Written by Janice Elsley, Leadership Expert, International Author, and Podcast Host Janice Elsley is a leadership strategist, author, and keynote speaker who helps CEOs and leaders elevate their impact. As founder of Harissa Business Partners, she blends neuroscience, change management, and human design to drive success. Janice Elsley shows why self-esteem isn’t built through affirmations or positive thinking, but through trust, integrity, and consistent action. Through her work with high-performing women, she demonstrates how keeping promises to yourself, honoring boundaries, and showing up in the moments that matter creates real self-trust. In her article, she guides readers step by step in transforming self-doubt into unshakable confidence. "I just need to work on my self-esteem." I hear this all the time from the women I work with. Successful, accomplished, high-performing women who, on paper, have every reason to feel good about themselves. But inside, they're running on a loop of self-doubt, comparison, and the quiet belief that they're somehow not enough. So they try to fix it. They read the books. They repeat the affirmations. They tell themselves they're worthy, they're capable, they're enough. And yet, nothing changes. Because here's what no one tells you about self-esteem: you can't think your way into it. Self-esteem isn't built in your head. It's built through your actions. And until you understand that, you'll keep spinning your wheels, wondering why you still don't feel good enough no matter how many times you tell yourself you are. The lie we've been sold We've been taught that self-esteem is about how you feel about yourself, that if you just change your thoughts, change your self-talk, change your mindset, you'll finally feel confident and worthy. So you stand in front of the mirror and tell yourself you're amazing. You write down affirmations. You try to convince yourself that you're enough, even when every fiber of your being is screaming the opposite. And it doesn't work, because your brain is too smart for that. Your subconscious mind doesn't care what you say. It cares about evidence. It's constantly scanning your behavior, your choices, your actions, looking for proof of who you actually are. When your actions don't match your words, your brain calls bullshit. And no amount of positive thinking will override that. This is why you can tell yourself you're confident while simultaneously avoiding the conversation you need to have, staying in the job that's draining you, or saying yes when you mean no. Your brain sees the disconnect, and it believes your actions, not your affirmations. What self-esteem actually is Self-esteem isn't about liking yourself. It's about trusting yourself. It's the deep, internal knowing that you can handle what life throws at you, that you'll keep your promises to yourself, that you'll show up for yourself the same way you show up for everyone else. And here's the key: "That trust is earned." You don't build self-esteem by telling yourself you're worthy. You build it by acting in ways that prove you are. Every time you do what you said you would do, even when it's hard, you're depositing into your self-esteem account. Every time you honor a boundary, speak your truth, or choose what's right for you over what's comfortable, you're building evidence that you can trust yourself. Every time you take action despite the fear, you're teaching your nervous system, "I've got my own back." This is how real self-esteem is built, not through thoughts, but through integrity with yourself. Why women struggle with this Let's be honest about something: women have been conditioned to prioritize everyone else's needs over their own. We're taught that being "good" means being selfless, that our worth is tied to how much we give, how much we do for others, and how little we ask for ourselves. So we say yes when we mean no. We shrink ourselves to make others comfortable. We abandon our own needs to keep the peace. Then we wonder why we don't feel good about ourselves. Because every time you betray yourself to please someone else, you're sending a message to your subconscious: "My needs don't matter. I'm not worth protecting. Everyone else comes first." Your brain hears that, and it believes it. This is why self-esteem isn't a mindset problem. It's a behavior problem. You can't feel good about yourself when your actions are constantly telling you that you don't matter. The real work of building self-esteem So how do you actually build self-esteem? You start keeping promises to yourself. Not big, life-changing promises, but small ones—the kind you can actually keep. If you say you're going to go for a walk, go for the walk. If you say you're going to set a boundary, set it. If you say you're going to stop scrolling and go to bed, put the phone down. Every single time you follow through, you're building trust with yourself. You're creating evidence that you're someone who does what she says she'll do. Over time, that evidence accumulates. Your brain starts to believe, "Oh, she's reliable. She keeps her word. I can trust her." That's self-esteem—not a feeling, a fact. Here's how to start: Identify one small promise you can make to yourself today. Not something huge—something manageable. Maybe it's drinking water before coffee, taking five minutes to sit in silence, or saying no to something you don't want to do. Keep it. No matter what. Even if it's uncomfortable. Even if it's inconvenient. Show yourself that your word matters. Notice how it feels. When you keep a promise to yourself, your brain releases dopamine, the feel-good chemical that says, "That was good. Do it again." Pay attention to that feeling. Let it anchor in. Repeat. Self-esteem is built through repetition. The more you keep your promises, the stronger the trust becomes. Stop abandoning yourself Here's the hard truth: you can't build self-esteem while you're constantly abandoning yourself. Every time you ignore your intuition, override your boundaries, or betray your own needs to keep someone else happy, you're eroding the foundation of self-trust. "Without self-trust, there is no self-esteem." So start paying attention to where you're abandoning yourself. Where are you saying yes when you mean no? Where are you staying silent when you need to speak up? Where are you tolerating behavior that doesn't align with who you want to be? These are the places where your self-esteem is leaking. And until you plug those leaks, no amount of affirmations will fill the void. The version of you that trusts herself Imagine what it would feel like to trust yourself completely. To know, without a doubt, that you'll have your own back, that you'll keep your promises, that you'll honor your needs, your boundaries, your truth, no matter what. That's not a fantasy. That's what's possible when you start building self-esteem the right way—not through what you think, but through what you do. Not through what you say to yourself in the mirror, but through how you show up for yourself in the moments that matter. Not through convincing yourself you're enough, but through acting like someone who already knows she is. Because here's the truth: you are enough. You always have been. But you won't believe it until your actions prove it. Let's build this together I'm Janice Elsley, international author, podcast host of Legacy Leaders, keynote speaker, and award-winning leadership expert. I help women stop waiting to feel worthy and start building unshakable self-trust through action, integrity, and deep internal transformation. If you're ready to stop spinning your wheels with affirmations that don't work and start building real self-esteem from the inside out, subscribe to my podcast Legacy Leaders, follow me on YouTube or connect with me on Instagram. And if you're ready to do the work of becoming a woman who trusts herself completely, explore my programs at Janice Elsley. Self-esteem isn't something you find. It's something you build, one kept promise at a time. Let's start building! Follow me on Facebook and LinkedIn for more info! Read more from Janice Elsley Janice Elsley, Leadership Expert, International Author, and Podcast Host Janice Elsley is a leadership expert, author, and keynote speaker helping CEOs and executives future-proof their leadership with neuroscience-driven strategies. As founder of Harissa Business Partners, she drives performance, inclusivity, and talent retention. Her book Leadership Legacy and programs, Leading Edge Women, The Leading Edge, and First 100 Days of Leadership, equip leaders with the confidence and strategies to make an impact. Whether coaching executives or delivering transformational keynotes, Janice creates real results.

Written by Emma G, Empowerment Coach and Singer-Songwriter Emma G is an award-winning singer/songwriter, 2x TEDx speaker, and empowerment coach specializing in trauma-aware voicework, mental health advocacy, and music-led healing. She is the author of "Mental Health Sounds Like This" and founder of Emma G Music LLC. From stress reduction to nervous system regulation, music and songwriting offer powerful benefits for student health. Today, I want to explore the science and the practice with you. We know music moves us. But the research now shows it also heals us, connects us, and helps us learn. Here's what the science says, and what I've witnessed firsthand working with young people through music and songwriting for over 20 years. Five ways music and songwriting benefit student health Ask most educators what they need more of in their classrooms and they'll say the same things, more engagement, better emotional regulation, stronger social connection, less anxiety, and fewer students slipping through the cracks. What they don't always know is that one of the most powerful tools for all of those things has been around for as long as human beings have gathered together. Music. Not just listening to it. Creating it. Writing it. Singing it, unapologetically, in community, with intention. I've spent over two decades working at the intersection of music, mental health, and empowerment. My book, Mental Health Sounds Like This, explores this methodology in depth, part memoir, part neuroscience, part songwriting workbook. What I've seen in schools, treatment centers, workshops, and one-on-one sessions tells the same story the research is increasingly confirming. Music isn't an extracurricular. For young people, especially those navigating a genuinely difficult world, it's a lifeline. Here are five ways music, and especially singing and songwriting, benefits student health. 1. Mentally: Music builds brains that learn better When a young person engages with music, listening, playing, or writing, their brain lights up in ways that few other activities can replicate. Music activates multiple neural networks simultaneously, engaging memory, language, emotional processing, attention, and executive function all at once. Research has shown that music therapy can stimulate the brain to secrete neurotransmitters, effectively regulate emotions, and relieve symptoms of depression and anxiety, conditions that are increasingly prevalent among students at every level of education. The field of music neuroscience identifies specific neural correlates involved in or altered by engagement with music, including areas associated with memory consolidation and cognitive flexibility, two things every student needs to learn effectively. Songwriting, in particular, demands a level of cognitive engagement that passive listening doesn't. When a student writes a song, they're organising thoughts, making connections, problem-solving, finding metaphors, and making decisions about structure and language. This creative exercise can improve problem-solving skills as students organise their thoughts and emotions, make connections, and experiment with new ways to communicate, benefits that carry over to school and other areas of life. In short, music doesn't just feel good. It builds the kind of brain that learns. 2. Emotionally: Giving feelings somewhere to go One of the most common things I hear from young people, and from the adults who care for them, is that they don't know what to do with how they feel. Much like a toddler having a tantrum, for many young people, and more experienced people, let's be real, the emotions are there, but the language for them isn't. Songwriting solves that problem in a way that very few other tools can. Research from Youth Music found that young people aged 16 to 24 reported that listening to, reading, or writing lyrics enables them to process difficult feelings and emotions and helps to reduce feelings of isolation or loneliness. But the benefit goes deeper than expression. With the right guidance, songwriting becomes a tool for cognitive reframing, the practice of consciously shifting the story we tell ourselves about our experiences from negative to empowered. When a young person takes something painful and turns it into a lyric, they move from being the passive recipient of an experience to being its author. That shift, from helplessness to agency, is one of the most powerful things I witness in my work. According to Medium, a 2025 randomised controlled trial found that mindfulness-based music therapy significantly improved all mental health indicators in students, including depression, anxiety, sleep quality, and resilience, with effects remaining stable after the intervention. This is why I say that songwriting isn't just a creative tool. It's an emotional one. It gives feelings somewhere to go and, with the right coaching, it can transform those feelings into something a young person can own, share, and build upon. 3. Physically: Sound moves through the body, not just the mind This is the part that surprises people most, and it shouldn't. When I'm working with vocal clients, one of the first things I tell them is this, you are no longer a human. You are an instrument. It sounds provocative. It's meant to. Because the moment a young person truly internalises that idea, everything changes about how they relate to their body, their voice, and their health. Think about it this way. A guitar doesn't perform well if its strings are too tight, its body is damaged, or it hasn't been tuned. A piano sounds different in a cold room than in a warm one. Every instrument is affected by its environment, its condition, and how it's treated. Your body is no different. Everything a student carries in their body directly impacts their voice. Stress creates tension in the jaw, the neck, and the shoulders, and tension is the enemy of free, resonant sound. Shallow breathing from anxiety restricts the diaphragm, robbing the voice of its power and warmth. Emotional heaviness literally changes how sound moves through the body. You can hear grief in someone's voice. You can hear fear. You can hear when someone hasn't slept, hasn't eaten, or is carrying something they haven't told anyone yet. The voice is the body's most honest instrument. This is why physical health is not separate from musical development. It is musical development. It's why I approach vocal coaching as whole body work, not just technique. Music is a physical experience at every level. Sound frequencies travel through the body, not just the ears, and the physiological effects are measurable. Research shows that high-frequency music plays a significant role in stress relief. 528 Hz frequency music has been shown to lower cortisol and increase oxytocin levels, a modulator of stress response and social bonding. Specific frequencies can promote relaxation, reduce anxiety, and lower cortisol levels, fostering an environment conducive to recovery and learning. Singing specifically engages the diaphragm, the primary muscle of respiration, which directly stimulates the vagus nerve and activates the parasympathetic nervous system. In plain terms, singing helps the body shift out of fight or flight and into a state where learning, connection, and growth are actually possible. For students whose nervous systems are chronically activated by academic pressure, social anxiety, or difficult home environments, this physiological reset isn't a nice-to-have. It's a necessity. It's one that music, uniquely, can provide through the simple act of opening your mouth and making a sound. This is why I begin many of my sessions with breath and voice work before we ever touch a lyric. You can't write from a place of genuine expression if your body is braced against the world. We have to get the instrument in tune first. When we do? Everything else becomes possible. 4. Socially: Music builds the community that young people need There's a reason music has been used across every culture in human history as a communal tool. It brings people together in a way that few other activities can, and for young people navigating loneliness, disconnection, and the pressures of social comparison, that matters enormously. Research led by Dr. Jason Goopy at Edith Cowan University, reviewing 30 academic sources, found strong positive links between music education and wellbeing, specifically that music supports confidence, social connections, and overall engagement with learning. Group songwriting is particularly powerful in a student wellbeing context because of its capacity to both create and explore social connections and identity. Research suggests that songwriting in this context provides a meaningful base for identification, change, and personal development through the act of participating in a shared creative experience. There's also something important happening in the digital space. When young people write songs and share them on social media, in performances, and in their communities, they're doing something that most people don't fully appreciate. They're programming their own algorithms. They're actively curating what they consume and what they put out into the world, training the platforms they use to reflect their values, their voice, and their identity back to them. That kind of intentional self-expression builds confidence, strengthens connection, and creates a sense of agency over one's own narrative that is genuinely rare in the social media landscape. The research also points to something I've long understood, community is one of the most powerful protective factors for young people navigating mental health challenges. Joining new groups can improve physical and mental health, even in those experiencing severe depression. Isolation, which prevails in people experiencing mental health difficulties, can be directly addressed through shared music making. Music doesn't just entertain. It connects. Connection, for young people, is everything. 5. Spiritually: Music accesses something words can't This one is harder to quantify, and that's exactly why it matters. There is a dimension of music that exists beyond the measurable. Every culture across every period of human history has used music as a spiritual tool, for ceremony, for healing, and for connection to something larger than the individual self. That universality is not coincidental. For young people who may not have a religious framework, or who are in the process of forming their own sense of meaning and purpose, music can provide a pathway to transcendence that nothing else quite replicates. The experience of being completely absorbed in a song, of feeling a lyric land somewhere deep in the body, of co-creating something with a room full of strangers and feeling a collective shift happen, that is a spiritual experience, whether or not we label it as such. In my work, I've seen this happen in libraries, in treatment centers, in school halls, and on stages. The moment when someone stops performing and starts feeling, when they stop thinking about the notes and start inhabiting the song, something opens. It's one of the most profound things I've ever witnessed, and it happens consistently. Music teaches young people that they are part of something. That their voice matters. That beauty is accessible to them, that they can create it, not just consume it. That's not a small thing. For a young person who has felt invisible, misunderstood, or without purpose, it can be the thing that changes everything. What this means for educators and parents The evidence is clear. Music, and especially singing and songwriting, offers young people benefits that span every dimension of their health and development. It builds better brains, regulates nervous systems, processes difficult emotions, creates community, and opens doors to meaning and purpose that other tools simply don't reach. Yet music education continues to be underfunded, deprioritised, and treated as a supplementary activity rather than a core one. If you're an educator, a parent, or a decision maker who cares about the wellbeing of young people, the research is telling you something important. So is the lived experience of every young person who has picked up a pen, written a line, and felt something shift. Music is not a luxury. For young people, it is a language, for processing, for connecting, for becoming. It deserves to be treated as such. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Emma G Emma G, Empowerment Coach and Singer-Songwriter Emma G is an award-winning singer/songwriter, 2x TEDx speaker, and empowerment coach who helps teens and adults transform pain into power through trauma-informed voice work and songwriting. After surviving 10 brain surgeries due to hydrocephalus, she discovered the healing potential of music and self-expression. Her book and album, Mental Health Sounds Like This, offer a neuroscience-backed, culturally grounded approach to emotional wellness. She’s the founder of Emma G Music LLC and has been featured by FOX, WUSA9, The Washington Post, CBS, CBC, and more. Her mission? To save the world, one song at a time.

Written by Joanne Angel Barry Colon, Certified Wholistic Personal Trainer, Intuitive Healer & Cosmic Energy Reader Joanne Angel Barry Colon has 30+ years in the health, fitness, and wellness industry. She is the Wholistic Fitness owner located in Queens, New York, a certified holistic personal trainer, intuitive healer, cosmic energy reader, student of Astrology, Master of Numerology, and Creator of Chakra Balance Numerology Cosmic Energy Forecast Deck. Jupiter in Leo, June 30, 2026 to July 26, 2027: The rise of heart-centered power for women in midlife and beyond. Jupiter, the planet of abundance, expansion, spiritual growth, and higher meaning, is preparing to enter Leo, a bold, radiant fire sign that governs the heart, creativity, leadership, and authentic self-expression. As Jupiter transitions from the emotional waters of Cancer into the fiery essence of Leo, we experience a powerful energetic shift. We move from nurturing and healing into expressing and embodying. This is not just another transit. This is a call to rise. For women in midlife and beyond, this energy activates a sacred turning point. You are no longer in a phase of proving, pushing, or people pleasing. You are entering a phase of alignment, embodiment, and visibility. Jupiter in Leo illuminates the truth that has been building within you for years. Your voice matters, your presence matters, and your wisdom is meant to be seen and shared. This transit is deeply connected to the heart chakra. Leo energy asks: Are you living from your heart, or are you still operating from old expectations and survival patterns? For many women navigating perimenopause and menopause, this question becomes undeniable. As hormonal shifts occur, so does your tolerance for anything that feels misaligned. Jupiter amplifies this awareness and expands your desire to live authentically. This is the season where confidence is not forced. It is remembered. Creativity begins to flow in new and unexpected ways. You may feel called to speak, teach, write, create, perform, or lead. The passions that were once placed on hold now return with intensity and clarity. Jupiter in Leo reminds you that joy is not a luxury. It is a requirement for expansion. However, this expansion is not without reflection. On December 13, 2026, Jupiter turns retrograde in Leo, inviting you into a sacred pause. This is a time to go inward and ask yourself if you are truly expressing your authentic self or if you are still seeking external validation. Retrograde energy does not stop progress. It refines it. It allows you to realign your creative goals, your leadership style, and your relationship with visibility. For women in midlife, this retrograde becomes a powerful recalibration of identity. You are no longer who you were. You are not meant to be. From an astrological perspective, different zodiac signs will experience this transit in unique ways. Fire signs, Leo, Aries, and Sagittarius, are positioned to excel in their careers. Leo, in particular, steps fully into the spotlight. This is a time of recognition, elevation, and leadership. Opportunities may arise that place you front and center, asking you to own your brilliance without hesitation. Aries experiences bold forward movement in career and purpose, while Sagittarius expands into new territories, aligning passion with a deeper sense of meaning and global impact. Air signs, Libra, Gemini, and Aquarius, experience growth within relationships. Leo’s warmth encourages openness, communication, and emotional expression. Libra finds balance and harmony in partnerships, attracting connections that feel supportive and aligned. Gemini becomes more expressive in love, creating playful and passionate dynamics. Aquarius, often more reserved emotionally, is encouraged to soften and allow deeper intimacy to unfold. Water signs, Cancer, Pisces, and Scorpio, move through a cycle of emotional and spiritual healing. Cancer begins to step out of emotional protection and into empowerment, recognizing their worth beyond what they give to others. Pisces channels their intuitive depth into creative expression, turning inner wisdom into something tangible. Scorpios experience profound emotional release, letting go of control and embracing vulnerability as a strength. Earth signs, Virgo, Capricorn, and Taurus, undergo body and soul transformation. Virgo releases perfectionism and begins to embrace self-love on a deeper level. Capricorn redefines success, shifting from external achievement to internal fulfillment. Taurus experiences transformation within the physical body, making changes that support long-term vitality, stability, and alignment. Overall, Jupiter in Leo is awakening the leader within the feminine. This is not leadership rooted in force or control. This is leadership rooted in presence, truth, and heart-centered power. Women in midlife are no longer meant to fade into the background. They are meant to radiate. The wisdom gained through life experience becomes your greatest asset, and Jupiter expands your ability to share that wisdom with others. This is your time to be seen without apology. To speak without hesitation. To create without limitation. Because when a woman aligns with her heart and expresses her truth fully, she does not just transform her own life. She becomes a catalyst for transformation in everyone around her. Jupiter in Leo is not asking you to become someone new. It is asking you to fully become who you already are. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Joanne Angel Barry Colon Joanne Angel Barry Colon, Certified Wholistic Personal Trainer, Intuitive Healer & Cosmic Energy Reader Joanne Angel Barry Colon has 30+ years in the health, fitness, and wellness industry. She is the Wholistic Fitness owner located in Queens, New York, a certified holistic personal trainer, intuitive healer, cosmic energy reader, student of Astrology, Master of Numerology, and Creator of Chakra Balance Numerology Cosmic Energy Forecast Deck. She is the Host of Joanne's Healing Within TV Show, Joanne's Cosmic Energy Radio Show, and Author/Self-Publisher. Joanne's mission is to help women (men by referral) release issues from their tissues as they release emotional weight and fall in love with themselves while witnessing their transformation into the best version of themselves.

Dr. Stacy Ellis is the founder and CEO of Forward Focus Coaching & Wellness. She is a clinical psychologist, executive coach, functional medicine certified health coach, and National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach. For more than a decade, she has helped individuals understand human behavior, overcome obstacles to growth, and build the resilience needed for long-term success. Her work integrates leadership development, wellness, and behavioral science to help professionals elevate performance while supporting long-term well-being. In this interview, Dr. Stacy shares why performance doesn't occur in a vacuum and explains how leadership, emotional intelligence, mental wealth, and sustainable performance are deeply interconnected. She offers a fresh perspective on what it takes to build lasting success by investing in the whole person, not just the role. Dr. Stacy Ellis, Clinical Psychologist, Executive & Wellness Coach What inspired you to build a coaching practice that brings together psychology, leadership, and wellness? Throughout my work, I repeatedly saw highly capable professionals struggle not because they lacked intelligence or motivation, but because stress, pressure, and competing demands were affecting their performance. I came to understand how closely leadership, performance, and well-being are connected. When we consider the whole person, including their mental and physical aspects, rather than focusing solely on workplace behaviors or outcomes, we gain valuable insight into the factors that support or hinder performance. That realization inspired me to build a coaching practice that brings together psychology, leadership, and wellness. Why do you think well-being is treated as separate from leadership development in many organizations? I think part of it is historical. Leadership development has traditionally focused on skills such as communication, decision-making, strategic thinking, and leading teams, while well-being has often been viewed as a separate health or benefits issue. As a result, these conversations frequently occurred in different parts of the organization. Fortunately, that is beginning to change. More organizations are recognizing that leadership effectiveness and well-being are interconnected. Factors such as stress, burnout, emotional regulation, and recovery influence how leaders think, communicate, make decisions, and support their teams. As we continue to learn more about human performance, I believe we will see an even greater integration of leadership development and wellness initiatives. What patterns do you see most often in high-performing professionals who feel successful on paper but unfulfilled behind the scenes? Success can become surprisingly narrow when accomplishment is the primary measure of a life well lived. One pattern I see frequently is that achievement becomes the primary focus while other important areas of life receive less attention. Many high-performing professionals have accomplished impressive goals, yet they feel disconnected from relationships, hobbies, personal interests, or a broader sense of purpose. I also see professionals who have difficulty fully appreciating their accomplishments before moving on to the next goal. There is a concept in Positive Psychology that suggests well-being is supported by multiple domains, including positive emotions, engagement, relationships, meaning, and accomplishment. Many high achievers become heavily invested in the accomplishment piece while unintentionally neglecting some of the others. This perspective is supported by The Harvard Study of Adult Development, which has found that the quality of our relationships is one of the strongest predictors of long-term health and happiness. Yet relationships are often among the first things sacrificed in pursuit of achievement. Over time, this can create a situation where someone appears successful on paper but feels unfulfilled behind the scenes. Sustainable success requires more than achievement alone. It involves investing in the areas of life that contribute to meaning, connection, and long-term fulfillment. From your experience as both a clinical psychologist and executive coach, what separates resilient leaders from those who struggle under pressure? One of the biggest differences I see is how leaders respond when they're under pressure. While knowledge and technical expertise provide an important foundation for leadership, what often strengthens a leader's ability to perform under pressure is being self-aware, regulating emotions, adapting to changing circumstances, and responding intentionally rather than reacting impulsively. Those abilities are closely tied to emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is our capacity to recognize, understand, and manage our own emotions while also recognizing and responding effectively to the emotions of others. It influences how we communicate, navigate conflict, connect with others, make decisions, and lead teams. Research by Daniel Goleman helped bring widespread attention to the role emotional intelligence plays in workplace success, suggesting that it is a significant differentiator between average and exceptional performers. In my own work, I see this reflected every day. Our emotions influence how we think, interpret situations, make decisions, and interact with others. Under pressure, those patterns become even more apparent. Leaders who can pause, regulate their emotions, and respond intentionally are often better equipped to navigate conflict, foster collaboration, maintain trust, and lead effectively under pressure. How is the conversation around performance changing as more professionals prioritize sustainability over constant achievement? One of the biggest shifts I'm seeing is that professionals are redefining what high performance actually means. In the past, performance was often associated with working longer hours, taking on more responsibility, and pushing through exhaustion. Today, many professionals are beginning to ask different questions. Instead of asking, How do I get promoted? How do I make more money? How do I accomplish more? They're asking, Does this align with my values? Can I thrive here? Does this support the life I'm trying to build? Ultimately, they're asking, How can I continue performing at a high level in a way that is sustainable? This is a broader conversation than simply striving for work-life balance. I'm also seeing people become more intentional about the choices they make at work. Rather than continually adding more responsibilities, they're becoming more selective about where they invest their time and energy. That doesn't mean they're becoming less ambitious. In many cases, they're just redefining success. They're recognizing that sustainable performance isn't about doing more or doing less. It's about building a life where your values, work, health, and relationships support one another instead of competing with one another. It's about creating the conditions that allow them to continue performing well for years to come. You often talk about building "mental wealth." What does that look like in practice for ambitious professionals? Financial wealth isn't created by a single investment. It's built through the intentional accumulation of valuable assets over time. Mental wealth follows the same principle. It's not built through one skill, one habit, or one good day. It's the intentional accumulation of psychological resources that strengthen how we think, adapt, make decisions, respond to challenges, and perform over time. Just as financial wealth is built by intentionally investing in valuable assets, mental wealth is built by intentionally developing resources such as self-awareness, emotional regulation, psychological flexibility, resilience, and healthy habits that strengthen our capacity to thrive. While many people intentionally invest in their physical health and financial future, we don't always think about investing in the psychological resources that influence nearly every aspect of our lives. Our ability to think clearly under pressure, navigate setbacks, adapt to change, and make sound decisions isn't accidental. Those capacities can be developed over time. For ambitious professionals, mental wealth isn't about eliminating stress or avoiding challenges. It's about building the internal resources that allow you to continue leading, performing, and living well regardless of what challenges arise. What is the most important lesson you hope leaders take away? If there's one lesson I hope leaders take away, it's that performance doesn't occur in a vacuum. We often evaluate performance as though it exists independently from the rest of a person's life, but the reality is that our physical health, mental health, relationships, stress levels, and the environments in which we live and work all influence how we think, lead, make decisions, and perform. Lasting success isn't about pushing harder or sacrificing more. It's about recognizing the factors that support long-term performance and intentionally investing in the internal and external resources that make it possible. When leaders take care of the whole person, not just the role, they create the conditions for both high performance and lasting success. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Dr. Stacy Ellis

Written by Masithokoze Moyo, Aviation Professional-Entrepreneur and Philanthropist Masithokoze Moyo is the Founder and CEO of Angel Wings Aviation and the Masithokoze Foundation, combining her expertise in aviation with a mission to empower youth and girls in under-resourced communities through skills development and mentorship. The future of progress will not be built by capital alone. Inspired by the leadership of His Highness Sheikh Hamdan and the philosophy of Ubuntu, this article explores why interconnectedness, shared purpose, and empowered talent are essential to building the industries of tomorrow. “Our ambition is not only to attract investment, but to create an environment where the world’s brightest talent and most ambitious businesses come together to build the industries and opportunities of tomorrow.” – His Highness Sheikh Hamdan bin Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum These words from His Highness Sheikh Hamdan are more than a visionary statement. They are a global summons. A reminder that the future will not be shaped by capital alone, but by the ecosystems we build, the people we empower, and the collective imagination we dare to unleash. For decades, nations have measured progress through the narrow lens of investment attraction. But as His Highness so powerfully articulates, the true currency of tomorrow is not money. It is human ingenuity, collaborative innovation, and the interconnectedness of talent and enterprise. As a business owner and African leader shaped by the timeless philosophy of Ubuntu, I recognise this shift as both necessary and overdue. Ubuntu teaches us that “I am because we are,” a profound truth that extends far beyond culture. It is an economic principle, a leadership model, and a blueprint for global prosperity. The future belongs to interconnected nations No nation, industry, or enterprise can thrive in isolation. The world’s most transformative ideas emerge when diverse minds converge. When borders become bridges. When talent is not merely welcomed but empowered. This is the essence of the ecosystem His Highness is building, one where talent flows freely, innovation is nurtured, not stifled, collaboration replaces competition as the primary engine of progress, and shared growth becomes the benchmark of national success. Such an environment does not simply create jobs or attract investment. It creates industries, reshapes economies, and redefines what is possible. A new gold standard for global leadership The world is witnessing the rise of one of the most impactful leaders of the 21st century. His Highness Sheikh Hamdan is not merely modernising governance. He is reimagining it. His leadership represents a paradigm shift from transactional economics to transformational ecosystems, from isolated national agendas to interconnected global futures, and from competition for capital to collaboration for collective upliftment. This is leadership that understands the true wealth of a nation lies not in its financial reserves, but in the collective brilliance of its people. Ubuntu as a global economic strategy Ubuntu is not a sentimental ideal. It is a strategic imperative for the world we are entering. In a century defined by complexity, disruption, and rapid technological evolution, our greatest strength will be our ability to build together, innovate together, and rise together. When nations embrace interconnectedness, they unlock exponential potential. When they embrace Ubuntu, they unlock humanity. A call to the leaders of the world Let this moment be a turning point. Let us transcend the zero-sum thinking of the past. Let us build environments where talent is not only attracted but rooted, where ambition is not only encouraged but amplified, and where innovation is not only possible but inevitable. The industries of tomorrow will not be built by nations acting alone. They will be built by ecosystems of shared purpose, shared vision, and shared humanity. His Highness Sheikh Hamdan has illuminated a path forward. It is now up to the global community to follow, not in imitation, but in inspiration. The future belongs to those who understand that interconnectedness is our greatest competitive advantage and Ubuntu is our greatest guide. Let us rise to meet that future, together. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn for more info! Read more from Masithokoze Moyo Masithokoze Moyo, Aviation Professional-Entrepreneur and Philanthropist Masithokoze Moyo is a Zimbabwean-British aviation professional, entrepreneur, and public figure who gained international media attention following a high-profile banking error. She is the founder and CEO of TripleM Group Holdings, which trades as Angel Wings Aviation, a private jet charter brokerage firm based in the UK.

Written by Anthony Jackson, Thought Leader & Conversationalist Anthony Jackson is a thought leader and speaker dedicated to transforming the way people think about quality, purpose, and personal growth through his platform, The Circle. When a brand new industrial or manufacturing facility is in its construction phase, the atmosphere is charged with anticipation. A new layout represents a blank slate, providing an opportunity to optimize workflows, deploy cutting-edge equipment, and scale operations. However, a new layout also introduces a critical challenge: the absence of established routines and muscle memory. In the high-stakes environment of a site launch, treating safety and quality as separate departments is a missed opportunity. To build a truly resilient operation, organizations must realize that a robust Quality Assurance (QA) mindset is the ultimate driver of workplace safety and compliance. The risk of the blank slate In an operational facility, teams rely on historical data and familiar patterns to mitigate risk. In a new facility, those guardrails do not yet exist. New traffic flows, unfamiliar equipment layouts, and untested workflows create hidden hazards. This is where the disciplined eye of Quality Assurance becomes invaluable. QA professionals are trained to look past the daily routine and analyze systems objectively. We do not just see a physical asset like a valve or a pump, we see a critical node in a larger compliance framework. By injecting QA principles into the construction and pre-operational phases, organizations can identify process deviations and safety hazards before a single technician ever steps onto the floor. Procedures are the foundation During a facility launch, the most critical assets are not the machines, they are the Standard Operating Procedures (SOPs). A new layout requires building a compliance architecture from scratch. Writing effective procedures requires a deep understanding of regulatory standards, risk mitigation, and human behavior on the floor. A quality-driven approach ensures that safety protocols are seamlessly woven directly into the operational steps, rather than tacked on as an afterthought. When the safe way to operate a system is also the most efficient way, compliance becomes automatic. Bridging quality, EHS, and continuous improvement True operational excellence happens at the intersection of QA and Environmental Health and Safety (EHS). Utilizing data-driven frameworks, such as Six Sigma, allows leaders to proactively eliminate process variations that lead to safety incidents. A facility that embraces a QA led safety culture from day one builds accountability directly into its DNA. It transitions the workforce from a reactive mindset, responding to accidents after they happen, to a proactive culture of risk prevention. The bottom line Building a state-of-the-art facility is an engineering triumph, but running it safely and efficiently is a human one. By leveraging quality principles to design tight procedures and robust compliance frameworks during the launch phase, leadership can protect their workforce, secure their investments, and ensure a seamless path to full production. Final thoughts The launch of a new facility is more than a construction milestone. It is the moment when culture, systems, and expectations begin to take shape. Decisions made during this phase often determine how people will work, communicate, and respond to risk for years to come. This is why safety and quality cannot be treated as separate priorities. They must be designed together from the beginning. A QA mindset helps leaders slow down enough to ask the right questions before production pressures take over. Are the procedures clear enough for a new technician to follow confidently? Are the risks visible before they become incidents? Are teams being trained not only to complete tasks, but to understand why those steps matter? When quality is built into the foundation of a facility launch, safety becomes more than a checklist. It becomes part of the way people think, move, and make decisions. This creates stronger compliance, fewer deviations, and a workforce that feels better equipped to do the job well. A successful launch is not only measured by how quickly a facility reaches production. It is measured by how safely, consistently, and sustainably it operates once the doors open. Organizations that recognize this early give themselves the best chance of building not just a new facility, but a stronger operational future. Follow me on LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info. Read more from Anthony Jackson Anthony Jackson, Thought Leader & Conversationalist Anthony Jackson is a speaker, executive contributor, and founder of The Circle, a movement designed to spark deeper conversations around mindset, purpose, and leadership. Drawing from his background in pharmaceutical quality assurance, Anthony teaches the power of integrity, structure, and self-mastery. His mission is to inspire individuals and organizations to pursue excellence not just in what they do, but in who they become.

Written by Rachel Mailer, Dating Expert Rachel is a dating coach for high-achieving, career-driven women over thirty, blending a holistic approach with advanced training in attachment theory, communication, body language, leadership, relationship, and life coaching. Drawing on her own journey from single pringle to Wife for Life, she empowers women to attract deep, lasting relationships. Success changes a woman. It teaches her to lead, decide, protect, provide, solve, organise, and create results. In business, these qualities are frequently celebrated. They build careers, reputations, financial independence, and a life she can feel proud of. But in love, the same energy can sometimes create the opposite result. This is where the gap begins to show. Many successful women are not struggling in dating because they are too ambitious, too independent, or too much for a man. More often, they are struggling because the energy that helped them succeed is not always the energy that creates a romantic connection. This is what I call the attraction gap. It is the space between being impressive on paper and feeling truly seen, chosen, pursued, and emotionally met in love. When success does not translate into a romantic connection The modern woman has been taught how to achieve. She knows how to set goals, manage pressure, make decisions, and hold herself to a high standard. She may be confident in a boardroom, visible in her business, trusted by clients, respected by colleagues, and financially capable. Yet dating can still leave her feeling uncertain. She may receive attention, but not aligned attention. She may match with men, but not feel met by them. She may go on dates, but leave feeling emotionally unseen. She may look confident from the outside, while privately questioning why love still feels so complicated. This is not a lack of worth. It commonly stems from a lack of clarity about the energy she brings to dating. Attention is not the same as attraction According to the Pew Research Centre, women are more likely than men to report feeling overwhelmed by the number of messages they receive on dating apps. Yet attention is not the same as attraction, and attraction is not created by appearance alone. A 2024 study published in Archives of Sexual Behaviour examined the role of eye contact in romantic partner selection during natural speed dating conversations. The study found that people were more likely to choose dating partners with whom they shared more eye contact after a conversation lasting five minutes, and that mutual eye contact predicted partner preference beyond perceived attractiveness. This reinforces something many successful women overlook. Attraction is not only about how polished, impressive, or physically attractive you appear. It is also communicated through presence, warmth, openness, eye contact, and the subtle nonverbal signals your body gives before words are spoken. A woman can be beautiful, successful, and intelligent, yet still appear closed. Another woman may not look perfect on paper, yet she may feel more magnetic because her energy communicates invitation, warmth, and feminine openness. Masculine energy may build success, but feminine energy creates magnetism For many ambitious women, masculine energy has been fundamental to their success. It is the energy of action, structure, leadership, protection, decision-making, and onward momentum. It is part of a woman that enables her to build a business, take on responsibility, achieve financial independence, and hold herself to a high standard. There is nothing wrong with this energy. In fact, many women have needed it to create the lives they now have. But dating asks for a different kind of presence. When a woman enters dating with the same energy she uses to manage her business or career, she could unconsciously set the emotional pace, analyse the interaction, manage the conversation, anticipate the outcome, or try to create certainty before the connection has had time to develop. What is effective in a professional environment can feel controlling or guarded in a romantic one. This is where my Feminine Energy Framework becomes important, because it explains the shift more clearly. The framework is not about teaching women to become passive or less powerful. It is about helping them understand how to move between strength and softness with awareness. A woman can remain clear, discerning, and emotionally perceptive while also allowing herself to be receptive, present, and open to being met. This softer energy is not created through performance. It is not about pretending to be more feminine, agreeable, or available than she truly feels. It comes from a woman being grounded in her own self-worth. It is expressed through the way she holds herself, receives attention, listens, allows space in conversation, and stays connected to her body rather than disappearing into overthinking. This is the kind of energy that radiates, and it becomes easier to see in the way a woman shows up. A woman becomes magnetic not because she is trying to attract everyone, but because she is no longer abandoning herself in order to be chosen. She is open, but not overextended. Warm, but not without boundaries. Interested, but still discerning. Soft, but still self-led. For successful women, this is often the missing piece. They do not need to become less ambitious to create love. They need to bring a different expression of power into dating, one that combines clarity with openness, standards with softness, and self-worth with the ability to receive. Feminine energy is not a weakness Feminine energy is often misunderstood. It is not about becoming passive, agreeable, silent, dependent, or less ambitious. It is not about dimming your intelligence or pretending you do not have standards. Feminine energy is grounded in self-worth. It is the ability to receive without overgiving. It is being open without abandoning yourself. It is allowing attraction to build without rushing into attachment. It is trusting your body as much as your mind. It is also the ability to let a man reveal his character through consistency, rather than trying to manage him into becoming the man you want him to be. Feminine energy is not the lack of power. It is a different expression of power, and that difference matters. It allows a woman to be warm and still discerning, attracted and still observant, open and still deeply connected to her standards. The body often speaks before the mind catches up Attraction is not only verbal. It is deeply physical and psychological. Before a man consciously decides to approach, engage in conversation, or lean into connection, he is often responding to nonverbal signals: eye contact, facial expressions, posture, warmth, openness, tone, and body direction. These attraction gestures are frequently subconscious. They are not about performing femininity or pretending to be interested. They are the body’s natural expression of openness when a woman feels safe, relaxed, and genuinely attracted. However, many successful women have trained themselves to stay in their heads. They are assessing, analysing, scanning, and protecting. They are wondering whether he is emotionally available, whether they are saying the right thing, or whether the date has long-term potential before allowing themselves to be present in the moment. When a woman is overthinking, her body can become guarded. She may be interested, but her signals are not clear. She may want to be approached, but her posture says, “Stay back.” She may desire connection, but her nervous system is still in a state of protection. This is why attraction is not only about looking good. It is about becoming embodied, which is where the shift begins. Why successful women can unintentionally block attraction A successful woman is often used to being the one who holds everything together. She has learned to rely on herself. She has been required to be capable. She may have created a life in which she is the decision maker, the organiser, the provider, and the emotional anchor. These qualities are admirable. But in dating, they can create a subtle block if she does not know how to soften into receptivity. That is where the pattern becomes visible. She might unknowingly test a man rather than experience him. She may lead so much that there is no space for him to step forward. She may appear emotionally unavailable because she is trying to stay composed. She may mistake vulnerability for weakness. She may confuse receiving with needing. She may also be so focused on whether he is right for her future that she disconnects from how she feels in the present. This is where dating becomes less about strategy and more about self-awareness, which leads into my framework. The Feminine Energy Framework In my work, I guide women through my Feminine Energy Framework because dating does not begin when you sit across from someone at dinner. It begins with the energy you bring before the date even happens, and that is what the framework covers. There are three core layers. 1. Be mindful before you start dating Before a woman begins dating, she needs clarity on who she is choosing to become in love. Is she dating from fear or self-worth? Is she hoping to be chosen, or is she choosing from clarity? Is she looking for validation or agreement? Is she available for inconsistency, or has she decided what emotional safety looks like for her? This is where a woman must understand her standards, her values, her non-negotiables, and the patterns she is no longer available to repeat. A woman who is unclear will often tolerate unclear behaviour. A woman who is grounded will recognise misalignment sooner. 2. Your emotional behaviour while dating Once dating begins, a woman’s patterns become visible, and each layer shows how that energy lands in practice. She may notice that she overgives when she likes someone. She may become anxious when communication changes. She may attach to chemistry before consistency has been shown. She may make excuses for poor effort, confuse potential with emotional availability, or silence her needs to appear easygoing. This layer is not about judging herself. It is about understanding herself. Feminine energy allows a woman to stay open while still holding her standards. It helps her remain warm without abandoning her truth. 3. Why having physical presence on dates is not enough The third layer is how her energy lands in person, which brings the framework into the moment. Can she walk into a date feeling grounded? Can she receive a compliment without deflecting? Can she hold eye contact? Can she allow silence without filling it? Can she let a man lead without losing her identity? Can she be playful, expressive, and present? Can she listen to her body rather than relying solely on her mind? This is where attraction becomes embodied. A woman does not need to perform. She needs to be present enough for her natural warmth, confidence, and receptivity to be felt. Stop performing and start observing Many successful women approach dating as another area to master. They want the perfect profile, the perfect message, the perfect response, the perfect timing, and the perfect strategy. Strategy has its place. But strategy without embodiment becomes performance. A high-value woman does not audition for love. She observes. She notices how she feels. She allows a man’s actions to reveal his intention. She receives without rushing to repay. She stays open, but she is not available to everyone. She does not chase clarity from someone who is showing inconsistency. She does not mistake attraction for alignment. This is Queen Energy. The real shift successful women need to make The shift is not from strong to soft. It is from guarded to grounded. It is from proving to receiving. It is from overthinking to embodiment. It is from chasing certainty to observing consistency. It is from performing for love to choosing from self-worth. Successful women do not need to become less powerful to attract love. They need to learn how to express their power differently in dating. Because the energy that builds a successful life is not always the energy that builds a safe, emotionally connected relationship. Love requires a different kind of leadership. It requires self-awareness, softness, standards, and the courage to be seen without performing. Take the free Queen Energy Dating Quiz If you are a successful woman who feels confident in business but confused in love, your next step is to understand the energy you bring to dating. My free Queen Energy Dating Quiz will help you discover your dating style and identify what may be blocking you from attracting emotionally available, aligned love. In just a few minutes, you will gain awareness of whether you are dating from protection, overthinking, anxiety, fantasy, overgiving, or grounded feminine confidence. Take the free Queen Energy Dating Quiz to discover the energy you are bringing into love. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Rachel Mailer Rachel Mailer, Dating Expert Rachel is an innovator in dating strategies, she draws on in-person, walking-the-talk systems that truly support women in attracting their partners. With over 11 years of experience navigating the online dating scene, she empowers clients to attract a man worthy of sharing their world and build deep, lasting relationships by allowing their queen energy to lead. With Rachel, you're in great hands, as she has found true love online and is now married to her Life Love. She supports other career-driven women to do the same!

Written by Mona Liza Santos, Award-Winning Children's Author & Emotional Literacy Advocate Mona Liza Santos is an award-winning children’s author and founder of World Love Press. She has written more than 40 books focused on emotional literacy, kindness, confidence, and cultural identity, inspiring families, educators, and young readers worldwide through heartfelt storytelling and meaningful life lessons. National Intentional Kindness Day, observed annually on August 24, was never created simply to add another holiday to the calendar. It came from watching how emotionally disconnected, overwhelmed, lonely, and exhausted people were becoming while still pretending they were okay. As the founder of World Love Press and the author of more than 40 children’s books focused on kindness, emotional literacy, empathy, belonging, and self-acceptance, I kept noticing the same emotional truth in both children and adults: people want to feel understood, valued, included, and less alone. That realization became the heart behind National Intentional Kindness Day. The world started feeling emotionally disconnected Over the years, I started noticing how emotionally drained people were becoming. Children were growing up carrying worries, pressure, loneliness, insecurities, and emotional stress much earlier than many adults realized. At the same time, adults were trying to balance work, family responsibilities, financial pressure, grief, burnout, and personal struggles while still showing up every day pretending everything was fine. What stayed with me most was realizing that the same emotions I was writing about in children’s books were the exact same emotions I saw adults struggling with too. People were constantly connected online, yet many still felt emotionally disconnected from one another in real life. Everyone seemed overwhelmed, distracted, emotionally exhausted, or simply trying to survive the day. Even in crowded rooms, many people still felt deeply alone inside. As a writer, mother, and empath, I could not stop thinking about how deeply people want to feel safe, understood, valued, and cared for. That became one of the reasons this movement mattered so much to me. There are already many kindness observances in the world, including Random Acts of Kindness Day, World Kindness Day, and Be Kind to Humankind Week, all created with beautiful intentions. But I kept feeling like there was still something missing. I did not want kindness to become something people practiced only because the calendar told them to for one day. I wanted to encourage people to practice kindness more intentionally in everyday life through their words, reactions, patience, empathy, and the way they treat others, especially during moments when kindness is needed the most. Why intentional kindness feels different Intentional kindness has always meant something deeper to me than simply being “nice.” Why is this one simply different? Intentional kindness asks people to become more emotionally aware of one another in everyday life. It asks us to slow down long enough to truly notice people instead of emotionally rushing past them. Intentional kindness is checking on someone who suddenly becomes quieter than usual. It is noticing when a child is smiling on the outside but struggling internally. It is listening without immediately trying to fix everything. It is choosing patience over judgment when someone is clearly having a hard day. Sometimes it is simply making someone feel emotionally safe instead of invisible. The truth is, a lot of people are carrying battles nobody else can see. Sometimes what looks like anger is really exhaustion. Sometimes what looks like distance is emotional pain. And sometimes the people smiling the most are hurting the deepest inside. As an author, I also started thinking more deeply about why this movement mattered to me so much. Through writing stories centered around kindness, empathy, belonging, and emotional literacy, I kept seeing how deeply people are affected by the environments they grow up in and the way they are treated by others. I wanted it to become something people practiced daily through their choices, words, reactions, and the way they treat others. I truly believe that if intentional kindness and emotional awareness were normalized more in schools, homes, communities, workplaces, and even systems where people are struggling emotionally or mentally, more people would grow up believing kindness still exists in the world. So many people come from environments filled with criticism, emotional distance, neglect, anger, or survival. Sometimes one moment of compassion, patience, or understanding becomes the thing that reminds someone they still matter. That is part of why this movement became so important to me. What my books taught me about people A lot of the books I write are for the child who feels different, too sensitive, emotionally overwhelmed, left out, or alone in what they are feeling. While writing those stories, I started realizing something that stayed heavy on my heart: many adults are still carrying those same wounds too, just hidden behind older faces, responsibilities, and years of learning how to hide what they feel. Some people grow up in environments where kindness, patience, emotional safety, or understanding were not shown to them consistently. Over time, they stop expecting gentleness from others because life has slowly conditioned them to expect criticism, judgment, rejection, anger, or emotional distance instead. That realization changed the way I viewed kindness completely. Kindness is not weakness. Empathy is not weakness. Sensitivity is not weakness. In many ways, those are the very things helping people emotionally survive in today’s world. It also made me realize how much a person’s environment shapes the way they eventually see themselves and treat others. So many people carry behaviors, fears, emotional walls, and pain that were formed long before adulthood. A child who constantly feels unseen, criticized, neglected, or emotionally unsafe often grows into an adult still trying to heal from those experiences. That is why intentional kindness matters so much to me. I truly believe it starts early, from the way children are spoken to, supported, listened to, and emotionally cared for while growing up in an ever-changing world. It begins inside homes, classrooms, schools, communities, public spaces, and everyday interactions. Even though there will always be pain, cruelty, and difficult people in the world, I still believe intentional kindness has the power to change lives in ways we sometimes underestimate. Sometimes one moment of patience, compassion, encouragement, or understanding becomes the very thing that reminds someone they still matter. I wanted kindness to become something people could practice One of the most important things to me when creating National Intentional Kindness Day was making sure it became something people could truly carry into everyday life instead of something people talked about once and forgot about the next day. I kept thinking about how much the world already influences people emotionally every single day through the things they constantly see around them. Advertisements, social media, news, conversations, negativity, pressure, stress, and noise are everywhere. So I started imagining what could happen if reminders about intentional kindness existed just as visibly in everyday life too. What if people saw reminders about empathy, patience, compassion, and kindness in parks, schools, grocery stores, workplaces, libraries, streets, freeways, public spaces, and communities while simply going about their day? Sometimes people are carrying heavy things silently while walking through ordinary moments. Sometimes one simple reminder that kindness still exists can affect someone more deeply than we realize. Observed every year on August 24, National Intentional Kindness Day was created to encourage empathy, emotional awareness, compassion, and meaningful human connection in practical and everyday ways. I wanted intentional kindness to become something people actively practiced in schools, homes, workplaces, friendships, libraries, neighborhoods, and communities, not just something spoken about once a year. That is one of the reasons I created intentional kindness toolkits and activity guides for children, families, educators, workplaces, homeschools, and communities. The resources encourage meaningful actions like listening more carefully, responding with patience, making others feel included, speaking more thoughtfully, and becoming more aware of how words and behavior affect people emotionally. My hope is that these tools help people bring intentional kindness into everyday life in real and practical ways instead of kindness being treated as something temporary or only discussed once a year. I have included a general National Intentional Kindness Day toolkit on my website, along with additional free downloadable toolkits and activity guides for every age group, from transitional kindergarten all the way through high school, as well as guides for families, educators, workplaces, and communities. Everything was intentionally created to be accessible and free for anyone who wants to use, share, teach, or pass the resources along to help spread awareness and encourage a more intentionally kinder world. Readers can download the general National Intentional Kindness Day toolkit here. Additional grade-level and community toolkits can be found here. How to practice intentional kindness in everyday life A lot of people want to make a difference but do not always know where to begin. The truth is, intentional kindness does not have to start with something big. Most of the time, it begins in ordinary moments people often overlook. It can look like putting your phone down when someone is talking to you. It can look like checking on a friend who suddenly became distant. It can look like listening without interrupting, choosing patience during stressful moments, or noticing the child sitting alone and making them feel included. Intentional kindness can also be practiced in classrooms, workplaces, homes, and communities by creating emotionally safe spaces where people feel respected instead of judged. Sometimes the most meaningful thing a person can do is make someone feel heard, valued, and less alone. Small actions may seem insignificant in the moment, but they often stay with people much longer than we realize. Because sometimes kindness is not about grand gestures at all. Sometimes it is simply about helping someone feel seen, valued, safe, understood, or less alone during a difficult moment in their life. National Intentional Kindness Day also serves as a starting point leading into Be Kind Human Week from August 25 through August 31. While I was not the creator of Be Kind Human Week itself, I loved the idea of creating a day that encourages people to begin practicing intentional kindness before that week even begins and hopefully continue carrying it forward long after it ends. More than anything, my hope is that intentional kindness becomes something people normalize in everyday life and future generations grow up seeing more often. Even though the world will always have pain, cruelty, and difficult situations, I still believe intentional kindness has the power to soften hearts, change environments, and remind people that goodness still exists in the world. The small things people never forget Sometimes people do not remember the exact words someone said years ago, but they remember how someone made them feel during one of the hardest moments of their life. A teacher encouraging a struggling child. A parent responding with understanding instead of shame. A friend checking in at the right time. Someone making another person feel included instead of invisible. Those moments stay with people far longer than we realize. That is why National Intentional Kindness Day was never meant to be about one “nice day” out of the year. My hope is that it becomes a reminder for people to move through life more intentionally with one another every day, especially in a world where so many people are carrying more than they let others see. What I hope National Intentional Kindness Day becomes My vision for National Intentional Kindness Day has never been about perfection. It has always been about awareness, connection, and humanity. I hope it encourages people to slow down more, listen more carefully, speak more gently, and notice the people around them instead of emotionally rushing past them. I hope it reminds adults that children are absorbing far more emotionally than many people realize. I hope it encourages schools, workplaces, families, and communities to create emotionally safe and compassionate environments where people feel respected, included, valued, and heard. Most of all, I hope people continue spreading intentional kindness not only on August 24, but in the everyday moments that shape how people feel about themselves and the world around them. Whether it is through classrooms, workplaces, homes, libraries, friendships, or communities, I hope people use these conversations, resources, and toolkits as a starting point to help create a kinder and more emotionally connected world. Even small acts of compassion can create ripple effects far bigger than we realize. Sometimes one moment of patience, understanding, or empathy becomes the thing someone remembers during one of the hardest seasons of their life. I truly believe the world becomes softer, safer, and more connected when people choose kindness with intention instead of waiting for someone else to go first. Readers can learn more about National Intentional Kindness Day, download intentional kindness toolkits, and explore additional resources through Mona Liza Santos’ official website. Her children’s books focused on kindness, empathy, emotional safety, belonging, and self-acceptance can also be found through her Amazon Author Page. Follow me on Facebook and Instagram for more info! Read more from Mona Liza Santos Mona Liza Santos, Award-Winning Children's Author & Emotional Literacy Advocate Mona Liza Santos is an award-winning children's author, publisher, and founder of World Love Press. She is the author of more than 40 children's books focused on emotional literacy, kindness, confidence, resilience, and cultural identity. Her work has been recognized by the Mom's Choice Awards for its positive impact on children and families. Inspired by motherhood, global travel, and her Filipino heritage, Mona creates stories that encourage children to embrace who they are and recognize their worth. Mona is also the founder of National Intentional Kindness Day and Heritage and Heart Day, created to promote empathy, inclusion, cultural pride, and meaningful human connection within schools and communities.

Written by Lesley Nickleson, Dietitian Lesley Nickleson is a Board-Certified Integrative Functional Nutrition Dietitian and Certified Meditation Teacher advocating for functional nutrition as a leading-edge approach to modern healing. Through writing, education, and results-driven frameworks, she translates complex science into real-world impact. Gut health has become one of the most talked-about areas in nutrition, and for good reason. We now know the gut is far more than a digestive tract. It is home to a complex ecosystem of microorganisms that influences digestion, immunity, metabolism, inflammation, hormone balance, mood, and even weight regulation. During midlife, this ecosystem becomes increasingly important. Hormonal shifts, medications, chronic stress, lower fibre intake, disrupted sleep, and years of accumulated lifestyle habits can all influence the health of the gut microbiome. Rather than trying to change everything at once, this guide takes you through four simple pillars of gut restoration. By focusing on one pillar each week, you’ll gradually create the conditions for a healthier, more resilient microbiome. Understanding the gut ecosystem Your gut is home to trillions of microorganisms, including bacteria, fungi, and other microbes. Together, they form what is known as the gut microbiome. One of the most remarkable discoveries in nutrition science is that these microbes actively produce compounds that influence our health. Among the most important are short-chain fatty acids, SCFAs, which are produced when beneficial gut bacteria ferment dietary fibre and resistant starch. The three primary short-chain fatty acids are butyrate, acetate, and propionate, and their effects extend far beyond the digestive tract. Perhaps the most fascinating part is that your body doesn’t make these compounds. Your microbes make them for you. The Gut Health Pathway starts with dietary fibre, to beneficial bacteria, to short-chain fatty acids, to better health. Research suggests that short-chain fatty acids help nourish the cells lining the colon, strengthen the intestinal barrier, reduce inflammation, improve insulin sensitivity and metabolic flexibility, stimulate satiety hormones such as GLP 1 and PYY, and support healthy immune function. These remarkable compounds are one of the primary reasons why a healthy microbiome matters so much. Over the next four weeks, every step in this guide is designed with one goal in mind: to help your beneficial gut bacteria produce more of these remarkable health-promoting compounds. Pillar one: Restore the environment The first pillar is about creating an environment where beneficial bacteria can thrive. Begin by reducing the foods that work against a healthy gut microbiome, including added sugars, ultra-processed foods, and refined carbohydrates. Diets high in these foods are typically lower in fibre and plant nutrients, while being higher in refined starches, added sugars, emulsifiers, preservatives, and other additives. Take a moment to explore your usual intake. Where are added sugars showing up? Sweetened drinks, baked goods, candy, sugary cereals, or flavoured yogurts? Where are ultra-processed foods appearing most often? Packaged snacks, fast foods, frozen meals, processed meats, or foods with chemical additives? As often as you can, replace these foods with whole or minimally processed choices, often described through the NOVA Classification of Foods. Think whole grains like oats and quinoa, colourful vegetables and fruit, extra virgin olive oil, nuts, seeds, and quality proteins such as legumes, eggs, fish, and poultry. If your digestion is sensitive, start with foods that are gentle and easy to digest. Cooked vegetables, soups, stews, oatmeal, rice bowls, and roasted vegetables are often better tolerated than large raw salads. This week’s focus: Create a healthier environment for your microbiome by making room for more whole, nourishing foods. Pillar two: Build microbial diversity With the foundation now in place, the next pillar is to nourish your beneficial bacteria by increasing the diversity of plants in your diet. Based on findings from the American Gut Project, one of the most practical ways to support your microbiome is to aim for 30 different plant foods each week. This doesn’t mean thirty servings of vegetables. It means thirty different plant foods. The good news is that vegetables, fruits, whole grains, beans, lentils, nuts, seeds, herbs, spices, and even herbal teas all count toward your weekly goal. For example, breakfast might include oats, blueberries, ground flaxseed, walnuts, and Ceylon cinnamon. That’s five different plants before the day has really begun. Lunch could include a side salad with spinach, cucumber, tomatoes, chickpeas, parsley, extra virgin olive oil, and lemon. Dinner may be quinoa, broccoli, mushrooms, garlic, onions, and turmeric. Finish the day with an apple spread with almond butter and a cup of peppermint tea, and you’ve added even more diversity to your microbiome. The goal isn’t perfection; it’s diversity. Different plants provide different fibres, polyphenols, antioxidants, and prebiotic compounds that nourish beneficial bacteria and support the production of short-chain fatty acids. This pillar’s focus: Aim for four to five different plant foods each day, and this quickly approaches thirty plants per week. Pillar three: Introduce living cultures With the foundation in place and greater plant diversity on your plate, it’s time to introduce living cultures. Fermented foods contain live beneficial bacteria that can help support a healthy gut microbiome when eaten regularly as part of an overall healthy eating pattern. Foods such as yogurt with live cultures, kefir, sauerkraut, kimchi, miso, kombucha, and other fermented vegetables all contribute living microorganisms that complement the beneficial bacteria already living in your gut. The key is to start slowly. If fermented foods are new to you or your digestion is sensitive, begin with a small serving of about one tablespoon to one quarter cup each day, and gradually increase as tolerated. Finding ways to include them can be surprisingly simple. Add yogurt with live cultures to a breakfast bowl or smoothie. Stir kefir into overnight oats. Enjoy sauerkraut alongside eggs or in a grain bowl, added to salads or wraps. Add kimchi to cooked rice or vegetables after cooking, or whisk miso paste into a salad dressing, spread it lightly on toast, or stir it into soup once it has cooled slightly. One important tip: if you’re choosing fermented foods for their probiotic benefits, look for products labeled “live and active cultures” or “unpasteurized,” and keep them refrigerated. Heat can reduce the viability of these beneficial organisms, so whenever possible, avoid exposing them to temperatures above approximately 60°C, 140°F. While probiotic supplements may be appropriate for certain health conditions, the evidence is strain-specific. The benefits depend on the exact strain, dose, and condition being treated. If you’re considering a probiotic supplement, choose one supported by clinical evidence rather than marketing claims. Here is a probiotic chart for reference. This pillar’s focus: Introduce living cultures gradually and consistently. For additional inspiration, check out Fermenting Facts from Stanford University. Pillar four: Nourish your microbiome By the fourth pillar, you’ve created a healthier environment, increased plant diversity, and introduced living cultures. Now it’s time to nourish your microbiome. Think of prebiotic foods as the preferred fuel source for your beneficial gut bacteria. As these microbes ferment prebiotic fibres, they produce short-chain fatty acids. Some of the richest sources of prebiotic fibres include garlic, onions, leeks, asparagus, oats, bananas, apples, lentils, beans, Jerusalem artichokes, dandelion greens, and psyllium husk. Other valuable sources include resistant starches found in cooked and cooled potatoes or rice, green bananas, legumes, beta-glucans from oats and barley, and pectin-rich fruits such as apples and pears. Introduce these foods gradually, especially if you experience bloating or digestive discomfort. Cooked forms are often better tolerated than raw, allowing your microbiome time to adapt. Simple meals make this pillar easy to put into practice. A prebiotic-rich breakfast might include a bowl of oatmeal topped with sliced banana, berries, ground flaxseed, chopped walnuts, and a sprinkle of Ceylon cinnamon. For an extra boost, enjoy it with a glass of kefir. Lunch could be a hearty lentil and vegetable soup made with onions, garlic, carrots, and celery, served alongside a mixed green salad. Or try a quinoa bowl topped with salmon, roasted asparagus, sautéed leeks, leafy greens, and a spoonful of sauerkraut. For dinner, build your meal around a quality protein such as chicken, fish, or tofu, paired with roasted vegetables including onions, garlic, asparagus, and broccoli. Add a serving of legumes or cooked and cooled potatoes or rice for resistant starch, then finish with fresh herbs such as parsley or dill. Small additions throughout the day also count. Snack on an apple or pear, enjoy hummus with vegetables, or finish the evening with a soothing peppermint or ginger tea. The goal is to consistently provide your beneficial gut bacteria with the fibres and plant compounds they need to thrive. This pillar’s focus: Nourish the bacteria that nourish you. Beyond food: Calm the gut-brain connection Although this guide focuses on food, gut restoration is not only about food. The gut and brain are in constant communication. Stress can influence digestion, motility, gut sensitivity, and the microbial environment. Many people notice this intuitively: bloating, urgency, constipation, reflux, or digestive discomfort often worsens during periods of stress. This is why the nervous system matters. A short walk after meals, five minutes of breathing before eating, time in nature, meditation, gentle movement, and better sleep can all support the internal environment of the gut. You cannot fully restore the gut while living in a constant state of survival. Putting the four pillars together Gut restoration isn’t about finding one superfood or the perfect supplement. It’s about creating the right conditions for your microbiome to thrive. Each pillar builds naturally on the one before it. First, you restore the environment by making room for whole, nourishing foods. Next, you build microbial diversity by increasing the variety of plants on your plate. Then you introduce living cultures through fermented foods. Finally, you nourish your microbiome with prebiotic foods that fuel beneficial bacteria, allowing them to produce the short chain fatty acids that support gut, metabolic, immune, and overall health. Together, these four pillars work as a connected system. Rather than acting as isolated nutrition strategies, they create an environment where your microbiome can become more diverse, resilient, and metabolically active. When you change the environment within your gut, you change the environment from which your health grows. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Lesley Nickleson Lesley Nickleson, Dietitian Lesley Nickleson is a Board-Certified Integrative Functional Nutrition Dietitian and Certified Meditation Teacher with 28 years of experience in complex clinical care. She advances root-cause functional nutrition and nervous system integration as essential pillars of modern healing. She is the founder of The Nutrition Solutions Collection, translating decades of clinical expertise into results-driven frameworks.

Written by Dr. Louise Hurst, Somatic Trauma-Informed Coach Dr. Louise Hurst is a Somatic Trauma-Informed Coach and Narcissistic Abuse Specialist whose work sits at the intersection of neuroscience, embodiment, and lived experience. With a PhD in Neuroscience and 16 years in healthcare communications, she brings scientific depth and emotional attunement to her coaching sessions. Do you feel like you never truly belonged in your family of origin, the odd one out, the one who was blamed, criticised, or misunderstood, no matter what you did? You may have been cast into the role of the family scapegoat. This article outlines seven essential steps to help you heal from scapegoating and reclaim the parts of yourself that were buried beneath your family’s narrative. Whether you are exhausted from being positioned as “the problem,” or you have noticed how people pleasing has shaped your relationships, this guide will help you understand the deep emotional work involved in breaking free from the scapegoat role and how you can begin that journey today. What is scapegoating? Scapegoating is the act of assigning blame, responsibility, or shame to one person or group in order to protect others from facing uncomfortable truths. A scapegoat is defined as “a person or group made to bear the blame for others or to suffer in their place.” The term originates from an ancient ritual described in the Old Testament, Leviticus 16:8, 10, 26, where a goat was symbolically burdened with the sins of the community and then sent into the wilderness. The goat carried away what the group did not want to face. In modern life, scapegoating functions in much the same way. Families, workplaces, and social groups often project their unresolved conflicts, shame, or dysfunction onto one individual. This person becomes the container for the group’s unspoken problems, the one who is blamed, criticised, or excluded so others can avoid accountability. Scapegoating is not random. It is a psychological defense mechanism used by systems that cannot tolerate self-reflection. The scapegoat becomes the “identified problem,” allowing the group to maintain the illusion of harmony while the real issues remain unaddressed. Famous scapegoats History is filled with individuals who became scapegoats for the fears, failures, and unresolved conflicts of their societies. Figures such as Anne Boleyn, Charles I, Hypatia of Alexandria, Jesus of Nazareth, John F. Kennedy, Joan of Arc, Martin Luther King Jr., Mary Magdalene, Princess Diana, and, more recently, Malala Yousafzai, can be read through this pattern. Despite living in different eras and cultures, their stories often follow a remarkably similar narrative arc. They disrupted the system by speaking truth, challenging norms, or embodying change. Fear, shame, or collective anxiety was projected onto them, turning them into symbolic containers for societal tension. In their own time, they were punished, exiled, silenced, or killed, and framed as the problem rather than the mirror. Only later did history reveal their innocence, brilliance, or moral clarity. They ultimately became enduring symbols of truth, courage, and transformation. This pattern reflects how groups use scapegoats to maintain stability and avoid confronting deeper dysfunction. When a system cannot tolerate self-reflection, it finds someone to carry the burden. These historical figures remind us that scapegoating is not a sign of the scapegoat’s weakness; it is a sign of the system’s fragility. Are you the family scapegoat? Scapegoating often produces different survival strategies in the child, depending on their own unique trauma responses. Many children in emotionally immature or narcissistic families can be scapegoated, and the role can be shifted to different children depending on the parents’ mood and stress level. However, for the purpose of this article, I will focus on the phenomenon known as good girl syndrome, a fawn freeze response. Good girl syndrome typically manifests in children who are internalisers, which is a tendency towards self-blame and self-criticism.[1] These children believe the parents’ scapegoat narrative and, in order to disprove their parents, they work extremely hard on themselves to demonstrate they are not bad. Her antidote to the wound is to become the complete opposite, overcompensating for the shame projected onto her. The good girl may present as self-deprecating and unable to take compliments, whilst being high-achieving. To avoid feelings of inadequacy and abandonment, she becomes perfectionistic and a people pleaser. Her core belief is, “I am bad, unlovable, and fundamentally not enough.” In adulthood, she overgives in relationships, attracts people who exploit her kindness, and struggles to set boundaries. Burnout becomes a familiar companion because she cannot say no, cannot rest, and cannot stop proving her worth. Related article: The Good Girl Syndrome People-Pleasing Cure The psychological impact of family scapegoating Being scapegoated by your family of origin is a profound betrayal. The very people responsible for nurturing your sense of self and shaping your relational template instead use your need for love and attachment against you. In families where scapegoating occurs, there is often one or two dominant, emotionally immature, or narcissistic figures at the centre, and the rest of the family system adapts around them, enabling the dysfunction. The scapegoated child is frequently the most sensitive and perceptive member of the family, the one who notices patterns, questions injustice, and seeks truth. She is the one Alice Miller speaks about in her book The Drama of the Gifted Child.[2] Because the family relies on denial and blame to maintain its dysfunction, any truth the child speaks is met with belittling, withdrawal, or outright rejection. Over time, the child learns that expressing needs leads to punishment, and offering a different perspective leads to exclusion. They enter adulthood not expecting to be heard or understood, but anticipating dismissal. These individuals often present as shy, compliant, or socially anxious. What looks like introversion is frequently a learned survival strategy: “When I speak, I am punished. When I need, I am abandoned. When I disagree, I am rejected.” To avoid further harm, they isolate themselves and minimise their presence. This dynamic creates a deep worthiness wound, a persistent fear of abandonment and a belief that love is conditional. Unsurprisingly, the childhood pattern often repeats in adulthood. Scapegoated children may find themselves in relationships where they are overlooked, abandoned, or blamed, or in workplaces where they become targets for bullying. Each repetition reinforces the internalised identity: I am the problem. Family scapegoating causes a significant emotional and spiritual scar that requires deep healing. The family’s treatment of the scapegoated child leads them to believe they are broken and fundamentally flawed because their own family could not love them. Many scapegoats may experience symptoms consistent with complex post-traumatic stress disorder, complex PTSD, as a result of repeated maltreatment. 7 steps to healing the scapegoat role 1. Acknowledge the pain of your childhood Acknowledging the neglect and abuse you experienced is often the hardest part of healing. When a parent has narcissistic traits, the child is frequently pulled through a cycle of idealisation and devaluation. The periods of love bombing create cognitive dissonance. The child clings to moments of warmth and hope, even as the parent’s behaviour becomes increasingly rejecting or punitive. This keeps the child stuck in the grief cycle, oscillating between denial, longing, and confusion. It is profoundly difficult to accept that a parent could be abusive. Society reinforces the myth that mothers are naturally nurturing, which makes it even harder for the scapegoated child to recognise harm inflicted by the mother. If gaslighting was also present, the child learns to distrust their own perception and instead seeks external validation to confirm what they feel. This is why working with a trauma-informed practitioner is essential. A therapist who understands family scapegoating can help you rebuild trust in your intuition, recognise the patterns of abuse, and begin to integrate the truth of what happened without collapsing into shame or self-blame. 2. Grieving the childhood you never experienced Grieving the childhood you never had is a central part of healing the scapegoat wound. It begins with acknowledging that your parent could not give you the safety, attunement, or emotional presence you needed. This can feel counterintuitive, even soft, given the severity of scapegoating, but it is a crucial step. By recognising their limitations, you release yourself from the role your parent assigned you in the Karpman drama triangle. You begin to see that something in your parent’s own history must have been profoundly damaged for them to treat a child this way. Validation is essential at this stage. Many scapegoated children internalise the belief that they were responsible for the mistreatment they received. Hearing someone else reflect your experience back to you, calmly, accurately, and without minimisation, can be deeply healing. It helps dissolve the shame and self-blame that were never yours to carry, and it allows you to mourn the childhood you deserved but were denied. Related article: Your Guide to Grieving What Could Have Been 3. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries Setting boundaries is one of the most challenging parts of healing the scapegoat wound. I rarely tell clients to cut off their family of origin, but when there is ongoing abuse, gaslighting, manipulation, or emotional volatility, the nervous system cannot heal in the presence of the people who continue to activate old trauma responses. In these cases, going no contact may be the safest option. If no contact is not possible, low contact becomes essential. Strategies such as the grey/yellow rock method can help reduce emotional enmeshment with family members who display narcissistic traits. A nervous system conditioned to fawn, appease, or overfunction cannot recover while still being pulled into the same relational dynamics that caused the injury. In my sessions, I work with clients to explore real-life examples of boundary setting: what to say, what not to say, how to respond to manipulation, and how to decide where each family member belongs in their life. Boundaries are not about punishment. They are about protection, clarity, and creating the conditions for healing. Related article: How to Set Boundaries in Relationships 4. Anger and reclamation of self For many scapegoated children, anger is the most suppressed and the most essential part of healing. When you grow up in an environment where pleasing, appeasing, and fawning were necessary for survival, your nervous system learns to shut down the fight response entirely. Pete Walker describes this as the fawn freeze trauma response. The child’s natural anger is shamed, punished, or mocked so consistently that it becomes unsafe to express it.[3] People pleasing and codependency then develop as protective strategies. Reclaiming anger is not about confrontation. It is about reconnecting with the part of you that knew, even as a child, that something was wrong. If it feels too difficult to get angry on behalf of your adult self, begin by feeling anger on behalf of the child who was mistreated, silenced, or blamed. This can be challenging if you were never allowed to express anger growing up, but it is a vital part of grieving and moving through the healing process. Anger, when held safely, is not destructive. It is clarifying. It helps you recognise injustice, set boundaries, and reclaim the parts of yourself you had to abandon to stay safe. It is important to channel this anger for healing, not toward the people who harmed you. Related article: The Gift of Anger 5. Understand your nervous system In Internal Family Systems, IFS, people pleasing, perfectionism, and overfunctioning are understood as protective parts, adaptive strategies that helped you survive a difficult environment and keep younger, more vulnerable parts of you safe. These patterns did not appear because you were weak. They appeared because your nervous system was doing everything it could to protect you. Understanding your triggers and recognising how people pleasing shows up for you is essential. Other protective parts entangled in the scapegoat wound include hyper-responsibility, perfectionism, the inner critic, and overexplaining. Each of these responses can be mapped onto your nervous system and understood through the lens of survival rather than self-blame. This work is transformative because scapegoated children almost always internalise the belief that they were the problem. By exploring your nervous system with compassion, you begin to see that these patterns were intelligent adaptations. When you begin to understand how clever your nervous system was, you can start to love the younger parts of you that fawned, pleased, overexplained, tried to be perfect, or carried too much. These parts were not flaws; they were protectors. Recognising their brilliance is a profound step toward healing. 6. Reparent your inner child Reparenting your inner child is one of the most transformative parts of healing the scapegoat wound. Somewhere inside you is a younger self who learned that speaking up, setting boundaries, or expressing needs led to punishment or withdrawal. That inner child is stuck at the emotional age when the original trauma occurred. With scapegoating, there are usually lots of microtraumas, so finding a specific memory can sometimes be challenging. Emotional flashbacks often provide the doorway into this work. They pull you into the age you were when the original harm occurred, even though the trigger is happening in the present. Instead of seeing these flashbacks as setbacks, they can be understood as signals from your younger self asking for attention, safety, and care. Reparenting involves meeting that younger part with compassion, consistency, and kindness. It means offering the attunement you never received: speaking gently to yourself, creating safety in your daily routines, and responding to emotional triggers with understanding rather than shame. In my practice, I use somatic belief reprogramming to help clients connect with their inner child and offer the corrective experiences that were missing. Over time, these younger parts learn that they no longer need to drive your life. They can rest, knowing they are loved, protected, and never at fault for what happened. 7. Understanding you beyond the scapegoat role One of the most devastating effects of the scapegoat wound is the internalised belief that you are fundamentally flawed, bad, or unlovable. You essentially reject and shame yourself for your needs and self-expression. A scapegoated child grows up trying to earn worthiness, often by excelling, overfunctioning, or entering careers and relationships that do not reflect who they truly are. The hope, usually unconscious, is that if they achieve enough or become “good enough,” their parent will finally offer the validation they were denied. Understanding yourself is the final stage of healing. Once you have dismantled the belief that you are defective and tended to your inner child, the work becomes about discovering who you are beneath the roles you were forced to play. This means exploring your values, your preferences, your boundaries, and the qualities that have always been yours, even when they were ignored or punished. In my sessions, we look at the person you have always been beneath the projections, control, and emotional distortion of your family system. This process is not about reinventing yourself; it is about finally seeing yourself clearly. You are, and always have been, a whole and beautiful human being. Healing allows you to recognise that truth and live from it. Start your journey today Healing from the scapegoat role is not linear or simple. People pleasing, fawning, and self-abandonment often become deeply ingrained coping mechanisms, and it takes time, patience, and support to unlearn them. Rebuilding your sense of self requires learning new ways of relating to others, finding relationships that feel safe, and reconnecting with the parts of you that were silenced or overlooked. If you recognise yourself in this piece and feel you may have carried the scapegoat role in your family, know that healing is possible. You do not have to navigate this journey alone. With the right support, you can reclaim your identity, rebuild your confidence, and begin to live from a place of truth rather than survival. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn for more info! Read more from Dr. Louise Hurst Dr. Louise Hurst, Somatic Trauma-Informed Coach Dr. Louise Hurst is a Somatic Trauma-Informed Coach and Narcissistic Abuse Specialist. With a PhD in Neuroscience and 16 years in healthcare communications, she brings scientific depth and emotional attunement to her work. Her lived experiences of narcissistic abuse - both professionally and privately - led her to become a coach dedicated to helping others heal. Through her own therapeutic journey, she learned that trauma can't be processed effectively without including the body. She is the founder of Beauty for Ashes Coaching and Henka Medical Communications Ltd. Her mission: Helping survivors thrive after abuse. References: [1] Gibson, L. C. 2015. Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self Involved Parents. New Harbinger Publications. [2] Miller, A. 1997. The Drama of the Gifted Child. Basic Books. [3] Walker, P. 2014. Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving. Azure Coyote Publishing.

Written by Roje Khalique, Founder of rkTherapy Roje Khalique is a visionary clinical consultant with 20 years of experience in mental health. She is the founder of rkTherapy, a London-based bespoke psychology consultancy, and a specialist in culturally attuned Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). You have the label. You did the reading, identified the pattern, traced it back to something that happened and yet here you are, still in the same relational patterns, still waiting for something to shift. The label did not do it. It was never going to. Because a label, at its best, offers recognition and even relief, but recognition alone is not change. Understanding your attachment style is a little like driving whilst staring into the rear-view mirror, it tells you how you got here. It does not move you forward. What moves you forward is recognising that what the label is describing is anxiety, anxiety that shows up in how you relate to the people closest to you. Anxiety, unlike a category you are placed in, is something you can act on. That is what this article is about: not which attachment style fits you best, but what is maintaining the fear right now, and what becomes possible when you give the brain something different to work with: connection. What are you actually afraid of? In clinical practice, the most useful shift is rarely from one attachment label to another. It is from explanation to examination. Rather than asking which style fits, the more productive question is: what are you afraid of? Have you been hurt before? Is that why you are fearful it will happen again? Have you been betrayed, deceived or abandoned? Are you protecting yourself in the relationship? If you are, you are already living in anxiety, not in connection. The anxious mind will find what it is looking for. The amygdala, the brain's threat-detection centre, is constantly scanning for evidence that the fear could come true, and it will find it. There is even a logic to it: if you worry enough, perhaps you will not be so devastated when it happens. But that constant scanning feeds one consistent message to the brain: you are not safe, stay vigilant. Over time, this builds an architecture. You learn not to trust fully, prioritising self-protection over intimacy. Here is the paradox: the part of you working hardest to avoid being hurt is often the same part that makes real connection most difficult. What emerges is not a style. It is anxiety, and anxiety can be worked with. Anxious or avoidant? Both are anxiety in relationships The research describes three attachment patterns most referenced in clinical and popular literature: Anxious attachment (preoccupied attachment in adults): Characterised by hypervigilance to signs of rejection, fear of abandonment and excessive reassurance seeking, rooted in self-worth dependent on the approval and availability of others. Avoidant attachment (dismissing attachment in adults): Characterised by discomfort with intimacy, suppression of attachment needs and emotional distancing as a defence against perceived hurt or engulfment, with a tendency to devalue closeness and view others as not worth depending on. Secure attachment: Characterised by comfort with intimacy and interdependence, confidence in the responsiveness of others and effective emotional regulation within relationships. These three patterns are drawn from the foundational work of Bowlby and Ainsworth, [1] [2] [3] later developed further by Bartholomew and Horowitz and by Hazan and Shaver.[4] [5] What connection actually looks like In clinical practice, when clients describe either of the first two patterns, what becomes evident is anxiety, not a fixed style. The nervous system is responding to fear, not fact. The question worth asking is not what to call that. It is what to do about it, right now. Secure attachment is the closest the research comes to what I am describing clinically, a connection without fear. Connection is not the same as attachment. Attachment, in its anxious or avoidant forms, is fear-based relating, organised around what you might lose, what you must protect yourself from, or what you must do to keep someone close. Connection is relating from a place of enough internal security that you can be honest about what you need, what you want, and what you can give. In practice, this is what it looks like when clients begin to move from fear-based relating towards connection. For overachieving professionals, relationship patterns often mirror career ones: they manage partnerships the way they manage portfolios, cases or practices, by trying to be indispensable, self-reliant, or unshakeable. Genuine connection means dropping that performance, the constant attempt to control the outcome and present a flawless front. They stop being unreachable and start expressing instead, saying what they need and want, offering what they can freely rather than strategically, and allowing the relationship to respond. That exchange, expression met with reciprocity, is what teaches the brain that closeness is not dangerous. Interdependence: The end goal This is what interdependence means: it is not needing to be needed, and it is not needing anyone either. It means recognising that you are enough on your own, and that you can also need someone else, that you can be close without losing yourself, and alone without it meaning you are unwanted. That is not a style you are born into, it is something the brain learns when we connect without attaching our self-worth or survival to the outcome. One client, a highly analytical professional, described spending hours on social media, treating the content she consumed as a way of gathering evidence to reinforce her belief that all relationships end in betrayal. She remained in a relationship she described as “toxic” because at least she knew what she was dealing with, and the uncertainty of something new felt far more threatening than the certainty of something harmful. What she was doing was running a misdirected risk-mitigation strategy: high achievers are conditioned to gather information to control outcomes, but in relationships, that hypervigilance is an illusion of control. When we sat with her actual thoughts and the fears underneath them, what emerged was not evidence of a partner behaving badly. What emerged was her own anxious brain treating the ordinary, unpredictable mess of a romantic partnership as a danger to her survival. Once she recognised that surveillance gave her no actual safety, she returned to the relationship with better tools. Communication replaced withdrawal and curiosity replaced surveillance. She swapped the demand for control for real clarity and arrived at a more honest question: Is my fear responding to something real, or is my brain misfiring? What you do now is what matters Whatever shaped the fear, what matters now is what is maintaining it: not the original wound, but the fear-based behaviour being repeated in the present. For some, that behaviour is hyper-independence: keeping people at a distance feels safe but confirms to the brain that closeness is dangerous. For others, it is co-dependency, the need to be needed, to feel worthy through being indispensable to another person, where seeking constant reassurance feels safe but tells the brain that without someone else’s validation, you cannot function. Both feel like protection. Both maintain the anxiety, because the brain never gets to learn, through the evidence to the contrary, that there is no actual threat. Neuroplasticity: Your brain can learn something different Research shows that the brain can reorganise itself by forming new neural connections throughout life, a process known as neuroplasticity, meaning the relational patterns you have identified in yourself are not permanent features of who you are, but the brain’s current response to past experience, one it can learn to change. Your attachment style is not your identity, but your brain’s current state, and what updates it is not insight alone, but new behaviour generating new evidence. What you do today either proves the old fear right or begins to prove it wrong. In conclusion Human connection has never come with a guarantee. We cannot know with certainty whether someone will leave or whether trusting will cost us. It can happen, even by those who love us. That is why the goal is not to find someone who will never leave or hurt you, but to build enough internal security that if it does happen, your world does not collapse. That begins with working on your own fears, not because you are broken, but because you are ready to stop letting fear make decisions for you. You have already survived the things that shaped it. That is what genuine connection asks of you: not the absence of risk, but the willingness to say what you need, to offer what you can, and to trust yourself with whatever comes. In the end, whatever your attachment style, your childhood is not your fault. Your future and how you relate to others, however, is your responsibility. Visit my website for more info! Read more from Roje Khalique Roje Khalique, Founder of rkTherapy Roje is a clinical practitioner for a wide range of anxiety disorders and depression. She is dedicated to making quality psychological support accessible to high-achieving professionals in the legal and finance industries in London's high-stakes corporate world. During COVID-19, she recognised a global and increasing need for evidence-based support and developed a Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) online, virtual platform and a mobile app. Designed to fit the demanding schedules of professionals not only in London but across Europe, the US, the Middle East, and Asia. References: [1] Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and loss: Vol. 1. Attachment. Basic Books. [2] Bowlby, J. (1973). Attachment and loss: Vol. 2. Separation: Anxiety and anger. Basic Books. [3] Ainsworth, M. D. S., Blehar, M. C., Waters, E., & Wall, S. (1978). Patterns of attachment: A psychological study of the strange situation. Lawrence Erlbaum Associates. [4] Bartholomew, K., & Horowitz, L. M. (1991). Attachment styles among young adults: A test of a four-category model. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 61(2), 226–244. [5] Hazan, C., & Shaver, P. R. (1987). Romantic love is conceptualized as an attachment process. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 52(3), 511–524.

Written by Inga Kalace, Self-Development Mind Body Coach Inga has been recognised for her three-step approach to deep, meaningful change. She is a self-development and mind-body coach and co-founder of Whispered Desires, a brand creating cinematic sleep tapes for subconscious reprogramming and work with high-profile clients. Manifestation has become one of the most talked-about concepts in personal development. Scroll through social media, and you'll find endless advice encouraging you to think positively, repeat affirmations, visualize your dream life, and trust that what you desire is on its way. While these practices can be powerful, they often leave out one crucial piece of the puzzle, "Manifestation is not created by thought alone." You can think about your dream life every day. You can write affirmations in your journal and create vision boards filled with everything you desire. But if your body is holding onto fear, doubt, scarcity, or unworthiness, you will continue to experience an internal mismatch between what you want and what you believe is possible. As a Self-Development and Mind Body Coach, I have observed that many people approach manifestation from the neck up. They focus on changing their thoughts while neglecting the emotional and energetic patterns stored within the body. Yet true manifestation happens when the mind and body are working together. The body always reveals what we genuinely believe. You may tell yourself you are ready for abundance, but does your body feel safe receiving it? You may say you desire love, but does your nervous system believe it is worthy of it? You may dream of success, but does your body associate success with freedom or with pressure and overwhelm? These are the deeper questions that influence what we create in our lives. One of the clearest examples of this is the feeling many people describe as butterflies. Think about the excitement you feel before a first date, a long-awaited trip, a new opportunity, or a piece of good news. There is an energy that moves through the body. A feeling of anticipation, possibility, and aliveness. Those butterflies are not just emotions. They are evidence that your body is engaged with a future possibility. The challenge is that many people wait for external circumstances to create those feelings. They tell themselves, "I'll feel confident when I get the promotion." "I'll feel happy when I meet the right partner." "I'll feel abundant when I have more money." "I'll feel free when my circumstances change." But manifestation does not begin when the external reality changes. It begins when your internal reality changes. The feeling comes first. The experience follows. This does not mean pretending your challenges do not exist or forcing yourself into fake positivity. It means becoming intentional about creating experiences that generate the emotional state you wish to embody. Because manifestation is not only about what you think. It is about who you become. If you desire more joy, where can you create joy right now? If you desire freedom, what can you do that makes you feel free right now? If you desire love, how can you show yourself more love in this moment? If you desire abundance, how can you begin appreciating and receiving what is already present in your life? The body learns through experience. It learns through movement, connection, creativity, pleasure, gratitude, adventure, self-expression, and meaningful moments. This is why embodiment matters. It means allowing yourself to participate in experiences that generate the energy you want to attract. Perhaps it's taking yourself out for a beautiful lunch because you want to embody abundance. Perhaps it's wearing the outfit you've been saving for a special occasion because you want to feel confident now rather than later. Perhaps it's signing up for the class you've been thinking about, dancing in your kitchen, spending time in nature, investing in your growth, or simply allowing yourself to rest without guilt. These actions may seem small, but they send a powerful message to your nervous system. They tell your body, "It is safe to feel good." "It is safe to receive." "It is safe to expand." The more familiar these feelings become, the less you need to chase them outside of yourself. The truth is that manifestation is not about convincing the universe to give you something. It is about becoming energetically aligned with what you desire. When your thoughts, emotions, actions, and nervous system begin moving in the same direction, you naturally start making choices that reflect the future you want to create. You notice opportunities you may have previously overlooked. You trust yourself more deeply. You act with greater confidence. You become available for experiences that once felt out of reach. Perhaps the real secret to manifestation is not learning how to attract something into your life. Perhaps it is learning how to cultivate the feelings you have been waiting for your future to provide. Because the energy you seek is rarely found at the end of the journey. It is created in the choices, experiences, and emotions you allow yourself to embody today. When you learn to feel it, live it, and embody it, manifestation stops being something you do. It becomes who you are. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Inga Kalace Inga Kalace, Self-Development Mind Body Coach Inga is a self-development and mind-body coach known for her three-step approach to deep, meaningful change that actually works in practice. From a young age, she was drawn to understanding human behaviour and the patterns that shape how we experience life. That curiosity grew into a lifelong exploration of the mind-body connection and why people struggle to create lasting change. She works with individuals to break patterns, build self-trust, and create change from within. As co-founder of Whispered Desires, she is part of a brand creating cinematic sleep tapes designed to support subconscious rewiring. Her mission is to help people understand themselves and create a life that truly reflects who they are.