Two Keys For Healthy Relationships

Written by: Luke Hampel, Executive Contributor

Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.

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One of the greatest contributions therapists have made to modern culture is the idea of setting boundaries. Having boundaries is related to the skill of assertiveness, using our voice and saying “no”, sometimes even to ourselves. There is a great relief when we can tell people how we really feel, without guilt or fear. Similarly, there is a great relief when we can organize our beliefs into a cognitive structure that works for us. Boundaries can be bent, molded and stretched to fit all kinds of situations and circumstances, but to maintain their integrity, two factors are key, respect and appreciation.

The first key to healthy boundaries is respect. Given that our life and attention are so limited, to make the most of it we should give them to those whom we first respect. There is something respectable in the birthing and parenting process because parents take on responsibility necessary for the future, and so parents are naturally respected by their children. Respect comes from giving ourselves the power to respond and to make our own decisions. Taking on needed responsibility, and meeting that challenge, elicits gratitude, the second key to a healthy relationship.

If respect is the doorway into our life, gratitude is what keeps us there. The musician must not only be responsible for the notes but the music must also be enjoyed if we are to stay around. Gratitude keeps us in the present moment and gives us joy. It may be impossible to number the ways we can be grateful or receive joy, but one popular conception is vulnerability. Usually, we are grateful when someone gets vulnerable with us, especially when this trust is earned through respect.

Respect and appreciation are the hallmarks of healthy relationships, and as tools can be used in all kinds of ways. If we are lonely, to begin with respect or appreciation as a guide for where to look for others. What kinds of people do we respect? What do we appreciate about the people already in our lives? The tool can work in reverse as well, such that we seek out vulnerability or appreciation, and then later see that they are responsible. Like two halves, respect and gratitude are linked at the center, for the best way to show respect is with gratitude, and the best way to show gratitude is by accepting responsibility for its care.

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Luke Hampel, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine

For Luke, the most important thing in therapy is being authentic. He takes a fundamentally client-centered approach, and therapy for him is a balance between providing emotional support with a fresh perspective. He acknowledges that all his clients teach him something important, and he considers therapy a special place of healing and opportunity.

He believes therapy is for the wise and the brave. Being strong means connecting with others and opening up to shared experiences. He feels his job is to provide a space for you to be yourself and to provide a reflection of both your unconscious and conscious self so you can discover more of who you are.