A Guide for Parents, Schools, and Students in Building Resilience
Written by Clint Adams, Mental Health Advocate & Coach
Clint Adams is an author who wrote a book on suicide prevention. He has appeared on numerous podcasts and has been a guest speaker on mental health and promoting resilience.
In today's fast-paced world, mental health and resilience are crucial for everyone, especially parents, schools, and students. We explore strategies to enhance mental well-being and build resilience. This article offers practical advice and actionable steps.
Understanding the brain and counselling
Our thoughts significantly impact our mental health. Negative thought patterns can become deeply ingrained, making them challenging to break. When we repeatedly think about a negative event, our brain creates neural shortcuts, making these thoughts almost automatic. This phenomenon is encapsulated in the phrase, "What fires together, wires together."
To combat this, it's essential to interrupt these negative patterns. One effective method is maintaining a thoughts diary. By writing down negative thoughts and analysing them, we can reduce their frequency and impact. This process engages the brain's analytical part, requiring more blood flow and thereby interrupting the fight-or-flight response. This helps interrupt that wiring and firing in the same pattern and replaces it with a different, more helpful pattern.
Additionally, various strategies such as meditation, physical activities, and high-level questioning can help shift focus from negative to positive thoughts. Understanding your own patterns is important, as you can then make changes once you recognise them.
Using the prefrontal cortex to do the analytical work allows you to switch from amygdala-generated fight-or-flight thought patterns to a more creative and problem-solving pattern of thought. This allows you to be deliberate and proactive in how you want to “train” your brain. Think of the brain as a muscle: if you train it the right way, it grows by creating new neural pathways and forming patterns that serve you better.
Creating a safe environment for open conversations about mental health is also crucial. When individuals feel safe, they are more likely to discuss their struggles and seek help. Therefore, for parents and teachers, it’s important to focus on reducing behaviours and interactions that create patterns invoking fight-or-flight thoughts. Be aware of what you say to children—comments like “boys don’t cry” can cause boys to hide their feelings, even when they are feeling down.
Creating resilience in children
Resilience is the ability to bounce back from adversity. For children, developing resilience is vital for their mental health and future success. Parents and schools play a significant role in fostering this trait.
One effective approach is teaching children "crucial conversation" skills. These skills help children address issues early, reducing fear and promoting healthy dialogue. Schools should allocate specific times for students to discuss their experiences and feelings, facilitated by teachers who ensure a safe and supportive environment.
Understanding the Dialogue Model is also beneficial (see my article Taming the Red Brain). This model emphasises the importance of creating a "Pool of Shared Meaning," where open and honest conversations can occur. When children feel safe to express themselves, they are less likely to resort to silence or violence in their interactions.
The power of inner dialogue
Our inner dialogue shapes our perceptions and actions. The stories we tell ourselves influence how we feel and behave. For instance, if a child believes they are not good enough, this negative self-talk can lead to feelings of inadequacy and social withdrawal.
To counteract this, it's important to help children develop positive inner dialogues. Encouraging them to focus on their strengths and achievements can build self-esteem and resilience. Parents and teachers should model positive self-talk and provide opportunities for children to practise it.
Tony Robbins highlights the importance of breaking the habit of being ourselves by thinking differently. By consciously changing our thought patterns, we can create new, positive neural connections. This process involves being aware of our thoughts and actively working to replace negative ones with positive affirmations.
Practical steps for parents and schools
Thought diaries: Encourage children to keep a thought diary to track and analyse their thoughts. This practice can help them identify negative patterns and develop strategies to change them.
Crucial conversations: Implement regular sessions where students can discuss their feelings and experiences in a safe environment. This practice helps build communication skills and resilience. It also allows for calibration of behaviour among the children.
Positive reinforcement: Focus on positive reinforcement to build self-esteem. Celebrate achievements and strengths, no matter how small.
Modelling behaviour: Parents and teachers should model positive behaviour and self-talk. Children learn by observing, so it's important to demonstrate healthy coping mechanisms.
Safe environment: Create a supportive and non-judgmental environment where children feel safe to express themselves. This can significantly reduce fear and anxiety.
By integrating these strategies into daily routines, parents and schools can help children develop the resilience needed to navigate life's challenges. Building mental health and resilience is a continuous process, but with the right tools and support, we can create a healthier, more resilient future generation.
Read more from Clint Adams
Clint Adams, Mental Health Advocate & Coach
Clint Adams is a former Police officer turned counselor who has worked in numerous industries promoting better mental health and resilience at the school and work level.
He has a background in psychology and behavioural science and is the author of Lighting the Blue Flame, a book aimed at suicide prevention, which is an interactive book with numerous QR codes linking to various sites and additional information.
