Why Being 'Strong' In Love is Keeping You Single and The Hidden Power of Vulnerability
- Brainz Magazine
- May 14
- 4 min read
Founder of The Yalini Experience, Yalini has qualifications in Psychology and a Master's Degree in Social and Political Science. She is a certified Master Practitioner in Hypnotherapy, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), and Timeline Therapy.
You're strong, you're independent, you're successful. You've built a beautiful life and can stand firmly on your own two feet. Your friends admire your independence, your dating profile shines with achievements, and you know your worth. What man wouldn't want a woman like you?
Maybe you tell yourself that they're intimidated by your success, or that there aren't any quality men left. Or maybe, you even catch yourself in moments saying things like, you're happy being single, that you're too independent for love, that you don't need a man to complete you. But in those quiet moments when you're truly honest with yourself, don't you wonder if there's something more? If behind all that independence and self-sufficiency, there's a part of you that deeply yearns for a genuine, deep-soul connection?
But then, where is he? In fact, where are all the good men?
Well, what if the strength you've worked so hard to achieve is actually the very thing keeping you from finding true love? You know the kind of strength I mean, the one that keeps you "safe" in your head instead of vulnerable in your heart, helping you stay logical instead of emotional, so you can play it "cool" instead of appearing "needy". Perhaps you believe this makes you different, more evolved and attractive to men in the dating world. But the emotions and vulnerability you've learned to control aren't a weakness at all. Instead, they hold the key to the connection you're seeking.
I know this personally because I've walked this path before. Like many of you, I once wore my emotional resilience like a badge of honour, believing that not needing anyone made me strong and independent. But eventually, I realised that it only kept me trapped in a prison of my own loneliness. Because hiding from my emotions, from my vulnerability, didn't just keep pain out, it kept love out too.
Think about your own dating experiences. Have you ever caught yourself holding back, afraid to show your true feelings? Perhaps you've mastered the art of appearing "fine" when your heart is aching, convinced that showing emotion might make you appear weak or less attractive. Or maybe you keep potential partners at arm's length, believing this somehow makes you more desirable by not being needy.
The truth? Real strength isn't found in emotional armour. It's found in the courage to be seen, to be known, to be vulnerable. It's in allowing yourself to feel deeply, to express authentically, and to connect genuinely, even when there's a risk of getting hurt.
I've witnessed countless women transform their love lives once they embraced this truth. Like Sarah, a successful business owner who prided herself on never needing anyone. She came to me believing her independence was her greatest asset in dating. But beneath her polished exterior lay a deeper truth she was terrified of letting anyone close enough to see her imperfections, her fears, her desires.
Through our work together, Sarah discovered that true connection wasn't about showcasing her achievements or maintaining a perfect facade. It was about allowing herself to be human, to share her fears, to express her needs. When she finally allowed herself to be vulnerable with the right person, she created the deep, authentic relationship she'd always yearned for but never thought possible.
Here's how you can start embracing vulnerability as your path to love:
Acknowledge your fears: Your walls weren't built without reason. Honour the experiences that led you to protect yourself, while recognising that these defences might no longer serve you.
Start small: Vulnerability isn't about laying your soul bare on the first date. It's about gradually allowing yourself to be seen, one authentic moment at a time.
Choose courage over comfort: When you feel the urge to retreat behind your walls, pause. Ask yourself what you might gain by staying open, even when it feels uncomfortable.
Remember, vulnerability isn't about being weak; it's about being brave enough to show up as your authentic self, even when there are no guarantees. It's about trusting that the right person will cherish your openness rather than exploit it. After all, real love isn't about finding someone who can't hurt you; it's about finding someone worth the risk of being vulnerable with. And that journey begins with you. Your first step is simply to find the courage to let love in.
Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, YouTube, and visit my website for more info or subscribe to the Lead From Love Podcast!
Yalini Nirmalarajah, Self-Love & Relationship Coach
Yalini Nirmalarajah, a global Self-Love and Relationship Coach, empowers women to reclaim the source of their light, their feminine essence and intuition. In societies where women are taught to be more like men, her guidance helps women overcome this false conditioning so they can heal from the trauma it’s created, reconnect with their emotional bodies, and live authentically from their hearts. Inspired by this mission, she launched the Lead From Love Podcast.
Founder of The Yalini Experience, Yalini has qualifications in Psychology and a Master's Degree in Social and Political Science. She is a certified Master Practitioner in Hypnotherapy, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), and Timeline Therapy. Her expertise extends to post-graduate training in Rebirthing Breathwork, Iridology, Sclerology, Health, and Wellness. Yalini is dedicated to continuous development to provide the highest quality care for all her clients.
