Why Do So Many Women (Coaches) Hideout And Play Small?
Written by: Linda Ford, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Do you know what breaks my heart? Smart women who keep sitting on their ideas instead of sharing them, who keep second-guessing themselves and worrying about what others are thinking about them. Smart women who lack confidence and who continue to hide out.
This is what breaks my heart.
Big confession: I used to be one of these women. I used to think my lack of confidence was a competency issue, that I didn’t know enough, wasn’t skilled enough, trained enough, or professional enough. And so, I ended up spending thousands of dollars on courses, workshops, and training, not to mention my serious addiction to buying and reading self-help books.
And then there was all the inner work and the excruciating work of over-analyzing myself – my obsession of wanting to get to the bottom of what I thought was wrong with me, why I always felt overly self-conscious, and why I insisted that I needed cleaning out. I had a fixation with fixing myself.
Ironically, I became aware of this problem when I became a coach realizing that I had also to wear an entrepreneurial hat. That’s when all of my stuff came up because I was being called to share what I knew with a larger audience – I had to put myself out there – if I were going to get serious about my business, then I’d have to do blogging, interviews, and go live on Facebook and that brought up some of my worst fears: that people would find me boring, unprofessional, and not good enough.
And so once again, I retreated into my learning cave, believing that when I learn how to market properly, then I’ll be ready. Then I’ll feel confident.
Gaining skills and competencies have great value. I’m not knocking them. I wouldn’t want a dentist performing a root canal on me if she hadn’t been professionally trained. And getting coached, doing the deep inner work on myself, and learning how the equipment of the mind works has saved my life. Heck, I even became a coach! For sure, there is a need and place for all of this. It’s just that it can all get a bit obsessive. It can also give us a sneaky false sense that we’re actually getting stuff done and we’re on course when we’re not! What is really going on for a lot of women is not a competency problem. It’s a hiding problem.
What I discovered was that I was putting business strategies ahead of doing the deep inner work of connecting with the truth of who I was and what value I had to offer others. I wasn’t connected to myself, my voice, my work, my soul, but instead innocently distracted trying to copy and imitate other coaches believing that if a business strategy worked for them, it would automatically work for me. It was as if I’d built a house and had decorated it before laying down the essential foundation. It was bound to sink. What I realized is that I had to come home to myself first and remember why I wanted to do this important work of coaching in the first place.
And is it any wonder we end up collapsing our power and feel like an imposter? Is it any wonder why we spend years second-guessing our next move? When we don’t feel deeply connected to our true selves – when we don’t know our own value but prefer to imitate someone else’s value - we are, for sure, imposters. It makes logical sense, doesn’t it?
Gaining confidence is not about adding or proving we are confident through competencies. Academia is full of people with Ph.D.’s with imposter syndrome. The confidence you long for is already there within you. It is built into you. It is part of your brilliant design.
Feeling your confidence and power is about taking away, stripping back the layers of thoughts that cover it - the patterns of thinking that you have accumulated and that tell you you’re not good enough or original enough - that some people have it and you don’t have it. You’ve made it all up.
So, what are you waiting for? You already know so much. You’ve been on this spiritual journey a long time. I know you. You don’t need any more training. You don’t need another business strategy. What you have is a deep desire to help others, to make a difference in the world. Isn’t it about time you turned up your own dimmer switch and had a glimpse of your own brilliance? You’ve got this!
Linda Ford, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Linda Ford is a master coach and author who specializes in helping introverted coaches and solopreneurs who want to have more impact and clients – who want to be seen and heard - but who struggle with imposter syndrome, hiding out fear of criticism, and the uncomfortableness of having to put themselves 'out there'.
At the heart of Linda’s work is the belief that we have to develop a deep connection with our unique gifts, message and to know our true value. This is the rocket fuel that allows us to be seen and heard and feel the ease of putting ourselves 'out there'. When we do this essential inner work, we awaken our natural confidence, charisma, and power to connect and resonate with others. It surpasses and precedes any marketing strategy.
Linda Ford is the co-creator of the online programs, The Confidence Coach – how to have more impact and change the world, and Confidence in a Box: If I’m so smart, then why don’t I feel more confident? Ford is also the co-author of the Kindle best-selling book, Women and Confidence: The truth about the lies we tell ourselves.
