Understanding Old Man Syndrome and How to Live with Purpose
- 3 days ago
- 10 min read
Written by Shaun Sargent, Co-Founder STAIT
That we age is a given, how we age is a choice. STAIT – Unapologetically Strong. A first-class academic, award-winning professional, and global CEO, he is dedicated to continuous growth and inspiring others along the way.
Recently, I’ve become more aware that as people get older, many things happen or are taken for granted as a normal part of life. Being a member of several men’s circles, it’s clear to me that the societal norm is that as we age, things can become more difficult, and aging is something to be fought off at all costs, rather than embraced and celebrated.
There is some truth in this, but also a lot of misinformation. We are all different, so how can one norm fit all? Are we products of the environment we find ourselves in, blindly accepting what society expects of us at 'our age'?
This got me thinking about old man syndrome (OMS). Is that a real thing, or folklore? So I googled it. "Old man syndrome" isn’t a formal medical diagnosis, but a colloquial term for various age-related changes. It often manifests as grumpiness, irritability, or emotional shifts due to factors like declining testosterone (andropause/late-onset hypogonadism), physical ailments, loneliness, chronic pain, mental health issues (depression, anxiety), loss of purpose, or grief from life changes, all leading to a sense of reduced relevance or vitality. It’s a mix of hormonal, psychological, and social factors.
Common causes and factors of old man syndrome
Hormonal changes (andropause): A gradual testosterone decline (late-onset hypogonadism) can affect mood, energy, and libido, leading to depression or irritability.
Physical ailments: Chronic pain, hearing/vision loss, fatigue, and other age-related health issues can worsen mood.
Mental health: Unaddressed depression, anxiety, or stress can present as anger or grumpiness.
Social and emotional losses: Retirement, loss of social status, loneliness, empty nest syndrome, or grief over lost youth and relevance can trigger these feelings.
Grief: It can be a form of grief for lost youth, strength, and purpose, a protest against feeling sidelined by society.
When I return to where I was raised, this is prevalent. I remember driving down the street and seeing this 'old man' hobbling down the road, on his way to the pub at lunch. “S**t, is he still alive?” I thought. “He must be well over 100 years old now, as he was in his 70s when I was a kid.” What a shocker to find that it wasn’t who I thought it was. It was his grandson, whom I went to school with! WTF?
He was sadly just waiting out his years, following his norm and reference points. Was his body a mess due to age or due to environmental and cultural factors? If what Google says is true, I can understand it. Where he lives, these causes are prevalent. It really shook me for many reasons. Not because I am Superman, nor immune to the environment, but it’s clear that as my number of journeys around the sun increases, things may need to change so that I thrive, not merely survive.
My motto is, "To live as well as I can for as long as I can," so I will do all I can to make that happen. Another favorite is, "To die young, as old as possible." When discussing this with other guys, there seem to be some worrying practices emerging, some of which I am also guilty of. Things like:
Trying to behave like we are still 18.
Not listening to our bodies, forcing them into things they are no longer optimized to do.
Trying to kill the issue, while only in reality killing ourselves.
Ask yourself, why is testosterone replacement therapy so popular all of a sudden? Why are men turning to unproven science products (peptides, SARMs, etc.) in the hope of eternal youth? Why is masters-level sport now ultra-competitive? Why use Botox and plastic surgery rather than embracing that Clint Eastwood-wisened (is that shorthand for "wise-end") look? Why is the golf course one of the most dangerous places a man can go?
Men (I include myself in many of these energies, if not behaviors) long for the glory days. How many old football or rugby stories do we relive with our peers? How many "I could have been if" excuses do we use as reasoning for our behavior now? How many trinkets do we buy ourselves, trying to substitute what we no longer have with something shiny and new?
No judgment here, I still personally think and see the world through the eyes of my 18-year-old self, and I don’t see anything wrong with that, as long as it’s not harmful to me doing daft stuff. Does this energy come from lack? From regret, or from fear of the unknown, something unfamiliar and scary? From the loss of the old self, and not being willing to trust and celebrate the new self?
How many of us have grandparents or parents who kicked and screamed when 'put' in a nursing home, only to find it’s some of the best years of their lives? Is it the fear of missing out (FOMO) while actually missing out on amazing things that await us by clinging to the old, which no longer serves us or is possible?
To say I have been shaken by this is a huge understatement. It’s been a cause of depression for a while now. What if I cannot take care of my business, body, mentality, and so on? What if my world changes such that I don’t recognize it and cannot function in it? What if, what if, what if driving me insane with worry.
All the while, the only certainty we cannot halt is Father Time, and death awaits us. That famous saying, "Some people die in their 40s, and are buried in their 80s," rings true.
Why is it that many people diagnosed with terminal illnesses start to live life fully until they don’t? Why do they seem to kick off the fear of death, to celebrate their remaining time here? I saw that personally with my own mum, drinking champagne daily and embracing her love of life until the very end. In essence, we are all terminally ill, we just haven’t got the formal exit date yet (thankfully).
As my wife (a huge inspiration and support for me) says, “It’s better to live every day as your last, because you never know when it could be.”
She embraces that with full integrity of being, saying, “Why worry about what we cannot do as we did? What if we focused all our energy on what we can do, and do it, rather than focus on lack?”
Energy follows thought, and we create what we focus on.
Recently, I took huge inspiration from Mark Omrod MBE, Royal Marines veteran, triple amputee, and REORG BJJ Trustee. He doesn’t focus on what he lost, he focuses on what he still has and uses it to his full advantage. Many, many people in the veteran community inspire this energy too.
Why do I worry that my shoulders ache, my knees too, or that it takes a moment in the morning to stretch out the joints, when people like Mark are out there killing it?
It’s better to focus on what you can do and be, rather than what you cannot. Energy does follow thought. No doubt Mark must have his days, but even more so, his mindset is not to be beaten.
My dear friend Will Burrnett is the same. His film "Unbreakable Will" is a must-watch. If there is ever someone who inspires me that mindset matters, it’s Will. I just need to remember that and practice it daily, moment to moment.
So, as I write this, as much a note to myself as anything, I realize the following:
I have lived a great life up until now, and that is just preparation for the great things I am yet to create.
All I didn’t do until now doesn’t mean I cannot do even greater things moving forward.
The “difficulties” I have faced have all forged the “me I see” daily, and that should be celebrated.
We all slip up, it’s not the slip that’s key, it’s how you get up that matters.
Life is a death sentence waiting to happen, you cannot stop it, only hasten it. If we don’t know for sure what follows, if anything, why waste a single moment of this life?
Regret and reminiscing are stuck energy. As one of my favorite anthems (Flower of Scotland) says, “Those days are gone now, and in the past, they must remain, but we can still rise now.” It’s just a choice. Look back and be stuck, or look forward and create something new.
These words are stuck to my gym wall. There are other bits to work on as well, that help all of the above to move forward. In terms of the solutions I am working on (as it’s a daily practice), I split them into various categories:
Hormonal
That we age is a given, how we age is a choice. It is primarily a mindset thing, but there are physical aspects too. Does testosterone decline as we age, and/or are other factors at play? Yes and yes. Does chronic stress play a role? Yes, for sure.Does daily toxicity harm hormones? 100%.
Will adding in external hormones solve the issues or plaster over the fault lines? It won’t solve the root cause of the problem, and the human body is very adept at removing things it cannot use at that moment. Do we want quick fixes (seems to be societal norms) or long-term healthy solutions? Are we willing to make the changes required?
There is hope that testosterone doesn’t need to decline. Receptor sites for hormones don’t need to be blocked with toxins. Stress hormones don’t need to be present constantly. It is possible to stimulate repair and recovery in the body without pharmaceuticals.
Mental
Depression and anxiety, all part of daily life. But does it have to be? How about incorporating some relaxation time in daily life? Meditation, a walk in nature, a swim in the sea, an ice bath, or a sauna. Some "me" time, without feeling guilty about doing it.
Physical
A double-edged sword for me. I love to lift heavy and often, but how do I train now vs when I was 18? Is it helpful to ache for days, or jump into something new without a warm-up and prep? Can I still squat six plates a side? What for? (I still can, by the way!)
I heard a sad story recently about two guys in their mid-40s who were once elite in physical prowess. Father Time had taken its toll, and they decided to start training again. Sadly, with no warm-up, just straight into the good ol' days. The sadness is that both have died, one permanently, once revived. Their bodies weren’t ready to go where their minds wanted. I can relate to this, hence the shock for me. There but for the grace of God. A lesson to me, how many times do I do daft stuff, thinking I am invincible, only to hurt myself?
Exercise is good, just do it sensibly and work up to things. As a great friend and world-class athlete, he reminds me, "At our age, we should train to stimulate the muscle, not annihilate the body." Great advice from someone who knows.
As an aside, I am stronger now than ever, but my joints are a lot more worn. So warm up, stretch, and listen to the body, and it will help you get over OMS.
Social
A big one for many (me included). People who held positions of title or importance suddenly retire and have no identity. I remember going from a part-owner of a highly successful accountancy practice, where everyone in the area knew me, to a simple employee. That loss of status and identity took time to process.
People who suddenly lose purpose, status, and the like have to come to terms with "normal life." Sports stars who retire, for instance, how many fall into depression and despair? Why do a lot of men die soon after retirement? The loss of connection, purpose, and role, maybe? Boredom, perhaps?
But all is not lost. Gym membership, clubs, societies, family, and travel are all ways to create new social connections and replace those former ones. I know it took me a while, but I have even more connections now than before, it just takes time and commitment to self. It goes without saying that the STAIT community is always here for anyone who wishes to come in and belong.
Grief
As above with social, there can also be grief at the lost possibilities life is reminding us of. That loss of job, the loss of youth, loss of close relationships, and more. Do we focus on the lack or the creation of new?
Personally, grief is a big one for me, something I am working through. The loss of a life lived long, the thought of "not being able to do x, y, or z." However, my therapist guides me to see the blank sheet of paper waiting for my new ideas, the new creations that can come through, and that the grief is only my lack of self-belief manifesting into reality.
There’s a famous quote by Marion Williamson: “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” What if we can turn the energy of grief, of loss, of lack, into the power of creation? Hard to do, but if we don’t try, then it’s impossible. Remember, "impossible" really spells out "I’m possible."
A dear friend reminds me often of the "power of letting go." His phrase is something like: "A new train cannot enter the station until the old one has left."
It takes courage to let go, because do we truly trust ourselves? For me, that’s a big one. Do I trust my own capability to create even more? My wife says I am a master creator, she doesn’t lie, but do I believe her? That’s all, a work in progress for me.
So as I end this note to myself, I am reminded that "I am capable of creating any life I wish to have, so it’s best I choose wisely."
Quantum physics is now proving the old saying of "like attracts like." If you don’t like what you see in front of you, change it. To say this one really raises my blood pressure is an understatement, but sometimes the truth is hard to swallow.
Final point
Remember, doing the right thing isn’t always easy, but it’s always right. So when considering if OMS applies to you, remember, it’s just a choice for you, and there are other choices possible.
Read more from Shaun Sargent
Shaun Sargent, Co-Founder STAIT
As a co-founder of STAIT, my personal search for health and personal development is relentless. I seek out the best of the best to learn from and share with. To be the best you can be on a daily basis is the key to human growth.
