Why Have Children? The Real Cost of Unconscious Parenting
Written by Renee Devereaux, Regeneration Specialist
Renee's work addresses what lies beneath the surface of "personal abandonment," creating an "addiction" to a coping mechanism that keeps the person from the fulfillment they seek. Each person's journey is different. Her role is to meet you where you are and guide you to what needs resolution.
In this day and age, ignorance regarding the cause of pregnancy does exist! Imagine that! Sadly, this occurs when a child is raped, a child too young to be perceived as fertile, and the child, of course, is clueless. Yet, the person impregnating the child may be well aware of the possible consequences, choose not to accept responsibility, and definitely not care about the well-being of the girl.
“It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.”
Criminal assaults occur in our society that are not always seen as criminal. Oftentimes, cultural beliefs allow or encourage such violence, whether for monetary gain, political favor, or other reasons unknown to otherwise informed societies.
The reason for this article is not only to bring the aforementioned criminal behavior to your attention but also to cause my audience to pause and examine the motivation behind certain behaviors closely. I want them to look at life-altering choices that have impacted them personally, those of the people around them, and most certainly, those of people who suffer the consequences of unconscious or self-serving behavior.
Let’s now consider other pertinent reasons why pregnancy may enter a relationship:
The ecstasy of a new romance. The undeniable thrill of meeting “the one” who appears to be a perfect mate can leave us swept away by emotions that may suddenly catch us unaware and unprepared to think things through and recognize the consequences of unrestrained desire.
The deliberate decision by a couple who want to establish residency in a country that facilitates residency if they give birth in that country.
The deliberate decision by a woman to become pregnant by a man who may not be ready to commit to marriage, yet she senses he will be a good provider because she recognizes him as a good and honorable man who “will take care of her.”
A couple decides, after years of married life and having become somewhat bored, that it is time to add a child and renew their rapport.
An “accidental” midlife pregnancy that can occur in an established family that may have felt complete. A baby may or may not be a welcome surprise.
A sincere, heartfelt decision made by a couple who want to give birth to a child for no other reason than to start a family. Even so, I ask, is this what both of you really want or wanted?
I speak and write because I have had the privilege of seeing both sides of the coin and, believe me, I don’t favor either side. Many should never have considered becoming parents. I have also worked with the grown children of said parents, and their lives were regrettably painful. I have worked with many “broken men,” and for that reason, I developed a practice through which I have helped many.
My efforts now are focused on parenting skills once commitment and trust have been developed between the would-be parents. Please be aware that my work starts with the integration of mind, body, and soul. Once individuation is achieved, we move on to partnership.
Relationship skills will be the subject matter of a future series. Right now, what is most pressing is the need to improve parenting skills. Even though I have not given birth to a child, I have been the “mother” archetype to many males as well as females.
The reality I entered as a child helped me develop a great deal of empathy and compassion for others. I know the pain of not being loved or approved of, and I know what it has taken to help myself heal. Therefore, I want to help others in the process of healing that initial wound and all those that came after, since the subconscious awareness of not being loved sets us up for further injury.
Not only were self-confidence, self-worth, and self-love not taught to us, but we also lived with the shame of not feeling love for the parent or parents being celebrated by those outside the family unit, whether during specific holidays or on occasions meant to be opportunities to gather with our “families.”
How many family gatherings are truly joyful celebrations? The underlying hypocrisy that holds the family together is easily uncovered as existing anger and resentment surface with minimal provocation.
As stated in a previous article, a call to action is demanded at this time. The critical importance of understanding the responsibility that goes along with “parenting” has been neglected. Turning children over to government agencies, daycare centers, uncaring babysitters, TV, or giving a two-year-old your phone to scroll through is irresponsible. It is guaranteed to create irresponsible children who grow into irresponsible adults and provide the same inept guidance to their own children, who will inevitably arrive while they are still in their teens!
I have seen the despair of parents when their undisciplined child acts out, with the parents quickly medicating the child instead of taking the time to uncover the source of the tantrum. No, it’s not simply a lack of love at that point. Too often, the child has developed habits that the parent has not even noticed!
I have also seen and worked with grown-ups who feel guilty because a parent did not give them guidance, support, or love as they were growing up. One such grown-up was “fixed up” by her mother’s boyfriend, who arranged a date for her with a guy he knew when she was only 12 years old! I don’t need to give further details of how her life unfolded or how and why she came to me at 24!
We hear about “toxic” masculinity. Well, when one learns how parents might have instigated their boys’ behavior, we’ll have a clear understanding of why our society is looking at its own demise and why I see a lack of parenting skills as a source, if not the cause, of this alarming situation.
I’ve also seen and accepted the fact that parents will treat their children the way they themselves were treated. That is precisely the reason I chose not to be a parent. I knew that unless I made things “right” with and within myself, I was not likely to raise my child differently from the way I was raised. Thus, as I matured, I saw that I could help many other children besides my own.
This is a brief overview of my observations, and there’s much more I can share. As I said, this is the call to action! I intend to start parenting group classes, and I’m in the process of developing the structure of the program.
If this work is of interest, please contact:
Renee Devereaux
775 434 9568
Read more from Renee Devereaux
Renee Devereaux, Regeneration Specialist
Renee Devereaux built and rebuilt her business multiple times, surviving financial collapse, health crises, and relocations across countries. Every loss taught her about resilience and the impermanence of external security. This work has remained constant, helping people reclaim their power by resolving what holds them back. "Freedom and Empowerment Through Entrepreneurship" is her second book, a guide and workbook she shares with those eager to start their own business.
