Understanding the Narcissist in Business and When Professional Relationships Mirror Personal Ones
- Brainz Magazine
- 14 hours ago
- 5 min read
Written by Phoebe Toft, Healing Journey Author & Coach
Phoebe Toft is an impactful author and coach, known for the poetry collection "Caught in Partner Violence", where she uses words to foster understanding and healing around complex issues like partner violence and narcissism.
When it comes to understanding narcissism, many people primarily think of personal relationships, romantic partnerships, family dynamics, and friendships. However, the behavioral patterns that can cause deep pain and confusion in the private sphere are unfortunately often found in the professional world. Here, they can have equally devastating consequences for individuals, teams, and organizations. Recognizing these patterns is crucial for protecting yourself and navigating the business landscape more safely.
From dream to reality: The business "love bombing"
One of the most striking parallels between narcissism in personal and professional relationships is the initial phase, often called "love bombing" in personal contexts. This is the period when the narcissist is excessively charming, attentive, and idealizing. In business, this can manifest as an intense "charm offensive" during a recruitment process, a partnership discussion, or the presentation of a new business opportunity.
They "sell you a dream," a fantastic vision for a collaboration, a company, or a business plan. They promise great successes, mutual support, and an exciting, lucrative future. They can seem incredibly convincing, charismatic, and full of potential. Unfortunately, just like in personal relationships, this dream often leaves a nightmare when the real behavior and underlying intentions begin to surface.
Identification and exploitation of vulnerabilities
A central part of the narcissist's modus operandi is their ability to identify and exploit the vulnerabilities of others. They "read you like an open book," but unfortunately, not with empathy or good intentions. All people have a vulnerable side, something we deeply value, fear, or which is important to us. This could be our desire for success, recognition, fear of failure, our loyalty, our values, or even our financial situation.
The narcissist will actively seek out your vulnerability to use it as a tool for their own advantage. This is often where the manipulation truly begins. They can use your vulnerability to control you, pressure you into doing things you wouldn't otherwise have considered, or to destabilize you emotionally and mentally, making you easier to manage and dominate.
Gaslighting in the boardroom: Confusion and self-doubt
After the initial phase where the dream was sold, reality inevitably catches up. Just like in a relationship with a narcissist, in a business relationship, you will begin to experience a growing discrepancy between the person's words and actions. The promises made do not materialize, and the expected results fail to appear or are far from what was promised.
This is often where gaslighting truly takes shape, a manipulation strategy aimed at confusing you and making you doubt your own perception of reality. You intuitively sense that something isn't right, that there is a discrepancy between what you see and experience, and what the narcissist says. Your feeling that their words don't align with their actions, and that the results are not as promised or expected, will lead you to question their behavior and ultimately, your own judgment.
In an attempt to maintain control and avoid responsibility, the narcissist will actively work to confuse you and make you feel that you are "delusional" or overreacting. They may deny ever having said or promised something specific, or they may twist facts. To further destabilize you, they might present a few modest results or even invent or falsify outcomes. This creates further confusion and blurs your ability to distinguish between truth and lies, and to trust your own observation of reality.
Gaslighting is used here to position you as the crazy or unreliable one. They will turn the situation around and question your lack of trust, your logic, or your way of thinking. Questions like "Why do you think that way?" or assurances like "You can trust me" become manipulative tools that shift attention away from their own irregularities and onto you. The goal is to make you expend your energy defending yourself and your perception, instead of holding them accountable for their actions or lack thereof.
The devastating consequences: When you become the "battery"
The consequences of navigating a business relationship characterized by narcissistic patterns can be profound and devastating. The constant manipulations, gaslighting, and the feeling of being exploited can severely drain your mental and physical health. In the worst cases, such a situation can lead to severe stress, burnout, and even long-term sick leave. If it's a business partnership or a joint venture, the narcissistic behavior, which often includes irresponsible financial management, failure to adhere to agreements, and a complete lack of consideration for the partner's well-being, can potentially lead to personal bankruptcy.
For the narcissist, your value is often reduced to what you can contribute to their success. You are a "battery," a source of energy, ideas, labor, financial resources, or social capital that they can draw upon to build their own position and achieve their own goals. A narcissist often lacks the inner strength, perseverance, or genuine empathy necessary to build sustainable success in a healthy way. They are therefore dependent on "borrowing" or exploiting these qualities from others who possess them.
Because we, who do not think in narcissistic terms, often approach relationships with a fundamental trust and a desire for reciprocity, we are particularly vulnerable to their unhealthy patterns. We expect rational behavior, honesty, and a form of fairness that the narcissist does not operate from. This mismatch can lead to us being completely blindsided and "destroyed" by the experience.
The personal and professional costs are enormous. Becoming trapped in a narcissistic business dynamic can mean losing savings, possessions, your professional credibility, or your belief in yourself and your abilities. Having to "start over" in your career or business after such an experience is a reality for many victims. The rebuilding process often takes many years and requires an enormous effort to regain footing, trust, and stability.
Protecting yourself and rebuilding your future
Recognizing the signs of narcissism in business is the first, crucial step towards protecting yourself. It's about learning to trust your intuition, documenting behavior and results carefully, setting clear and firm boundaries, and if necessary, having the courage to withdraw from the relationship. Understanding that the behavior you are experiencing is not personal in the sense that you have "done something wrong" or are "inadequate," but rather an expression of the narcissist's fundamentally dysfunctional patterns, is crucial for your healing process.
Unfortunately, after such a devastating experience, it will often take many years to rebuild your career life. It's not just about building a new business or finding a new job; first, you have to "clean up all the mess" you've been left alone with the financial, legal, and emotional consequences. Navigating the business world requires not only professional skill but also a sharp awareness of human dynamics, including the darker sides, in order to identify risks, protect yourself, and ultimately build healthy and sustainable professional relationships.
Read more from Phoebe Toft
Phoebe Toft, Healing Journey Author & Coach
Phoebe Toft is a courageous author and coach who draws on her experiences from a violent relationship with a narcissistic partner. In her poetry collection 'Caught in Partner Violence', she uses words as healing tools to explore the dynamics of narcissistic relationships and raise awareness about trauma. With a spiritual approach to coaching, she aims to guide others toward inner strength and freedom. Phoebe is passionate about increasing understanding among society and professionals regarding the experiences of victims, as she believes that knowledge is crucial for healing.
