25 Tips for Partners of New Moms
- Brainz Magazine
- Jul 11
- 5 min read
Written by Amy Spofford, Pre & Postnatal Coach
Amy Spofford is well-versed in pregnancy, birth, postpartum, and mom life. She is the founder of Eat What Feels Good, LLC, a platform promoting healthy preparation for and healing from birth so new moms can enjoy their little ones.
Calling all support people! Congratulations: You have helped, in some way, to bring new life into the world, and I am sure you are eager to make this transition as smooth as possible for your significant other. I want to give you a list of tips on how to best support what some would consider the primary parent (at least for the time being), as well as a list of things to avoid doing, as they may be unhelpful or even counterproductive. In this article, you will learn about the opportunities you have to lighten her physical and mental loads during this precious time known as the fourth trimester.
The power you hold
Howdy, Partners! You are vital to the success of the postpartum period (yes, YOU)! You may not realize the extent of the power you hold, but I’m here to encourage you to see it and embrace it. The real truth is that the level of support provided to a new mom is a well-established factor in postpartum mental health outcomes. This means that those with people around them to help are less likely to suffer from postpartum depression and anxiety, among other struggles.
Caring for oneself after birth while also caring for a newborn is no small feat. Any assistance that can be offered to lighten her load so she can focus on herself and the baby is much appreciated. A supported and cared-for new mom is going to be better equipped to adapt to the transition into parenthood and come out of the fourth trimester feeling more like herself.
How you can help your partner
Being a partner to someone who has just birthed a baby is not easy, either. You are understandably tired as a new parent who has just had their life turned upside down. You are possibly taking on the majority, if not all, of the household tasks, which you may have already been doing during your partner’s pregnancy. You are not the focus of anyone's attention right now (you're third at best), and most people aren't asking how you're doing. You cannot possibly fully understand what your partner has just endured and will continue to go through hormonally, emotionally, and physically, and yet you are expected to manage all of that while helping to care for and raise a baby who has arrived with no instruction manual. You may feel like you have no control and possibly little involvement yet in your little one's daily life and needs, but this can change. Thankfully, there are many resources at your disposal to help you navigate this transition, and I'm here to get you started.
Here are some things you can do to be of service
Change the baby’s diaper at night before or after feedings so mom doesn't have to get out of bed (this applies regardless of the feeding method).
Manage the thermostat to keep the bedroom cool.
Buy soft night lights (you can even get a toilet light) to make nighttime navigation easier.
Wash breast pump parts and/or baby bottles if applicable.
Do the dishes, laundry, and household cleaning.
Keep her water filled to her liking.
Make batches of her favorite hydrating drinks.
Make food for her! (Soup, oatmeal, eggs, toast, etc.)
Entertain older children, either at home or by taking them on outings.
Set up a trusted babysitter so you can have some alone time with your spouse.
Offer to go with her to her 6-week follow-up OB/GYN appointment.
Handle the shopping (groceries, cleaning supplies, etc.).
Read the baby books.
Familiarize yourself with postpartum healing and Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders.
Check in with her about her mental health.
Set up a meal train.
Set boundaries with family members as needed.
Check in with her about the division of duties at home to see if she feels supported, adjusting as needed.
Listen to her about whatever in the world she wants to talk about.
6 things to avoid doing as a parenting partner
We know you want to help, but there are some things that can inadvertently make a new mom feel less supported. Do not:
Think of your parental leave as a vacation. If you have the privilege of getting paid time off from work, it is to help with the baby and support your healing partner.
Do non-baby-related chores for long periods without checking in to see if your partner needs anything. Remember, yard work is not why you have time off.
Say you're tired. It's okay to be tired, but now isn't the time to complain to your partner. Find another outlet.
Ask her what she did all day in a way that implies taking care of a newborn isn't absolute full-time work.
Try to persuade or dissuade her regarding breastfeeding. Just support her choice in any way you can.
Expect intimacy before she has stated she feels up to it. Getting cleared by the doctor does not mean she is ready, and marriage does not equal consent.
You can do this
Please know that lists like these will be subject to alterations depending on the individuals involved, and advice about parenting and partnership cannot be universal. I believe, as a fellow parent, that we have a responsibility to help those who come after us in the ways that we can, to make it even minimally easier for them to avoid the mistakes we have made. Take this information with however much salt you desire, but I hope there is at least a nugget of wisdom that makes your life and your partner’s a bit easier.
Read more from Amy Spofford
Amy Spofford, Pre & Postnatal Coach
Amy Spofford is a Pre & Postnatal Coach, a Nutritional Therapy Practitioner, and a mom of three little ones. Practicing as a speech-language pathologist in a nursing home rehab setting during a pandemic made pregnancy and early parenthood beyond difficult. Amy used her holistic nutrition certification and research skills to dive deep into all things pregnancy, birth, and postpartum, thinking there has to be a better way to navigate this season of life. This led to her becoming certified as a Pre & Postnatal coach. Her mission is to reduce the incidence of perinatal mood and anxiety disorders by providing education and support to pregnant women through their transition into postpartum.
