Why Am I Talking? – WAIT and the Art of Sharing Airtime as a Leader
Updated: Jul 27
Written by Lisa Gaines, Leadership Wellbeing Coach
Lisa Gaines is a leadership and welbeing coach, empowering mid-life women leaders to redefine success, break through barriers, and thrive. Drawing on her expertise in neuroscience and emotional intelligence, Lisa supports her clients with navigating change, finding renewed purpose, and creating sustainable growth in both work and life.
Do you like hearing the sound of your own voice, or do you hate it? “I hate hearing my own voice” is a comment I hear regularly when mentoring coaches as they listen to recordings of their coaching sessions being played back.
Personally, I’ve always enjoyed talking and expressing myself, sometimes a bit too much. At a workplace karaoke party years ago, a colleague prompted me, “Lisa, you need to give other people a chance on the microphone.” Full transparency, there was champagne involved, and that’s partly to blame, but how embarrassing to realise I was hogging the mic that much!
That moment, and many others like it, taught me something I carry into my work as a coach and facilitator, the importance of sharing the airtime.
Do you notice how awful it feels when one person dominates a conversation, speaking at everyone else without pause? It’s not just unproductive, it can feel distressing and draining, and it can make others want to disengage. When someone doesn’t recognise the importance of sharing the space, the opportunity for real dialogue and connection is lost.
A mentor once gave me a simple tool that I still use today, WAIT, Why Am I Talking?
It’s a great reminder that whether you’re someone who talks too much, like I sometimes can, or someone who talks too little because you hate hearing the sound of your own voice, the magic happens when we hear from everyone.
But there’s another reason many midlife women go quiet in meetings, and it has nothing to do with confidence or capability. I recently heard a colleague, a veteran professional with 40 years of experience under her belt, say that she doesn’t speak up in meetings anymore because she can’t trust herself to finish a sentence. Brain fog and difficulty with word recall can make even the most seasoned leader freeze in the middle of a thought, and that fear of losing the thread keeps brilliant women from contributing. How sad that we don’t normalise not remembering the right words in the moment for women in midlife. It’s something I incorporate into every group that has at least one other midlife woman in it. We have great fun with it and don’t attach it to our worth.
Here’s a hack I use myself, I tell my brain, “It will come back to me in a moment.” Why does this work? Our brains are wonderful servants. If we get frustrated and say out loud or internally, “Why can’t I remember?” or “Damn, I can’t remember,” our minds get stuck on that thought. But if we take the pressure off and simply say, “It will come back to me in a moment,” the word often returns much more quickly. Don’t just take my word for it, try it for yourself the next time your words go missing in the middle of a sentence.
Sharing airtime isn’t only about individual awareness, though. It’s also part of the facilitator’s role. This role can and should be rotated within a team, and the facilitator’s task is to ensure every voice is heard in meetings, not just those of the extroverts. That might be as simple as saying, “Let’s hear from some of the voices we haven’t heard from yet,” or asking individuals directly for their input. It’s important that the facilitator sets these expectations at the outset. This reduces the likelihood of anyone taking offence during the meeting, and over time, sharing the airtime becomes a cultural norm rather than an occasional intervention. A good facilitator creates the conditions for balance, so no one has to fight for space.
Then there are the leaders who are so passionate and have so much to give that they can’t help but do most of the talking, most of the time. They pour out ideas, solutions, and enthusiasm, and then can’t understand why their team is disengaged. It takes awareness to recognise that we are hogging the mic, especially when our intentions are good. But when we remember to "WAIT" and see our team become more involved in the conversation, coming up with brilliant solutions of their own and becoming more autonomous, we get to experience those proud moments of recognising that we are growing our people. They become better contributors because we have learned some self restraint.
Here are a few ways to create more balanced conversations
If you’re naturally talkative, pause and remember to "WAIT" before jumping in.
If you’re quieter, look for moments to share or ask a question to contribute.
If you’ve lost your words in the middle of a sentence, tell yourself that they will come back to you in a moment, and give yourself permission to pause.
If you’re facilitating or hosting, invite quieter voices in with an open question, and consider rotating who holds that role.
Ultimately, conversations are richer when every voice is heard.
As a team coach, I’ve seen it time and again, the best performing, most engaged teams have leaders who elicit contributions from their team rather than download everything onto them. This is what I aspire to develop with every leader and team member I work with.
What about you? Will you incorporate more "WAIT", or something else?
Read more from Lisa Gaines
Lisa Gaines, Leadership Wellbeing Coach
Lisa Gaines is a leadership and wellbeing coach devoted to helping mid-life women leaders reconnect with themselves, overcome roadblocks or burnout, and thrive. With over 15 years of experience and drawing on her expertise in neuroscience and emotional intelligence, Lisa supports her clients through meaningful transitions in work and life. Her coaching style is nurturing, insightful, and practical, and empowers clients to overcome their barriers and step into new chapters with clarity, courage, and balance. Lisa is passionate about supporting women to step up, stand tall, and create sustainable success on their own terms.
