Why Adult Friendships Should Mean More Than A Night Out
- Aug 31, 2024
- 7 min read
Updated: Mar 10, 2025
Written by Kathryn Holeton, Special Guest Writer and Executive Contributor
Adult friends are different from having friends as a child, but I’m biased. I was bullied from elementary school to the end of middle school. If you can think of the most antisocial person, then that was me.
My nose was permanently glued to a book. My reading addiction was so bad that I almost succeeded in reading all the books in my elementary school library. My teachers were a little worried about my sanity; I think they may have also been in awe. When I entered high school, I made some friends.
I gained 3 friends that have been in my life to this day. They have been there for me in more ways than I could have even imagined back in elementary school. As adults, we have helped each other grow and learn, and work through life’s challenges.
Adult friends are different because they care and respect you as a person. They support you when life gets complicated and messy. Of course, it’s not a one-sided relationship; there must be equal give and take. Adult friendships are a support system that affects all areas of your life in positive ways.
Supportive circle
Friendship is an investment of time and energy. Your return on your investment is a second family, a safe group of people to talk to and hang out with. Having adult friends also helps with your mental health.
Friends can increase your sense of belonging and purpose, boost your happiness, reduce stress, improve self-confidence and self-worth, help you cope with trauma, encourage you to change or avoid unhealthy lifestyles, and more. – Mayo Clinic
Without the support of my friends, I would probably still be an antisocial bookworm. They encouraged me to try new things and to talk about whatever was on my mind. Because of them, I started playing Magic, the Gathering, which, I confess, I am hopelessly addicted to. I also got into Dungeons and Dragons (DND) and romance books, to a certain extent, as well as anime and manga.
I was also able to finish my last semester of college, even when I was burned out to the point of dropping out because they supported me and kept giving me reasons to finish that semester. In turn, I have also supported them through their hard times. We’ve helped each other out of some dark moments and enjoyed the good ones together.
Having friends as an adult is all about supporting one another through any circumstance and being generous. Adult friends are also full of wisdom and positivity because they have more experienced setbacks and challenges in life.
The greatest of advice
Adult friends are great at giving advice. Asking a friend for advice, especially about a situation they’re not aware of, can offer a fresh perspective on what you’re going through. “A friend’s personal wisdom brings valuable, often objective, insights that help you overcome challenges and move forward in moments of confusion or distress.” – Better Up
Your friends also won’t be afraid to tell you exactly how something is, even if you don’t want to hear it. That being said, advice of any kind should be taken with a grain of salt. No one has all the answers to every situation, and of course, everyone has bias.
I have gone to my friends for advice on all kinds of things like if something I wrote sounded alright, how to navigate weird situations, and what my DND character should do next during a campaign. Asking for advice from my friends is sometimes uncomfortable because of the topic, but I still want to hear what they have to say about it. Because sometimes I don’t trust my own judgement.
They have also asked me for advice on similar topics, and about other situations. You have to be careful about what you say and how you share advice. My advice for giving and receiving advice from friends are:
Listen with an open mind. You should be courteous to your friends when asking for advice. Don’t judge them, and don’t get angry at them. What you ask for, you will receive.
Make sure they want your advice. No one likes someone who is a know-it-all all. Make sure that you only give advice when prompted, otherwise you may come off as narcissistic.
Provide honest feedback, not brutalized feedback. If giving advice, you should simply offer your perspective and your thoughts. No judging, and don’t belittle them for asking. If your friend is asking for help, you should reciprocate while being supportive. You should also expect the same from them.
You should always follow your gut on how to give advice to friends. Your mind could be wrong, but your gut is always right.
The creepy side
When you’ve been with a group of friends for a while, you may notice that you’re all sensitive to each other’s energies. Not to get spiritual, but long-term friends tend to develop an intuitive sense or a natural gut feeling of what each member of the group is feeling.
“Intuition is not based on facts or reasonable thinking. It’s knowing without having an explanation. It’s a strong sensation — a feeling.” – Psyche Spot
When you’ve been with long-term friends, you have also been on a healing journey. Over the years, you have shared secrets, let go of grudges, and learned to love yourself more than you did before. Healing heightens your intuition, which also helps you throughout life. Your gut feelings about people and situations can help you and the people around you by guiding you to the truth.
Intuition in a long-term friend group shows that all members are linked energetically, which is not a bad thing. Being able to sense the energy levels of your friends can help you support your friends better, and vice versa.
I will say, it’s a little creepy when your friends know when you’re upset while you’re hiding it. There was this one time when I was upset over a family situation, but I wasn’t going to talk about it. My friends caught on that I was upset immediately when we met later that day. I’ve also done the same to them.
There have been times when one of my friends has been upset. I noticed their energy level was off, but they didn’t seem overly upset on the outside. I asked them if they were alright, and they looked at me like I had said something crazy. Stuff like this happens in long-term friendships, but it’s not a bad thing. It just shows that your friend group has grown closer and stronger.
What happens with success
There are innumerable reasons why you may lose friends. For people who are successful in business, you can lose friends because of jealousy, greed, envy and other toxic emotions appearing in your friend group. You can even find yourself being used like a weapon among your friend group, like, “Oh I know so and so, they can do it for you for free.”
These phrases are a dead indicator that your friend or friend group has ceased serving you. It’s a harsh reality that many successful businesspeople face.
“As you achieve success, your priorities and interests may change, leading to a natural drifting apart from those who don’t share your goals. Additionally, some people may feel threatened or resentful of your accomplishments and distance themselves as a result.” – Mister Independent
While the loss of friend or group of friends can sting for a while, it clears the way for more valuable and fulfilling friendships that will serve you better. I’m blessed, and forever grateful, that I haven’t lost my closest friends.
If you’re someone who has experienced this, I recommend being easy on yourself. Even if the reason your friends left was because of something you did or didn’t do, mistakes happen. Don’t give up on making friends, because that will make you more miserable. Forgive yourself and keep moving forward.
In closing
Adult friendships should be long-lasting and fulfilling. They should be built on trust, honesty, and commitment. Your friends should care about you regardless of your background and success, or if you have a habit of living in a book. At the end of the day, everyone deserves to be happy and have friends in this world.
It’s hard enough to just survive with the housing and job market being what it is. We all need the extra support to push us to become our best selves and to encourage us to push past our limits. Life is too short to stay behind mental walls and blocks.
Some parting advice, stay open to all opportunities. You never know if the person you bumped into at the grocery store could become your lifelong friend. Don’t push someone to become your friend, it must happen organically. And most importantly, treasure your friends. They are hard to replace.
For more information about me or my brand design services, visit my website here.
Read more from Kathryn Holeton
Kathryn Holeton, Special Guest Writer and Executive Contributor
My name is Kathryn Holeton. I am a Brand Designer for musicians and writers based in Knoxville, Tennessee. I was a musician and writer for many years but found I had a knack for brand design when I was finishing up my Bachelor's in Professional and Technical Communication.
After I graduated, I worked in several industries, most notably music, poetry, and publishing, which you can read about in "My Creations."
One thing I found consistently lacking was the conversation of having a brand. No one was actively discussing this important step in the creative industries, and it annoyed me.
My mission is to help musicians and writers create a brand that supports their creative practice. Because you deserve to be successful, you deserve to grow. Your work deserves to be heard and seen.
