We Are Always Finding a New Normal, and Maybe That's the Point
Written by Disha Modi, Health & Wellness Coach
Disha Modi is a national board-certified health & wellness coach, menopause specialist, and clarity catalyst coach with a master's degree in biochemical engineering. She helps individuals create sustainable habits, navigate life transitions, and improve their health through coaching grounded in evidence that bridges science and intentional living.
We spend much of our lives trying to get back to normal. After childbirth, surgery, illness, children leaving home, or parents needing more care, we reassure ourselves that once we get through this chapter, life will settle down again. But lately, I've been wondering whether “back to normal” is really the destination we should be looking for.
When I reflect on a woman's life, I see a continuous journey of transitions, each inviting us to adjust, grow, and sometimes discover a version of ourselves we haven't met before. Yet we often continue with familiar routines and responsibilities without giving ourselves the space to understand how we've changed.
From puberty and independence to relationships, careers, motherhood, and changing family roles, our lives are constantly evolving. Some women experience childbirth, infertility, miscarriage, or significant surgeries. Others navigate different paths. As the years pass, children grow, parents age, relationships evolve, and our priorities may begin to shift. Perhaps instead of continually trying to return to normal, we could recognize that we are always discovering a new normal.
The event happens, but the transition continues
We are good at recognizing significant life events. We celebrate a baby's arrival, acknowledge surgery, congratulate a child leaving for college, and support families when a parent becomes ill. But while the event may have a date attached to it, the transition often continues long afterward.
Consider becoming a mother. While everyone celebrates the newborn, a woman's life is being reorganized. Her body is recovering, sleep is interrupted, relationships are adjusting, and her sense of independence may feel unfamiliar. If she has undergone a cesarean section, she is also recovering from major abdominal surgery.
She can feel tremendous love for her baby while simultaneously experiencing exhaustion, uncertainty, or a loss of connection with the person she once knew. These emotions can coexist.
The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) recognizes postpartum care as an ongoing process that addresses physical recovery, emotional well-being, sleep, and the transition into parenthood. It reminds us that caring for the mother deserves attention alongside caring for the baby.
A hysterectomy offers another example. We often focus on when a woman can return to work, exercise, or resume intimacy. According to the United Kingdom's National Health Service (NHS), recovery after abdominal hysterectomy may take six to eight weeks, although other types of hysterectomy often have shorter recovery periods.
Importantly, a hysterectomy does not automatically cause menopause. When ovaries are preserved, they generally continue producing hormones, although menopause may occur earlier for some women. Removing both ovaries before natural menopause causes immediate surgical menopause.
Yet physical recovery tells only part of the story. One woman may experience enormous relief after years of pain, while another may have complicated emotions surrounding fertility, sexuality, or her changing body.
Recovery doesn't always mean returning to exactly who we were before. Sometimes an experience changes not only what we can do, but also what we value and want from life.
When the new normal creates possibility
Not every transition represents something we need to recover from. Sometimes change creates space for new experiences.
Consider the empty nest. After years of organizing life around children, the house becomes quieter and a familiar role begins to look different. For some women, this brings freedom and excitement. For others, it creates an unexpected sense of emptiness.
Yet within that uncertainty lies an opportunity to rediscover interests that may have taken a back seat. Perhaps you reconnect with your partner, travel, strengthen friendships, explore a career change, or finally pursue something you've been postponing.
We can miss the years when our children needed us every day while feeling excited about what lies ahead. Pride, sadness, uncertainty, and anticipation can all coexist.
The new normal isn't necessarily less than the old one. Sometimes it simply offers different possibilities.
When everyone needs something from you
For many women, children becoming more independent coincides with parents needing greater support. This is often described as the sandwich generation.
According to a 2026 Pew Research Center analysis, 54% of Americans in their 40s have a parent aged 65 or older while also raising a minor child or financially supporting an adult child. Although this doesn't necessarily mean they provide direct caregiving, it illustrates how family responsibilities can overlap.
A daughter or her spouse may gradually become the person managing appointments, coordinating care, or supporting an aging parent. At the same time, her children, career, household, and relationships continue requiring attention.
Caring for those we love can be deeply meaningful. The difficulty often arises when our roles change, but the expectations surrounding us remain the same.
We continue trying to fulfill every responsibility as we always have, without recognizing that our circumstances have shifted.
When change goes unspoken
One of the most interesting things about family relationships is that everyone can experience the same transition differently. A woman may feel overwhelmed and wonder why nobody notices how much she is carrying. Her partner may sense that something has changed but feel uncertain about how to help. A teenager may notice that Mom seems distracted, while an aging parent may feel uncomfortable asking for additional support.
Everyone is experiencing something real, but they may not understand what the others are going through. Without communication, we begin filling in the gaps with our own interpretations. Exhaustion can be mistaken for disinterest, and emotional distance for a lack of love. Unspoken needs can gradually become resentment.
Children may be particularly sensitive to changes in the emotional atmosphere at home. They don't need every adult detail, but explanations appropriate to their age and reassurance can help them understand that the family is adjusting together.
Sometimes protecting our relationships doesn't mean pretending nothing is changing. It means helping the people we love understand the change.
Finding our new normal together
As a health and wellness coach, I encourage people to approach transitions with curiosity rather than fear. We don't need to have everything figured out before inviting others into the conversation.
Begin by acknowledging what's changing and explaining how it's affecting you. Make room to understand how your partner, children, or parents are experiencing it too. Sometimes saying, “I'm still figuring out what this chapter looks like for me, but I'd like us to figure it out together,” can create meaningful connection.
Practical adjustments matter as well. Much of family life involves invisible responsibilities, such as remembering appointments, managing schedules, and anticipating what needs to happen next.
Research published in Archives of Women's Mental Health, involving 322 mothers of young children, found that women carried a disproportionate share of this cognitive household labor. Greater responsibility was associated with poorer measures of maternal wellbeing and relationship functioning.
Sharing responsibility therefore means more than simply dividing chores. It can involve taking ownership of tasks, simplifying routines, and recognizing what no longer needs to be done in the same way.
Of course, not every woman has a partner, nearby family, or the financial flexibility to redistribute responsibilities. Sometimes adaptation means seeking community support, adjusting expectations, or allowing certain things to wait.
The goal isn't to create a perfect arrangement. It's to recognize that as our lives evolve, the way we support one another may need to evolve too.
Maybe we're continually discovering a new normal
The more I reflect on women's lives, the less convinced I am that there is one version of normal we are supposed to discover and hold onto forever. Some transitions will be challenging, others will feel liberating, and many will contain a little of both. It is natural to feel fearful or uncertain when something familiar changes, but uncertainty doesn't necessarily mean something is going wrong.
We can acknowledge what we miss while remaining curious about what lies ahead. We can allow our priorities to evolve without feeling guilty for changing. Most importantly, we can invite the people we love to grow alongside us rather than allowing fear or unspoken expectations to create distance.
Discovering a new normal doesn't mean the previous chapter was wrong. Each stage of life brings experiences, relationships, and lessons that become part of who we are.
Perhaps the beauty of life isn't in finding one version of normal and holding onto it, but in learning to embrace the many versions of ourselves that emerge along the way. As we embrace those changes, perhaps we can also begin questioning some of the expectations we've inherited about what it means to be a strong woman.
Many of us grew up watching women carry enormous responsibilities without complaint. Their resilience deserves recognition, but it also invites us to consider whether strength must always mean enduring quietly. After all, the way we make room for ourselves to change may also shape how generously we allow other women to do the same.
Read more from Disha Modi
Disha Modi, Health & Wellness Coach
Disha Modi is a national board-certified health & wellness coach, menopause specialist, and clarity catalyst coach passionate about helping people create sustainable habits for lasting health and wellbeing. She combines coaching grounded in evidence with practical strategies to help clients improve nutrition, manage stress, navigate life transitions, and live with greater clarity and purpose. After overcoming a health crisis that changed her life, Disha brings both professional expertise and personal experience to her work, empowering others to create meaningful, lasting change. She is the founder of DM Health Coaching and a co-founder of The Terra Sana Experience, where she helps individuals reconnect with themselves and build healthier, more intentional lives.
