could geek out on parts of the brain and what they do. But I want to keep this practical, and I’d probably mess it up anyway. I could copy and paste AI, but that sucks, so no thanks.

In case you haven’t noticed, we really do not live in neanderthal days. We’ve moved on! It’s very different.

So having the same brain dealing with twenty million threats and pieces of information a day instead of, let’s say, 200.

It’s no wonder our brains are freaking out and trying to keep us safe. A job that was manageable and is now overwhelming.

Insert anxiety, stress, and staying in our comfort zone. The resistance that comes when trying something new.

Beating yourself up when things go wrong.

Your brain isn’t against you; it's merely doing its job of keeping you safe. A lot of negative self-talk is because we like to try new things, take up challenges, and go into the unknown.

Which is a potential danger. So if things go wrong, it's a golden opportunity for our brains to jump in. Beat us down a little, so we don’t try anything new (dangerous), again. Staying nice and alive in our comfort zone. Hence, we are wired, hardwired at that, deep down for survival, not for success.

Are things starting to make sense now? Good.

Your brain is absolutely on your side. It’s just that this modern world creates many possible threats for it to scan. Now this is very manageable because you are in charge. Your spirit, your true self. The real you.

Let’s understand that your brain is designed to behave this way, and it's actually very necessary. It’s the same voice that says. Better not, when you go to cross the road and see a car at the last second. Giving that jolt that stops you. Think about it, you don’t instruct that movement, do you? It’s instinctual.

The same voice tells you not to punch your dickhead boss. Or whack the machine that won’t do what the button you’re pressing says. And so on. Pause for a minute and think of your own examples where the voice is actually very useful.

Got loads? Good.

So we can now recognise that the negative voice won’t ever go away completely, and in a lot of cases, it's necessary and to be frank, pretty useful.

Great.

Now how to shut it up when it’s crippling and torturing us.

Never fight it. No good ever came from a fight. Why fight yourself? It makes no sense. Try this simple three-step tool instead.

• Acknowledge

• Take a step back while letting it pass

• Replace

Easy, right? This is why I have to share this stuff. Because a lot of the time, it is easy. We simply aren’t taught how.

Acknowledging a negative thought, like you're watching a movie on screen or sushi on the train in a restaurant. Let your brain know you appreciate it and understand it's merely attempting to keep you safe.

Yes, talk to yourself. It’s not a sign of madness or going insane. We should all talk to our brains and help guide situations. Think of your brain as a puppy or child that you can train to follow patterns, be your best friend, and help you reach your full potential. Ohh, doesn’t that sound good? Linking talking to yourself or your brain with insanity is a common misperception, and to be honest, it is suppressing your full potential.

Embrace it. Even out loud. Although if you don’t like funny looks in public, maybe just in your head. Unless you're indoors, alone, or with a special human, just like you.

I digress.

After appreciating what your brain is trying to do, thank it, then take the wheel. Step back from the thought and let it pass. Applying a lot of curiosity here helps.

Your brain produces 60 to 80 thousand thoughts per day. Because we are geared for survival, clever people say, roughly 80% of them are negative. So being curious, wondering “why would that thought come up for me right now”, and not getting sucked in really helps.

It allows a subtle change to your state, which lets the thought go on its merry way. Giving an amazing opportunity to fill the tiny gap with a positive thought that you actually want.

Replacing with an opposite thought helps a lot here. Remember, though, it's all about you, so go for gold and replace it with whatever is best for you. Don’t let anyone tell you what to think. They don’t know what's going on in there.

Transformation

Now we have more understanding. It's literally more manageable. Plus a couple of tools to action in there already.

Of course, as always, it's easier said than done. Next, I’ll explain more useful tools that form a small part of the transformation stage.

First up is awareness. It’s the start and key to solving all issues and problems. We have to know first, right?

When you notice the negative voice at play, celebrate exactly that, apply positivity, and create an opportunity for yourself to change the situation.

Because you are now aware. Which means you can start applying your favourite tools. Besides, the best way to break negativity is with positivity.

Next, the persona method. Double down on the fact that the voice is not you. Give it a persona. Research has shown that humans do feel better when they can laugh at their issues/problems in life. You’ll look back and laugh, they say.

Why do we need to wait to look back? Let’s laugh now. Who likes waiting anyway?

Name your negative voice, make it someone you can always laugh at. Apply your own unique twist to this. Real person, cartoon character, funny accent, use your imagination. Creating a hilarious tool for yourself will help make it stick.

With the goal of, when using said tool (because we all forget at times and that’s fine), if the voice pipes up and starts trying to hold you back. The persona you’ve applied enables you to laugh.

How hilarious would Daffy Duck popping up and trying to talk crap in your head be? You couldn’t take him seriously.

Get the point?

This also does many other things, like removing the weight the words carry, stripping them of their power (which you gave them anyway), and making stepping back easier. Plus a whole lot more. I'm attempting to be punchy here. But please create your own list of even more benefits. There’s more, but like I said, it’s a twelve-week course. It's really hard to squeeze all that in here. The more consists of.

Extra tools for creating massive awareness and lasting change. Support in creating your own tools.

Identifying limiting beliefs and the root causes of these.

Using NLP and coaching to remove any stubborn beliefs and emotions that may be holding you back.

Personal breakthrough session, this one is powerful! 3 to 6 hours over 2 or 3 sessions with a guaranteed breakthrough.

ProActive Life

In this section, we will work together to.

Find out who you really are and what you want from life. With a core values session, then creating your dream life from these core values.

Now we have a direction to travel in. This is called aligning with yourself and feels great. It’s you, helping you. So you're better for yourself and others. Win, win.

A life audit is next to gain clarity on where you’re at and what to work on.

SMART goals my way. To empower anyone to create their own plan with easy-to-follow steps. Use emotions, good and bad, to your advantage and smash goals with every step. While using them as direction and enjoying the hell out of the process! Embracing a positive growth mindset and watching your life become better than you have previously thought possible.

After all this, you’ll be in a position where that voice is cheering you on!

Ever notice that when you do negative things, the negativity ramps up? Well, the point in living a pro-active life is to have a positive effect, keeping negi-talk well at bay.

Simple rule of cause and effect.

If you got this far, I'd like to thank you for reading. My aim is to give you value and tools that create a positive impact, for you to implement. I sincerely hope you agree.

This is something I never thought possible for me. Writing a magazine article is mind-blowing. This is why I know what I’m explaining works.

I’m living it. If it sounds like something you’d like, or you just want more information on it. Please use the link below to book a free discovery call, so we can chat. P.S. Even more value is available in this call.

My pleasure to talk about working together and empowering you to transform your own life. So hard you won't recognise it!

Book now.

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Read more from Mark Tully

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Mark Tully, Men's Personal Development Coach

From not wanting to be on this planet to now thriving in life, Mark is a personal development champion.

With such a passion, he is able to pass on real-life learnings, so you get to skip the hard part.

He's bold, authentic and open with a goal of empowering one million men to transform their own lives.

An up-and-coming one to watch in the mental health space.