Written by: Mala Kennedy, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Have you ever thought about your thoughts? I mean, really considered them? If you haven’t, then there’s no better time than now! If you take inventory of what you’re thinking, you could surprise yourself. I know because every time I do this, I am blown away by some of the negative self-talk that still rises up. Nope, even life coaches aren’t immune. I promise I am human, like you. So let’s get into it. Read on for my top 3 thoughts to stop thinking right now.
I’m Not Good Enough
This one hits right in the heart. You know what I’m saying. There was that time when that girl got a promotion, and you thought I’m not good enough for that job. Or you had that damaging thought that ‘you’re just a mama.’ You’ve been out of work for so long you feel like you know nothing. How could you ever be the CEO of your own business?
Here’s the thing, I used to think I wasn’t good enough to be a coach. Why would someone like little old me be able to help people? Even after my intense, hands-on training, it still took me years to leap. Why? Because I didn’t believe I was good enough and I told myself that daily until it became true.
Your thoughts become your reality.
My mentor Alan Sieler always used to remind us that language is a predisposition for action. What does that mean? Let me break it down. Your thoughts are ideas, and we have an average of 6200 thoughts per day. When a thought persists, it becomes a belief. When you keep reinforcing this belief, you embed it in your subconscious.
When you say “I’m not good enough” to yourself, you are using your language to shape your reality. You will act according to your language. If you tell yourself you aren’t good enough to start your own business. You won't, especially if you repeat it often until it is a belief. You will likely stop yourself from taking action. Or your action might be to stay in the job you hate and find most of your day-to-day life unbearable. (Are you wasting your potential?).
If you actually take action and launch your business, it will be because of your thoughts and beliefs. Chances are your thought would be something like, “I can give it a go.” Again, when repeated enough, this thought could become the belief “I am good enough.”
Your language matters.
Tell yourself, “I can,” and you form the belief I am good enough. Notice how your action becomes one that is full of possibilities. This is where you take inspired action, like starting your business.
I Can’t Do X
This one is a knee bender. It will drop you to the floor. I can’t. It’s gotta go. The number of times we say it to ourselves can have a massive impact. Thoughts become beliefs remember, and this affects our actions.
My son tends to say I can’t. When I ask him to try a new food or carry something heavy, he drops into “I can’t.” This is a fixed mindset, and the goal is to switch it to a growth mindset. So one little trick that I do with my son is to say “I can’t yet” (yes, it can be that simple). This is a safety zone. I could tell you to say ‘I can,’ but that could feel like a dirty little lie, which isn’t useful. Yet. We will get there. First, start reframing it to, I can’t yet. What comes up for you? There are possibilities here. I can’t yet means it’s not final, and at some point, you will be able to (reminder: language is a predisposition for action)
So if it’s not final, what’s your next step? Ask yourself, what’s next? What is possible, and what can I do? Yes, I’ve got you! You’ll be able to reframe it to: I can (amazing). Or if that's a stretch, maybe I can’t yet feels good.
Enter those shoulda woulda coulda. Should. We should ban should from the dictionary (whoops, see how persistent it can be). Should will throw you right into the dark depths of people-pleasing. Take note of how many times you say you should in one day. Is it the bane of your self-talk? Awareness is the Queen Bee.
Bringing awareness to your thoughts is a key step because you don’t know what you don’t know. Noticing is a beautiful thing. It will change the game for you. Once you notice the thought, you can pause and do nothing else (it’s still a great first step). Or you can take it further and reframe it IN THE MOMENT. This is important because it is changing your language. This will propel you towards a new trajectory.
Do you want to go down the possibility path or hit the no-through road? I know where I’m headed. Now you can reframe should to could. This takes the heat out of it. When you lower the stove, it’s less likely to burn (who else hates burning their food). I know I’m one of those people who hates cooking dinner when I have to, but when I’m cooking for fun, I love it. Could gives you your power back. Hello choice, hello freedom. Doesn’t that feel amazing!
There you have it, 3 thoughts to stop thinking right now. Start watching your words and play with these little shifts.
Mala Kennedy, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Mala helps mama's overcome imposter syndrome so they can show up for themselves and build a business they love. She is passionate about supporting women to feel confident and master their mindset. She is a life coach, EFT practitioner, reiki practitioner, writer, and mama. She is certified in ontological coaching which integrates language, emotions and body for a way of being that supports your best self. She uses this linguistic and somatic approach in partnership with her other modalities to support her clients to embody their next level. Mala is the expert Self-Care Columnist at Untamed Soul Magazine, and co-author of The Q.U.E.E.N. Xperience Guide to Playing Your Royal Position: Snatch Your Confidence Back. She facilitates group coaching programs, offers private coaching, and hosts a free Facebook Group, Confident Women.