When Love Becomes Currency – Why Broken Hearts Confuse Desire for Connection
- Feb 3
- 4 min read
Margo Thompson is a Social Work professional, Educator, and CEO of Complete Care & Wellness Clinic. In her upcoming book, The Psychology of a Broken Heart, she offers a clinical and faith-rooted approach to healing emotional pain–bringing hope, clarity, and lasting change for individuals and generations to come
As a little girl, all I ever wanted was to shoot love out of my chest like a Care Bear, for anyone who needed it. Love felt instinctual to me. Natural. Something meant to be shared freely. What I learned far earlier than I should have, however, is that people don’t always know what they need, especially when they’re brokenhearted. And even more sobering, some people will unconsciously choose to remain broken rather than receive love that requires vulnerability, accountability, or healing. So, I adapted. I observed.
And without guidance or clarity, I eventually came to a conclusion that quietly shaped my understanding of relationships, the world does not trade in kindness or care. The world trades in money and control, with sex often functioning as the exchange rate.
I understood the obvious risks, pregnancy, sexually transmitted infections, the consequences we’re taught in health class. What I did not fully understand was the soul exchange, the ties that bind us, the unseen transaction that occurs when intimacy is used to fill wounds it was never meant to heal.
Why “don’t do it” isn’t enough
The Church often addresses sex from a moral position of restraint, don’t do it. But “don’t do it” lacks context, compassion, and explanation. Desire itself is not sinful. We are born as sexual beings. The issue is not desire, it’s how desire is managed, and how (and what) it’s being used to medicate.
When desire is used to soothe abandonment, neglect, rejection, or unhealed childhood trauma, sex becomes less about connection and more about regulation. In my book, The Psychology of a Broken Heart, I explore how unprocessed trauma turns intimacy into anesthesia rather than attachment.
This is where many broken hearts become trapped, not because they lack love, but because love has been confused with access, attention, and validation.
Broken hearts don’t heal in silence
A broken heart is not passive. It aches. It itches. It searches. And when pain goes unspoken, it doesn’t disappear, it festers, gets infected, and then infects others. Emotional wounds are no different than physical ones. When left untreated, they spread internally, shaping decisions, relationships, and identity until one day we look at our lives and ask, “How did I get here?”
As Pastor Sarah Jakes Roberts reminds us in her sermon, “Don’t Hold Your Breath,” healing requires excavation, not avoidance. It requires pulling pain up at the root.
This truth is powerfully echoed in Tyler Perry’s movie Madea's Family Reunion, where the declaration “I am not your tragedy” serves as a turning point for those carrying the infections and wounds that never belonged to them. It’s a reminder that trauma can be acknowledged without being inherited.
Desire is not the enemy, avoidance is
Desire becomes destructive when it’s used to bypass truth. When sex is being used to replace emotional safety. When connection replaces accountability. When lust stands in for love.
This is the starting point of healing, understanding that desire itself is not the problem. Mismanagement is.
In my follow-up article, I explore how this mismanagement traces all the way back to the beginning, to the fall of man, and how broken hearts repeat cycles they never consciously chose.
Next steps
If you recognize yourself in these patterns, The Psychology of a Broken Heart offers a guided, faith-based, trauma-informed pathway to understanding why you love the way you do, and how to heal it at the root. Available now on Amazon.
Healing begins with understanding. It’s time to evolve.
Read more from Margo Monique Thompson
Margo Monique Thompson, Relationship and Personal Growth Strategist
Margo Thompson is the CEO of Complete Care & Wellness Counselling Clinic (CCWC), a Social Work professional, post-secondary Educator, personal development Counsellor, and author of the upcoming book The Psychology of a Broken Heart. With over 18 years of experience in Child Welfare, Education, Mental Health, and Wellness, she is known for her compassionate,
faith-rooted approach to trauma recovery, emotional well-being, and relationships. Her insight blends formal training in Social Work and Psychology with lived experience, overcoming early adversity, nearly two decades of marriage, and raising five children with love and intention.
At CCWC, Margo leads a multidisciplinary team delivering integrated, person-centered care through Counselling, Wellness, and family services. She is especially passionate about helping others move through pain with clarity and purpose, while fostering safe, accessible spaces for healing. In her upcoming book, she gives voice to emotional wounds that often go unspoken, confronting stigma, tracing trauma to its roots, and guiding readers toward lasting transformation through the combined lens of Psychotherapy and faith-based healing.
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