Awakening Your Inner Compass – 4 Ways to Identify What You Really Want
- Brainz Magazine
- 7 days ago
- 7 min read
Written by Gacia Tokajian, Life and Mindset Coach Gacia Tokajian is a certified life and mindset coach and founder of GT Coaching, where she empowers individuals through personalized 1:1 coaching to gain clarity, direction, and create a life aligned with their values.
If you had no concerns, problems, or limitations, and could ask for anything you wanted, what would you desire to create in your life?
Four years ago, I found myself in one of Bob Proctor’s online webinars. The workshop opened with this exact question. Now, it may seem like an easy one, but I had never asked myself this in a way that required me to sit down and actually make a clear list of what I desired for the next 5-10 years.
It felt scary and a bit overwhelming to put myself in that dream state. Was I even allowed to ask for what I wanted? How far was I allowed to go?
Don’t get me wrong, I always thought I knew what I wanted. For the longest time, I had been driven by three things, peace, freedom, and happiness. By 30, give or take, I expected to have clarity around my career path, some degree of financial stability, and a relationship that would eventually lead to marriage. This was the blueprint we were all handed, right? Yet, here I was, almost approaching my thirties, and none of it felt close. So I wondered, what did I get wrong? Where do I go from here?
Bob Proctor’s question that day stirred something awake.
Are your desires really your own?
Many of us go through life believing we know what we want. But are these desires truly ours, or are they conditioned by what is socially approved or expected? As we grow older, our deepest desires begin to fade behind the mask of “what’s normal to want.” We forget what lit us up when we were younger. And instead, we subconsciously pursue things we believe will make us more accepted by our family, friends, or community. Slowly, we lose touch with what truly sparks the fire in our hearts. And with time, that light grows dim, making it harder to recognize the subtle pulls that live in our bodies. But what if I told you that your deepest desires are the GPS of your soul, guiding you toward the experiences your spirit came here to live?
These desires are meant to expand your vessel, stretch you into a higher version of yourself, and express your talents, wholeness, and beauty. Your desires are not random, they were given to you because you are the one meant to bring them to life. In this article, I’ll share the ways I learned to identify my desires amidst all the noise.
4 ways to identify what you truly desire
1. Notice what expands you vs what shrinks you
As humans, we constantly want things. But some desires come from the depths of our being, while others come from the ego. Let me share a real example.
Ever since graduating from high school, I have had a strong urge to study in the UK. I didn’t have the opportunity then, but I was adamant I would one day. I still remember a heated conversation with a parent who told me I wouldn’t be able to do it. Being stubborn by nature, I felt challenged and annoyed. I made a promise to myself to prove them wrong. Years later, after changing careers and forgetting all about that promise, I found myself enrolled in an online teacher training program in the UK. At the time, I was hesitant to pursue it, as I already sensed I didn’t want to stay in the classroom long-term. Yet, for some reason, I pushed myself to continue.
The road was bumpy, frustrating, slow, and anxiety-inducing. But the interesting part was the day I received the official email saying I had graduated. I felt the excitement rush through every cell in my body. And suddenly, the memory of that old conversation came back vividly.
That’s when I realized I had been following a desire rooted in ego, one meant to soothe an old wound and prove someone wrong. Sometimes we think we want something, a degree, fame, a relationship, but once we attain it, it doesn’t give us the fulfillment we expected. Some experts explain that these desires often come from fear, insecurity, or the need to feel worthy or accepted.
On the other hand, you’ve probably also felt a nudge, a pull toward something you can’t fully explain. You don’t know where it comes from or why you’re drawn to it, yet the desire feels persistent and intense. Your body lights up. You feel spacious, expanded, and excited. These are desires that come from your soul.
Now remember, true desires don’t always appear as “positive feelings.” Sometimes they show up as dissatisfaction, frustration, or disconnection, nudging you to shift something in your life. These emotions are messengers too.
Author Daniella Laporte says the feelings of desire are an important component of decision-making. Logic helps us make choices, but the feeling of desire acts as an inner compass guiding us toward what will truly bring us joy.
So start paying attention:
Where does your body feel relaxed?
What makes you feel open, expanded, and alive?
Your body holds immense wisdom. The more you listen, the louder it speaks.
2. Notice what you’re jealous of
You may have been taught that jealousy is “bad.” I certainly was. But, as I learned to decode my emotions with more awareness and less judgment, I realized that jealousy is a powerful mirror. It shows us what our heart is also longing to experience.
Years ago, I was following a teacher in the personal development field. Over time, his spouse began appearing in his content. I found myself extremely agitated by her, annoyed, jealous, and unable to watch any video she appeared in.
At one point, it didn’t make sense to me. I didn’t know her. Why was I having such a strong reaction? I kept asking myself. What is it about this person that’s triggering me so deeply?
The answer didn’t come right away, but eventually, I realized she embodied qualities I didn’t yet own in myself. She emanated strength and confidence, she was grounded, expressive, and unapologetically herself. I wasn’t jealous of her, I was jealous of the parts of myself I hadn’t yet accessed.
Once I understood this, I actually started following her work, observing and learning from her. When you catch yourself feeling jealous, remind yourself it’s mirrored information. Then ask:
What does this person’s life reflect about what I desire for myself?
What am I believing about myself that makes this feel unattainable?
Dr. Joseph Murphy, in The Power of the Subconscious Mind, teaches that our experience and conditions mirror what we believe is possible for us. Jealousy isn’t shameful, it’s your subconscious showing you where you’re ready to expand and which old beliefs you need to release.
3. Separate the shoulds from the wants
How often do you find yourself saying, “I should do this, I should have that by now?”
Many of these “shoulds” are inherited from family, culture, expectations, or fears. But they don’t necessarily reflect what we truly want.
For example, many of us feel pressured to get married before a certain age because we were told marriage becomes harder after 30, 35, or 40, depending on which culture you belong to. So, some people choose partners before they’re actually ready for such a commitment. Others have children because they’re told they “should,” even though deep down they don’t desire that path. You may even stay in a draining job because you were conditioned to believe financial security only comes from a stable job, even if your soul is craving something different.
When I first started my career, I was completely confused about what I wanted. So, I decided to dedicate my twenties to experimentation. I changed jobs and career paths multiple times. People told me I should be careful, as I was ruining my resume. But every nudge I followed expanded me and led me to where I am today, choosing coaching as my career.
Try this: Make a list of all the things you tell yourself you “should” be doing. Then ask, if no one judged me, what would I allow myself to desire?
4. Pay attention to desires that scare you
Bob Proctor always said, “If your goal doesn’t scare you, it’s not the right goal.”
He described desire as the expression of the unexpressed possibility within us, seeking to come out through us. When we set goals based on our true desires, fear naturally shows up. Not because something is wrong, but because we’re stretching beyond our current identity. But when we set goals based on what we believe we can do, the excitement is short-lived and fades quickly.
Desire-driven goals create a fire within you that helps you push through challenges. They energize you, and they expand you.
So ask yourself, What desire feels both exciting and uncomfortable?
That’s often the one to follow.
Conclusion: Your soul always knows
Our desires keep us alive. They’re what moves us toward growth, expansion, and fulfillment.
Learning to slow down, tune into the signs, and trust the voice within, even when it doesn’t seem logical, are essential skills that can be developed. It’s a practice that reconnects you with your soul.
So I invite you to give yourself the same permission I gave myself years ago, the question that shifted everything for me. If you had no concerns, fears, or limitations, what specifically do you desire to create and experience in your life?
As Napoleon Hill beautifully states, “The starting point of all achievement is desire.”
If this article stirred something in you and you’re ready to explore your desires and design your next chapter more intentionally, I’d love to support you. Together, we’ll uncover what’s been blocking your brilliance and help you step into the version of yourself you’re meant to become. You don’t have to navigate this alone, reach out if you feel the pull.
From my heart to yours, I send you love, and I wish you a beautiful day!
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Read more from Gacia Tokajian
Gacia Tokajian, Life and Mindset Coach
Gacia Tokajian is a Jay Shetty Certified Life and Mindset Coach. Her journey into personal development began nine years ago after experiencing anorexia, which led her to explore the deeper root causes beneath the symptoms. Through years of training, workshops, and inner work, she transformed her life, moving from a place of feeling stuck and frustrated to cultivating peace, self-love, and self-acceptance. Today, she guides others on their own path of reconnection, helping them rewrite life stories that feel aligned and empowering.
