Written by Jaime Waterfield, Leadership Development Coach Jaime Waterfield is a Leadership Development Coach with over 25 years of experience in the technology sector. With a career spanning nearly all functions of the business, she helps leaders build sustainable, business‑grounded leadership as they navigate growth and increased responsibility. Many professionals spend their careers building expertise, earning trust, and becoming known for delivering results. Yet there is an often overlooked downside to becoming indispensable: the strengths that create success can also make it harder to grow beyond it. This article explores five signs that expertise may be keeping you anchored to your current chapter when it is time to evolve into the next. What is the competence trap? The path to professional success is often built on expertise, reliability, and a track record of delivering results. These qualities are frequently rewarded with greater opportunities, increased responsibility, and the trust of colleagues and leaders. The competence trap occurs when individuals become so reliant on the skills that made them successful that they continue investing in them long after they have stopped serving future growth. Because these strengths are familiar and consistently rewarded, professionals naturally gravitate towards opportunities that allow them to leverage them. What begins as a competitive advantage can gradually become a constraint. Professionals become known for particular expertise, a leadership style, or a way of contributing, and both they and those around them begin to define their value through that lens. As a result, more time is spent leveraging proven strengths than exploring new possibilities. The trap is not competence itself. Competence is essential for success. The risk lies in becoming so attached to established strengths that there is little space left for developing new capabilities, perspectives, or opportunities. While the competence trap often develops gradually, there are several indicators that expertise may be creating limitations rather than opportunities. Five signs your strengths are holding back your growth 1. You are consistently chosen for what you have already proven One of the first signs of the competence trap is that opportunities begin to arrive based on who you have been, not who you are becoming. When you consistently deliver positive results, colleagues, clients, and leaders learn that they can depend on you. As your reputation grows, so does your responsibility. Over time, people continue seeking you out for the same strengths, the same expertise, and the same type of contribution that made you successful in the first place. The challenge is that external recognition does not always keep pace with internal growth. You may have developed new interests, new aspirations, or a desire to stretch into unfamiliar territory. Yet the opportunities presented to you often reflect a previous version of yourself. This creates a subtle but important tension. The work continues to feel familiar, productive, and rewarding enough to maintain momentum. At the same time, it may no longer feel energising or developmental. High performers often think that getting unstuck requires more opportunities, but usually, it calls for different opportunities. When this happens, growth gives way to repetition, and rather than expanding your capabilities, you spend time reinforcing what you have already proven. To determine whether your expertise is creating forward momentum or beginning to hold you in place, ask yourself whether the opportunities coming your way are challenging you to develop new strengths or reinforcing existing ones. 2. You rely on existing strengths more than new skills There is nothing wrong with operating from your strengths. In fact, leveraging your expertise drives performance, builds credibility, and creates value for others. The challenge arises when mastery becomes your default mode of operation. As professionals gain experience, they naturally become more efficient and effective. Tasks that once required significant effort become second nature. Problems that once felt complex are solved almost instinctively. While this is a sign of growth, it can also create an environment where learning is gradually replaced by repetition. Success continues to reinforce the behaviour. Strong performance leads to praise, trust, and additional opportunities to do more of the same. Growth and mastery are not the same thing. Mastery is about refining what you already know; growth requires stepping into what you do not yet know. The distinction matters because many professionals mistakenly interpret discomfort as a sign that they are unprepared, when it is often evidence that they are learning. By contrast, staying exclusively within areas of proven expertise may feel productive while quietly limiting future development. Consider the last six months of your work. How often have you been required to develop a new capability, learn an unfamiliar skill, or take on a challenge where success was not guaranteed? If most of your energy has been spent demonstrating what you already know, you may be maintaining your current level of success rather than expanding your future potential. 3. Your calendar reflects other people's priorities more than your own A calendar can reveal more than how you spend your time. It can reveal what, and who, is shaping your attention. For many high-performing professionals, responsibilities accumulate gradually through requests to mentor, join a committee, lead a project, or solve a problem. Collectively, these additional responsibilities crowd out the very activities that support long-term growth. The more capable and dependable professionals become, the more likely others are to seek their involvement. The challenge is that not all opportunities are aligned opportunities. Over time, many professionals find themselves reacting to demands rather than intentionally investing in their development. As a result, filled schedules leave little room to explore new ideas, develop emerging skills, or pursue work that reflects where they want to grow next. This is often a problem of unconscious prioritisation, not poor time management. Without intending to, professionals can become focused on sustaining what has already made them successful rather than creating space for what comes next. A useful exercise is to look at your calendar from the past month and identify how much time was spent advancing the future you want to create versus sustaining the extra responsibilities you have accumulated. When your calendar consistently reflects other people's priorities more than your own aspirations, it can quietly limit both growth and fulfilment. 4. Asking for help feels uncomfortable As individuals build expertise and credibility, they become accustomed to being the people others depend on. Over time, this reputation can become deeply ingrained, shaping not only how others see them but also how they see themselves. Growth requires learning, experimenting, and occasionally admitting that we do not have all the answers. This creates situations where support, collaboration, and guidance become necessary. For many high achievers, that can feel surprisingly uncomfortable. Hesitation often stems from an internal belief that capable people should be able to handle things on their own. Asking for help can feel like a contradiction of the identity they have worked hard to build. As a result, they continue carrying responsibilities they could delegate, struggle through challenges in isolation, or delay pursuing new opportunities because they feel they must have everything figured out before taking the next step. The irony is that the very people who are most comfortable offering support to others are often the least likely to seek it for themselves. Asking for help can be evidence that growth is occurring, not a sign that competence is lacking. One of the hallmarks of mature leadership is recognising when collaboration, coaching, mentorship, or expertise from others can create better outcomes than individual effort alone. Reflect on where you might benefit from support. It could reveal where you are carrying unnecessary weight and where your next level of growth is waiting. 5. You’re successful, but you feel restless By conventional measures, many professionals experiencing the competence trap are successful. They have achieved meaningful goals, earned recognition, and built careers others admire. Yet despite these accomplishments, a sense of restlessness often emerges. Work that once felt energising becomes routine, familiar challenges lose their appeal, and opportunities that may have seemed exciting earlier in their careers no longer generate the same level of enthusiasm. This restlessness is frequently misunderstood. Some professionals interpret it as impatience, ingratitude, or a sign that they simply need a break. Others push the feeling aside altogether, believing they should be satisfied with the success they have achieved. Restlessness can be a signal that the role, responsibilities, or goals that fuelled growth in one season are no longer providing the challenge needed in the next. If this feels familiar, it does not necessarily mean that you have chosen the wrong career or that your accomplishments no longer matter. It may simply mean that success and growth are no longer happening at the same pace. Success is often measured by achieving desired outcomes, while growth is reflected in who you become along the way. When people become trapped by their competence, they can continue achieving success long after the work has stopped contributing to their development. The result is a quiet disconnect between external accomplishment and internal fulfilment. While uncomfortable, these moments can serve as invitations to re-examine what matters, question assumptions about success, and consider possibilities we may have previously overlooked. Get curious about what you would pursue if success were not the measure. The answer may point towards the growth, challenge, and sense of purpose that your current accomplishments can no longer provide. Moving beyond what you've already proven The competence trap is not a failure of ambition, capability, or effort. It is often the unintended consequence of success. Recognising the signs of the competence trap requires a willingness to examine whether the skills that contributed to your success are still aligned with the future you want to create. The question is not whether competence matters. It does. The question is whether your expertise is creating opportunities for growth or keeping you anchored to who you have already been. The answer may determine not only your next career move but also the trajectory of your continued development as a leader. If you are ready to move beyond reinforcing what you have already proven and focus on what you want to develop next, book a coaching call. Together, we will identify where your expertise is serving your growth, where it may be holding you back, and how to create a path that supports your next stage of leadership and career development. Follow me on Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Jaime Waterfield Jaime Waterfield, Leadership Development Coach Jaime Waterfield is a Leadership Development Coach with more than 25 years of experience in technology, software, and services organizations. Having worked across nearly all functions of the business, she brings a rare, end‑to‑end perspective to leadership development. Her work focuses on helping leaders build sustainable leadership capability that aligns people, performance, and business outcomes. Through AspiHER, her signature women’s leadership program, she supports women navigating growth, promotion, or expanded leadership responsibility to gain clarity, set sustainable boundaries, and lead with confidence without burning out or losing momentum.

Written by Martin Hargrove, Artist Mentor & Entrepreneur Martin Hargrove is the Producer/Artist behind the Fitstylesss website. He is a leader and teacher who perceives reality outside of the box and thinks and operates on a higher consciousness level. Walking, a simple and effective workout, is not just a means of transportation but a powerhouse exercise that doesn’t require a gym membership, fancy gear, or intense training. All you need is a pair of shoes and the pavement (or treadmill). Here’s why incorporating walking into your routine can transform your health in straightforward ways. 1. Boosts your heart health Walking is a low-impact exercise that gets your blood pumping without the drama. It helps lower blood pressure, reduce bad cholesterol, and strengthen your heart muscle. Aim for 30 minutes of walking daily, and you can significantly reduce your risk of heart disease by up to 30%. This is like giving your heart a daily tune-up. 2. Sheds pounds effortlessly Burning calories while engaging in enjoyable activities is a fantastic idea. A brisk 30-minute walk can burn approximately 150-300 calories, depending on your pace and weight. This activity is sustainable and doesn’t involve crash diets or grueling sessions that leave you sore. 3. Lifts your mood and clears your mind Ever experienced that post-walk feeling of euphoria? Walking releases endorphins, your body’s natural mood-enhancing chemicals, which combat stress, anxiety, and even mild depression. Moreover, it serves as a form of free therapy: the invigorating fresh air and captivating scenery facilitate the processing of thoughts and ignite creativity. 4. Builds stronger bones and muscles Walking, unlike running, is a gentle exercise that still works wonders for bone density and muscle tone. It strengthens your legs, core, and posture, thereby warding off osteoporosis as you age. Additionally, walking improves balance, reducing the risk of falls later in life. 5. Enhances sleep and energy Struggling to fall asleep? Evening walks can regulate your sleep cycle, making it easier to drift into deep, restorative rest. During the day, you’ll feel more energized, not drained, walking increases circulation and oxygen flow, providing that all-day pep. Walking: The bottom line Walking is the ultimate “exercise cheat code”: accessible to anyone, anytime, anywhere. Begin with a manageable goal, like 10 minutes, and gradually increase your duration. To stay motivated, track your steps using a phone app. Your body and mind will reward you with improved health, enhanced focus, and a more positive outlook. What’s holding you back? Take the first step today to a new and healthier you. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Martin Hargrove Martin Hargrove, Artist Mentor & Entrepreneur I’m a hardworking individual who loves creating fashion, fitness, print, acting, and voice-over style content. I’m someone you can rely on to give 100% and I’m very efficient with time management. I let my work speak for itself, and I want to take my passions global/international while also still being coachable and reliable. This is what I’m passionate about, and I want to take this to the highest level. Also seeking representation.

Written by Anastasiia Puzyrina, Couples & Relationship Psychotherapist | Methodologist Anastasiia Puzyrina is an esteemed relationship counselor, an expert in couple dynamics, and a certified CBT therapist with over 15 years of experience. Recurring arguments are usually explained as communication problems, yet many couples continue repeating the same conflict even after their communication improves. What persists is not poor communication but a stable form of interaction through which the relationship organizes conflict. Why do recurring arguments seem like communication problems? Because communication is where recurring patterns become visible, not where they begin. When couples repeatedly find themselves in the same conflict, it is natural to assume that something is wrong with the way they communicate. Most relationship advice follows this logic. Partners are encouraged to listen more carefully, express themselves more clearly, validate each other’s emotions, and replace criticism with curiosity. These recommendations are valuable. Better communication often reduces unnecessary escalation and helps people feel more understood. Yet an interesting observation emerges in clinical practice. Many couples genuinely become better communicators while continuing to experience remarkably similar conflicts. They interrupt less, explain themselves more clearly, and argue more respectfully than before. Still, after weeks or months, they often describe the same frustration, “We’re communicating better, but somehow we’re still having the same fight.” This suggests that communication may not be the process generating the repetition. It may simply be the place where that repetition becomes visible. What actually keeps repeating? What repeats is often not the disagreement itself but the organization of the interaction. Couples usually believe they are arguing about different issues. One conversation concerns finances, another concerns parenting, and another concerns intimacy or household responsibilities. Because the topic changes, each disagreement feels like a separate event. From a broader perspective, however, something surprisingly stable often emerges. The same partner becomes responsible for initiating the conversation. The same partner explains. The same partner experiences those explanations as insufficient. The same emotional positions gradually reappear, regardless of what the discussion is ostensibly about. Although every conflict appears different on the surface, the relationship repeatedly organizes participation in much the same way. The topic changes, but the organization remains remarkably consistent. Why doesn’t new information change the outcome? Because recurring conflict is rarely sustained by misunderstanding alone. One of the most striking characteristics of longstanding conflict is how little genuinely new information is exchanged. Partners frequently know each other’s concerns almost by heart. They can anticipate the explanations, predict the emotional reactions, and often recognize exactly how the conversation is likely to end before it has fully unfolded. If information were the missing ingredient, these conversations should gradually produce different outcomes. Instead, new conversations often recreate familiar experiences because both partners continue participating in the same relational organization. Communication improves, but the interaction remains recognizably the same. What is a relational form? A relational form is the stable organization through which a relationship repeatedly responds to tension. It is not a recurring topic, nor is it a personality trait belonging to either partner. Rather, it is the way participation gradually becomes organized between two people. Over time, the relationship develops familiar positions, familiar expectations, and familiar responses to disappointment, uncertainty, criticism, or emotional distance. Importantly, the form does not belong to one partner. It belongs to the relationship itself. Each person contributes to maintaining it, often without recognizing that they are participating in something larger than their individual intentions. Once this organization becomes established, different conversations begin to follow its architecture almost automatically. This is why arguments about entirely different subjects can leave both partners with exactly the same emotional experience. Why does recognizing the form change the conversation? Because it shifts attention from individual behaviour to the organization of the relationship. As long as recurring conflict is understood primarily as a communication problem, couples naturally search for better words, calmer tones, or more effective ways of expressing themselves. These changes can certainly improve the quality of individual conversations. But they do not necessarily alter the form that continues organizing those conversations. Recognizing the form invites a different kind of observation. Instead of asking, “How can I communicate this more effectively?” partners begin asking, “What way of participating are we recreating every time conflict appears?” That question does not replace communication skills, it changes the level at which the relationship is understood. Questions that shift observation Before assuming that recurring conflict reflects poor communication, it may be worth asking: What remains consistent even when the topic changes? Which positions do we almost automatically occupy once tension begins? Are we trying to solve different problems, or are we repeatedly participating in the same relational form? Communication will always matter. But recurring conflict often tells us less about the quality of communication than about the way a relationship has learned to organize disagreement. Sometimes the most significant shift begins not with speaking differently but with recognizing the form that has quietly shaped the conversation all along. Follow me on LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Anastasiia Puzyrina Anastasiia Puzyrina, Couples & Relationship Psychotherapist | Methodologist Anastasiia Puzyrina, a renowned authority in relationship counseling and cognitive behavioural therapy, brings a unique approach to her practice in Canada. With over 15 years of experience and a Master's in Psychology from Ukraine, she excels in addressing relationship challenges among couples and families. Anastasiia integrates cutting-edge neuroscience with proven psychotherapy techniques to foster personal and interpersonal development. She actively promotes healthy parent-child dynamics and leads initiatives in this area. Anastasiia founded the Restore Connections Development Center to support couples, co-founded a service for enhancing parental relationships, and authored the Workbook for Couples.

Written by Duncan Alldridge, Somatic Leadership Coach Duncan Alldridge is an experienced somatic and ICF (PCC) certified coach. He’s committed to helping people lead creative, authentic, and purposeful lives that matter. His style is warm and open, and he holds sessions with compassion, intuition, a gentle humour and a deep honesty. What does healthy masculinity look like in a changing world? This reflective essay explores the social stories men inherit, the absence of modern rites of passage, and the transformative journey beyond performance and isolation. Blending personal memoir with insights from contemporary writers, it examines why challenge, guidance, affirmation, and descent can be essential for men’s psychological and spiritual growth. Do you find yourself living out a story? It’s tiring you out. It’s endless. It’s unsustainable, yet you endure, day after day. It doesn’t seem like there’s a choice. Denial and despair are often your bed partners. You try to tell yourself it’s fine, but it isn’t. Maybe you cast yourself in this role a long time ago. What does a man need for healthy masculinity? We could say masculinity is a role we play. In society, we live within a story that says, ‘This is the way it is,’ and, if born into a male body, there is an expectation that we will ‘play this part’. In this way, we recognise masculinity as a socially organised construct and acknowledge that it has different shapes. We can perhaps be clearer that becoming a man biologically isn’t socially constructed in the same way. Boys have to learn to live in a developing male body. Gender fluidity and challenges to traditional stereotypes have softened a longstanding patriarchal definition. However, whatever our relationship to notions of masculinity, it illuminates something that’s important. Michael Meade speaks to this importance on a ManTalks podcast, ‘How to Man Down’. Whatever your role within your masculinity story, you may recognise that a healthy relationship with yourself while living within this male skin involves a positive experience of one, if not all, of the following, who challenges you, who affirms you, and who guides you. Shaping yourself within the masculinity straitjacket JJ Bola writes in Mask Off, ‘Ultimately, masculinity is a performance, that is to say, it is acted out in a way that reinforces the widely held view of what is normal for those born as male.’ Perhaps you’ve struggled to fit yourself into this readily prepared mould? You’ve walked through life with this expectation laid out in front of you. Your life becomes ‘meaningful’ and ‘successful’ as you cultivate the capacities needed to fulfil the role, and how you’ve measured ‘success’ has played out within this matrix. Yet now, you find yourself defined by a path in life that feels increasingly narrow and lacking in significant depth or inner meaning. You keep telling yourself you will get there, but where is that? You will be strong. You will suppress emotion for the sake of not appearing ‘weak’. You will provide. Sometimes it feels like you are holding up the world. Who would you be if you let that fall? Who was I beneath the surface? Playing out my own version of this role was part of how I came to my knees several times a while back. If I wasn’t holding up the world, and we all have our version of that, I wasn’t playing my part. As I began to accept my ‘descent’ and gradually unpack a crisis of identity, it became clearer that, despite continuing to seek affirmation from my relationships and the world around me, beneath the surface of life, it wasn’t really me at all. I learned, slowly, that I am just small ‘me’, without the achievements, qualifications, expectations, skills, failures, and responsibilities that I believed defined me, some of which were traditional traits of patriarchal masculinity. I am just me, a soul given a body to reside in for the briefest whisper of time. It was a relief to be able to begin walking my path differently. It’s never about a destination. One of men’s favorite go-to responses is to walk alone A common pattern for many men is that, if you are struggling, you don’t talk about it. Often, men simply get on the bus that comes along in life and go it alone. “When it comes to men, I think the problem is often that we’re more reluctant to speak up in the first place. One in three men have never had a conversation with a brother, father, or grandfather about their health. The same number would prefer to suffer in silence than go to the doctor about their mental health. So, I think we’ve got to teach men from a young age that it’s okay to feel, to hurt, and to ask for help. Doing so doesn’t make you any less of a man.”[1] Richard Reeves, in Of Boys and Men, suggests there are structural problems and societal issues that need to be addressed if men are not to become ever more lost, defeated, and angry. Perhaps emotions you’ve stored up as you’ve walked through life seep out into your relationships, towards your children, and in the way you conduct yourself. This may be especially evident in how you struggle to work with challenging feelings when you come under pressure at work or domestically. Living in the corridor of life prescribed by the world around you and its idea of masculinity means that the adaptations you have made throughout life, the skilful shifts in behaviour you made to take care of yourself, are still in your body, in your sinews. Unless you learn to work alongside them, they’ll keep knocking you off centre and running your show. What would shift if you were able to become more present with yourself, more loving, and more accepting? Men respond to challenge and guidance There’s a sense, perhaps, of not liking who you’ve become, or at least not very much. Being human means we are all abandoned at some point, in the sense that we don’t get everything we need from our parents. Perhaps you didn’t get what you needed from your father, enough challenge or guidance, and you find yourself distancing yourself from the other men you know. You just don’t know how to connect with them, or the connections feel limp and dissatisfying. The older men you see may seem to have given up or faded away, or they may be stifled by their own cynicism and fixed beliefs. You acknowledge that there are cultural factors that are polarising. You may seek comfort in your female relationships, in women or mother figures. You may try to numb your pain in other ways, through your addictions. You find that you lack the inner ease and presence to be fully with those you care about. Engendering trust and love for ourselves and other men is a big deal for many of us. No one is a problem to be fixed. There are only challenges and opportunities for growth. You may feel yourself holding up your world, unwilling to let go for fear of what comes next. We are living in times when things have been, and continue to be, falling apart. It can be frightening to discover that the material acquisitions our story tells us define a journey in life are, in fact, hollow. Why wouldn’t we want to hold on to these acquisitions more tightly? Modern life encourages ascent, but how high do you need to get before you fall? Modern life and our speed-of-light technological advances tend to be about ascent, going higher and higher. So, what then? We have very little collective acceptance or understanding of descent. Stories exist in every ancestral culture, yet we’ve forgotten them. Descent is how we learn to confront our unconscious selves and our wounds. What if we were to learn that it’s possible to let go and not know what comes next? In dying, that’s the only certainty we’ll have. Why would there not be a series of smaller deaths along the way, opportunities to confront our ego? Often, men simply get on the bus that comes along in life and go it alone. There’s no conscious rite of passage for young men in modern life. We don’t have a conscious transition into manhood. Yet, in my work, I’ve seen that men benefit from a lineage, a tradition, and a code of behaviour to adhere to and cultivate discipline around. Without the mentor or guide figure and the code, it’s easy to become lost, misled, or lazy. Collapse, breakdown, overwhelm, depression, heartbreak, divorce, or whatever the catalysts may be are all invitations to travel down to something deeper, to discover who you are beneath the surface, what we might call a deeper self. Down here, there is a compassion for life waiting for you to discover. Here, too, is your feminine energy, a softening of your feeling self, and your capacity to give to the world and others. There is always another calling. Start your journey today If you’re looking for someone who will walk alongside you on the path of challenge and growth you are on, let’s connect. It’s always good to start with where you are, and there are different ways we could work together. If you’re ready to embark on a journey of self-discovery and empowerment, book a 15-minute discovery call with me. Follow me on LinkedIn and visit my website for more info! Read more from Duncan Alldridge Duncan Alldridge, Somatic Leadership Coach Duncan Alldridge is an experienced somatic and ICF (PCC) certified coach. Before coaching he worked for over 20 years in education as a drama specialist and manager. He taught in both state and private sectors and to a wide range of students. Transitioning from education in 2011, he’s taken team building expertise and leadership coaching to organisations, performed and directed fringe and community theatre, led retreats for men, and worked as an improvisation teacher. He’s led innovative research and performance projects exploring the crisis of mental health, masculinity and male suicide. References: [1] Health and Social Care Secretary's speech on men's health, 2025

Written by Shantana Telise, Quantum Channel & Multidimensional Healer Shantana Telise is a quantum channel and multidimensional healer specializing in divine channeling and soul remembrance. She is the creator of The Art of Divine Channeling Masterclass, the founder of The Portal of the Gods, and the host of The Goddess Evolution Summit. Your income can grow long before your identity and business model catch up. If you keep hitting the same revenue ceiling despite having clients, visibility, and demand, the problem may not be your ability to make money, it may be the business you built when survival was still running the show. What does it mean to build a business from a broke identity? Building your business like you’re broke has very little to do with the amount currently sitting in your bank account. It is about the decisions you make when money moves, the amount of responsibility you believe you have to carry alone, and what you have unconsciously learned to expect success to require from you. A broke business identity can exist inside a profitable business. You can have clients, consistent sales, a booked calendar, growing visibility, and $10,000 months while still reacting to every revenue dip as though everything is about to disappear. You can tell yourself you want freedom while building a company that requires your personal presence for almost every dollar it generates. You can become so good at creating money through hustle, launches, one to one work, and sheer personal effort that you never stop to question whether the model itself has become your ceiling. The financial reality changed, but the internal operating system never fully changed with it, and often, neither did the business built around it. I know this because I had to recognize it in my own business. There was a time when I had clients coming to me consistently, my calendar was heavily booked with one to one work, and I had built visibility through interviews, summits, podcasts, publications, and collaborations. From the outside, there was plenty of evidence that the business was successful. But behind that success was a model that depended on me for almost everything. I could run a summit, sell sessions and packages, fill my calendar, launch a program, generate revenue, deliver until my capacity was stretched, and eventually begin the cycle again. I became very good at creating money that way, but every new wave of revenue required another significant wave of my personal energy. Eventually, I had to confront something I could not unsee, I thought I was scaling. I was repeating. Making money versus scaling a business: What’s the difference? Making money and scaling a business are not the same achievement. Making money proves that people value what you do enough to pay for it. Scaling asks whether your revenue, reach, and impact can expand without your personal workload increasing at exactly the same rate. If every additional client creates another appointment, every increase in sales adds another delivery obligation, and every launch requires you to personally push the entire machine forward, the business will eventually meet a natural limit. That limit does not necessarily mean you lack ambition, talent, demand, or the right strategy. It may simply mean the mathematics of your business model no longer supports the future you are trying to create. That distinction became impossible for me to ignore when I kept hitting the same income range. A $10,000 month can feel enormous when you remember genuinely struggling financially. When you hit that level repeatedly, however, your perspective changes. Suddenly, that money is supporting business expenses, personal expenses, team members, technology, growth investments, marketing, taxes, and the infrastructure required for the next level. The number that once represented arrival starts looking more like a foundation. If your business is already consuming most of your time and energy at that level, trying to double the revenue through exactly the same model may not create freedom. It may simply create twice as much pressure. This is where many entrepreneurs misdiagnose the problem. They assume the answer is another marketing strategy, another offer, another launch, or more clients. Sometimes it is. But sometimes the more useful question is, "What would physically happen to your business if your sales doubled next month? Who would deliver the work? Who would support the clients? What would happen to your calendar? What would need to be delegated, automated, eliminated, or rebuilt?" If the thought of doubling your revenue immediately makes you imagine doubling your workload, your resistance to expansion may not be irrational at all. Your current business may have taught you that more money costs more of you. 7 signs you’re still building your business like you’re broke 1. Every revenue dip feels like an emergency Business revenue moves. Clients finish contracts, launches fluctuate, expenses land, investments are made, and some months outperform others. Yet when your identity is still calibrated to financial survival, a dip does not simply register as information, it can register as danger. A quieter sales week suddenly means something must be wrong. You start questioning an offer that was working perfectly well two weeks ago, wondering whether your audience has disappeared, or convincing yourself you need to create something new immediately. That reaction matters because fear rarely makes the same decisions that leadership makes. You may discount too quickly, abandon a strategy before it has time to work, create random offers, or sell with an urgency your audience can feel. Building wealth requires learning to respond to financial movement without allowing every movement to become a verdict on your success. 2. More revenue automatically means more work There is nothing inherently wrong with one to one work, live programs, consulting, coaching, healing, or any business model requiring your direct presence. The problem begins when virtually every additional dollar requires another piece of you. If increasing revenue means adding more calls, answering more messages, delivering more personally, or sacrificing more space in your calendar, your availability eventually becomes the income ceiling. Consciously, you may want a $30,000 or $50,000 month. But if your current $10,000 month already consumes most of your available capacity, what has your business taught you a $50,000 month will feel like? More success begins to translate into less freedom. Before deciding you simply have a money block, examine whether your current business structure has given you a very logical reason to resist more. 3. You keep rebuilding instead of compounding Starting over can masquerade as growth because you are constantly moving. You launch, make money, deliver, finish, and immediately start preparing the next revenue generating activity. You create another event, another promotion, another offer, or another campaign, and the cycle continues. None of those strategies is inherently problematic, many are extremely effective. The important question is what remains after each successful cycle. Does the work you did strengthen an ecosystem that continues attracting, nurturing, selling, and serving, or are you effectively standing at the starting line again? There is a major difference between repeating something because it compounds and repeating something because the business needs another injection of revenue. One creates an asset. The other can quietly become a sophisticated form of survival. 4. Your entire business still depends on you Many entrepreneurs say they want freedom while making themselves indispensable to nearly every function of their company. They answer every email, approve every detail, create the content, make the sales, deliver the service, solve the problems, and carry the vision. In the beginning, doing almost everything yourself may simply be necessary. At a certain level, however, continuing to do everything becomes a bottleneck. Delegating can activate deeper fears, "What if someone does it differently? What if clients think I care less? What if paying for help reduces my profit?" I had to confront those questions as I began building more support around myself. Eventually, I realized I could not ask for a business with greater reach and freedom while insisting that everything still pass through me first. 5. You prioritize immediate cash over long term infrastructure There are seasons when a business genuinely needs immediate revenue, and every entrepreneur should know how to sell. The problem is when every month feels like an emergency revenue month. Survival asks, “What can I sell right now?” A wealth building business also asks, “What am I building now that can continue creating value later?” That might mean stronger funnels, an intentional customer journey, scalable offers, recurring revenue, systems, a trained team, strategic visibility, intellectual property, or an audience you consistently nurture. Infrastructure can feel uncomfortable because the return is not always immediate. Quick money gives you evidence now, long term leverage requires you to trust what you are building. A mature business needs both, but if immediate revenue always wins, the future keeps getting postponed. 6. Your current income has become “safe money” Safe money is not necessarily a small amount. It is the income range your current identity, audience, visibility, offers, delivery model, and behaviors already know how to recreate. Maybe that number is $10,000. Maybe it is $50,000. Maybe it is significantly more. The number itself is not the point. The pattern is. If you repeatedly return to approximately the same financial range despite consciously wanting something much larger, ask what would actually need to change to move beyond it. Would you need a team? A stronger sales ecosystem? Different offers? Greater visibility? Bolder messaging? More consistent selling? A different relationship with risk? Your income ceiling may not be evidence that you cannot have more. It may simply reveal the edge of what your current business and identity have learned to hold. 7. The business works, but you know you’ve outgrown it Failure is obvious. Outgrowing success is much harder to recognize. Your offers may still sell, your clients may still love the work, and the business may continue generating money, yet something feels increasingly uncomfortable. The strategy that once energized you starts draining you. The model that once represented freedom begins to feel restrictive. You may even judge yourself for wanting to change something that technically works. But a successful model can still be too small for your next vision. Sometimes the discomfort is not evidence that you are ungrateful, inconsistent, or doing something wrong. Sometimes it is information, the business has completed the job it was originally built to do. What is a business capacity ceiling? Capacity is often discussed in the personal development space as though it only means how much money you feel safe receiving. I see it much more broadly. Your business has operational capacity, how many people it can serve, how much your systems can handle, how effectively your team can operate, and how much demand your delivery model can sustain. You also have leadership capacity, your ability to make larger decisions, manage uncertainty, delegate responsibility, hold greater visibility, navigate criticism, invest without guarantees, and remain grounded while more people depend on the company you lead. Your calendar has capacity. Your customer journey has capacity. Your cash flow has capacity. Your identity has capacity. Sustainable expansion happens when those pieces begin growing together instead of forcing one exhausted entrepreneur to compensate for everything the business has not yet built. This is where identity work becomes deeply practical. The version of you who learned how to survive may have become brilliant at hustling, problem solving, making money happen under pressure, and carrying enormous responsibility alone. Honor that version of yourself because she got you here. But do not automatically appoint her CEO of every future level. Hyperindependence becomes expensive when leadership requires delegation. Urgency becomes expensive when wealth requires long term thinking. Being personally needed by everyone becomes expensive when your mission requires reaching thousands rather than dozens. Expansion does not require you to reject who you were. It requires you to keep the power you developed in survival without continually recreating the circumstances that demanded survival in the first place. Are you making good money or safe money? This may be one of the most confronting questions a successful entrepreneur can ask, "Are you making good money, or are you making safe money?" Safe money is the amount you already understand. You know how hard you have to work for it, what you have to sell, how visible you have to become, how many clients you can carry, and which version of yourself can reproduce it. Even when the number once felt enormous, familiarity can eventually make it a financial comfort zone. The frustration comes when your vision expands, but your decisions continue reproducing what is already known. Instead of treating an income ceiling as proof that something has gone wrong, use it as information. Ask what exists at that number. Where does your calendar max out? At what revenue level does your current delivery model become uncomfortable? Where would additional team support become necessary? What kind of visibility would the next stage require? Which responsibilities would you finally have to release? What would need to change about your messaging, sales process, offers, systems, or leadership? Perhaps the hardest question, "Which version of you would no longer be able to run the show?" This is also why I do not believe strategy and energetics belong in separate conversations. Strategy determines what the business is physically capable of doing. Your identity and energetic capacity influence whether you are willing to make, sustain, and normalize the decisions that strategy requires. A brilliant funnel cannot compensate forever for a founder who is terrified of visibility. Identity work cannot compensate forever for a delivery model with no room for additional clients. More manifestation cannot fix mathematics, and more strategy cannot automatically resolve the internal patterns driving your decisions. Sustainable growth asks you to work with both. 5 ways to stop building your business like you’re broke 1. Audit where revenue depends directly on you Look at every major source of revenue and ask what stops if you stop. Which offers require your personal delivery? Which sales processes depend entirely on your live presence? Which client experiences cannot function unless you personally manage them? The goal is not to remove yourself from everything you love doing. It is to understand where your direct involvement creates extraordinary value and where it exists simply because that is how you have always operated. If your future vision includes more freedom or significantly greater scale, the business needs places where value can continue moving without requiring another hour from you. 2. Find what resets instead of compounds Examine the activities you repeat every month, quarter, or year. Which ones create momentum that survives after the activity ends? Which ones leave you needing to recreate the entire revenue opportunity again? A successful launch can become part of a compounding ecosystem when it grows your audience, strengthens your customer journey, creates reusable assets, and leads people naturally toward future offers. The same launch can become a survival mechanism when its only purpose is filling the bank account before the next launch becomes necessary. Keep what compounds. Become curious about what continually returns you to zero. 3. Separate your revenue ceiling from your capacity ceiling Do not assume the number in your bank account is the only problem. Ask what would break if that number doubled. Maybe the weakness is delivery. Maybe it is systems. Maybe you need more support. Maybe the issue is that your messaging cannot reach enough people, or your offer suite has nowhere for clients to go next. Maybe the infrastructure is ready, and the next edge really is your willingness to become more visible, lead differently, or normalize larger financial decisions. Knowing which ceiling you are actually hitting prevents you from solving the wrong problem. 4. Build the next business before you desperately need it If you know your future company needs stronger systems, greater leverage, different offers, or additional support, waiting until your existing model completely collapses is an expensive way to evolve. Begin creating the foundation while the current business still works. This does not mean recklessly spending money or building a massive team before the revenue supports it. It means making strategic decisions with your future in mind instead of allowing every resource to be consumed by the immediate present. Ask what the next stage of the business will require and begin closing those gaps intentionally. 5. Upgrade the identity making the decisions Identity work is not pretending you are already a millionaire while ignoring your financial reality. It is examining whether your current decisions match the business you say you are building. How does the next version of you respond to a slower sales week? How consistently does she sell? What does she delegate? What opportunities is she willing to pursue? How visible is she willing to become? What standards does she hold around her time, money, leadership, and message? You do not become your next identity by waiting until the external evidence gives you permission. You build it by repeatedly practicing the decisions that version of you is capable of sustaining. Your strategy needs to match the life you actually want There is no universal business model that represents success. Some entrepreneurs genuinely want intimate businesses built around a small number of high touch clients. Others want teams, large audiences, scalable programs, intellectual property, global reach, or companies that can operate without their daily involvement. The mistake is not choosing one model over another. The mistake is unconsciously building one type of company while expecting it to produce the lifestyle of another. This is why I believe in soul aligned strategy. Strategy still matters. Numbers still matter. Systems still matter. Selling still matters. Alignment does not mean avoiding difficult business decisions because they feel uncomfortable. Sometimes the most aligned move is the one that requires you to become more visible, ask for support, say what you actually believe, invest differently, or stop hiding behind a model you already know how to operate. The purpose is not to make business perpetually comfortable. It is to create a structure capable of supporting both the impact you want to make and the life you actually want to live. The business that got you here may not be the one that takes you there There is something powerful about honouring the business that got you out of survival. Mine taught me how to sell, serve clients, create offers, build relationships, grow an audience, launch, become visible, and trust that people would pay me for my work. Those lessons were invaluable. The model was not a mistake simply because I eventually outgrew it. It completed an assignment. But gratitude does not require permanent loyalty. The offer that paid your bills does not have to become the offer you sell forever. The strategy that built your first successful year does not have to dictate your fifth. The version of you who carried everything alone does not have to prove her strength by continuing to carry everything alone. Sometimes the next level begins when you stop asking, “How do I make this old version work harder?” and finally ask, “What would I build if I were no longer designing around survival?” Build the business your next level actually needs Not every entrepreneur wants a massive company, and bigger is not automatically better. But if you genuinely desire greater wealth, freedom, reach, and impact, own that desire without shrinking it to fit the structure you currently know how to operate. Look at whether your business is designed for the future you describe or the past you were trying to escape. Look at whether your decisions are being made by the leader you are becoming or by the version of you who still believes one slower month means everything could disappear. Ask whether the success you have created has become a platform for expansion or a beautifully decorated comfort zone. Eventually, growth stops asking whether you know how to make money. You have already answered that question. It starts asking whether you can create greater wealth without recreating exhaustion, lead more without personally carrying everything, and become more visible without retreating into what feels safe. It asks whether you can build systems around your gifts instead of making your gifts responsible for holding the entire system together. Most importantly, it asks whether you are willing to stop rebuilding what you already know and create what your next level actually requires. So, if you keep hitting the same income ceiling, do not immediately assume you need to work harder. Ask yourself something far more revealing, "Are you building the business of your next level, or are you still building from the memory of being broke?" Your answer may tell you exactly what needs to change next. Ready to expand beyond your current ceiling? If you keep repeating the same income range, outgrowing the same business cycles, or feeling as though your external strategy is no longer the whole problem, it may be time to examine what sits underneath the numbers. Sustainable expansion requires more than forcing additional revenue through the same exhausted structure. It means looking at the identity making the decisions, the energetic capacity behind your growth, and whether the business itself is actually built to hold where you want to go next. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Shantana Telise Shantana Telise, Quantum Channel & Multidimensional Healer Shantana Telise is a quantum channel and multidimensional healer specializing in divine channeling and soul remembrance. She is the creator of The Art of Divine Channeling Masterclass, where she teaches safe, embodied channeling practices. Shantana is also the founder of The Portal of the Gods, a high-level multidimensional initiation into divine love, wealth, and leadership. She hosts The Goddess Evolution Summit, bringing together spiritual leaders to explore ascension and embodied living.

Some people measure success by what they finish. Shahriar James Ekbatani tends to think about what happens after the ribbon is cut. When he looks at a commercial development, he does not immediately think about construction timelines or square footage. He imagines families meeting for dinner, local businesses finding customers, and neighborhoods gaining places where people naturally gather. The same mindset shapes his work as Chairman of Lotus Behavioral Health, where the goal is not simply to help teenagers through a difficult moment, but to give them the chance to build a better future. "I've always been interested in outcomes," Ekbatani says. "The question I ask is simple: what difference will this make five years from now?" That way of thinking has led him through multiple industries, but today it connects two very different parts of his life. One focuses on commercial real estate. The other focuses on helping young people recover from addiction. At first glance, they seem unrelated. To him, they are built on the same foundation. Why Shahriar James Ekbatani believes every project starts with purpose Ekbatani says the excitement of starting a project wears off quickly. What keeps him motivated is having a clear reason for doing it in the first place. "When you know what you're trying to accomplish, the daily challenges don't distract you as much," he says. "You keep moving because the bigger picture stays in front of you." That perspective influences every project he takes on. His recent work in Central Florida includes commercial developments near The Villages, investments throughout the region, and the upcoming Eola Food Hall in downtown Orlando. While each project serves a different purpose, he sees them as opportunities to create places that people will continue using long after construction crews have packed up. "A building isn't successful just because it's completed," he says. "It's successful when people want to come back." Looking beyond the blueprint Commercial real estate often begins with drawings, permits, and schedules. Ekbatani believes those are only part of the process. Before thinking about the physical structure, he asks how the project fits into the community around it. Who will visit? What businesses will benefit? Will the space still matter years from now? Those questions help guide decisions long before construction begins. "It's easy to focus on what's being built," he says. "I think it's more important to focus on why it's being built." That long-term approach has become increasingly important as Central Florida continues to grow. New residents bring new opportunities, but they also create new demands for gathering places, healthcare services, restaurants, and retail. Rather than viewing development as simply adding more buildings, Ekbatani sees it as responding thoughtfully to how communities change over time. What Lotus Behavioral Health has taught him about leadership Although commercial real estate occupies much of his professional life today, Lotus Behavioral Health represents something different. Founded in 2020, the nonprofit helps adolescents between the ages of 12 and 17 who are struggling with drug and alcohol addiction. For Ekbatani, the organization's success is measured very differently than any commercial project. "The goal isn't to finish something," he says. "The goal is to help someone build a future they didn't think was possible." Working with Lotus has reinforced lessons about patience that apply far beyond nonprofit leadership. Recovery rarely follows a straight path. Progress often happens gradually, with setbacks along the way. He believes leadership works much the same way. "You have to stay committed even when progress isn't immediately visible," he says. "That's true whether you're leading an organization or helping someone through recovery." Why big ideas require small daily decisions People often assume that major projects come together because of one breakthrough moment. Ekbatani sees it differently. He believes lasting results are usually created through hundreds of small decisions made consistently over time. "It can be tempting to look for shortcuts," he says. "I've learned that steady progress almost always beats quick progress." That philosophy has shaped how he approaches both business and nonprofit work. Whether reviewing development plans, working with community partners, or supporting Lotus Behavioral Health, he prefers to focus on what can be improved today instead of trying to solve everything at once. Over time, those small improvements begin to add up. Creating places people remember As Orlando and surrounding communities continue to evolve, Ekbatani hopes the projects he helps create will become more than addresses on a map. He wants them to become places that people associate with positive experiences. A family gathering for dinner. A local entrepreneur opening a first business. A teenager finding hope through recovery. Those moments may look very different, but he believes they share something important in common. "They all begin with someone deciding to invest in the future," he says. Looking back across his career, Ekbatani is less interested in individual accomplishments than in the lasting effect of the work itself. Projects eventually reach completion. Buildings open. Organizations grow. What remains, he believes, is the impact they have on the people they were created to serve. "When I think about success," he says, "I don't think about what was built. I think about what continues long after the project is finished." That perspective continues to shape everything Shahriar James Ekbatani does today. Whether he is helping guide a new commercial development or supporting Lotus Behavioral Health's mission, his focus remains remarkably consistent: create something meaningful enough that it continues making a difference long after the work is done.

Some people spend their entire careers building one business. Others spend their careers building the confidence to begin again. Russell Mann, Nevada, has spent decades doing the latter. Looking back at his career, it would be easy to focus on the different industries he has worked in. Hospitality. Mortgage lending. Retail. Fitness. Tourism. Outdoor recreation. On paper, those experiences may seem disconnected. In reality, they tell one continuous story. Every new chapter began because Russell noticed an opportunity, believed he could build something better, and was willing to take on the challenge of learning something new. For Russell, success has never been about finding one perfect business and staying there forever. It has been about asking a simple question whenever circumstances changed or a new opportunity appeared: "What's next?" "I've never been afraid to try something different," Russell said. "Every business teaches you something that helps you with the next one." Where Russell Mann learned his first business lessons Russell grew up in Las Vegas, where he earned the rank of Eagle Scout before graduating from Clark High School in 1983. He later attended the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, and studied Hotel Administration. Although his education gave him a foundation, many of his most valuable lessons came from his first jobs. Working as a busboy and waiter in the gourmet restaurants at Caesars Palace exposed him to an environment where details mattered. Every guest expected exceptional service, and every interaction contributed to the overall experience. "When you're working with people every day, you learn to pay attention," Russell said. "You notice what makes someone happy, what frustrates them, and how small things can make a big difference." Those observations stayed with him long after he left the hospitality industry. While the businesses he owned would eventually change, his belief that people remember how they are treated remained constant. Why Russell Mann never felt limited by one career After spending approximately ten years in the mortgage industry, Russell also bought and sold residential properties, completing both short-term investments and long-term holds. The experience gave him a practical understanding of real estate, changing markets, and how to evaluate opportunities beyond a single transaction. Eventually, he reached a point where he could have stayed on a familiar career path. Instead, he chose to pursue entrepreneurship full time. Over the years, he owned clothing and fitness stores before expanding into tourism and outdoor recreation. He went on to build businesses including Las Vegas ATVs, Vegas Off Road Racing, Bullets and Burgers, Las Vegas Water Sports, Las Vegas Outdoor Adventures, Vegas Kayak Tours, Vegas Hiking Tours, Helicopter Adventures, Grand Canyon Glamping Resort, and Arizona Last Stop. He also helped develop the Arizona Last Stop Travel Center and a Taco Bell location and is currently involved in planning a new Dunkin' Donuts. To an outsider, those businesses might seem unrelated. Russell sees something different. "I've always looked for opportunities," he said. "If you're paying attention to what's happening around you, you'll see ideas that other people overlook." That mindset has allowed him to move comfortably between industries without feeling like he was starting from scratch. Every new business is built on lessons learned from those before it. What Russell Mann looks for before building something new Many entrepreneurs spend their time studying competitors. Russell spends more time observing people. He believes opportunities often reveal themselves through everyday conversations, changing customer interests, and patterns that become obvious only after taking the time to notice them. "I constantly watch what's going on around me," he said. "People will tell you what they want if you're paying attention." That habit has become one of the defining characteristics of his career. Instead of becoming attached to a single idea or a single way of doing business, he remains open to what comes next. He applies the same approach when challenges arise. "If a big problem comes up, I don't rush into a decision," Russell said. "I'll think about it overnight. The next morning, you usually see things differently." Rather than reacting emotionally, he believes giving himself time to think often leads to better solutions. Why customer experiences have always been the common thread Although Russell's businesses have served different markets, they all share something in common. They are built around creating positive experiences for people. That philosophy first developed during his years in hospitality and continued as he built tourism businesses throughout the Las Vegas area and the Southwest. Whether someone was booking an ATV adventure, enjoying an outdoor activity, or visiting one of his other businesses, Russell believed the experience mattered just as much as the service itself. "When someone has a great experience, they remember it," he said. "That's something I've believed since my first days working in hospitality." That perspective has influenced the way he approaches business. He believes responding quickly to customers, listening carefully when problems arise, and following through on commitments creates relationships that last much longer than a single transaction. The habit that has defined Russell Mann's career There is one habit that has remained unchanged throughout Russell's career, regardless of the industry or business he was building. Every morning begins at 5:00 a.m. with a workout before the workday starts. For Russell, that routine is not simply about fitness. It represents consistency, discipline, and the practice of beginning each day with purpose. "You just keep moving forward," he said. "Some days are easier than others, but you take things one day at a time." That same mindset has carried him through decades of entrepreneurship. Markets have changed. Customer interests have evolved. Entire industries have transformed. Yet Russell has continued looking ahead instead of looking back. What Russell Mann’s story says about entrepreneurship Russell Mann's career in Nevada is not defined by a single company or industry. It is defined by a willingness to keep learning and a belief that every new opportunity is a chance to build on the experiences that came before it. The businesses he has created may be different, but the thinking behind them has remained remarkably consistent. He has always been curious enough to notice opportunities, patient enough to think through difficult decisions, and confident enough to begin again when a new idea made sense. That is what makes his career noteworthy. It is not simply the number of businesses he has owned or the industries he has explored. It is the fact that he has never allowed one chapter to define the rest of his story. For Russell, every business has been another opportunity to learn something new, meet new people, and build on everything he learned from the last venture. Looking back, it becomes clear that his greatest accomplishment was never building just one successful business. It was developing the mindset to keep asking, "What's next?" and having the determination to turn the answer into reality.

Written by Jenny Gaynor, Social-Emotional Learning Coach and Founder Jenny Gaynor, author and founder of Calm Education, teaches SEL tools to help kids, families, and teachers build confidence, connection, and calm. There is something about August that changes the air. The calendar hasn’t officially declared the end of summer, but somehow we all know it is coming. Store shelves fill with backpacks and notebooks. Emails begin arriving. Calendars start filling up. Conversations shift from vacations to schedules, sports, homework, and bus routes. For many parents and educators, August doesn’t just bring a new season. It brings big feelings. Maybe you’re excited to return to routines. Maybe you’re grieving the slower pace of summer. Maybe you’re wondering if you’re ready for another school year. Or maybe you’re feeling all of those things at once. If any of this resonates with you, you’re not alone. One of the greatest misconceptions of emotional wellness is that we should simply “stay positive.” But emotional intelligence teaches us something different. Every feeling deserves to be noticed. We don’t have to ignore sadness to experience joy. We don’t have to pretend we aren’t nervous to feel hopeful. Instead of pushing our feelings away, we can learn to examine the thoughts that are fueling them. Our thoughts shape how we experience the world. While we can’t always control the first thought that pops into our mind, we can choose whether we continue believing it. Or we can gently replace it with one that is more balanced, compassionate, and helpful. Notice I didn’t say “more positive.” Helpful thoughts aren’t about pretending everything is wonderful. They’re about seeing the whole picture. Here are a few thought flips you can practice as August unfolds. Thought: “Summer is over already.” It is easy to focus on what is ending. But when we stay there, we miss everything we’ve gained. Try this instead: “I am grateful for the memories we made this summer, and I am looking forward to making new ones this school year.” Gratitude doesn’t erase sadness. It allows both to exist together. Thought: “I’m not ready.” Whether you’re a teacher preparing your classroom or a parent trying to get everyone back into a routine, this thought can feel overwhelming. Instead of waiting until you feel completely ready, you can remind yourself of the truth. Try this instead: “I don’t have to have everything figured out today. I only have to take the next step.” Confidence often grows after we begin rather than before. Thought: “Everything is about to become stressful again.” Busy schedules are real. School mornings are busy. Meetings, homework, sports, and activities all demand our attention. But stress doesn’t have to become the entire story. Try this instead: “There will be busy days, and there will also be moments of laughter, connection, and calm. I can intentionally create those moments.” You can create those moments with one deep breath before walking into school, one family dinner together, one bedtime story, or one cup of coffee enjoyed without rushing. Small moments have a big impact. Thought: “We didn’t do enough this summer.” This might be one of the most common thoughts parents and educators carry into August. Social media has a way of convincing us that everyone else squeezed every ounce out of summer, while we somehow fell short. But children rarely measure summer by how many vacations they took or attractions they visited. We don’t measure summer by how much we got done, either. We remember how we felt. We remember the laughter. We remember making memories together. We remember the little things, like catching lightning bugs, watching movies on the couch, or having conversations over a nice dinner. Try this instead: “We made meaningful memories, and that is enough.” Enough really can be enough. Thought: “The school year has to be better this year.” Teachers, parents, and students feel it. The pressure to get everything “right” can steal the joy from the very experiences we are hoping to enjoy. Try this instead: “Perfection isn’t the goal. Presence is.” Children don’t need perfect adults. They need adults who apologize when they make mistakes, who model resilience, who show them that feelings are normal, and who prove that hard days don’t last forever. These lessons are far more valuable than perfection could ever be. A simple practice for August Take five quiet minutes this week to write down the thoughts that keep showing up as school approaches. Then ask yourself if these thoughts are true and if they are helping you. Then try to find a kinder and more balanced way of looking at the situation. You don’t have to force yourself to feel differently overnight. Just becoming aware of your thoughts and feelings is often enough to begin shifting them. One final thought As parents and educators, we spend so much time helping children manage their emotions that we sometimes forget to take care of our own. This August, permit yourself to feel whatever comes up. Celebrate the beautiful moments summer gave you and grieve the ones you wish had lasted longer. Don’t forget to also look forward to the opportunities a new school year will bring. Most importantly, remember that while we can’t always choose our first thought, we can choose the one we hold onto. Sometimes, making that small shift in our thinking is enough to change the way we experience an entire season! Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Jenny Gaynor Jenny Gaynor, Social-Emotional Learning Coach and Founder Jenny Gaynor is the author and founder of Calm Education. She teaches children, families, and teachers essential SEL (Social-Emotional Learning) skills. Her mission is to help others build confidence, resilience, and healthy connections. Jenny is a former educator with over 20 years of classroom experience. She holds certifications in both elementary and special education. Jenny also has training in yoga, meditation, and SEL facilitation. She lives in Barrington, Rhode Island, with her family and therapy cat, Tiller.

Written by Taylor Elane, Rest Practitioner Taylor Elane is a rest practitioner and certified Yoga Nidra guide whose work sits at the intersection of somatic science, ancestral wisdom, and organizational well-being to help mission-driven organizations and people leaders build cultures where the foundation of rest and sustainable capacity makes the work, and the people doing it, last. Leadership burnout is no longer a fringe concern whispered about in executive coaching sessions. It's a measurable, well-documented occupational hazard. Recent workforce research puts burnout among managers and executives well above general employee rates [1], with global surveys showing a majority of leaders reporting elevated stress [2] and a significant share describing burnout as a regular, even weekly, experience [3]. The causes are structural. Leaders carry what researchers call "responsibility without recovery" [4], the psychological weight of their teams, combined with upward accountability to boards or executives, in a state of ambient alertness that rarely fully switches off. Summer offers something rare, cultural permission to slow down. But most leaders default to a single, hard-earned week away, followed by an immediate return to full throttle. The science tells a different story about what actually restores a depleted leader, and it starts with understanding why that one week isn't enough. Why "pushing through" doesn't work Effort recovery theory, a foundational framework in occupational health psychology, holds that sustained work effort draws down physiological and psychological resources, including elevated cortisol, cognitive fatigue, and emotional depletion, and that without real recovery, this strain simply accumulates [5]. Rest isn't indulgence, it's the mechanism by which the body and mind repay the debt work creates. Here's the uncomfortable part. Research on vacations consistently shows a "fade out effect." A meta-analysis of vacation studies found that time off reliably improves well-being, showing reductions in stress and exhaustion, and boosts in positive affect. But these gains disappear almost entirely within the first week back at work [6]. One widely cited study of a three-week summer vacation found health and well-being peaked around day eight, then returned to baseline within a week of resuming work [7]. Longer vacations didn't produce longer lasting benefits. The amount of consecutive vacation days mattered less than what happened immediately after. For people leaders, this has a direct implication. An annual two-week trip, however well-earned, is not a burnout strategy. It's a temporary reprieve that the return-to-work environment will erase unless something changes about how leaders reintegrate. What actual recovery requires Organizational psychologist Sabine Sonnentag's research identifies four distinct recovery experiences that determine whether time off actually restores a person [8]. Psychological detachment: Genuinely mentally disengaging from work, not just physically leaving the building. This is the single most researched and most protective recovery experience in the literature, and it's the one leaders struggle with most, because leadership roles often demand a sense of constant availability. Relaxation: A state of low activation and reduced physiological arousal. Mastery experiences: Activities that offer a sense of challenge and accomplishment outside of work, which paradoxically help people recover by building resources rather than simply resting them. Control: The ability to decide for yourself how you spend your recovery time. Notably, research also shows that a leader's own detachment, or lack of it, doesn't stay contained to that leader. It actually predicts their team's detachment, exhaustion, and need for recovery [9]. A leader who answers emails at 11 p.m. isn't just depleting themselves, they're signaling to their team that switching off isn't safe. This is one of the more important findings for anyone in a people leadership role. Your recovery habits are a policy, whether you intend them to be or not. For leaders looking for a practical way to build these recovery experiences into an already packed week, Yoga Nidra, a guided, lying down practice sometimes called "yogic sleep," is worth naming directly. Physiologically, it reliably shifts the body toward parasympathetic dominance, with measurable reductions in cortisol and blood pressure and improvements in heart rate variability, alongside a shift from active beta brainwaves toward calmer alpha and theta states [10, 11]. That maps onto two of Sonnentag's four experiences in particular. It's a fast, structured route to relaxation. Because it requires following a guide's voice rather than checking a phone, it also enforces genuine psychological detachment for the length of the rest session, something leaders otherwise struggle to achieve on their own. A randomized study of college professors found that one Yoga Nidra session produced anxiety and stress reductions comparable to seated meditation over three months [12], and the practice has been studied successfully in other sustained high-stress occupational groups, including healthcare workers and military groups [13, 14], some of the same stress conditions many leaders operate under daily. Unlike a hike or a vacation, a single Yoga Nidra session typically runs twenty to thirty minutes, making it one of the few evidence-backed recovery practices that fits inside a lunch break. The nature effect: A cognitive case for getting outside Summer's other advantage is environmental. Attention Restoration Theory, developed by Stephen and Rachel Kaplan, proposes that directed attention, the effortful, sustained focus leaders use constantly for decision making, is a finite resource that becomes fatigued with overuse [15]. Natural environments, by contrast, engage a softer, more involuntary form of attention, allowing the directed attention system to recover [16]. Research applying this theory has found measurable improvements in working memory, sustained attention, and cognitive flexibility after time in nature, compared to time in built, urban environments [17]. This isn't a wellness metaphor, it's a documented cognitive mechanism, and it's one leaders have unusual access to in summer, when longer days and better weather make outdoor time logistically easy. Seven best practices for building a summer sabbatical mindset The research suggests a leader's version of a "summer sabbatical" isn't necessarily taking one long trip out of town. It's a deliberately designed pattern across the summer season that protects the recovery experiences shown to matter most. Schedule recovery like you schedule strategy: Block recurring, protected time, not just one annual trip, across the summer months. Shorter, more frequent breaks with genuine detachment tend to outperform a single long vacation because the fade-out effect resets the clock every time. Make detachment structural, not aspirational: Turn off notifications, delegate decision rights explicitly before you leave, and resist the urge to "just check in." Research on the stressor detachment model shows that poor detachment during off hours is directly linked to increased strain [18], the mechanism doesn't care how good your intentions are if your phone is still in your hand. Model it publicly for your team: Because leader detachment predicts team detachment, the most effective thing a people leader can do for organizational rest culture is visibly disconnect, out-of-office replies that don't apologize, no weekend Slack messages, and no "quick call" during someone else's vacation. Use Yoga Nidra as a fast, structured route to relaxation and detachment: Since a single guided session can run twenty to thirty minutes, it's one of the few evidence-backed recovery practices that fits inside a workday. It's incredibly useful for the time between vacations when a longer break isn't yet on the calendar. Protect at least one mastery activity: Choose something during the summer that offers genuine challenge or accomplishment outside of work. This could include a physical goal, a creative project, or a new skill you want to build. Pure passive rest matters, but mastery experiences build resources in a way that idle time alone does not. Get outside, deliberately: Given the cognitive research on attention restoration, treat time in nature as a recovery tool, not just a pleasant backdrop. Take a walk without a podcast, a weekend away from screens, or a lunch outdoors instead of at your desk. Plan the re-entry to work, not just the exit: Since fade-out accelerates when job demands hit hard immediately upon return, build a lighter first few days back, fewer meetings, no major decisions scheduled for day one, and continued small leisure or relaxation experiences in the weeks after. Research shows that this measurably slows the fade-out of vacation benefits. The rest reframe people leaders need The leaders who recover best from burnout don't treat rest as something they've earned after performance. They treat it as the resourceful infrastructure that makes sustained performance possible at all. Given that manager burnout doesn't just affect the manager, but visibly cascades to teams, culture, and retention, a leader's summer rest isn't a personal indulgence. It's one of the more consequential decisions they'll make about their organization all year. Practices like Yoga Nidra matter precisely because they turn abstract recovery science into something a leader can actually do between meetings, a concrete, repeatable habit rather than a vague intention to "rest more." Rest, done right, isn't the opposite of leadership. It's one of its core disciplines. If you're looking to explore more ways of embedding rest in your leadership infrastructure, begin with a House of Duafe discovery call. Or, if you would like to experience firsthand the rest Yoga Nidra provides in a short amount of time, try Remembering Ease, a 10-minute Yoga Nidra practice available on Insight Timer, free and accessible anywhere. Follow me on Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Taylor Elane Taylor Elane, Rest Practitioner Taylor Elane is a Chicago-based rest practitioner, certified Yoga Nidra guide, and liberation-centered wellness educator. A former equity and inclusion leader in higher education, Taylor holds certifications in Non-Performative Yoga, Yoga Nidra, equity and inclusion consulting, and trauma-informed resilience. She facilitates rest-centered experiences for mission-driven organizations, caregivers, and advocates, and guides Yoga Nidra meditations on Insight Timer. References: [1] Franco, D. D. (2026, July 21). How to tackle leadership burnout (2026 edition). Meditopia for Work. [2] Development Dimensions International. (2025). New DDI study signals looming leadership exodus, with 71% reporting increased stress. [3] Pacheco, J. (2025). The burnout risk: Strengthening your midlevel leaders. Harvard Business Impact. [4] Breakfast Leadership. (2026). Leadership burnout strategies: How to overcome it. [5] Meijman, T., & Mulder, G. (1998): [6] Speth, F., Wendsche, J., & Wegge, J. (2023). We continue to recover through vacation!: Meta-analysis of vacation effects on well-being and its fade-out. European Psychologist, 28(4), 274–287. [7] de Bloom, J., et al. (2009). Do we recover from vacation? Meta-analysis of vacation effects on health and well-being. Journal of Occupational Health, 51(1), 13–25. [8] Sonnentag, S., & Fritz, C. (2007). Journal of Occupational Health Psychology: [9] Sonnentag, S., & Schiffner, C. (2019). Psychological Detachment from Work during Nonwork Time and Employee Well-Being: The Role of Leader’s Detachment. The Spanish Journal of Psychology, 22, E3. [10] "The Psychophysiological Effects of Yoga Nidra: A Systematic Review", IJCSPUB - INTERNATIONAL JOURNAL OF CURRENT SCIENCE (www.IJCSPUB.org), ISSN:2250-1770, Vol.15, Issue 4, page no.777-788, December-2025, [11] Ghai, S., et al. (2026). "Effects of Yoga Nidra on Stress, Anxiety, and Depression: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis." Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences: [12] Ferreira-Vorkapic, C., et al. (2018). The Impact of Yoga Nidra and Seated Meditation on the Mental Health of College Professors. International journal of yoga, 11(3), 215–223. [13] Fialoke, S., et al. Functional connectivity changes in meditators and novices during yoga nidra practice. Sci Rep 14, 12957 (2024). [14] "How can Yoga Nidra Benefit Individuals in High Stress Jobs?" (2025). [15] Kaplan, S. (1995). Attention Restoration Theory, Journal of Environmental Psychology: [16] Ohly, H., et al. (2016). Attention Restoration Theory: A systematic review of the attention restoration potential of exposure to natural environments. Journal of Toxicology and Environmental Health, Part B, 19(7), 305–343. [17] Scott, E. E., et al. (2023). Measuring affect and complex working memory in natural and urban environments. Frontiers in Psychology, 14, 1039334. [18] Sonnentag, S., and Fritz, C. (2015). Recovery from job stress: The stressor-detachment model as an integrative framework, J. Organiz. Behav., 36, S72–S103,

Written by Aleta St. James, Energy Healer and Life Coach Aleta St. James is a globally renowned energy healer, intuitive, bestselling author, and transformational coach. Known as the “Indiana Jones of the Soul,” she has spent decades helping people achieve greater success, vitality, abundance, and purpose through her pioneering energy transformation methods. Most people believe success comes from having a brilliant mind. They're right to a point. But after coaching executives, entrepreneurs, performers, and leaders for decades, I've discovered something that surprises almost everyone. Your mind alone can't sustain your success. If you're in your late 30s, 40s, 50s, or beyond and beginning to feel exhausted, uninspired, or like you're constantly pushing uphill, you're not necessarily working too hard. More often than not, you're leaking energy in places you don't even realize. I call these Ageless Saboteurs, the hidden emotional and subconscious patterns that quietly drain your vitality while you continue performing at a high level. The mistake many high achievers make is believing they're only a brain. They rely almost exclusively on intellect, discipline, and willpower. Those qualities can certainly build a successful career, but they can't sustain a joyful, vibrant life. The truth is, you're made up of four interconnected systems, your physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual bodies. When one of them becomes depleted, the others begin compensating until eventually the entire system starts running on empty. Years ago, in LifeShift, Let Go and Live Your Dream, I introduced the concept of Alpha Burnout. It's what happens when we spend years operating almost entirely from our masculine, action-oriented energy, constantly achieving, solving problems, producing results, and pushing forward, without balancing it with the restorative qualities of intuition, joy, connection, creativity, and renewal. Many people believe burnout is simply the price of success. I don't. Success should expand your life, not slowly drain it. One of the greatest teachers in my life has been working with people during the final stages of their lives. I can honestly tell you that I've never heard someone say, "I wish I'd made more money." What I have heard is, "I wish I had spent more time loving, connecting, being present, truly living." That's why I believe the greatest measure of success isn't what you've accumulated, it's the quality of the energy you bring to your life every day. The good news is that once you identify your own Ageless Saboteurs, you can begin releasing them. When your physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual bodies begin working together instead of being out of sync with each other, your energy returns, your creativity expands, your resilience grows, and success becomes far more sustainable and joyful. You don't have to choose between achievement and vitality. You can have both. One of the greatest hidden energy leaks I see in high performers is this. The very fear that helped create your success can become the thing that quietly robs you of it. For many people, success begins with fear. The fear of failure. The fear of not having enough. The fear of being invisible, overlooked, or never feeling worthy. In the beginning, those fears can be incredibly motivating. They push you to work harder, achieve more, and climb higher. But eventually, they become exhausting. I've worked with highly successful executives, entrepreneurs, celebrities, and performers who appear to have everything. Yet underneath their accomplishments lives a quiet voice that says, "I'm still not enough." That's what we commonly call imposter syndrome, the fear that one day people will discover you're not as capable or deserving as they think you are. One Emmy-winning actress I worked with dreaded every red carpet and acceptance speech. Despite all her success, childhood wounds had convinced her she still had to prove herself. She couldn't fully receive the recognition because she was always afraid it would be taken away. I've seen the same pattern in boardrooms. During a talk I gave to fashion industry executives, I asked, "How many of you secretly worry that one day people will discover you don't really know what you're doing?" The room erupted in laughter, and most of the hands went up. Let me tell you, most of them were top-ranking executives. Success driven by fear may get you to the top, but it rarely allows you to enjoy being there. That's the hidden cost of success driven by fear. You've driven yourself to get there, but you're never convinced you're good enough to deserve it. When your achievements are fueled by the belief that you have to prove your worth, your nervous system never gets permission to rest. You keep chasing the next accomplishment because no achievement ever feels like enough. Real freedom begins when your success is no longer driven by fear, but by purpose, joy, creativity, and love. That's when you stop merely achieving and begin receiving. In my experience, that's one of the greatest shifts you can make, not only for your happiness, but for your vitality and longevity. So let me ask you a question: What part of you still believes you have to prove you're good enough? Is there a younger part of you that's still chasing approval, love, recognition, or security? If so, that part may have helped create your success, but it could also be quietly draining your life force. I can honestly tell you that, at 78, I have as much energy as I did in my 30s. I don't wake up trying to prove myself anymore. My life is fueled by passion, purpose, curiosity, and joy. Even raising my 21-year-old twins energizes me because I'm living from what fills me up, not from what empties me. That's the secret. Fear burns energy. Love, joy, and purpose create it. Once my clients learn my Clear, Shift, and Recreate process, they stop chasing success to feel worthy and begin creating from a place of inner freedom. That's when they discover a level of energy they never knew they had. So before we go any further, ask yourself one final question: "What is fueling your success today, fear, or love?" If you're ready to discover the answer, I'd like to guide you through one of the same LifeShift exercises I've shared with clients for decades. This helps you get in touch with your inherent greatness, self-love, and appreciation, which is where ultimate success thrives. Journaling prompt: Releasing the story that no longer serves you Find a quiet place, take out your journal, and allow yourself to write without judgment. Don't worry about grammar, spelling, or making sense. Simply let your thoughts flow. Step 1: Explore the root Reflect on these questions: What am I holding on to that makes me feel like I'm not enough? What experiences have shaped this belief? When do I feel "not good enough," and what memories surface? Write freely. Let your stream of consciousness lead you wherever it needs to go. Don't censor yourself. Step 2: Give both voices a place Allow your younger self, your inner child or adolescent, to have a voice. Write from their perspective. What are they still carrying? Perhaps they're holding on to a moment of rejection, disappointment, or feeling unseen. It could be being left out at school, a painful breakup, not getting chosen, or a collection of experiences that quietly shaped how they see themselves. Whatever comes up is welcome. Then, switch perspectives. Write as your present-day adult self. Imagine sitting beside your younger self with compassion, understanding, and wisdom. Begin a conversation. You might write. "I'm here for you. Look how far we've come. You don't have to carry this alone anymore. You don't have to keep worrying. You're safe with me now." Continue the dialogue. Let your younger self respond, and allow your adult self to offer reassurance, perspective, and unconditional support. Step 3: Close with gratitude and truth Leadership is not defined by a single quarter, project, or period of output. It is defined by longevity, adaptability, and resilience. Pregnancy does not remove a woman from leadership. It challenges her to lead in a way that is more sustainable, more self-aware, and more aligned with long-term performance. Affirm your new story Slowly repeat: Isn't it wonderful that I I'm proud of Look how far I've come I've overcome Today I choose to let go of From this moment forward, I choose to believe I am enough exactly as I am. I celebrate my growth. I choose love over fear. My best years are still ahead of me. Remember The experiences you've carried have shaped you. They do not have to define you. Your adult self is here now, with wisdom, compassion, resilience, and choice. You are no longer living from the wounds of the past. You are creating from the freedom of the present. That is where lasting vitality begins. Coming next I'll continue sharing more LifeShift practices, inspiring client stories, and the latest discoveries where longevity science, ancient wisdom, and neuroscience intersect, so you can learn what it truly means to live an ageless, vibrant life. Because if you've ever wondered whether your best years could still be ahead of you. I promise you, they can. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Aleta St. James Aleta St. James, Energy Healer and Life Coach Aleta St. James is a world-renowned energy healer, intuitive coach, and author who helps people transform their lives from the inside out. For over 30 years, she has guided clients to attract love, enhance fertility, grow their careers, increase financial flow, and embody ageless living and vitality at any age. Aleta embodies the rare ability to awaken, balance, and transform energy fields at the deepest level. Her unmatched vibrancy is living proof of her mastery in energy work and longevity.

Written by Céline Kusters, Yoga Teacher Céline Kusters is a certified yoga teacher and founder of Namunyak Yoga. Driven by the mission to show that yoga is for everybody and every body, she offers simple, accessible, and down-to-earth practices, on and off the mat, that help people cultivate balance, ease, and presence in everyday life. You breathe every moment of every day, and yet you probably rarely pay attention to how you breathe. But what if I told you your breath has the power to influence how you feel in any given moment? Whether you’re feeling stressed, anxious, low on energy, distracted, or simply looking to relax, the right breathing exercise can completely shift your body and mind. By learning to breathe more consciously, you can improve both your physical and mental health. The best part? It doesn’t have to be complicated. Even a few deep breaths can make a big difference. In this article, I share 8 simple breathing exercises for every mood. Each one supports a different mood or need and will help you use your breath as a practical tool for everyday well-being. 1. Distracted: Notice your breath It doesn’t get simpler than this. Simply take some time to notice your breath. You can do it anytime and anywhere. If you feel comfortable, close your eyes. Then just observe your breath. Are you breathing fast or slow? Through your nose or your mouth? Into your chest, ribs, or belly? How does the air feel when you inhale? Cold or warm? How does that change when you exhale? 2. Stressed: 5-5 breathing When you feel stressed or tense, try inhaling for 5 seconds, then exhaling for 5 seconds. Repeat for a couple of rounds. Simple as that. This breathing exercise will help you regulate your nervous system and promote relaxation. 3. Anxious: Box breathing Box breathing is my go-to breathing exercise when I struggle with anxiety. Inhale for 4 seconds, hold your breath for 4 seconds, exhale for 4 seconds, hold your breath for 4 seconds, then repeat a few more times. 4. Frustrated or irritated: Lion’s breath This is a fun one! It may feel a little awkward, but it is super effective. Take a really deep breath in through your nose. Then take a really deep breath out through your mouth as you stick out your tongue and make a "ha" sound. Repeat a few more times. 5. Low on energy: Three-part inhale A quick energy booster! Take three really quick inhales through your nose, then a really big sigh out through your mouth. If you want to add a little bit of movement, lift your arms all the way up in three parts, following your inhales. Then drop them down on your exhale. 6. Restless: Taco breath This one is for those restless days when you just can’t sit still. Take a deep breath in. Then roll your tongue, like a taco, and exhale through your mouth. Repeat for a few more rounds. 7. Too busy and unbalanced: Alternate nostril breathing Alternate nostril breathing is there for those days when you’ve planned a little too much, and your mind is all over the place. Bring your index finger to your right nostril and softly close it. Then inhale through your left nostril. Bring your index finger to your left nostril to softly close it, then exhale through the right. Inhale through the right, then close your right nostril again. Exhale through the left. Repeat at least two more times. 8. Overstimulated: Extended exhale breathing Can’t sleep? Or struggling to relax? Try extended exhale breathing. Breathe in through your nose for four seconds, then breathe out for six seconds. Repeat a couple of times and feel your body and mind relax. Make it a daily ritual No matter how you’re feeling, there is a breathing exercise for you. By practicing these breathing exercises regularly, you’ll become more aware of how your breath influences your body and mind. Try it out, discover what works for you, and remember that it doesn’t have to be complicated. Even a few conscious breaths can already make a big difference in how you feel. Follow me on Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Céline Kusters Céline Kusters, Yoga Teacher Céline Kusters is a certified yoga teacher and founder of Namunyak Yoga. With a background shaped by personal healing and professional training, she’s dedicated to making yoga accessible, inclusive, and practical. Through her classes, social media, and writing, she shares practical, down-to-earth ways to integrate yoga into daily life and help people find ease, balance, and connection. Céline’s mission is to show you that yoga is for everybody and every body, and that even a few mindful breaths can change how you move through the world.

Written by Leoniek van der Maarel, Academie voor Verlies/Grief Training Centre Leoniek van der Maarel is a Dutch psychologist, grief expert, author, and trainer with a clear and powerful mission. "Creating a world where grief is no longer a silent struggle, but a supported path forward." You know the feeling. Your clients come in, and the conversation circles again around the same conflict. The same accusations, the same deadlock, the same exhaustion on both sides. You try to stay neutral, you reflect back what you hear, you look for openings, and yet nothing really shifts. What looks like conflict is often loss underneath. Loss of trust, of certainty, of the future they had imagined. Loss of the home they shared, of daily life with their children. When that loss goes unacknowledged, the conflict keeps refuelling itself. It has nowhere else to go. The SCHIP method, developed by Tineke Rodenburg and Leoniek van der Maarel, authors of Vechten voor je scheiding, schipbreuk geslaagd (Fighting for Your Divorce, A Successful Shipwreck), offers a framework that takes both seriously, the conflict and the loss that drives it. The acronym, S for Sharing the past, C for Conflict and Loss, H for Helpful listening, I for Integration, P for Partners in parenthood, gives you a clear arc to work with. Not a rigid script, but a way of orienting yourself when you're not sure where to go next. Here are five ways to bring that into your practice: 1. Recognize that conflict and loss are two sides of the same coin This is the foundation of the SCHIP method, and it changes how you listen from the very first session. When a client describes their ex partner's behavior with fury or contempt, underneath that is almost always something lost, a relationship they believed in, a version of themselves, a sense of safety. The conflict is real, but it's also a container for grief that hasn't found another form yet. The S, Sharing the past, phase is about creating enough safety for both dimensions to be present. Before anything can move, your client needs to feel that you see the whole picture, not just what went wrong, but what it cost them. When you name that early, something often loosens. The defensiveness drops a little. There's more room to breathe. Conflict without loss is rare. Loss without conflict, in a separation, is almost impossible. Holding both at once is where your work begins. 2. Don't rush to resolve the conflict: First, make room for grief The C in the acronym stands for Conflict and Loss. It's a familiar pull, you want to help, so you move toward solutions. What agreements can we make? How can we improve communication? These are useful questions, but asked too early, they land on unprepared ground. Asking them without getting to the bottom of what has been lost leaves partners feeling unseen and unheard. The H in SCHIP stands for Helpful listening, and it asks you to slow down before you problem solve. What does your client actually need right now? Often it's not a strategy. It's to be heard in the full weight of what they're going through. They need and want to be heard and acknowledged by the other partner. The pain the other partner "caused". The grief of a divorce is not a side issue to be processed before the real work starts. It is the real work, for a long time. Practitioners sometimes worry about opening up grief, afraid it will overwhelm the session, or that they won't know how to hold it. But grief that's been given space tends to become less consuming, not more. What stays stuck is grief that keeps being redirected into conflict because there's nowhere else for it to go. Helpful listening means tolerating the not knowing together. It means not filling the silence too quickly. 3. Understand that people process loss differently One partner is already making plans for the future. The other can't get out of bed. One is angry. The other is numb. One wants to talk endlessly, the other has shut down completely. These differences are not personality flaws or signs of bad faith. They're different expressions of the same loss, processed through different nervous systems, different histories, different ways of coping. But when ex partners don't understand this, they read each other's responses as attacks. The one who's moving forward seems cold and unfeeling. The one who's still grieving seems manipulative or unstable. As a practitioner, naming this dynamic explicitly can shift something. When your client understands that their ex partner's apparent indifference might be a different form of grief, not the absence of it, the conflict often becomes slightly less personal. Not resolved, but reframed. That's enough to create a little more space. 4. Help clients name what they have actually lost The I in SCHIP stands for Integration, and integration can only happen when the loss has been made concrete enough to grieve. Vague grief is harder to move through than specific grief. Your client can say it in a hundred different ways, "I lost the house," "I lost the life I thought we'd have," "I lost the version of myself I was when we were together." Ask them directly, what is actually gone now that wasn't gone before? This isn't just a therapeutic exercise. It's what allows the conflict to loosen its grip. As long as the loss stays abstract, a general sense that everything is wrong, it has nowhere to land. It keeps circulating back into blame, into old arguments, into the same three accusations on repeat. Naming the loss specifically gives it a place to exist that isn't the conflict itself. Integration doesn't mean the loss disappears or that your client feels fine about it. It means they can carry it without it running the whole show. They can think about their ex partner, about the future, about their children, without every thought pulling them straight back into the fight. That's the shift the I is aiming for, not resolution, but room. In the Integration phase, they find a common ritual to leave the past behind them, a kind of funeral for their relationship. This way they decide to take the step into the future and let bygones be bygones. 5. Guide ex-partners toward staying parents together, even when the partnership is over The final phase in the SCHIP method is the connection in parenthood, in such a way that benefits the children. The P stands for Partners in parenthood, and it's the phase where everything from S, C, H, and I gets put to use in the one relationship that doesn't end with the divorce, the shared responsibility for the children. This step is often where practitioners feel the pull to rush. There are school schedules to sort out, holidays to divide, decisions to make, and it's tempting to move straight into practical agreements. But if the loss underneath hasn't been acknowledged yet, those agreements tend not to hold. The same conflict resurfaces, just wearing a new topic. When your client has had room to grieve what's gone, the marriage, the shared future, sometimes the version of the family they'd imagined, something becomes possible that wasn't possible before. They can separate the ex partner from the co parent. Not because the hurt is gone, but because it's no longer the only thing in the room. Your role here is to help them see that staying connected as parents isn't a betrayal of what they lost. It's a different kind of relationship, built on what's left rather than what's over. Some clients find this easier than others. Some circle back to old conflict when a new decision needs to be made, and that's not failure, it's part of how this phase moves. What you're really helping them build is a working partnership around their children, one that can hold disagreement without collapsing back into the old fight. That's the arc the SCHIP method was designed for, from conflict, through loss, to a new form of being connected. In conclusion Conflict and loss are not two separate things to address one after the other. They're intertwined, and the work is to keep holding both, from the first session where you name what's underneath the anger, to the last stretch where two people learn to trust each other again, maybe forgive each other, and co parent from a place that isn't the marriage anymore. If you recognize this pattern in your own practice, the conversations that keep circling, the moments where you're not sure whether to hold space or move toward solutions, the SCHIP method gives you a map for that terrain. Grief Training Centre offers training in applying it in your own practice, for practitioners who want more than a framework to read about, who want to actually know what to do when it gets difficult. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Leoniek van der Maarel Leoniek van der Maarel, Academie voor Verlies/Grief Training Centre With over 25 years of experience and a deeply personal connection to her work, Leoniek has become one of the leading voices in the field of loss and transition. Her approach is grounded in the understanding that grief does not always begin with death, and healing is never one-size-fits-all. Her career is defined by one central truth: grief is everywhere. In the aftermath of a death, a divorce, a broken family bond, or a lost dream, it weaves itself through human lives in ways both visible and silent. And yet, society still often asks us to "move on" too quickly, or without the right support. Leoniek’s life's work is to change that.