When The Holidays Don’t Feel So Merry
Alisa Atroshchenko, a multilingual life and couples coach with 7+ years of experience, specializes in guiding diverse couples towards stronger connections using empathy and practical strategies, drawing from her international background.
As the year winds down, many of us find ourselves limping toward the finish line, burned out, drained, and emotionally frayed. Then December comes barreling in with its tinsel-covered expectations: be joyful, dress up, plan parties, and magically transform into the life of the holiday season. It’s a lot. If you’re feeling less “jingle all the way” and more “hibernate under a blanket with Netflix,” you’re not alone.
Here’s the thing: no matter how festive the world insists you be, you don’t have to fake it. The calendar may say “holiday cheer,” but you have the right to honor your feelings, whatever they are, and move at your own pace. Celebrate how you want, or don’t celebrate at all. No one is handing out awards for attending every party or out-sparkling everyone on Instagram.
Why it’s okay to not be okay during the holidays
Holidays often bring emotional baggage to the forefront. For some, it’s the stress of family dynamics. For others, it’s grief, loneliness, or the weight of unmet expectations. Let’s not forget the financial pressure; gifts, travel, and celebrations don’t come cheap. It’s no wonder so many of us feel stretched too thin, emotionally and otherwise.
Here’s a little reminder: you’re not a holiday machine. You’re human. If your heart is telling you to slow down, listen to it. It’s okay to trade a bustling holiday schedule for quiet evenings, reflective moments, or even the simple joy of doing absolutely nothing.
How can coaching help?
This time of year is ripe for a reset, and that’s where coaching comes in. A coach won’t hand you a list of goals or demand that you create the perfect holiday experience. Instead, they’ll help you unpack what’s really weighing you down, clarify what you truly need, and guide you in creating a version of the holidays that feels right for you.
Coaching also helps you set boundaries, something many of us struggle with during this season. Whether it’s saying no to an event you don’t have the energy for or carving out time for yourself amidst family obligations, a coach can help you hold space for your needs.
Try these exercises to lighten the load
1. The gratitude reset
Write down five things you’re grateful for each evening. Big or small, it doesn’t matter whether it is a kind word, a cozy blanket, or even your favorite cup of tea. Gratitude rewires your brain to focus on the positives, even when life feels overwhelming.
2. The “no” list
List three things you don’t want to do this holiday season, things that drain you or don’t align with your values. Then, write down how you’ll communicate those boundaries. Practice saying “no” kindly but firmly.
3. Micro-joy moments
Each day, plan one small act of self-care. A ten-minute walk, a favorite song on repeat, or a guilt-free hour with a book. These moments add up and help replenish your emotional reserves.
Borrow from other traditions
Holidays look different around the world, and there’s so much to learn from how other cultures celebrate. In Denmark, for example, there’s “hygge,” the art of cozy, intentional living. Think candlelight, warm drinks, and meaningful conversations. Incorporating a little hygge into your home can make even the darkest winter nights feel comforting.
In Japan, the New Year is about cleansing both literally and emotionally. Families deep-clean their homes to start fresh and leave behind the year’s baggage. Try decluttering a corner of your space or writing down worries you want to let go of before burning the paper.
Mexican families often gather for posadas, reenacting Mary and Joseph’s search for shelter before Christmas. It’s less about perfection and more about connection, with singing, food, and togetherness. If the season feels isolating, creating small traditions with loved ones can anchor you.
Integrating traditions into your life
Whether you’re part of a couple or navigating family dynamics, adopting new traditions can bring fresh energy to the season. Plan a night to explore one of these global rituals together. Cook a meal from a different culture, share your hopes for the coming year, or simply light candles and sit quietly. These moments of connection often matter more than grand gestures.
The holidays are not a test of your resilience or a stage for your social performance. They’re an opportunity, a messy, emotional, human opportunity to reconnect with yourself and those you love. So, give yourself permission to rewrite the script. Slow down, honor your feelings, and create a holiday season that feels like a gift, not a burden.
Read more from Alisa Atroshchenko
Alisa Atroshchenko, Life and Relationships Coach
Alisa Atroshchenko, a life and couples coach with over 7 years of experience, specializes in fostering stronger connections and personal growth in relationships. Fluent in four languages— English, French, Russian and Spanish—her multicultural upbringing lends a deep understanding of global perspectives. Guiding couples through self-understanding and needs assessment, she facilitates transformative journeys towards understanding and harmony. With a mission to spread happiness through building stronger relationships, she draws from her international background spanning Russia, France, Switzerland, and Mexico. Her commitment to fostering understanding knows no bounds, offering support and guidance worldwide.
