6 Steps to Save Your Relationship
- Brainz Magazine
- Apr 15
- 4 min read
Parveer is a Clinical Counsellor who integrates life coaching into her work with clients. She is the founder of Parveer Brar Counselling. Alongside her private practice, Parveer works as an Instructor for a Counselling Program.
As a therapist, I often work with couples who find themselves in emotional turmoil, unsure of how to reconnect or repair their relationship. Here are five essential steps couples can take to begin working through their problems in a more progressive manner.
1. Decide: Are you in or out of the relationship?
The first decision is to determine whether you are committed or want to leave the relationship. Be considerate of the emotions that may be at play and take the time to make a rational decision. This can include weighing what your life would look like with or without your partner.
Surprisingly, simply making this decision can be a turning point. Many couples recognize that they do have a common goal, they want the same thing: to make it work.
2. Work through the small stuff
Letting little things pile up and avoiding hard conversations can lead to bigger issues down the road. More importantly, not addressing something that seems minor at the time can lead to unhealthy patterns in a relationship, and later lead to resentment. If something does not sit right with you, express it early, gently and constructively.
It is key to allow your partner to feel safe speaking openly, without feeling shamed or judged. A relationship thrives when both partners feel emotionally secure enough to be vulnerable and open with one another.
3. Clearly express your needs
I encourage clients to be explicit about their emotional needs and love languages. The last thing you want to do is assume your partner knows what makes you feel loved, tell them and be specific.
For instance, if you feel your partner does not appreciate you (too vague), you can start by telling them what being appreciated means to you (gives context), and then give them an example of what you need, such as words of affirmation or quality time (more specific). This not only clarifies your need but also gives your partner a tangible way to show up for you.
4. Rituals of connection
Constant arguments and disagreements can disrupt the connection between you and your partner. Establish small, meaningful rituals that you can both take part in on a daily, weekly, or monthly basis to reconnect.
Some ideas include:
Weekly dates: Try and focus on planning an activity where there is not much room for talking, as this can help avoid arguments. Or make it a rule that the issue at hand is not to be discussed during your date and instead focus on the positive parts of your relationship.
Greetings and goodbyes: Simple gestures like hugs, kisses, or wishing each other a good day can foster warmth.
Check-ins: Set aside at least 20 minutes each evening to connect. Ask about each other’s day and listen to listen, not to respond.
5. Take interest in your partner’s world
Get to know what your partner loves, what brings them joy, and take interest in this topic. It may look like taking the afternoon out to do their favourite activity or cooking their favourite meal together. No matter what the activity or topic may be, the focus is on your partner, and as a result, they feel that you care to know more about their world and what matters to them.
6. Listen to understand
“Communication issues” are one of the most common complaints in relationships. When your partner is expressing how they feel or having a moment of vulnerability, be sure to fully listen to their words. Resist the urge to plan your response while they are speaking. Instead, as your partner is opening up, be present. Often, we miss what’s really being said when we’re too caught up in our own internal dialogue.
One powerful tip: Avoid using language that places blame. Instead of “You never help out around the house,” try “I would feel more supported if we each took care of some things at home.”
If you feel that your conversations are exhausting and consist of constant back and forth, it might be helpful to work with a counsellor. A couples’ counsellor can help ensure you are having progressive conversations and strengthen your relationship.
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Read more from Parveer Brar
Parveer Brar, Clinical Counsellor & Life Coach
Parveer Brar is a dedicated therapist committed to empowering individuals on their journey toward healing and self-discovery. With a diverse background as a therapist, group facilitator, youth and child care worker, life coach, and instructor, she brings a wealth of experience and a unique perspective to her practice. Parveer specializes in creating strong, supportive connections with her clients, fostering a safe space where true healing can unfold. Her mission is to guide individuals in uncovering their authentic selves and building the resilience needed to thrive.
