Attract Love Through the Subconscious Mind – A Guide to Transforming Identity & Energy
- Brainz Magazine
- Dec 4
- 6 min read
Written by Agnes Chvojka, Rapid Transformational Therapy® Hypnotherapist, Mindset and Confidence Coach
Agnes Chvojka is a Rapid Transformational Therapist® and mindset coach based in Ireland, working remotely worldwide. She helps women break free from self-doubt, shed emotional weight, and rewire deep subconscious blocks to reclaim their voice, embrace their power, and live with confidence and joy.
Agnes has been working with clients through RTT® Hypnotherapy (Rapid Transformational Therapy®), supporting them as they clear lovability blocks rooted in low self-worth and past emotional wounds. This article is her unique take on love attraction, one grounded not in wishful thinking, but in subconscious identity, emotional imprinting, and the mind–body patterns that shape who we attract and why. It shifts the conversation from surface-level manifestation advice to the deeper subconscious architecture that influences our relationships, patterns, and emotional safety.
Why manifestation often fails: The identity gap
Write down the qualities of your ideal partner. Visualise them every day. Just raise your vibration.
If you’ve spent any time in modern personal development, you’ve heard these ideas before. Manifestation has become a hashtag, a trend, and a one-size-fits-all spiritual practice. Yet when it comes to finding real, lasting love and meaningful connection, most people feel more confused and disconnected than ever.
As a hypnotherapist, I’ve watched clients arrive with the same question, a question I asked myself for years:
Why can’t I find love, no matter how hard I try?
They’ve made vision boards, recited affirmations, journalled intentions, tried endless spiritual practices, listened to every manifestation podcast imaginable, and still, something feels blocked. They’ve been doing all the “right things,” yet the results never come.
And I know this path well. After a decade of my own failed attempts, a divorce, and repeating painful relational patterns, this work allowed me to rebuild my self-image, cultivate meaningful friendships, and eventually open the door to a new experience of love, and even a new direction in my career.
So here is the truth most people don’t consider:
“Love is not manifested from desire. Love is manifested from identity.”
Most manifestation practices address the conscious mind, the part that sets goals, makes lists, visualises outcomes. But the conscious mind is only 5% of your mental activity. The remaining 95%, your beliefs, emotional memories, attachment patterns, internal narratives, and relational templates, live in the subconscious.
This is where manifestation techniques usually fail. They focus on desire but ignore the deeper layer of the subconscious that shapes who we’re drawn to, how we attach, and how emotionally steady we feel in relationships.
Conflicting beliefs: The subconscious cannot hold opposites
One of the most significant rules of the mind, as taught by Marisa Peer, founder of Rapid Transformational Therapy®, is this. The subconscious cannot hold conflicting beliefs. You cannot manifest love or deeper connections that your subconscious does not believe you can have, hold, or sustain.
You may consciously want a healthy, deep, loyal connection, but if your subconscious identity still carries the wounds of rejection, abandonment, betrayal, or unworthiness, your mind will quietly pull you away from the very love you’re trying to attract.
Not because you’re broken. Not because you’re unlucky. Not because the universe is withholding.
But because the subconscious mind prioritises what is familiar over what is fulfilling. It will always recreate what is familiar, not what you want.
You may consciously crave secure love, but subconsciously attract abandonment. You may consciously want deep intimacy, but subconsciously fear truly expressing your needs. You may consciously desire commitment, but subconsciously pull away.
When your conscious desire and subconscious identity are not aligned, manifestation becomes hard.
This is why people say things like:
Why do I always attract the same type of partner? Why do I pull away when someone gets close? Why do I fall for emotionally unavailable people? Why do I stay in situations where I am not respected?
This isn’t self-sabotage in the way most people think, it’s your subconscious identity trying to protect you from perceived danger or failure. The mind would rather keep you safe with the familiar than risk the vulnerability of the unknown, even when the familiar hurts.
The subconscious thermostat: Your internal setting for love
Think of the subconscious like a thermostat regulating your entire experience of love and connection, from how much affection you believe you deserve, to how safe you feel being loved, to how comfortable you are receiving emotional intimacy. It even determines which partners feel “normal” or familiar to you, and how much closeness your nervous system can tolerate without feeling overwhelmed.
If your internal attraction thermostat is set to beliefs such as:
I’m unworthy, I’m not enough. Love hurts, leaves. Love will never find me. Then, even if a healthy, emotionally present partner appears, your subconscious will either repel them, sabotage the connection, or attract someone who mirrors the old identity.
This thermostat is shaped from your earliest emotional experiences, attachment wounds, emotional neglect, first heartbreaks, betrayal, loss, being dismissed, not being seen, or internalising criticism. Unless these scripts are rewritten, your entire love life or social connections will orbit around them.
Why we repeat the same patterns
One of the core truths I often tell my clients is that:
“Pain is not punishment, it is programming. And until it is rewired, it will continue to run as a protective pattern.”
People don’t repeat painful relationships because they want to suffer. They repeat them because the subconscious is trying to resolve or rewrite an old emotional wound through repetition. Your mind keeps returning to the familiar, hoping this time it will end differently. But without subconscious reprogramming, it never does. You end up dating the same person in a different body. You find yourself in the same arguments with a new partner. You feel the same emotional pain in a new relationship. This is why manifestation rooted only in desire can feel hopeless.
“To call in healthy connections, you must become the version of yourself who can receive healthy love. And that transformation happens in the subconscious.”
Self-love as a neurological pattern, not a buzzword
Self-love isn’t a slogan, it’s a subconscious setting, a neural pathway, a deeply encoded lovability programme. It’s not something you try to have, it’s something deeply embedded in your subconscious, part of who you are. It quietly shapes how you speak to yourself, how you show up in relationships, and how safe you feel with emotional closeness.
Self-love becomes your self-image, your identity, the invisible force that dictates the standard of love you believe you’re worthy of. A strong self-image radiates confidence, emotional safety, and inner steadiness. A wounded self-image unconsciously repels connection, not out of avoidance, but out of fear. So before love arrives in your life, it must arrive in your identity.
Become a love magnet with hypnosis
Most people don’t attract what they want. They attract what their subconscious believes they’re a match for.
This is where my Love Attraction Hypnosis begins. It works at the deepest layer of the psyche, where identity, emotional memory, and internalised beliefs live.
It focuses on four pillars:
1. Self-love activation
Transforming self-criticism into self-connection. Teaching your mind to recognise your inherent worth, so you no longer seek love from fear or desperation, but from a grounded sense of inner safety and wholeness.
2. Confidence embodiment
This step is about your state. It’s about the felt sense of worthiness.
Releasing old emotional imprints of rejection or inadequacy so you can take up space in love without people-pleasing, over-doing, or shrinking into self-doubt. You begin to stand in a grounded confidence, physically and emotionally, what I call emotional sovereignty, the ability to stay connected to yourself, your needs, and your truth in relationships.
3. Self-image recalibration
This step is deeper. It’s about who you believe you are at the identity level.
Rebuilding the identity of someone who feels genuinely safe giving and receiving love. Someone who attracts aligned partners effortlessly because their inner thermostat is no longer set to the temperature of old wounds, but by inner worthiness, trust, and emotional openness.
4. Energetic opening
Releasing fear, tension, and protection patterns stored in the nervous system and in the body. Allowing connection in instead of bracing against it, creating energetic availability, emotional spaciousness, and nervous-system readiness for healthy love.
When your subconscious conditioning changes, your energy shifts. When your energy shifts, your patterns change. When your patterns change, you attract the relationships you desire.
Manifestation becomes effortless not because you’re “trying”, but because you’re finally aligned.
Make 2026 the year you call in aligned love & deep connections
If something in you knows you’re ready to shift your patterns and attract love from a place of worthiness rather than woundedness, Agnes would love to support you.
Her 1:1 Love Attraction Hypnotherapy sessions are designed to help you reshape the identity that magnetises healthy, stable, aligned relationships.
Read more from Agnes Chvojka
Agnes Chvojka, Rapid Transformational Therapy® Hypnotherapist, Mindset and Confidence Coach
Agnes Chvojka is a Rapid Transformational Therapy® Hypnotherapist and mindset coach specializing in deep subconscious reprogramming and emotional healing. Passionate about helping women overcome self-sabotage, fear, and limiting beliefs, she guides them toward confidence, freedom, and self-empowerment. Her unique approach combines hypnosis and mindset work to create lasting transformation. Based in Ireland, she works with clients worldwide. Learn more here.
