Written by: Joe Nabrotzky, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Most people struggle with confidence, but it’s not because they aren’t skilled or capable, but mainly because they are thinking about confidence all wrong. And while thinking about it incorrectly, it’s nearly impossible to become more confident.
Let’s start by fully understanding what confidence is, what creates it, and then we can apply three simple steps to gain more of it.
The first step is to defining confidence. We like to separate “Skill Confidence” from “Self Confidence”.
Skill Confidence
Most of us think of skill confidence when we think of confidence. This is when we’ve proven we can do something, and that experience helps us trust we can successfully do it again. It usually shows up by saying we’re confident IN something, like a skill or talent.
Michael Jordan is confident in playing basketball. I’m confident I can drive to the store. In our careers, we become more confident in what we can do as we consistently prove to be able to do it. After an accountants thousandth completed tax return, she feels confident in completing taxes.
The problem comes when we’re faced with a challenge or task we haven’t yet completed.
How do we gain confidence or trust our abilities in a skill we don’t yet have?
That’s where self-confidence comes into play.
Self Confidence
Self-confidence is when we believe in our ability to figure things out and are willing to fall down and keep getting back up.
Where skill confidence relies on having proven that skill through practice and repetition, self-confidence says I may not have that skill today, but that doesn’t mean I can’t work at it and excel tomorrow.
Self-confidence says I’m willing to feel any emotion – like feeling doubt, fear, or rejection, and go through any obstacles since I know that’s part of the process to reach my dreams.
Most people try to gain confidence by first proving they have the skill, but that’s backwards. Instead, we encourage you to focus on developing your self-confidence – to believe you have the capability to develop that skill and will keep rising each time you fall until you create that external evidence. Self-confidence fuels you to keep taking action, and eventually leads to skill confidence.
For those recently laid off and looking for employement, self-confidence powers you to apply for that job, prepare for it, but to realize that if you don’t get it, the worst thing that can happen is a feeling. And since you can process any emotion, you’ll keep applying until you do find the right fit.
Skill confidence comes from results and self-confidence comes from your mind; in the thoughts you choose to think.
Where skill-confidence is based on the past, self-confidence is founded in the future.
So, for the areas that you do have skill-confidence, since you’re proven that talent or ability, then let’s do everything to remember those wins and celebrate them.
And for the areas that you haven’t yet proven, pull on your self-confidence to power you to take the actions until you’ve proven that new ability. You don’t have to have proven the ability to have self-confidence, but rather you have self-confidence in your ability to get the ability. You trust in your ability to learn it. That’s why self-confident people have either already created something amazing in the world or are about to.
Here are 3 steps to help build your confidence.
1. Identify, Celebrate & Articulate Your “Wins”
You are more talented and more accomplished than you think. If you are lacking confidence in your skills, now is the perfect time to identify, celebrate, and articulate your wins.
Think about all the times when you achieved a success. Take some time to capture and describe those stories. A great way to do this is through write CARD stories.
The CARD methodology is a simple acronym to use when you want to identify and articulate your achievements. It is a fantastic exercise for building confidence, as you will effectively quantify the actual outcomes and benefits of your actions. This is also the best process to use when crafting your resume or during a job interview.
What Does CARD Stand For?
C for Context ‒ What was going on
What was the main performance gap or problem you were trying to solve?
Keep it simple and brief.
A for Action ‒ What you did to solve the problem
Consider starting each bullet with an action verb
This is a great opportunity for you to “blow your own horn” and articulate your personal initiative and independence in problem-solving
R for Results – What was the outcome?
Be crystal clear on the consequences of your actions
Quantify results whenever possible
When applying for a job, think in terms of why companies want to hire people. They can be summarized into three things:
Help them MAKE money – i.e. increase revenue, grow new business, launch new products
Help them SAVE money – i.e. decrease costs, reduce manpower requirements, re-negotiate expenses
Help them INCREASE PRODUCTIVITY – i.e. improve processes or optimize competitive advantages
And finally, D for Demonstrates ‒ What does this story prove about you?
Think of both the hard skills and soft skills that story just showed
Anytime you need a confidence boost, practice telling a future interviewer one of our cards in how you experienced the following:
You lived your values or purpose
You helped another person
You solved a difficult problem
You helped your company make money, save money, or increase productivity
You took initiative to undertake a project or challenge without being asked
You received positive feedback from a customer or a company stakeholder
You were recognized with an award for your exceptional performance
2. Strive For Progress, Not Perfection
You may have heard the saying that “perfect is the opposite of done”. Perfectionists often lack confidence because they believe that nothing is good enough.
Consider that imperfection is a part of being human, and you can succeed by simply by being your wonderful, yet imperfect self. For you perfectionists out there, get used to not always perfectly succeeding.
Think of it this way: there are four outcomes to any action, and here they are in order of the best to worst outcome:
You take an action and immediately get the desired outcome – on your very first try. While that’s possible, let’s be honest, that is so rare and should not be your expectation.
The second-best outcome is you take an action, you don’t get the outcome you desired, but you rise each time you fall, learn, pivot, and keep going until you get the desired outcome. You realize that you may have failed but you’re not a failure.
The next best outcome ‒ or the second worst ‒ is you take an action, don’t get the desired outcome, so you stop trying. You stop putting yourself out there. You quit.
And the worst outcome is that you never try to begin with. You fail on purpose. In essence, you deny yourself the opportunity to be denied in advance. Thus, guaranteeing failure.
Recognize that failing is a key part of search success, and is part of 3 of the 4 options above! Your average success formula will look like this: no – no – no – no ‒ YES!. Celebrate that even if you don’t get the desired result yet, you’re still succeeding in that you’re still trying.
Don’t forget the famous saying from Wayne Gretsky – “you miss 100% of the shots that you choose not to take”. Take a chance and start by doing something that puts you in the right direction.
Does this sound familiar:
You make a big goal and commit, “I’m going to work out every day”...and then you don’t wake up early enough on day 2, you’re too tired on day 3, and soon you lose the steam to try at all.
Or, “I’m not going to eat any sugar today”...and then you don’t want to offend your co-worker during their birthday cake celebration, so you try a bite. And since you already broke your no-sugar rule, you might as well keep going back for more.
Aiming for perfection in your goals is not going to get the results you want. It’s a myth and will crush your momentum. With any big goal, plan how you want to think and feel up front, and address what to do WHEN (not if) you miss perfection. Most of us feel the desire drop or quit the minute after the first miss, that first mistake, but it compounds the morning after we miss perfection.
The good news is our only two options are NOT being perfect or giving up. Getting goals done is about progress on the path and slamming the door on the notion of perfection. Celebrate the progress, celebrate the struggle. Get back up, commit again, and realize you’re still in the game. Get good at the mindset for how you handle the morning after a miss.
3. Manage Your Mind
Pay attention to the thoughts going through your mind. The thoughts you think cause the emotions you feel, which drive the actions you take, and get the results you get. It all starts in your mind with what you choose to think.
Managing your mind changes everything, without having to change everything.
When I talk to people, they will sometimes tell me they don’t feel confident.
But have you stopped to think about what causes us to feel what we feel? Why do you feel confident, and for that matter, any other emotions like stressed, sad, happy, focused, angry or inspired?
Is it because of the circumstances in your life ‒ what you have or don’t have? What you’ve done or not done? I’ve heard it all before:
If only I had six pack abs, then I would feel more confident
If only I had more money, then I would feel more secure.
If only I moved, then I’d feel at home.
If only I was around more people, then I’d feel connected.
If only my partner was this or that, then I would feel love.
If only my mom loved me, or my dad showed I was worthy of his approval then I would feel valued or that I matter.
If only I nailed that presentation, then I’d feel more confident
In all these cases, the feeling of confidence or happiness or whatever feeling you want is always an external thing or circumstance away.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. No!
None of these circumstances cause your feelings. They can’t. That’s not how it works.
Circumstances do NOT cause your feelings.
So many people think confidence, happiness, feelings of love or other emotions they want to feel occur outside of their control and that is simply not true.
Many are taught that if we don’t feel good inside, we should seek immediate pleasure from something outside of us…and it’s usually presented that it will come when we do or get something we don’t yet have. The problem is this pleasure is usually short-term and then the lack remains.
So, if circumstances don’t cause feelings, what does?
The thoughts you choose to BELIEVE in your brain cause EMOTIONS you feel.
There’s a difference between what is going on in your life, and what’s going on in your brain.
Beliefs in your brain cause feelings, NOT circumstances.
Beliefs in your brain cause feelings, NOT what you have or don’t have.
Beliefs in your brain cause feelings, NOT what that other person did or said.
What you choose to think about regarding your circumstances either makes you feel better or worse, or feel more confident or less confident, regardless of what is going on in your life. It’s not what happens to us, but what we choose to think about what happens to us that causes us to feel any emotion.
When you think a thought like, “I’m terrible at this.” You may think that is the reality, the truth. But it’s not. You’re just choosing to think a thought…and in this case, a thought that is definitely not serving you.
Begin by becoming more aware of the thoughts that aren’t serving you and add more thoughts that will build your confidence and get you the results you want.
We created an entire on-line virtual learning experience with coaching specifically to help people learn how to better manage their mind and gain confidence. The results that you have in your life don’t just happen to you, you co-created them. Everything you do, and the results you create, are caused by the beliefs within your brain. Learn how to deliberately reprogram your brain to better reach the results and life you’ve always wanted.
Call to Action To Increase Your Confidence:
Identify, Celebrate & Articulate Your “Wins”
Strive For Progress, Not Perfection
Manage Your Mind
Contact Joe@GlobalLeaderGroup.com and request free access to some of the modules in the Gaining Confidence and Manage Your Mind on-line experiences.
About the Author:
Joe Nabrotzky is the Co-founder and Managing Partner of Global Leader Group, a leadership firm that helps organizations FIND & BUILD leaders.
His purpose is to inspire people to live and lead more deliberately from the boardroom to the family room. After struggling and then growing a profitable business of his own, he dedicated the rest of his career to becoming the Leadership Guide/HR Business Partner he wished he had as a former CEO and desperately needed as an entrepreneur, manager, and dad.
Through an MBA and multiple HR/OD/Leadership certifications, combined with a decade as an HR Executive in a successful fortune 100 company, he’s proven how to build leaders internally or find and hire them externally.
Mr. Nabrotzky has led people in every major region and lived all over the world, including a few years speaking only Portuguese in the heart of the Brazilian Amazon rainforest and recently returned to Utah with his wife of 18 years and four children, after five years living off lake Geneva in Switzerland.
Global Leader Group, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Global Leader Group is a leadership firm of proven practitioners who share a deep-rooted desire to make a difference by helping organizations FIND & BUILD leaders to deliver excellence. They do that through three main pillars:
Leadership & Learning: They partner with organizations to accelerate performance and belonging by pushing the boundaries of learning. Offerings: Design and implementation of Leadership and Learning Strategy and Frameworks, World-class Learning Design & Experiences, Coaching, and Speaking (Keynotes & Appearances).
Talent Search (External Retained Recruiting): In addition to helping organizations build current leaders, Global Leader Group adds world-class leaders to managements teams around the globe.
Practitioner Consulting: Allow the experience of their practitioners to advise and transform your business through their expertise in Driving Digital, Retail Banking, Wealth Management, Customer Journeys, Sales Management & Incentives, and Strategic HR (Culture, People Processes, Organizational Design, and Team Effectiveness).
Their clients include leaders at Citi, AstraZeneca, HSBC, Google, the Governments, Airbus, Manubhai Jewellers, ACUMA, Sensata, numerous RIAs, Banks, Credit Unions, and more.
