Why is My Child Struggling With Learning, Behaviour and Wellbeing?
AnneMarie Smellie is a UK-based neurodevelopmental practitioner, kinesiologist, and hypnotherapist with over 20 years’ experience. She helps children and adults build resilience, regulate anxiety, and strengthen brain-body foundations for learning and life.
Why does my intelligent child find reading so difficult? Why are they constantly anxious? Why can't they concentrate, sit still or cope with everyday situations that other children seem to manage effortlessly? These are questions I hear regularly from parents who come to my clinic. Often, they have spent years searching for answers, trying different approaches and wondering why their child continues to struggle despite all the support they have received. What I find particularly interesting is that the difficulties we see on the surface are not always where the problem begins.
A child who struggles to concentrate may not simply have an attention problem. A child who avoids reading may not lack ability or motivation. A child who appears anxious, emotional or easily overwhelmed may be responding to something happening within their nervous system that they cannot explain or control.
This is what inspired me to write my latest book, Why Is My Child Struggling? I wanted to help parents understand that there may be more to their child's difficulties than the behaviours or symptoms they see every day.
Are we looking in the right places?
When a child struggles at school, the focus naturally turns towards learning. If they have difficulty concentrating, we look at attention. If they struggle with reading, we investigate literacy. If they are anxious, we explore their emotions.
All of these approaches have their place, but I believe we also need to consider the foundations upon which learning, behaviour and emotional regulation develop. Over the years, working with children with dyslexia, dyspraxia, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), autism, anxiety and other challenges, I have become increasingly interested in the connections between physical development, sensory processing, nutrition, stress and learning.
These are not necessarily separate issues. They can influence one another, sometimes in ways that are easy to overlook. Understanding those connections can change how we approach a child's difficulties.
The importance of our early foundations
One area I explore in my book is the role of primitive reflexes. Primitive reflexes are automatic movements that develop during pregnancy and early infancy. They help babies respond to their environment and support their early development.
As the nervous system matures, these reflexes are normally inhibited or integrated, allowing more sophisticated movement patterns and postural control to develop. However, some children continue to show signs of these early reflex patterns beyond infancy. In my clinical work, I frequently see children who have difficulties with coordination, balance, posture and motor control alongside challenges with reading, writing, concentration or emotional regulation.
For example, a child who struggles to sit comfortably at a desk may be using considerable effort simply to maintain their posture. Another may find handwriting exhausting because the physical skills involved are not yet sufficiently automatic.
Retained reflexes are one possible factor to investigate, although their precise contribution to learning and behavioural difficulties remains an area of ongoing research. The important point is that learning is not simply a cognitive process. It involves the whole body.
Could hearing be affecting more than we realise?
Another fascinating area is auditory processing. Most parents assume that if their child can hear, their hearing is not contributing to their difficulties. But hearing sounds and making sense of them are not quite the same thing.
Some children can hear perfectly well on a conventional hearing test yet struggle to process spoken information, particularly in busy or noisy environments. Imagine trying to concentrate in a classroom when the scraping of chairs, conversations around you and sounds from outside all compete for your attention. For some children, this can be exhausting.
Auditory processing difficulties or sound sensitivities may contribute to problems following instructions, understanding speech in noise, maintaining attention and feeling comfortable in busy environments. A child who repeatedly asks for instructions to be repeated may not be deliberately ignoring the teacher. They may genuinely be struggling to process what has been said. Understanding this can help parents and teachers respond differently.
What about what is happening inside the body?
We tend to separate physical health from learning and behaviour, yet the brain depends on the body for the energy and nutrients it needs to function. Nutrition, sleep, digestive health and certain medical conditions can all influence a child's energy, concentration and general wellbeing. A child who is persistently tired, uncomfortable or poorly nourished may find everyday demands more difficult to manage.
In my work as a kinesiologist, I consider nutritional and physiological factors as part of a broader picture, while recognising that suspected deficiencies and medical concerns require appropriate clinical assessment. I am particularly interested in how these factors may interact with a child's developmental and sensory challenges. It is rarely helpful to look at one aspect of a child in isolation.
When the nervous system is constantly on alert
Perhaps one of the most important areas to understand is stress. We often think of stress as something caused by external events, such as school pressures, friendships or family difficulties. But stress can also arise when a child finds everyday sensory, physical or emotional demands overwhelming.
A child who is constantly trying to cope with noise, movement, uncertainty or uncomfortable sensations may spend much of their day feeling on edge. When the nervous system is highly alert, concentrating, learning and regulating emotions can become more difficult.
I see children who are bright, articulate and full of potential, yet whose anxiety prevents them from enjoying school, friendships or everyday life. Rather than asking only how we can change their behaviour, perhaps we should also ask what is making life feel so difficult for them.
Looking beyond the diagnosis
Diagnoses such as ADHD, autism, dyslexia and dyspraxia can be enormously valuable. They can help children and families understand their experiences and access appropriate support. But a diagnosis does not necessarily explain every difficulty a child experiences.
Two children with the same diagnosis may have very different strengths, needs and challenges. One may be particularly sensitive to sound. Another may struggle with coordination and balance. Another may experience significant anxiety or fatigue.
This is why I believe it is important to look at the individual child rather than assume that one explanation or intervention will address everything. The aim is not to change who a child is. It is to understand what may be making everyday life unnecessarily difficult and identify ways to support them.
Why I wrote Why Is My Child Struggling?
After years of working with children and their families, I wanted to put this information into a book that parents could understand and use. Not a complicated medical textbook, but an accessible explanation of some of the developmental, sensory, physical and emotional factors that may influence a child's ability to learn and thrive.
I wanted parents to understand what primitive reflexes are, why auditory processing matters, how physical wellbeing can influence learning and why stress deserves more attention. I also wanted to address the questions parents actually ask.
Why does my child find reading so difficult? Why can't they concentrate? Why do they become overwhelmed so easily? Why are they struggling when they are clearly so intelligent? Perhaps most importantly, what else might be worth exploring?
My hope is that the book encourages parents to become more curious about the reasons behind their child's difficulties, rather than focusing entirely on the difficulties themselves. Because when we understand more about what a child is experiencing, we are in a much better position to help.
A different way of asking the question
One of the most rewarding parts of my work is hearing from families months or years after I have worked with their children. Of course, it is wonderful to hear that a child is doing better academically. But what means even more to me is hearing that they are happier, more confident, more willing to try new things and beginning to believe in themselves.
Academic progress matters, but confidence and self-esteem can shape a child's entire experience of growing up. I would love to see a shift in how we approach children who struggle. Instead of concentrating solely on what they cannot do, perhaps we should become more interested in understanding why certain things are so difficult for them.
Not every child will have the same underlying challenges, and there is no single solution. But asking broader questions may reveal opportunities for support that have previously been overlooked.
Sometimes the most helpful question we can ask is not simply, "How do we get this child to do better?" but "What might be making this so difficult for them in the first place?" That is the question at the heart of my book.
Read more from AnneMarie Smellie
AnneMarie Smellie, Neurodevelopmental Practitioner, Kinesiologist & Hypnotherapist
AnneMarie Smellie is a UK-based neurodevelopmental practitioner, kinesiologist, and hypnotherapist with over 20 years of clinical experience. She specialises in anxiety, neurodiversity and learning differences, working at the intersection of brain development, nervous-system regulation and emotional resilience. Through her work at Quester Therapies, AnneMarie helps children and adults uncover and address the root causes behind behavioural, emotional, and cognitive challenges. Her writing focuses on practical, compassionate insights that make complex brain-body concepts accessible and empowering.
