5 Ways to Help Your Child Stay Calm and Confident at Equestrian Competitions
- Brainz Magazine
- Oct 9
- 7 min read
Beata Kaminska specializes in the mental preparation of equestrian athletes for major events such as the Olympics, World Championships, and European Championships. As an International Equestrian Mental Performance Coach & Researcher, she transforms pressure into power, teaching riders next-level mental toughness through her 6C Model.
Supporting a young rider during equestrian competitions can feel like walking a tightrope, do too much, and they pull away, do too little, and they feel alone. Whether it’s their first horse show or a high-level event, emotions run high for both parent and rider. Between ages 12 and 18, a rider’s brain is still developing, which makes pressure management and mental preparation a real challenge. No wonder even calm encouragement can sometimes backfire under stress.
The good news? There are clear, evidence-based ways to support your child’s confidence and independence on competition day, without adding pressure or confusion. Here are five that truly make a difference.
Understanding your role as a parent at competitions
While working with parents of young equestrians, one question comes up again and again, "What is my role at competitions?" A coach? A cheerleader? A calm observer?
Many parents find themselves wondering, "When should I step in, and when should I step back? How much emotional support is too much? And what does my child really need from me before, during, and after the round?"
These questions don’t come from uncertainty alone, they come from care, from wanting to do the right thing. Yet the balance can feel almost impossible to find, especially when emotions in the arena run high.
Many believe the best way to help is to motivate, with reminders, advice, or pep talks right before the round. But this often leads to pressure, not support.
In my practice, I’ve noticed clear patterns in what helps young riders feel grounded, and what unintentionally adds stress, even when the intention is pure. Recent research confirms this, the way parents behave on the sidelines directly influences how young athletes perform and act under pressure. So, before we talk about how to get it right, let’s look at where even the most caring parents sometimes go wrong.
Common mistakes parents make on show days
Even the most caring parents can unintentionally make competition days harder for their child. The pressure, the noise, the emotions, it’s easy to slip into habits that feel helpful in the moment but quietly chip away at a young rider’s confidence.
Role confusion: Many equestrian parents wear several hats, horse owner, coach, investor, supporter. The lines blur quickly. When a child can’t tell whether feedback comes from a parent’s love or a coach’s critique, confidence starts to crumble.
Overmotivating in the moment: Pep talks and reminders often come from the heart, but under pressure, the brain can’t process complex instructions. Short, grounding words, like “You’ve got this,” reach further than last-minute advice.
Parental rivalry: Subtle competition between parents, over placings, progress, or coaches, easily translates into pressure for young riders. Children sense when they’re being compared, even indirectly, and it reshapes how they see success.
Taking over the coach’s role: Offering corrections while the coach is right there confuses and overwhelms the child, and additionally weakens their decision-making abilities.
Emotional extremes: Some parents overstress, others shut down completely. Both leave the young rider feeling alone in the heat of competition.
Awareness of these traps is the first step, because once you see the pattern, you can choose a new one.
5 practical tips to support your child during equestrian competitions
1. Ask instead of giving an opinion
For many parents, especially those who don’t ride themselves, it’s hard to know what to say after a round or test. A clear, fast performance doesn’t always mean your young rider felt confident or satisfied in the saddle.
Instead of jumping in with an opinion, try asking, “How did it feel?” or “How was it for you?” with genuine curiosity. Open questions like these offer powerful emotional support and invite reflection. They help athletes evaluate their performance beyond “good” or “bad,” developing self-awareness, emotional regulation, and resilience over time.
If you’d like to share feedback, use the simple “sandwich technique”. Start with praise, offer one constructive thought, and finish with praise.
And remember, there’s no need for a 30-minute debrief after every show. High-achieving young riders usually catch the message between the lines, a short, calm comment often says more than a detailed discussion.
2. Encourage independence and responsibility
In the early stages, it’s natural to remind young riders what to pack or how to prepare. But this can’t last forever. After a few competitions, it’s time to start handing over small responsibilities, first their tack, later their own show entries or paperwork, with your guidance close by.
Of course, depending on their age, some of these duties will still legally or practically fall on the parent. But the earlier you invite your child to take part, even by watching or helping, the smoother the transition will be when full independence comes.
Many parents ask, “How do I build independence without seeming careless?” The answer lies in setting clear expectations and calmly following through. You can guide your child in how to plan, organise, and prepare for the show, without taking over the process. Offer reminders when needed, but allow space for the rider to act on their own. For example, create a packing checklist together before the event, then let them take charge of ticking things off next time. Let them experience the real-life consequences of forgetting something, knowing you’ll support them no matter the outcome.
It might sound harsh, but moments of small failure are powerful teachers. When handled with perspective, they turn into lessons in ownership, problem-solving, and resilience, all traits of capable riders and grounded adults.
Recent research supports this approach. A 2025 study by Zhang, Du, and Tao found that an autonomy supportive coaching style, one that encourages athletes to take ownership and make small, independent choices, significantly increases psychological resilience and optimism, both of which directly enhance long-term rider development.
In other words, when young riders are trusted with responsibility, they don’t just become more independent, they become more confident, motivated, and mentally strong. The goal isn’t perfection at the show, it’s raising a rider who knows they can handle things on their own.
3. Build emotional resilience after setbacks
So how can you help a young rider turn a setback into growth? Start with care, not correction. Saying “I’m here and I want to support you” creates safety first. Then gently move toward reflection, “What would you do differently next time?” If they don’t know, simply say, “Let’s figure it out together.”
One of the most effective ways to help riders handle disappointment without losing motivation is to end every tough moment with an actionable step, something small they can try before the next show or during training. Let them choose it, with your and/or the coach’s guidance.
Motivation starts to fade the moment young riders feel powerless. While blaming others, the horse, the coach, or even you, can offer relief in the short term, it doesn’t build ownership or confidence in the long term. Remind them it’s 20% what happens, and 80% how they respond. That mindset shapes resilient athletes and strong people.
4. Help your child avoid unhealthy comparisons
Comparison is the thief of joy, especially in a sport where results can feel like the only measure of success. The art lies in helping young riders compare themselves to their past selves, not to others. That’s what creates longevity and genuine joy in their riding journey. It’s healthy, and even necessary, to analyse performance in relation to others, because measuring progress is part of every athlete’s growth. But the foundation should always be an inner desire to become the best rider they can be.
That mindset starts at home, shaped by how parents respond to results and effort. Instead of asking “How did you place?” try “What do you feel you did better this time?” or “What are you proud of improving?” These questions help young riders see progress that isn’t tied to ribbons or rankings. The pleasure of placing will do its job, it naturally fuels their drive to stand on the podium, but their confidence shouldn’t depend on it.
Over time, this balance nurtures autonomy, intrinsic motivation, and confidence that lasts far beyond any competition.
5. Recognise and manage your own triggers
Parents often forget that children are their mirrors. If you’re stressed during competitions, your child will sense it, often before you even speak. How you handle pressure, expectations, or being watched becomes the blueprint they learn from.
Research in youth sport psychology supports this. Harwood and Knight (2015) state that maintaining composure and emotional intelligence during competitions is one of the key parental roles that foster positive athletic development in young athletes. In other words, your calm presence teaches emotional regulation far more effectively than any advice ever could.
It’s completely human to feel emotions, the goal isn’t to hide them, but to handle them with honesty and composure. Children are remarkably perceptive, they immediately notice when something feels off or ungenuine.
Recognising your own triggers is one of the most powerful and often overlooked forms of support you can give your child. This awareness grows through honest reflection, which involves noticing the situations that tend to unsettle you and the expectations you hold. Sometimes, though, it’s not easy to see these patterns on your own, especially when emotions are tied to your child’s performance. That’s where mental performance coaching can make the process structured, quicker, and easier.
The first step is simply recognising what activates your stress. The next step is learning techniques to manage it, so you can stay steady when things get intense. The highest level of awareness comes when you begin to see these same patterns in others, including your child, and can respond with empathy instead of reaction.
Start your journey today
Supporting a young rider is a journey of its own, one that asks for patience, awareness, and the willingness to grow together. As parents, you’re not just shaping your child’s results, you’re shaping their resilience, confidence, and love for the sport.
Every show day is an opportunity, not only for your child to perform, but for you to model calm, trust, and belief. The more grounded you are, the more secure they will feel in their decisions, learning to grow, and to enjoy the ride even more.
If you’d like to learn how to support your child with confidence, manage both their emotions and your own under pressure, and bring calm clarity into competition days, Mental Performance Coaching can help.
You can book a session by contacting me or visiting the useful links.
Beata Kaminska, Equestrian Mental Performance Coach
Beata Kamińska is a mental performance expert, coaching equestrian riders to thrive under the pressure of world-class competition. She prepares both senior and young riders for the Olympics, World Championships, and European Championships. A graduate of Hartpury University in Equestrian Sports Science and Performance Analysis, she combines academic studies and her own research in mental toughness with hands-on coaching across Europe, the USA, and Asia. Beata is the creator of the 6C Model of Equestrian Mental Performance, a framework for building rider resilience and career longevity.
