Why We Need Healing Around Sex
- Sep 1, 2022
- 4 min read
Updated: Jul 19, 2023
Written by: Wendy J Olson, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
In a previous article, The Over-Sexualization Of Children In American Culture I discussed the over-sexualization of children, and the ways we need to respond and teach our children when we encounter the subject. And we will. I also wrote about how healing is needed for us to be able to teach our children properly, with a healthy perspective on sexuality. Now let’s talk about why healing is needed and where we sometimes go wrong.
I was raised in the throws of 90’s purity culture in the Southern Baptist Church. If there’s one thing everyone knows by now, is that the baptist church has a very sorted history with sex and sexuality, which continues even into today in mainstream headlines.
I was taught that my sexuality did not matter, there was only one way to be, and it was my sole job to protect my body from men who wanted what I had. A pretty gnarly picture to start your teen years out with. It wouldn’t be very long before everything I’d been taught would be put into question.
Fast forward to my 18th year on this earth. I’m in college, a freshman living on campus, and I’m raped one night over Spring Break while drinking on the floor with some friends. Everything in me should’ve gone to the authorities, pressed charges, and told someone, anyone, really. Instead, my upbringing told me that this was my fault and it was solely my burden to carry.
I stayed silent for nearly 20 years.
So when people ask me why we must dive into stories of sexual abuse when doing trauma work, I simply say because we all need healing in this area. What’s more, is often people tell me they’ve never experienced sexual abuse in their past. But as a woman walking this earth, I beg to differ.
Our stories of the past carry weight into our present we don’t even recognize is there until we suddenly can’t see anything else. I’m not just talking about the stories of blatant, overt sexual abuse. I’m talking about the more insidious, the more covert, and subtle sexual abuse. The ones where people made inappropriate comments about our bodies, our gender, or treated us like second-class citizens. The stories of harassment, and unsettling jokes. The stories of bullying because our bodies didn’t look like “all the other girls.”
Trust me. We’ve all experienced sexual abuse to some degree.
And while some of these stories are the hardest to tell, they’re actually some of my favorites to dig into. The freedom and peace women feel once they’re able to name the thing inside of them they didn't know was there, is always astounding. And it’s honestly what keeps me in this work.
Maybe you’ve experienced something you don’t have a name for. Maybe you’ve always known something was off, but you’ve never felt valid enough to talk about it. Story work is the place where this is all made possible.
And once we know our sexual abuse stories, and once we can name the harm done to us, then we can experience the healing needed to develop and pass on a healthy perspective on human sexuality to our children.
I talk about this subject a lot on my Tik Tok page, and I’ve encountered countless people who share their deepest darkest, sexual secrets in my comments section. It’s heartbreaking, and yet I know it’s freeing for them at the same time. All I can do is see them, and validate them.
There are four things every person needs from other people in their lives:
To be seen, known, loved, and heard. Unfortunately, we rarely get all four from those closest to us. But when you jump into story work with me, you can trust that you will receive a sacred space created just for you to feel loved, to be seen, to feel known, and most of all, to feel heard.
You are worthy.
Your story deserves to be told.
Let’s heal. Together.
This is how we change our world: we heal.
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Wendy J Olson, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Wendy J Olson is a healing coach, founder, and president of Grit Plus Gumption Farmstead. Wendy believes in the power of stories to change and shape people's lives. She walks with women through their stories of past hurts and traumas and guides them to find their own freedom and healing. Through Grit plus Gumption, she serves survivors of sexual exploitation and domestic violence. Having applied all she teaches to her own life as a survivor herself, she is able to guide women with kindness and grace, showing them there is always more freedom to be had in one’s life. She believes everyone has a story, and even if that story is really hard, it doesn't mean the rest of the story has to be.
