Written by: Sharee Johnson, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Take a moment to be still. What does your body feel like right now?
Ignore your judging mind for a few seconds.
Do you have the words to describe how your body feels in this moment?
You might notice temperature, sensations, pain, emotion, nothing at all.
You don’t need to do anything with what you notice, simply turn your attention to it and observe.
Reconnect with whatever is here, name it if you can and then return to whatever you were doing.
If you do not have the words to describe what is happening inside your own body just now, it’s okay. Many of us have become numb and disconnected from the messages of our body after years of living in the uncertain world of a pandemic.
This is a defence mechanism we use to try to protect ourselves from pain. The problem is when we protect ourselves from feeling pain in this way, we become numb to ALL the feelings, including happiness and even peacefulness.
To yearn or long for something or someone is innately human. We are designed this way as a learning, social species. Yearning is what helps us experiment and reach beyond what we already know. Like when we are lonely and long for the company of a loved one, we seek others out, even though there is a risk of being rejected or hurt. We have evolved to want to know more, to learn and to be in relationship with each other.
Humans continue to exist because we have learnt to cooperate and help each other. We need each other. Our very survival depends on it. We are compelled to seek each other out. Charles Darwin recognised compassion (which he called sympathy) as an instinct, an innate survival mechanism saying that “concern for the welfare of others” improved survival.
“…those communities, which included the great-est number of the most sympathetic members, would flourish best, and rear the greatest number of offspring” he said.
If you are yearning for the end of the pandemic, you are not alone. The pandemic has interrupted our opportunities to connect, to be together, to learn from each other in relationship. As adaptive creatures we have adjusted and found ways to meet virtually and at a distance, but it’s not the same. We cannot control the pandemic, we can choose how we respond, we can learn to take better care of ourselves in the midst of any circumstance.
As we adapt, we are learning by trial and error how to manage, just as we have learnt so many other things in our lives, like how to walk and talk. We are still learning how to relate in this more distanced way and so sometimes we might not have the language to describe what is happening. To learn we need to try things out, practice and tune in to the body.
Are you willing to recognise the messages from your body? To listen to them, to respond to your own yearning with trial-and-error learning? Adapting, cooperating with others to meet your own needs.
What you are yearning for is valid and real. Every emotion and experience exists for a reason. To find out what that is turn toward yourself, lovingly, gently, with curiosity. Adversity is not the problem, it is the teacher. A baby learning to walk does not have a day off. They learn to walk by continuing to experiment. We can do this too when it comes to responding to our emotions, desires and yearnings.
Each day presents another opportunity to experiment if we are willing to learn.
Tuning into your body, your yearning leads to discovering your own heartfelt desire. Knowing yourself in this way enables self-care.
When you pay attention to your inner yearning you create the opportunity to make your own life better. Turn inward even momentarily and get comfortable with witnessing your own life, your own needs, your own history. Yes, it might be painful and yes, it’s good to gather some support around you while you build your skills in knowing yourself.
Take heart, you already have some of the skills you need to meet your own yearning. You have been learning by doing – by trial and error – your whole life. Go slowly, start with a few moments of curiosity. You do not need to know any answers or solve any problems. In fact, your thinking mind can get in the way of sensing your body.
Take a deep slow breath and feel your body. That’s it. Practice often and let the answers reveal themselves. Be patient and kind, your body does not demand in the same way the mind can. Open up your awareness and notice.
Set your intention to meet your own yearning for a few moments at the same time of the day, every day. When it feels okay extend the time or the number of times each day that you pause to check in with your own body. Listen and see yourself with curiosity, expect nothing except to learn something. There is no finishing line, keep practicing. Let your heart felt desire, your yearning, your needs unfold in front of you, in safe keeping. Respond warmly as if meeting an old friend.
We meet the needs of others so much more effectively when we can meet our own needs.
Start wherever you are right now. Turn your attention to noticing your own body, set your controlling mind free for just a few moments. Feel your body, what is here? What do you need in this moment? Hold your seat and stay with whatever is here without doing anything destructive. Suspend criticism, analysis and commentary, simply feel your own body.
Now that is something important you have done for yourself. Keep practicing, reacquaint yourself with yourself for a few moments every day. See your own yearning with love, kindness and caring. This is a practice in self care. You need care EVERY day for the rest of your life. Your life is an amazing journey. What you yearn for makes it rich. Choose life.
Reference
Darwin C. The Descent of Man, and Selection in Relation to Sex. In: Moore J, Desmond A, eds. New York, NY: Penguin; 2004. p130
Sharee Johnson founded Australia’s first coaching practice dedicated solely to doctor development. She is a Registered Psychologist, ICF Accredited Coach and Meditation Teacher.
Doctors partner with her as their specialist psychologist coach to help them respond to the professional and personal dilemmas inherent in a medical life.
Check out Sharee’s new book The Thriving Doctor – How to be more balanced and fulfilled, working in medicine on Amazon, at all good bookstores and here: https://learn.coachingfordoctors.net.au/thriving-doctor
To work with Sharee, take a look here. Connect with Sharee on Linkedin, Facebook, and Instagram! To learn more about how coaching can help doctors be high performers and stay well for the long term, read her white paper here.
Sharee Johnson, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Sharee is a registered Psychologist, Executive Coach and iRest Meditation Teacher. She is the creator of workplace wellbeing program RESPOND and of the immersive doctor care program RECALIBRATE.
She has worked in the public, private and not-for-profit sectors over the last 30 years building a unique combination of expertise in organisational, health and counselling psychology. Sharee helps people improve their power skills, principally self care and human connection. Working with Sharee is about developing capacity, purpose and wellbeing through skills like mindfulness, compassion and emotional intelligence.
Sharee is an experienced facilitator and coach working 1-2-1 and with small and large groups in health and education. She is accredited with several organisations who are doing what has become really vital work in this VUCA+ pandemic world, including Resilience at Work and The Potential Project. Sharee works with leaders in healthcare and education, particularly doctors.
