Why We Deny Ourselves Joy, Play, Pleasure, And Rest
- Sep 6, 2024
- 5 min read
Written by Janie Terrazas, The Mindfulness Coach
Janie Terrazas is a Mindfulness Coach and creator of PazMesa, a self-mastery guide to help you access inner peace, joy, vitality, and prosperity through mindful living and unconditional loving.
Many people find it challenging to incorporate joy, play, pleasure, and rest into their daily routines. This difficulty stems from deeply ingrained family, societal, cultural, and religious ideologies. These influences condition individuals to prioritize productivity, consumption, and external validation over their intrinsic needs for restoration and enjoyment. Consequently, many tie their self-worth to how much they accomplish, neglecting the importance of simply "being" in favor of constant "doing."
The shame and guilt around joy, play, pleasure, and rest
Emotions such as shame and guilt are often associated with allowing oneself to experience joy, play, pleasure, and rest. Societal and cultural narratives suggest that self-worth is tied to productivity, glorifying hard work while discouraging self-care. These beliefs give rise to the notion that rest and pleasure are "rewards" earned only after hard work is completed. As a result, many feel undeserving of these important aspects of life, viewing them as indulgent or selfish.
Shame often arises when individuals believe they are neglecting their responsibilities by focusing on themselves and their needs. This internalized belief positions play and joy as frivolous, creating a sense of guilt for engaging in activities that do not appear productive. Many fear they are falling short of societal expectations, leading to a cycle of burnout, stress, and emotional turmoil.
This cycle perpetuates feelings of overwhelm as individuals struggle to allow themselves restorative practices. Joy, play, and rest are mistakenly seen as indulgences rather than essential for mental, emotional, and physical well-being.
PazMesa's approach: Breaking free from limiting beliefs
PazMesa (translation: peace within) encourages individuals to break free from these limiting beliefs by redefining their relationship with joy, play, pleasure, and rest. The philosophy highlights the importance of balanced living and recognizes that joy, play, pleasure, and rest are not luxuries but vital for a harmonious and healthy existence. The program advocates for releasing the guilt and shame tied to self-care and embracing these practices as integral components of our health.
Understanding the difference between healthy and destructive pleasure
The distinction between healthy pleasure and destructive pleasure is crucial in the pursuit of a fulfilling life.
Healthy pleasure: This type of pleasure nurtures the mind, body, heart, and soul. It comes from activities that enrich one's life, such as spending time in nature, engaging in creative pursuits, fostering meaningful relationships, and practicing mindfulness. Healthy pleasure is intentional, balanced, and supports long-term prosperity, contributing to feelings of connection, growth, and fulfillment. It respects personal boundaries and promotes harmony within oneself and with others.
Destructive pleasure: On the other hand, destructive pleasure often arises from compulsive or escapist behaviors. It may stem from unresolved emotional pain or the desire to numb uncomfortable feelings. Behaviors like addiction, overworking, or engaging in unhealthy relationships provide temporary relief but lead to harmful consequences. Destructive pleasure does not foster well-being; instead, it can create cycles of shame, guilt, and regret, diminishing our vitality over time.
The origins of adverse views on joy, play, pleasure, and rest
Many adverse views regarding joy, play, pleasure, and rest begin early in life, and they are shaped by various influences:
Childhood programming: From an early age, children observe how their caregivers prioritize work and productivity overplay and rest. Over time, children internalize these values, seeing joy and play as less important.
Educational systems: Traditional schooling rewards academic achievement and discipline but rarely emphasizes creativity, rest, or play. This reinforces the notion that only productive activities are valuable.
Societal and cultural norms: In many cultures, busyness and material success are glorified. People may feel guilty for taking time for themselves in environments that equate self-worth with constant activity.
Religious influences: Some religious ideologies promote self-sacrifice and austerity, suggesting that joy and pleasure must be earned through hard work or are viewed negatively, fostering an unhealthy outlook on these vital aspects of living.
Economic pressures: The need to survive or thrive financially can drive individuals to prioritize work over leisure. In a capitalist society, individuals are often conditioned to be "human doings" instead of "human beings," perpetually producing and consuming rather than enjoying existing.
Unhealthy subconscious beliefs and programming
These adverse views manifest in common subconscious beliefs, such as:
"You must earn your rest": The idea that rest and pleasure are rewards for hard work leads to guilt when taking downtime.
"Idle hands are the devil's workshop": This belief fosters fear of unstructured time, viewing it as dangerous or wasteful.
"Success is the ultimate goal": The relentless pursuit of success leaves little room for joy, rest, or play.
"Self-worth equals productivity": Many people subconsciously equate their self-worth with their level of output, which makes it challenging to appreciate activities that don’t yield tangible results. For some, engaging in something purely for fun and enjoyment can feel unfamiliar and even uncomfortable.
Disregarding joy, play, pleasure, and rest: The consequences
Over time, these subconscious beliefs lead to the complete disregard of joy, play, pleasure, and rest. People begin to see these activities as distractions from their goals or as luxuries only available to those who are "lazy" or "privileged." This mindset leads to burnout, emotional exhaustion, and a lack of fulfillment, as individuals deny themselves the restorative practices necessary for mental, emotional, and physical health.
How PazMesa shines a light on stress and joy levels
The PazMesa philosophy promotes a holistic approach to life, emphasizing the importance of balanced living. It recognizes that joy, play, pleasure, and rest are vital components of true homeostasis—where all parts of the self are accepted and nourished.
The PazMesa quotient of beingness
PazMesa introduces the "PazMesa quotient," a concept that embodies the inner harmony an individual radiates when all aspects of the self, mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual—are nurtured and aligned. By balancing joy, play, pleasure, and rest with essential adult responsibilities, individuals can attain a deeper sense of inner peace, integrity, and stability. This harmony empowers them to embrace the simplicity of being, liberating them from the constant pressure of doing.
Call to action
If you often find yourself prioritizing productivity at the expense of your well-being, it may be time to rethink your relationship with joy, play, pleasure, and rest. Start small by carving out a few minutes each day for activities that bring you joy or relaxation. Just 5 minutes can make a difference. Remember, these moments aren’t indulgent; they’re imperative for restoring and rejuvenating your mind, body, and spirit. Embrace the balance you deserve.
Read more from Janie Terrazas
Janie Terrazas, The Mindfulness Coach
Janie Terrazas, known as The Mindfulness Coach, transformed her media career into a life coaching and wellness advocacy mission after a spiritual awakening in 2011. As the creator of the PazMesa Self Mastery Program and the force behind Rise Above TV, she fosters balance and mindfulness in others. Her triumphs and trials deeply shape her coaching, as she helps clients address stress, trauma, and safe relationship building. Janie combines spiritual depth with actionable strategies to guide individuals toward a joyful, vital life. Her coaching transcends conventional methods, empowering clients to find peace and purpose within. Janie's empathetic and innovative approaches offer a safe self-discovery roadmap to authentic living and loving.
