Women Are Conditioned to Explain, Fix, and Please, but It's Time We Course Correct
- Brainz Magazine
- Aug 27
- 6 min read
Written by Janie Terrazas, The Mindfulness Coach
Janie Terrazas is a Mindfulness Coach and creator of PazMesa, a self-mastery guide to help you access inner peace, joy, vitality, and prosperity through mindful living and unconditional loving.
For generations, women have been conditioned to explain themselves, fix emotional problems, and please others at the expense of their own well-being. These patterns, rooted in survival, culture, and social structures, create burnout, codependency, and disconnection from authenticity. The good news? With awareness and mindful course correction, we can break free from these outdated scripts and reclaim our voices, our sovereignty, and our peace.
Why and how it happened
The conditioning of women to over-explain, fix emotional problems, and please others is a direct result of patriarchal, survival-based social structures that have evolved over centuries. Here’s how it took root:
How historical disempowerment shaped women’s safety strategies and self-abandonment
For millennia, women were not allowed full autonomy, legally, financially, or even physically. Their safety, resources, and identity were often tied to a man. This led to the development of fawning behaviors: self-abandoning tendencies rooted in the need to maintain harmony and prevent conflict to survive. Explaining, fixing, and pleasing became adaptive tools.
Religious and cultural indoctrination
How women were taught to be “good” and submissive. Many cultures and religions praised the self-sacrificing, soft-spoken, agreeable woman while punishing assertiveness or boundary-setting. Girls were taught to be “good,” “quiet,” “nice,” and “submissive,” while boys were encouraged to be bold, assertive, and free-thinking.
How media and gender role modeling condition women to please and over-give
TV, movies, advertising, and social narratives further reinforced these roles: the woman as the emotional caretaker and peacekeeper, the man as the decisive doer and protector. Girls absorbed messages that their worth is tied to how likable, attractive, helpful, or non-threatening they are.
Parenting and emotional socialization
Why girls become fixers and boys suppress feelings. Boys are often emotionally under-parented, taught to toughen up and suppress feelings, while girls are often over-parented and emotionally overburdened. Girls are taught to monitor the emotional climate and take responsibility for others' comfort, leading them to internalize the role of emotional fixer and pleaser.
The cost of conditioning: Burnout, codependency, and loss of authenticity
This imbalance creates both inner turmoil and relational dysfunction, including:
Self-abandonment and burnout in women who over-function emotionally, often losing connection to their needs and voice.
Resentment and silent suffering because explaining and pleasing are often ineffective strategies for getting true support or being authentically seen.
Enabling emotionally stunted behavior in men, who may not be held accountable for growth, communication, or emotional attunement.
Codependency and distorted relational dynamics, where women over-give and men under-function, creating imbalances in intimacy, power, and respect.
Erosion of authenticity, where women shrink or censor themselves to maintain false peace.
How to heal conditioning and course correct the PazMesa way
Healing unfolds when we release gendered distortions and realign with our innate wholeness, reclaiming the fullness of our humanity. Here’s how:
For women
Rewire fawning reflexes by learning to pause, feel, and respond rather than auto-please.
Practice sacred self-expression without apology, speak your truth with grace and groundedness.
Stop over-explaining, you don’t owe everyone justification for boundaries or needs.
Reclaim sovereignty through mindfulness, nervous system regulation, and identity healing.
Prioritize self-trust and discernment; you are allowed to not fix someone else’s emotional mess.
For men
Teach emotional intelligence as part of early development. Vulnerability, transparency, and healthy compromising are strengths.
Challenge gender norms that discourage emotional accountability or reward extreme stoicism.
Create mutuality in partnerships that equals emotional labor, shared vulnerability, and safe self-expression.
Do the inner work to examine where control, aloofness, or avoidance are covering up fear or pain.
As a collective
Normalize relational education in schools: communication, active listening, nervous system regulation, conflict resolution, and trauma awareness.
Elevate healthy role models, both men and women, who embody balanced, grounded, conscious energy.
Support holistic healing modalities that honor both our divine differences and the shared masculine-feminine principles that, when balanced, restore wholeness within us all
Building authentic, balanced, and empowered REALationships
When we mindfully dismantle outdated gender ideologies, we allow both women and men to show up fully human, not bound by outdated scripts of domination, submission, overfunctioning, or emotional suppression.
We build REALationships, not role-plays. The more we support women in reclaiming their voice—and men in reclaiming their heart the more we create a PazMesa-based culture of peace, safety, and mutual respect.
Journal prompts to heal conditioning and reclaim your authentic voice
1. Historical disempowerment & safety strategy
Where in my life do I still silence myself to “keep the peace” even when it hurts me?
What inherited stories about women’s roles in relationships, family, or society might I still be carrying unconsciously?
How has people-pleasing shown up as a survival strategy for me, and is it still serving me today?
2. Religious and cultural indoctrination
What messages about being a “good” girl or woman did I absorb from family, religion, or culture?
How do those messages show up in how I set (or don’t set) boundaries?
What would it look like to honor my spirituality while releasing fear, guilt, or shame tied to outdated gender roles?
3. Media and gender role modeling
Which TV shows, movies, or stories shaped how I thought a woman “should” act in love, family, or work?
Did I see healthy examples of women being strong, expressive, and respected or mostly submissive and accommodating?
What role models can I consciously choose now who embody the balance of strength and softness I value?
4. Parenting differences and emotional socialization
How did my family handle emotions growing up? Who was “allowed” to feel and who was expected to suppress?
Was I expected to manage other people’s feelings (parents, siblings, partners)? How did that shape me?
What would it look like to release responsibility for emotions that aren’t mine to carry?
5. The cost of conditioning
In what ways have I abandoned myself by over-explaining, fixing, or pleasing?
What resentments live in my body because I haven’t honored my own needs?
Where have I enabled others’ immaturity by over-functioning in relationships?
6. How do we course correct the PazMesa way
For women
What would it feel like to give myself permission to say “no” without an explanation?
How can I start practicing sacred self-expression, speaking truth with grace today?
Where can I pause instead of automatically pleasing or fixing?
For men
(for women, this can also help with discernment of partners)
How do I invite or encourage the men in my life to be more emotionally open?
Where have I allowed immaturity, avoidance, or control to go unchallenged in relationships?
What examples of healthy, emotionally intelligent masculinity inspire me?
For us all
How can I contribute to a culture of relational education (communication, active listening, conflict repair, trauma awareness) in my family, community, or work?
What would a partnership or friendship look like if it were built on mutual fairness instead of gendered scripts?
What steps can I take to embody both my masculine (assertive, productive, protective) and feminine (receptive, creative, nurturing) energies in balance?
7. A new way forward
What would my relationships look like if I stopped role-playing and started living as my authentic self?
If I no longer needed to explain, fix, or please to be safe or loved, how would I show up differently in my relationships and in my own life?
How would it feel to reclaim my voice and support others in reclaiming theirs?
What small action can I take this week to move from over-explaining or pleasing into sovereign authenticity?
Closing reflection: Awareness, authenticity, and self-expression
Healing begins with awareness. Transformation begins with choice. The conditioning to explain, fix, and please runs deep, but it does not define our future. Every time we pause, reflect, and choose authenticity over auto-pleasing, we dismantle old scripts and write a new story of wholeness, wellness, and freedom.
Call to action
If you recognize yourself in these patterns, start by noticing when you over-explain, over-fix, or over-please. Then take one small step toward authenticity today. Share this article with someone who is ready to course correct together. We can create a culture of unity, mutual respect, and mindful love.
Read more from Janie Terrazas
Janie Terrazas, The Mindfulness Coach
Janie Terrazas, known as The Mindfulness Coach, transformed her media career into a life coaching and wellness advocacy mission after a spiritual awakening in 2011. As the creator of the PazMesa Self Mastery Program and the force behind Rise Above TV, she fosters balance and mindfulness in others. Her triumphs and trials deeply shape her coaching as she helps clients address stress, trauma, and safe relationship building. Janie combines spiritual depth with actionable strategies to guide individuals toward a joyful, vital life. Her coaching transcends conventional methods, empowering clients to find peace and purpose within. Janie's empathetic and innovative approaches offer a safe self-discovery roadmap to authentic living and loving.
