Are We All “Imperfectly Perfect?”
- Brainz Magazine
- 8 hours ago
- 7 min read
Written by Jeff Cairo, Author
Jeff Cairo is a well-known sales coach who specializes in pattern recognition and mental health awareness. He is the author of two books. Recipe of a Stepdad, and Scars Wide Open.
When we enter this world and first open our eyes, our story begins. No two people are the same. The doctors immediately check to make sure everything is okay, our hearts, our lungs, our brains, ten toes, ten fingers, etc. When people first see the baby, they tell the parents, “Wow, what a perfect baby.” And that is where society failed. We created a false perception of what perfection really is, a standard that may never exist for some.
What is perfection?
Definition: Perfection is the state of being complete, flawless, or supreme in quality, leaving nothing to be desired. It signifies the highest degree of proficiency, accuracy, or excellence, often representing an ideal, unsurpassable standard.
Well, some people are not born perfect. Some are born with health issues, deformities, missing parts, or mental health issues.
Some are born into financial struggles or live in poverty, broken homes, orphans, abuse. I could write pages of a list of the struggles people have. Yet, we all chase this level of perfection.
Is that a bad thing? Objectively, no.
Personal development is a journey that takes us from one place to another. If we are trying to better ourselves, we seek influence and inspiration from others. We learn from people who have achieved results as a guide to better ourselves.
I am sorry, but at this very moment, reading this, you are a direct reflection of how you were raised. I am not judging. What I mean by that is, in your life, you have a chance to make a choice, to make a change. Period. It does not matter where you come from. What issues or disabilities do you have? It does not matter if your parents did not support you or teach you right from wrong. You must try. If you are reading this, you have a choice. Have you ever watched the Special Olympics? Or seen people with severe disabilities or missing limbs, giving everything they have? They are trying, aren’t they? How about the song, “Started from the bottom, now we’re here”? Yet there are people in this world who sit on the couch, won’t change, and blame the world for their lives. Just stop it. Maybe your parents gave you every opportunity in the world, the proper schooling, the proper cheerleading, and the proper guidance. You owe it to them and to yourself to try.
Again, you are not chasing “perfection.”
You are following the path of choices to make a change in your life. YOU ARE WORKING HARD FOR IT! That’s all you can ask for yourself. There is a difference between following a mentor and comparing yourself to others. A mentor will show you the way to become a better version of yourself. Read that again, yourself. Again, there are no two people the same, so never compare yourself to anyone.
When you know who you are
Since the day I was born, I knew I looked at things differently than everyone. I diagnosed myself with ADHD, and I’m fairly sure it is a fact. To easily explain, I have multiple things going on in my head at once. BUT to me, I consider it a strength. Think of a pinball machine. Once the ball is released, my brain can connect the dots quicker than most people. If you were to ask me, "What is my strongest body part?" I would say my heart and my ears. Let me explain. First, my ears, because anytime I have a conversation with anyone, I listen. And I listen with empathy and compassion. I can put myself in your shoes quickly and give immediate advice or direction. And my heart, well, I will do anything for those closest to me, and I actually care.
Discipline vs Motivation
I was very into martial arts in my life, which taught me absolute discipline. It was a catalyst as I was developing into my sales career.
Discipline is how we learn about ourselves. It tells us what our bodies and minds can do. We create daily habits, and with that consistency, we will achieve results. Motivation is something that drives us toward the goal. It can be internal or external. But with motivation, there are many variables that could go wrong. Think of motivation as the stars and the moon needing to be aligned to work.
Motivation will fail us every time, discipline will not.
The more successful I became, the more I wanted everything to be “perfect.” The way I spoke. The way I looked. The way I dressed. Everything had to be a certain way, or I would obsess over it until it was right. I would go above and beyond for anyone. This was all internal. I am very humble and never have an ego. I just held myself to such a high standard that I felt like a failure if it wasn’t perfect. I never talked about anxiety, stress, or even depression because I thought successful people did not experience that. I thought if you wanted to win in life, perfection was the only way.
I never went to college. School and academics were not my thing. I barely graduated high school and had no idea what I was going to do. Sales seemed to fit, not because I liked to sell, but because I liked people. I listen and I care, two big components if you want people to trust you. I worked sixty-plus hours a week to learn everything I could.
The further I pursued development, the closer writing came to me. Again, I hated school, but my brain and heart always had something to share. I felt my purpose in life was to help as many people as I can with mental health because, like I said, I never “dealt” with those things. So, I took a chance and wrote two books. One was a children’s book about being a stepdad. The other was a darker book about dealing with death, loss, and the mental health around it.
How our perception can change in a split second
A few months after my book was released, I came back from a jog. Again, discipline made fitness part of my life. I experienced some chest pains, so I went to the hospital. Long story short, everything was okay, except when the doctor came in. She said, “Your results are normal, but did you know you only have one kidney?”
“Excuse me,” I said. “I’m 43 years old, why am I just hearing about this now?” She said, “Oh, and you have a mass near your prostate. You’re going to have to have surgery so we can do a biopsy.”
Well, how ironic, I just finished a book about dealing with grief and loved ones who passed in your life, and now I’m hearing this?
Well, hello anxiety, stress, and depression. Because I was always focused on perfection, I now felt abnormal because I was only born with one kidney. I felt like I now had a struggle in my life. I became a complete hypochondriac. And now, I believed I was “different.” What a change in reality for sure.
All the tests came back fine. I came out of the darkness with what I should have known all along. We are all different. I have made it this far with one kidney and never had any problems. All my prior successes were still there. So, who cares? All this time focusing on everything being perfect, and now realizing it is okay if it is not every single time. Success is a process towards which we are working.
Since I was very into music, I was a huge fan of the band GODSMACK. The lead singer founded The Scars Foundation. They help raise awareness of mental health issues that so many face today. They have a tagline, “Imperfectly Perfect.” I collaborated with them a few years ago to raise money with my book signing.
The words almost punch you in the gut with a calming feeling. If you think about it, the biggest thing that makes people anxious is the fear of what other people think. Or the fear of failure from this false standard that the world has created. We get crippled with stress, and it ultimately slows our journey.
If everything were perfect, there would be no growth because no one would put the work in. Marriage takes work. Friendships take work. Your career takes work. School takes work. Anything you set out to do takes work. None of it is perfect.
Our bodies and health are not perfect. Not everyone is in shape. Not everyone is good-looking.
We are setting ourselves up for failure if we think everything is going to work out all the time. The only person you have to answer to is yourself. Even if you raise the bar to the extreme. Everyone has their own purpose in life. Their own goals to achieve. Not every decision we make will be the right one. Good or bad decisions teach life lessons. We cannot live up to other people’s expectations.
The real strength is in the rebound. The people who lose everything and get it all back. The ones who beat cancer for the third time. The fighters who battle addiction and one day say, “I cannot do this anymore. I am done.” The average Joe who did not believe in themselves and takes a leap of faith. We all have “scars.” It is proof we healed from something painful.
Every one of us is perfect in their own way. So, stop trying to be something that you already are. You are made of one body, one heart, and one mind. Use what you have and do not let any “imperfections” stand in your way.
Read more from Jeff Cairo
Jeff Cairo, Author
Jeff is a leader in personal development and sales. He became obsessed with learning how people think and what makes them make decisions based on emotions or logic. His mantra is “he doesn’t have all the answers for you but rather inspire you to ask yourself the right questions.” His purpose is to help others overcome anything in their personal, professional, and mental health journey.
