Why Your Healing Journey Might Be Sabotaging Your Love Life
- Brainz Magazine
- Dec 11
- 4 min read
Founder of The Yalini Experience, Yalini has qualifications in psychology and a master’s degree in social and political science. She is a certified Master Practitioner in hypnotherapy, neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), and timeline therapy.
"I need to heal before I'm ready for a relationship." How many times have you heard this? Maybe you've even said it yourself. After all, it seems to make perfect sense, heal your wounds first, then open your heart to love. Work through all your past traumas, resolve your trust issues, and only then will you be truly ready for a meaningful relationship.
But what if I told you this well-intentioned advice might actually be keeping you from the love you desire?
Don't get me wrong, taking time to process past hurts and reconnect with yourself after heartbreak is important. But somewhere along the way, this healthy practice morphed into an impossible standard, the belief that you must be completely healed before you're worthy of love.
Let me share something I've witnessed with my clients, like Tracy, who came to me convinced she needed to resolve every issue from her past relationships before she could date again. She'd spent years in therapy, reading self-help books, and doing inner work. Yet somehow, she never felt "healed enough" to open her heart again.
Here's what Tracy, and maybe you too, didn't realise. Love isn't meant to come only after you've perfectly healed all your wounds. In fact, the right relationship can be one of your greatest catalysts for deeper healing.
Think about it, our deepest wounds often come from relationships, so why do we believe we must heal them in isolation? Sometimes, it's within the safety of a loving partnership that we find the courage to face our most buried fears and insecurities.
In fact, here’s something that might surprise you, a quality relationship is actually designed to trigger you. Not to cause more pain, but to bring hidden wounds to the surface where they can finally be healed. The challenge is that many people mistake these triggers for problems with their partner or the relationship itself. They think, "If this person were right for me, it wouldn't feel this hard." Except what's hard has nothing to do with the other person, and everything to do with what's coming up inside of themselves, the emotions and vulnerabilities they weren't ready to face until now. Maybe it's about learning to speak up and say when they're uncomfortable, so they can honour their boundaries. Or perhaps it's about sharing how they truly feel, their sadness, their hurt, and discovering it's finally safe to be seen.
In this case, the triggers aren't warning signs, they’re invitations for growth. When your partner's actions or words stir up old insecurities or fears, it may not be because they're wrong for you. It might very well be their presence that’s creating the safe space needed for the wounds to finally surface and heal.
Of course, this doesn't mean you should jump into dating without any self-reflection or healing. There's still important inner work to do, work that I always support my clients with, like:
Grieving past relationships and letting go of old attachments
Understanding your patterns and triggers
Building a foundation of self-love and worth
Learning to trust your intuition again
Remember, the right relationship will challenge you to grow, but it should also feel safe and supportive. It's about finding that balance between comfort and growth, between being triggered and feeling secure enough to work through those triggers together.
I've seen this transformative journey with another client, Emma, who was surprised to discover that her new relationship actually accelerated her healing in ways years of solo work hadn't. Why? Because her partner's presence triggered old wounds she didn’t even know existed. And instead of projecting them onto him, thinking he was the problem, she realised that it was his loving presence and support that created the safe space required for her to face and release the wounds she couldn't access on her own.
The beauty of love is that it doesn't demand perfection, it creates opportunities for transformation. The right person won't expect you to have it all figured out. Instead, they'll understand that each trigger, each moment of vulnerability, is a chance to grow closer and heal deeper. They'll stand with you as you learn to trust, to open up and be truly seen, not because you're broken, but because you're ready to evolve into an even more authentic version of yourself.
Yalini Nirmalarajah, Self-Love & Relationship Coach
Yalini Nirmalarajah, a global self-love and relationship coach, empowers women to reclaim the source of their light, their feminine essence, and intuition. In societies where women are taught to be more like men, her guidance helps women overcome this false conditioning so they can heal from the trauma it’s created, reconnect with their emotional bodies, and live authentically from their hearts. Inspired by this mission, she launched the Lead From Love podcast.
Founder of The Yalini Experience, Yalini has qualifications in psychology and a master's degree in social and political science. She is a certified Master Practitioner in hypnotherapy, neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), and timeline therapy. Her expertise extends to postgraduate training in rebirthing breathwork, iridology, sclerology, health, and wellness. Yalini is dedicated to continuous development to provide the highest quality care for all her clients.
