Values – The Compass Behind Every Decision
Jenni (Benningfield) Black is a former professional athlete, a mental performance coach, and the founder of Inner Opponent Coaching. As a certified professional coach, Jenni specializes in working with high-performing leaders, athletes, coaches, and teams.
Values are our internal compass. They guide our decisions, ground us in what matters, and shape how we show up in the world. When we’re connected to our values, we act with intention and authenticity. When we’re disconnected from them, life often feels harder than it needs to be.
At their core, values create direction, but they also build self-awareness. They become especially important when we feel stuck, conflicted about major decisions, or are trying to change our behavior. Values help us pause, check in, and choose in a way that feels true to who we are.
When our values are lived, expressed, and respected, life tends to feel more grounded and meaningful. There’s a sense of clarity, purpose, and energy that comes with alignment, often experienced as a deep, whole-body yes.
When we’re out of alignment, the experience feels very different. Misalignment often shows up as ongoing tension or stress, frequent doubt and second-guessing, drained energy, or a sense of burnout and exhaustion. It’s also noticeable in our language when “I want” quietly turns into “I should.”
That discomfort isn’t a sign of failure, it’s information. Friction is one of the clearest indicators that something important (one or more of our values) isn’t being honored.
Our values become most visible when we’re under pressure. When we act in alignment with them, trust and energy grow. When we don’t, we begin to feel disconnected from ourselves and from others.
Values are not goals, roles, or outcomes. They’re the how, not the what. You can achieve a goal and still feel misaligned if the process violates your values.
If I asked you, "What do you value and how does it show up daily in your life?" What would you say? If you hesitated, this article is for you. It’s a starting point to understand what matters most to you.
Activity: Clarifying your values
You can begin by taking a free values assessment online, looking at a list of values, or by asking the three people closest to you what values they see you consistently living by. From there, identify the top ten values. Your challenge is to narrow that list down to your top five values that truly matter most.
Use the questions below to reflect and confirm whether these values are genuinely yours.
Reflection questions
What values must be present and expressed for you to feel authentically yourself?
Think about a time when life felt really good, when you felt happy, proud, fulfilled, or satisfied. What value was being supported?
Think about a time when you were struggling or feeling stressed. What value was being challenged?
Is this value something you use as a filter when making difficult decisions?
What are the warning signs that show up when your values aren’t being honored?
Also, consider this, "Are these your values, or values you feel you “should” have? Do they come from society, family, or someone else’s expectations?"
Why does this matter?
These questions help you identify core values tied to your identity, not preferences, goals, or things you simply admire. Values become clearest in moments of alignment and misalignment, and understanding them allows you to recognize friction earlier rather than later. This awareness helps separate true values from habits, roles, or external expectations.
This exercise is ultimately an awareness tool. It helps you pause and ask, "Why am I making this decision? What value is being honored here?" That clarity keeps you aligned with what you truly want and supports you in becoming who you want to be.
So now what?
Before making a decision, ask yourself, "If I say yes to this, what value am I honoring? If I say no, what am I protecting?" Values aren’t meant to live on paper, they’re meant to guide real choices in real moments.
And remember, your values may evolve as you grow. That doesn’t mean you were wrong before, it just means you’re paying attention now.
Values don’t demand perfection. They ask for attention. The more often you listen, the more aligned and empowered your choices become.
If this reflection stirred something for you and you’re ready to move from awareness to action (especially in moments that feel hard), I’d love to connect and explore how coaching can support you in living your values in a way that truly honors who you are.
Read more from Jenni (Benningfield) Black
Jenni (Benningfield) Black, Mental Performance Coach
Jenni (Benningfield) Black, a former professional athlete and mental performance coach, discovered the life-changing impact of mental performance during her final year of professional basketball, helping her overcome the mental and emotional challenges of retirement and inspiring her to earn a Master’s Degree in Sports Psychology. Driven by this passion, she founded Inner Opponent Coaching to help high performers break through mental barriers and create a game plan to succeed in what truly matters to them.
