5 Ways To Kill Conflict And Skyrocket Clarity Now
- Dec 9, 2021
- 4 min read
Updated: Feb 6, 2022
Written by: Tim Nash, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
“Feel free to share your problems with me… don’t come to me with problems, I’m only interested in solutions.”
Have you ever received a mixed message like this?
Nothing ignites a conflict like a confusing mixed message.
Confusion makes clarity impossible. Without clarity, nothing works.
For peak individual and team performance, communication must be CRYSTAL CLEAR (especially when virtual).
Inspired by the writings of Professor Paul Barber, here are 5 ways to make communication clear to avoid unnecessary conflicts:
1. Clarify your intention – be clear if you are supporting, challenging, or seeking clarification.
If you don’t agree with something, speak up. If you need further clarification before agreeing, ask for it. By speaking up, you also demonstrate confidence.
Most importantly, by clarifying the intention of your statement, there’s no room for misinterpretation.
Misunderstandings cause conflicts that can easily be avoided with this GOLDEN RULE.
2. Make direct statements – be specific; simplify statements whenever possible.
If you want to confuse people, elaborate.
When you keep talking after you’ve made your point you simply muddy the waters. Make your statement and stop.
PRO TIP: Give concrete examples to make your statements as specific as possible.
3. Ask ‘how’ rather than ‘why’ – ask others to share their observations rather than explain their reasons.
If someone starts to explain or justify their reasons, ask them to share their observations that led to those reasons.
By insisting people share the observations and experiences that led to their reasons, you force them to understand their own position.
You are not doing them any favors by letting them ramble on and on.
In fact, if a critical decision is involved, it is critical that you force them to understand and articulate herself or himself.
WARNING: Your boss or other superior might not appreciate your challenge at first but could eventually see you as a valuable sparring partner – a risk worth taking!
4. Engage in dialogue – speak directly to others (avoid speeches, monologues, etc.).
When you give feedback or refer to something someone said, address your statement to them, not someone else.
By speaking directly to people, you show confidence. By looking away or going into a monologue, they might think you are trying to hide something.
By the way, if the way you feel about something is not clear to you, there’s NO WAY it can be clear to others.
PRO TIP: If you’re unsure of your intention, challenge yourself with these 2 questions:
Am I lecturing about “what ought to be” rather than dealing with what is right now?
Am I pretending that I’m looking for information when I really want to make a statement?
By clarifying how you feel about something, you demonstrate confidence when you clearly articulate your feelings.
5. Exchange expectations – ask people directly what they expect from you; tell them what you expect from them.
If you want to improve collaboration with someone, the most important and effective thing you can do is exchange these two simple steps:
“What do you expect from me?” Their expectations
“This is what I expect from you:” Your expectations
This simple 2-step expectations exchange cuts directly to what you need and expect from each other – no room for blame, finger-pointing or unnecessary conflict.
If you can’t meet someone’s expectation, you at least have the chance to tell them why – this information alone can resolve a conflict.
And if there is a conflict it gets it out in the open – if it stays hidden, there’s no way to manage it.
TEAM LEADS PLEASE NOTE:
An expectation exchange promotes 3 MUST-HAVE characteristics for effective team communication:
Direct
Clear
Open.
Without open lines of communication there can be no real collaboration.
PRO TIP: Exchange expectations, break silo working.
Of course, you can’t control how the people around you communicate. Sadly, hidden agendas are a part of every team and organization.
However, by modelling this communication style with your collaborators, you can influence them to do the same.
By applying these 5 GOLDEN RULES, you can stop conflict before it begins.
Coming to the post-pandemic work reality, the risk of misunderstandings that lead to conflict increases without the advantage of face-to-face interactions – more chances to check understanding, observe body language, etc.
Therefore, clarity is even more important when communicating in a virtual or hybrid environment – especially when leading the communication.
To help you kill conflict and skyrocket clarity in all your interactions, here’s my FREE GUIDE: “The 5 Secrets For Virtual Presence”.
For regular tips and closer interaction, connect with me on LinkedIn. Reach out and let me know you’ve read this article.
With gratitude,
Tim
Tim Nash, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Tim Nash is on a mission to help senior professionals escape their energy-zapping maze, focus on what matters and pave the way for success. Via the empowering principles of Gestalt, he guides his clients below the surface to overcome what is preventing them from performing at their best.
For over two decades, Tim has helped young professionals to C-level executives lead and collaborate across cultures. He is also the founder of The Path To Peak Performance which includes his dynamic coaching practice and American Transplant web series.
