When Looking For The Best Can Work Against You
- Brainz Magazine
- Sep 2, 2022
- 3 min read
Written by: Mariette Jansen, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Are you keen to always get the best deal or the most beautiful item? Do you believe there is always better to be had? Is this influencing your decision-making process?
Elize loved shopping. She could spend whole Saturdays from early till closing time. It was quite tiring as it was an intensive activity for her. She had a list of shops in her head to go to and had to visit them all before she made a decision. She is still famous for her wedding dress shopping. It took 6 months and 8 decisions she came back on before she found THE DRESS. Shopping with Elize wasn’t too much fun for her friends.
They got tired of the endless comparisons and the process of having to check A-Z before Elize was happy with what she found. Elize is a typical maximiser ‒ someone who relies on external sources for evaluation. Rather than asking themselves if they enjoy their choice, they are more likely to evaluate their choices based on their reputation, social status, price and other external factors. When Elize supported her son to find the RIGHT university, she traveled the whole of the UK. Checked out every university with a reasonable reputation and researched endlessly where their graduates ended up. Compare this to Eileen. Eileen knew what she wanted and when she found it she was happy. She never went on long shopping expeditions. If she was looking for boots and found a pair she liked, the shopping was over. When she bought her first flat, she knew where she wanted to live, looked for a 2 bedroom apartment, found one that she liked, and bought it. Eileen was great at making decisions and didn’t care that there might have been something else around that was even better. Good is good enough for Eileen. Elize only opted for the best and even when she thought she had found it, she kept on checking to validate her choice. Who do you think is happier?
Satisfiers are content with their choices when their needs are met and then they get on with their lives. Maximisers are likely to second guess themselves, wondering if they could have made a better choice. And their decision never seems to be ‘finished business.’ They keep on looking around to ensure they bought or did the right thing. Disadvantages of being a maximiser:
Less time
Less satisfaction
More stress
Less confident about choices
Less efficient
How to stop being a maximiser
Set a limit of time you allow yourself to make a decision. If you are looking to find the house you love prepare by listing the essential requirements and set yourself a deadline.
Don’t regret. Regret is a negative emotion and will never make you happy. Always look for the positives in your decision and be grateful for the outcome.
Make your decision non-reversible. Don’t buy something that you might return.
Trust your own judgment and after your decision, don’t make comparisons.
Watch your language and manage your expectations. There is never a perfect solution or an ideal situation. If your needs are met it should be good enough.
Check out where you are on the spectrum.
Mariette Jansen, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Dr Mariette Jansen is a successful coach, therapist, and blogger for over 20 years. Also, author of best-selling self-help book 'From Victim to Victor' for victims of narcissistic abuse. She grew up with a narcissistic mother and had several romantic relationships with narcissists. Her mission is to empower and educate on life skills, narcissistic abuse, and thinking patterns. She offers a free coaching session via her website. Originally from the Netherlands, she now lives in the UK.
