Understanding Your Emotional Boundaries & Reclaiming Your Personal Spaces
- Brainz Magazine
- 3 days ago
- 8 min read
Karen Robinson, MSW, ACSW, LCSW, CCTP-II, is a heart-centered trauma recovery expert, transformational coach, and therapist. She is the founder and CEO of Heal Thrive Dream, LLC, with a mission to serve and empower trauma survivors worldwide.
Emotional boundaries are like a protective shield for your heart and soul. They define the limits of what you're comfortable with emotionally and help you maintain a sense of self. Unfortunately, trauma can shatter these boundaries, leaving you feeling exposed and vulnerable. But healing from within means you can rebuild these emotional fences, one baby step at a time.
Start with self-compassion
The journey to healing begins with self-compassion. Be gentle with yourself. Understand that healing is not a linear process. Some days, you'll feel like you're making leaps of progress, while on others, it may seem like you're taking small steps or even standing still. That's okay. This is not a race.
Here are three tips on becoming more self-compassionate:
Acknowledge your pain: Admit that you've been through a traumatic experience, and it's okay to feel hurt, angry, or confused. Your emotions may be mixed. All of your feelings are valid.
Release self-blame/don’t claim the shame: It's essential to let go of self-blame. Remember that you did not cause the trauma, you are a survivor. Don’t take responsibility for something you didn’t do.
Seek support: Reach out to friends, family, or a therapist who can provide you with the emotional support you need. Talking about your feelings can be incredibly therapeutic. I highly recommend a support group.
Identify your emotional triggers
Understanding your emotional triggers is a significant step in nurturing your emotional boundaries. Trauma can leave you with sensitivities to certain situations, people, or places that remind you of the traumatic event(s). Identifying your triggers can help you avoid unnecessary emotional distress and will help you understand yourself better.
Ways to know yourself better include:
Journaling: With this practice, you will start to identify your patterns.
Mindfulness: With this practice, you will stay in the present moment and observe your emotions without judgment.
Set healthy boundaries: With the practice of identifying your triggers, you can then work on setting healthy boundaries to protect yourself from situations or people that intensify your emotional distress.
Learn to say "no”
For many survivors of trauma, saying "no" can be a challenging task. This is with good reason. If you live with unsafe people or grew up in a dysfunctional home, it really wasn’t safe to say “no”. However, as an adult, learning to assertively say no is crucial for nurturing emotional boundaries. If you are currently living in an unsafe environment, your first step is escaping the prison you are living in. Reach out for help.
Call the national domestic violence hotline. Support, resources and advice for your safety, 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
When safe to do so
Practice saying "no” by starting with small requests from friends or family. Politely decline when you're not comfortable with something. Gradually, you'll become more confident in setting boundaries.
Prioritize your needs. Please understand that saying "no" is not selfish, it's an act of self-care. Prioritize your emotional well-being above the expectations of others. When you don’t do this, it leads to resentment and burnout.
Communicate your limits. Share with those close to you about your boundaries. This will help them understand your needs and provide you with the support you are requesting both emotionally and physically.
Embrace healthy self-talk
Your self-talk is likely not always healthy. Our inner critic likes to attack, and it especially likes to attack when we are feeling vulnerable. Practicing healthy thinking and self-talk is like a soothing balm for your wounded soul. It involves replacing self-criticism with self-compassion and encouragement.
These are the steps I practice when my critical bug is biting me:
I challenge my negative thoughts. Whenever I catch myself thinking negatively about myself, I immediately challenge them. A quick way to do this is to ask yourself if your thoughts are based on facts or are they distorted by trauma.
I declare my affirmations. I practice healthy affirmations every chance I get to remind myself of my strength and resilience. I recommend you practice affirmations that you WANT to believe about yourself. Examples include, "I am worthy of love and healing," or "I am stronger than my past." For best results, practice these daily!
Surround yourself with positivity. Spend time with people who uplift and support you. Their positive energy can help counteract negative self-talk. Watch positive programing such as motivational speakers who inspire you to live the life you deserve.
Explore or reconnect with your passions
Reconnecting with your passions and hobbies can be a powerful way to nurture your emotional boundaries. Engaging in activities you love can provide you with a sense of purpose and joy.
Start by taking some time to explore activities that genuinely make you happy. It could be anything from painting to gardening, or even rediscovering a childhood hobby.
Set up a space where you can pursue your interests comfortably. This can be a corner in your home or a favorite outdoor spot. But don't pressure yourself to excel in your hobbies. The goal is not perfection, it's about enjoying the process and finding solace in your passions.
Your healing journey continues
Healing from within and nurturing your emotional boundaries is a path filled with hope and promise. It's about recognizing your strength, resilience, and worthiness. As you walk your healing path, remember that you are not alone and that baby steps are okay. Many survivors have walked this road before you and have emerged with renewed hope, love, peace, and a sense of self.
By starting with self-compassion, identifying emotional triggers, learning to say "no," embracing healthy self-talk, and reconnecting with your passions, you are taking active steps toward healing. Your emotional boundaries are sacred and empowering. Embrace this freer you.
Want to go deeper? I recommend my course, click here.
Discover transformative experience to regain control over your life, set healthy boundaries, and prioritize self-care.
A survivor's guide to setting physical boundaries
Have you ever had your physical boundaries violated? This happens all too frequently to children and to women.
Your very concept of safety and personal space has been marred by past experiences, leaving you feeling vulnerable and exposed. But what if I told you that there is hope? That there are ways to rebuild your sense of physical autonomy and rediscover the power within your own body? Please reclaim your physical boundaries by implementing practical strategies to take back your power, feel safe, and assert your voice. Believe this. You can do this!
Understanding the importance of personal space
Before we delve into the how-tos, let's take a moment to acknowledge why personal space matters. Your personal space is more than just the physical area around you, it's a reflection of your autonomy, safety, and emotional well-being. Setting and maintaining personal boundaries is a way of asserting yourself and protecting your mental and emotional health.
Start with baby steps and be gentle with yourself
Reclaiming your personal space doesn't mean erecting a barbed wire fence around yourself. It's a gradual process that begins with small, baby steps. Remember, it's okay to take your time and be gentle with yourself.
Create your comfort zones: Start by identifying the areas in your life where you feel the most uncomfortable or violated. This could be physical spaces, such as your home or workplace, or even personal interactions with others. Admit these to yourself, and to someone you trust.
Set your intentions: Once you've come to terms with the discomfort zones in your life, it is time to set clear intentions for what you'd like to change. What specific boundaries do you want to establish in these areas? What types of support do you need to make this happen?
Visualize your safe place: Close your eyes and imagine your secure personal space. What does it look like? How does it feel? Visualizing your safe space can help you set goals for creating it.
Communicate your boundaries
I can’t stress this enough. Reclaiming your personal space is much easier when you time to communicate your boundaries to others. This can be intimidating if you experienced multiple traumatic events, but it's empowering and necessary. Ask your network for support.
I highly recommend role-playing! Try these three ideas to set yourself up for communication success:
Practice assertive communication. Assertive communication is the key to expressing your boundaries effectively. Use "I" statements to express your feelings and needs. Expressing your boundaries with “I” statements helps the other feel less defensive and they will more likely hear what you are stating instead of shutting down.
Start your practice with people you trust. Begin by communicating your boundaries with people you trust and feel safe with. This will give you confidence and support as you navigate this process.
Be consistent. Consistency is vital when setting boundaries. Stick to your limits, and don't feel pressured to change them just because someone else wants you to. Others do not have to like your boundaries.
Create physical safe spaces
Your home should be your sanctuary, a place where you feel safe and comfortable. Here are some tips for creating physical safe spaces:
Declutter and organize. Clutter around you leads to your brain/thoughts feeling cluttered as well.
Decorate with comfort, peace, and softness. Ideas include soft blankets, soothing colors, artwork, choose items that bring you comfort.
Distinguish an area in your home for relaxation. Dedicate a specific area in your home as a relaxation zone. This can be a cozy nook for reading, meditating, or simply unwinding.
Self-care practices
Reclaiming your personal space also involves taking care of your emotional well-being. See my next blog post about incorporating self-care practices into your daily routine to support your healing journey. But here is a quick recap of what to expect:
Mindfulness and meditation: to stay grounded, present, and attuned to your feelings and needs.
Journaling: express your thoughts and emotions. A journal can be your therapy in a jiffy. Write about challenges in setting your physical or emotional boundaries.
Peer support: join a local or virtual support group. Talking to others who understand and validate your experiences can be incredibly healing.
Embrace progress, not perfection
Remember that setting physical boundaries is a journey, not a destination. It's okay to make mistakes along the way and adjust your boundaries as needed. I can’t even tell you how many mistakes I have made in my own boundary setting over the years. In fact, I’m still a work in progress! The important thing is that you are taking steps to reclaim your personal space and prioritize your well-being.
Reclaiming your personal space is an act of self-love
Reclaiming your personal space is an act of self-love and self-care. It's about recognizing your worth and valuing your own comfort and well-being. While the journey may have its ups and downs, every step you take towards setting physical boundaries brings you closer to a life where you feel safe, respected, and in control of your personal space.
You are not alone in this journey, and there is hope for a brighter, more comfortable future. By taking baby steps, communicating your needs, creating safe spaces, practicing self-care, and embracing progress, you can reclaim your personal space and find a renewed sense of empowerment and peace. Remember, your personal space is yours to define and protect, and you deserve a life where you feel safe, respected, and free to be yourself.
Discover transformative experience to set healthy boundaries, and prioritize self-care.
Read more from Karen Lynn Robinson
Karen Lynn Robinson, Trauma Recovery Expert/Transformation Coach
Karen Robinson, MSW, ACSW, LCSW, CCTP-II, is a best-selling author, speaker, therapist, transformational coach, and trauma recovery expert with 25 years of professional experience. As the Founder and CEO of Heal Thrive Dream, LLC, Karen leads a mother-daughter company dedicated to empowering trauma survivors. Heal Thrive Dream's mission is to help individuals heal from past wounds, thrive in their relationships, and create a vision for their futures. Karen's extensive expertise is underscored by her certification in Complex Trauma, making her a leading authority in the field.
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