Your Divorce is a Chapter, Not Your Identity – Interview with Gordon McNaught, Founder of Resingled

Gordon McNaught is a CDC Certified Divorce Coach and founder of Resingled, where he supports people, particularly those over 40, as they navigate separation and rebuild their lives after divorce. Drawing on more than 30 years in financial services, he brings a practical understanding of the emotional, financial and identity shifts that can make starting again feel overwhelming.

In this exclusive interview, Gordon discusses what inspired Resingled, how divorce coaching complements legal, financial and therapeutic support, and the practical strategies that help clients communicate clearly, make calmer decisions and approach their next chapter with renewed confidence.

Gordon McNaught, CDC Certified Divorce Coach

What inspired you to create Resingled, and what do you hope people experience when they begin working with you?

The inspiration for Resingled began when I was 12 years old. One morning, I heard a whimper coming from our lounge room. I found my mum sitting on the edge of the lounge, holding a cup of tea and quietly sobbing. When I asked what was wrong, she said, “Your dad loves you very much; he just doesn’t love me anymore.”

That moment stayed with me. It was my first understanding of how the end of a relationship can shake a person’s confidence, identity and sense of security – not only for the couple, but for the whole family. It planted the seed for what would eventually become Resingled.

I created Resingled to help people rediscover who they are after the end of a significant relationship. My aim is to provide a calm, supportive and non-judgemental space where clients feel heard, understood and less alone. From there, we work on rebuilding confidence and self-esteem, gaining clarity, and making choices based on their values rather than fear or the need for external validation.

Ultimately, I want clients to experience the freedom of feeling secure within themselves. Each of us is unique, valuable and capable of creating a meaningful life. A relationship ending may close one chapter, but it does not diminish our worth – or prevent us from writing a fulfilling next one.

How does divorce coaching provide support that differs from therapy, legal advice, or financial advice?

A divorce coach helps clients manage the human and practical experience of divorce. While a lawyer provides legal advice, a financial adviser addresses the financial implications, and a therapist may explore emotional wounds and support mental health, a divorce coach focuses on helping clients move through the process with greater clarity, confidence and intention.

Divorce is highly emotional, and decisions made from fear, anger or resentment can have lasting consequences. I help clients slow down, consider different perspectives, prepare for difficult conversations and meetings, identify their priorities, and make pragmatic decisions that align with their longer-term goals.

Divorce coaching does not replace legal, therapeutic or financial expertise. Instead, it complements those services. When a client needs specialist support, I encourage them to work with an appropriately qualified professional and, where suitable, refer them to trusted practitioners.

A common mistake is expecting one professional – often the lawyer – to meet every need. Lawyers are trained to handle legal matters, not to provide ongoing emotional support or coach clients through every personal decision. By giving clients a dedicated space to process their thoughts, organise questions and prepare for next steps, a divorce coach helps them use their professional team more effectively.

Ultimately, my role is to provide perspective, structure, encouragement and accountability, while helping each professional focus on what they do best.

How has your background in financial services influenced the way you guide clients through life after divorce?

My 30-plus years in financial services taught me that good guidance is built on trust, careful listening and the ability to bring clarity to complex, emotionally charged decisions. Those skills translate directly into divorce coaching. Clients are often facing uncertainty about their future, changes to their financial security and the loss of a life they had expected. I help them slow things down, separate immediate emotions from longer-term priorities, ask informed questions and approach important decisions with greater confidence.

My career has also centred on building and maintaining strong relationships. Business and personal relationships share a natural lifecycle: they begin, grow, change and, sometimes, end. Because we are wired for connection, the end of a marriage can leave people feeling rejected, resentful, overwhelmed or unsure of who they are outside the relationship.

Having been single for more than a decade, I understand some of those emotions personally. I have learned the difference between wanting a relationship and needing one to feel whole. My faith is an important source of love, identity and hope for me; it reminds me that another person cannot be solely responsible for meeting all my emotional needs.

Together, these experiences help me offer clients both practical perspective and genuine empathy as they rebuild a secure, meaningful and self-directed life after divorce.

Why do you believe preparation and communication can make such a difference during separation?

Preparation and clear communication can reduce both stress and costly misunderstandings during separation. When thoughts, documents and messages are scattered, people can quickly feel overwhelmed. That mental overload can make it harder to think clearly, identify priorities and respond constructively.

I help clients organise information so they feel more in control and are better prepared for conversations with their lawyer, financial adviser or former partner. Where appropriate, I may use AI-assisted tools to help structure information, always with careful attention to accuracy, confidentiality and privacy. I also provide communication templates that clients can adapt, helping them present questions and instructions clearly and concisely.

One practical strategy is to sort incoming communication into three categories: “Information Only,” “Action: Non-Urgent” and “Action: Urgent.” We then establish clear rules for when each category will be reviewed or acted upon. This helps clients distinguish what genuinely requires immediate attention from what can safely wait, rather than treating every email as a crisis.

Understanding a client’s communication preferences can also help professional advisers support them more effectively. Agreeing on the preferred channel, frequency, level of detail and meaning of “urgent” can reduce unnecessary anxiety. When clients feel informed and prepared, they are less likely to react impulsively and are better equipped to communicate calmly, make considered decisions and use their professional team efficiently.

What challenges do people over 40 commonly face when rebuilding their lives after divorce that younger clients may not?

For many people over 40, divorce is not simply the end of a relationship; it can feel like the unravelling of an identity built over decades. Their sense of worth may be closely connected to being a spouse, parent, provider or part of a couple. When that structure disappears, the question, “Who am I now?” can be deeply destabilising.

They may also be grieving more than the marriage itself: the shared history, family traditions, mutual friendships, home, lifestyle, and the future they had assumed they would grow old into. Unlike many younger clients, they may be rebuilding while supporting teenagers or adult children, caring for ageing parents, managing health changes, or navigating an empty nest.

Financial recovery can carry greater urgency, too. There may be less time to rebuild retirement savings, re-enter or advance in the workforce, refinance a home, or recover from dividing long-held assets. Socially, established friendship circles may shift, and dating can feel unfamiliar – especially when technology, changed bodies, and shaken confidence are involved.

Yet being over 40 also brings strengths: perspective, resilience, life experience and clearer values. Coaching can help clients separate their identity from the roles they have occupied, reconnect with their own needs, and build a next chapter that feels chosen – not merely endured.

When emotions are running high, what practical strategies help people make calmer and more confident decisions?

Breathe and pause before acting. When emotions are running high, our heart rate often rises and our thinking can narrow, making it harder to consider options, consequences or different perspectives.

When I notice a client becoming overwhelmed, I first slow the pace of the conversation and use a calm, reassuring tone. Calm can be contagious: by modelling steadiness, I help create the conditions for the client’s nervous system to settle. I may then guide them through a simple breathing exercise – breathing in for four seconds, holding gently for four, and breathing out for four – repeating this for five to ten cycles. If holding the breath feels uncomfortable, a slow inhale followed by a slightly longer exhale can work just as well.

Those few minutes are not about suppressing emotion. They are about creating enough space between the feeling and the decision. Once calmer, clients are often better able to see alternative perspectives and identify what matters most.

I also encourage practical safeguards: avoid making major decisions in the heat of the moment, write down the available options, separate facts from assumptions, and ask, “Does this choice support my long-term goals, or is it relieving a short-term feeling?” Calm first; decide second.

What is one mindset shift that helps clients move from feeling stuck to seeing new possibilities for the future?

One powerful mindset shift is moving from “This is happening to me” to “I can influence what happens next.” Divorce can leave people feeling powerless, particularly when they are surrounded by unfamiliar legal and financial processes. Reclaiming a sense of agency helps them recognise that, although they cannot control every outcome, they can control how they prepare, communicate and make decisions.

I once worked with a client who was afraid to question their lawyers and financial advisers because they feared those professionals might abandon them. I reminded them that they were not a passive bystander in the process: they were the client and an essential member of their own professional team. They could ask questions, request plain-language explanations, discuss costs and timeframes, and agree on communication preferences – while respecting each adviser’s professional responsibilities.

This does not mean having every answer or directing the experts. It means becoming an informed and active participant, rather than handing over responsibility for your future. Even small actions – preparing questions before a meeting, clarifying the next step, or asking for time to consider a recommendation – can rebuild confidence.

As clients experience themselves making thoughtful decisions, they begin to see their own capability differently. The question shifts from “What if I can’t cope?” to “What can I do next?” That is often where hope and new possibilities begin.

How has your faith shaped the way you support people while respecting each person's individual journey?

My faith shapes how I show up as a coach: with compassion, humility, hope and a commitment to serve. It reminds me that every person has inherent worth and deserves to be heard without judgement during one of life’s most difficult transitions.

I respect that each client has their own beliefs, values and lived experience. Coaching is not about imposing my faith or assuming another person’s journey should look like mine. I meet clients where they are, use language meaningful to them and remain guided by their goals. If a client wishes to explore faith or spirituality, I can make space for that; if not, their choice is respected.

The Bible – particularly the wisdom found in Proverbs, Ecclesiastes and Job – has given me practical insights into perseverance, relationships, loss, decision-making and hope. These principles influence my approach, but I do not introduce religious teaching unless a client invites it. Instead, I draw on universal themes such as patience, courage, discernment, compassion and personal responsibility.

Above all, I try to follow Christ’s example of servant leadership. My role is not to rescue clients or direct their lives, but to walk alongside them, ask thoughtful questions and help them recognise their own strength. My faith gives me a secure foundation from which to support others while honouring their freedom to choose their own path.

If someone feels their divorce has defined their life, what would you want them to remember as they begin their next chapter?

I would want them to remember that divorce is something they have experienced; it is not the sum total of who they are. It may be a significant chapter, but it does not define their whole story.

Divorce can bring confusion, grief, anger and uncertainty. Yet it can also reveal strengths people did not know they possessed. One of the most rewarding parts of coaching is watching clients move from feeling overwhelmed and powerless to becoming clearer, calmer and more confident. When we reflect on where they began and compare it with where they are now, they can see how much courage, resilience and wisdom they have gained.

I encourage clients to carry forward the lessons, but not the burden. They can acknowledge what happened, take responsibility for what is theirs, release what is not, and use what they have learned to make intentional choices. Healing does not require them to pretend the past did not matter; it allows the past to become part of their wisdom rather than the limit of their identity.

Just because one chapter did not unfold as expected does not mean the story is over. The next chapter can be shaped by greater self-awareness, stronger boundaries and renewed hope. Often, what feels like an ending becomes the beginning of a more authentic and meaningful life.

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