Written by: Jazzmon Wright, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
People pleasing was once my weakness. I would not care if I was tired or if I really wanted to back out of a commitment. I would still do it. I thought that I was being supportive and a good friend/family member/coworker. This has been going on for YEARS. Some people get it sooner than others, and I am one of the others. I could always rationalize why I focused on someone else other than focusing on something I wanted or needed to do. They needed me. At one point, it even made me happy.
I felt needed. I felt like I was the bright spot in someone’s day. I thought I was treating others how I wanted to be treated. Years passed, I left home, joined the military, and met some pretty amazing people. In my journeys, I have discovered that the more you say no to the things you want and need in order to make others happy, the more they expect you to. Then, it’s like they have a meeting with other energy suckers, and they all begin to gravitate towards you. How do you shake them off? Let me tell you how to begin saying YES to YOU in 5 easy steps:
Set a ‘Do Not Disturb’ schedule. Most people will always know they can count on you on a specific day of the week or a specific time of the month. Become unavailable, even if it’s turning your ringer off or simply ignoring text, DM, or email. Start out small as it may be hard to do it for an hour a day.
Try it for 20 minutes. Then increase the time each week. They cannot disturb you if you do not open the door, answer the phone or respond to their message. You owe no explanation for making time each day to take care of yourself.
Decide what activity brings you peace. Leave no space in your time or mind for others to preoccupy. Take up a hobby. Rather it's being active or relaxing, develop a peaceful space and fill your time with what will make you smile, giggle, or simply reenergizes your soul. You can do this using your do not disturb time. Making time for peace and space is necessary in a world full of noise and chaos. If you don’t know what brings you peace, it may be time to go on that journey of discovery to figure out
what allows you to exhale and be the best version of yourself.
Be serious about your time – Just like you are determined to get to work on time. Just like you are determined to get the kids to practice on time. Be determined to get to YOU on time. Again, you don’t have to explain because most people believe what you show them. They disregard what you tell them by either invading your time or finding a way to change your mind about the time you spend doing what makes you happy. There are no compromises when it comes to saying yes to you. Schedule your life until it becomes like second nature.
Be open to new We stay in the places or with the people that bring us comfort. Notice I didn’t say peace or joy. We remain in those spaces because they do not push us to expand our horizons. Don’t stay in the same circle. The same circle means friends, same hobbies, same foods. Be open to trying new things. Try a new hobby. Eat new food. Talk to a new person of a different race or age. Open your mind to different perspectives and opportunities. Replace old habits that suck your spirit and be new to adopting new habits that you didn’t know you knew you liked. If you don’t like it, try something else. It’s okay to change course, and it’s also okay to be YOU.
Lastly, be YOU. When you stop jumping through hoops and hurdles to please others, they stop coming around because “you’ve changed.” When in fact, you didn’t change, they just never took the time to get to know you. You didn’t fully know yourself. You’ve grown. You’ve discovered who you are and who you are. That type of growth is uncomfortable to people who need you to be who they need you to be versus who you need to be for you. It is no longer your time to be uncomfortable with others. It is time to get comfortable with you, being you. When your energy suckers ask, can do you..say no because you're busy saying YES to YOU!
Jazzmon Wright, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Jazzmon Wright is a mom, veteran, author, virtual fitness instructor and previous co host of JT Ladies Lounge podcast/radio show live on Facebook. Jazzmon’s passion grew for Heath and wellness once she realized how much it affects her community. Helping people change their daily habits by making healthier choices not only improves their health, but it changes the complete outlook on life. Jazzmon cannot wait to work with moms and other busy women who are looking to get their sexy back from the inside, out. She is on Instagram and Twitter as Black Queens Fitness club.