Understanding Anger
- Mar 8, 2022
- 4 min read
Written by: Anita Avedian, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
To some, the first thing that comes to mind when we say “anger management” is the 2003 Anger Management movie by Jack Nicholson and Adam Sandler. To others, a recommendation to seek anger management is a reason to get defensive as they work hard to justify why they are not angry people. There is stigma attached to the idea of going to Anger Management, which should not be the case. Honestly, if one is in a good and credible anger management program, it is truly an enlightening journey of self-discovery and reflection. Investigating why we act and react the way we do helps us learn and develop appropriate language to accurately express ourselves through healthy anger. If we have/adopt a growth mindset, then we take every opportunity we can to learn and be better human beings, not only for ourselves, but those who get to interact with us regularly. Now, let us discuss the two most important reasons why anger management is for everyone.
The first reason why anger management is for all of us, is that anger is an emotion we ALL experience. It is not a bad emotion; in fact on the contrary, it is a helpful emotion. According to the Anger Management Essentials Workbook, it is a signal to alert us when things are not right or when we do not feel right about something. Anger is also a response to emotions such as frustration, disappointment, hurt or a general threat, and so, as you can see, it is helpful to feel anger. Although most of us don’t know it, we do experience other emotions before we feel angry. According to the Anger Management Essentials Workbook, the emotions that precede anger are called primary emotions, so anger is considered a secondary emotion. Knowing this this differentiation can help us explore and identify the problem, which is considered half the problem solved as we work towards finding a solution. When we do experience all these emotions, healthy anger can be expressed by identifying, articulating, and communicating the primary emotion and, as we learn, we quickly realize that vulnerability is unavoidable when it comes to self-expression.
So why not take the time to learn skills to understand what healthy anger looks like and what skills are needed to develop healthy anger? Why not take the time to learn what these primary emotions are? These skills are gems.
Another reason why we should consider anger management is to improve our communication skills. Good communication is necessary in helping us nurture relationships, both personal and professional. The development of self-awareness through anger management is so helpful for becoming good communicators. For example, when we discover and understand our triggers, and if we are in situations we can’t avoid, then we can intuitively develop a recovery plan after being exposed to those triggers and situations. With that, we learn to exercise self-control, how to pause before reacting, how to keep a calm tone, how to be a good and active listener, and how to be an assertive communicator while also exercising empathy. The list goes on and on! When we are not self-aware, we react to every trigger, which could create a more hostile environment than necessary. Another perk is that we are able to pick our battles. We do not need to engage every negative emotion or negative person, which is also a skill one could learn in anger management. So, these reasons, although few, contain a wealth of information – hopefully enough to convince you to seek anger management as a tool to develop yourself in this new year.
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Anita Avedian, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Anita Avedian is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (License # MFC 38403) and has been practicing psychotherapy since 1996. She is the Executive Director of Avedian Counseling Center and has offices in Sherman Oaks, Glendale, Woodland Hills, and Pasadena. Her specialties include working with relationships, anger, social anxiety, general anxiety, and addictions. She also has been certified in Thought Field Therapy (TFT) and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), both of which she integrates into her practice.
Outside of therapy, Anita offers a monthly anger management certification program to counselors. Anger Management Essentials is an approved National Anger Management Association (NAMA) model, which is used for anger management certification. Moreover, Anita is an Authorized NAMA Trainer and Anger Management Supervisor for certifying anger management specialists. She authored Anger Management Essentials, a workbook for aggression, which has been translated into Spanish, Armenian, and Hebrew, as well as the teen’s workbook which has been translated into Spanish. Anita is the co-Founder of ShrinkSync, the app for therapists; the California Chapter of the NAMA, which is the California Chapter of Anger Management Providers; and the Founder of Toastmasters for Mental Health Professionals.
