Turning Setbacks Into Comebacks – A Roadmap For Moving Forward When Everything Feels Awful
- Brainz Magazine
- May 31, 2023
- 7 min read
Updated: Jun 2, 2023
Written by: Andrea Hunt, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Let's be honest; there are times in life when it feels like nothing is going right – and it feels terrible. Sometimes unexpected things happen in life we didn't or couldn't plan for. I don't need to tell you that during that time, it can be really hard to shift your thinking when all we want to do is wallow in our misery.
The truth is, sometimes we get hit all at once. We lose a job, go through a breakup, burn out, there's a pandemic, etc. It might feel like it's wiped us out completely, and we don't know how to jump-start or re-create our lives again. Here are some tips on how to pick yourself back up emotionally and start re-building your confidence and move forward.
Don’t Avoid Your Feelings
It’s hard to move past our feelings if we pretend that they’re not there. So many times we put on a brave face but inside we’re devastated. There is a necessary period where we need to hold space to feel our feelings. Talk about them, allow yourself to be angry, sad, frustrated, hurt, to grieve, and feel helpless.
Give yourself permission to get it out. Make time for it. Do some journaling, meditation, EFT tapping, take some walks in nature, cry, punch a pillow, and do what you need to do. Allow yourself to feel but don’t sit in it for too long; decide on a time to start picking yourself up again. This is extremely important because otherwise we can hold onto those emotions and get stuck.
How to Pick Yourself Up and Reclaim Your Power
While everyone’s situation is totally different, here are some tips that can give you an idea of where to start if you feel totally helpless, stuck, and unable to move forward.
There are several components to moving forward:
Internal: emotional and mental shifts to reach a different place with your mindset
External: physical and actionable shifts to create change in the world around you
Internal Shifts:
1. Get out of the "Why Me" Mindset
When things don't go our way, it's natural to think “Why me?” Who hasn’t felt like this when nothing makes sense? However, it’s important to recognize that this phrase only serves to make us feel like victims. When life feels unfair, we feel powerless, and it feels like we’re unable to change the situation, taking our power back has to happen in stages.
To feel in control again and figure out what to do, the very first step is to replace this ‘Why me?’ with “OK, what now?” Finding powerful affirmations that empower is helpful as a place to start.
2. Get Out of the Blame Mindset
When we’re hurt or vulnerable, our first impulse can be to look for someone to blame. We want to find a reason why something happened and whose ‘fault’ it is. But blaming only puts blame (and power) in the hands of other people, circumstances, and events. Plus, it serves to prolong our feelings of helplessness and hurt and makes it harder for us to let things go.
If we carry around that bitterness and anger, it ends up corroding us from the inside out. If we aren’t careful, we can become completely consumed and waste our mental and emotional energy on the negative instead of focusing on what we can do to move forward. This cycle of anger and resentment can prevent us from finding peace and healing in our power.
3. Take Responsibility for Your Feelings
This one can sting a bit if it's new to you: we are responsible for our own feelings and reactions. Externally, we cannot control other people or what they do or say, but we can control how we choose to respond. Taking responsibility for our emotional reactions gives us the power to make decisions that move us forward in a positive direction.
Rather than blaming someone else for what they ‘made you do’ or ‘how they made’ you feel, focus on how you want to feel. This does not mean in any way that if someone treats us poorly or unfairly it’s ok, only that we are choosing our response on how to deal with it or removing ourselves from the situation.
4. Practice Gratitude
When we’re feeling miserable, it can feel hard to find things to be grateful for. But even in the darkest of times, there is always something that we can be thankful for. The key is starting small. It may seem small and insignificant, but taking a moment to recognize and appreciate these things can make a huge difference in our lives.
This could include taking note of small moments throughout the day that bring us joy or writing down three things we are grateful for each night before bed. It’s important not to compare ourselves and instead focus on what we have achieved and how far we have come. Gratitude is an important part of self-care and can help us stay grounded during challenging times.
5. Seek Out a Support Network
When we’re trying to rebuild our lives or pick ourselves up emotionally, it can feel pretty isolating, so it's important to have people around who can support us and help us through tough times.
A support network could include friends and family, your partner, a coach, or even online communities. Luckily, we live in a time when there are many communities online and people to connect with, so we don’t have to feel so alone.
External Actionable Steps:
1. Focus on What You Can Control
Taking our power back starts with focusing on what we can control. Even if things are out of our hands, there are still small things that we can do that will make a difference. Taking care of yourself is essential when everything else seems too overwhelming. By focusing on small things we can control, (some days it might be as simple as making the bed, doing a morning routine, making a nice breakfast for ourselves), committing to ONE Thing that day that brings joy even for 30 minutes can make a world of difference.
Starting a morning routine is a powerful way to start the day because it puts you in control the moment you wake up. Make your bed, then ground yourself with meditation, EFT tapping, journaling, reading, or maybe a walk to start the day.
2. Get Active and Try New Things
It is also helpful to find activities that bring joy and help lift spirits to improve mental and physical health. Pick activities inside and outside the house to switch things up a bit. Exercise is a fantastic way to release endorphins and also create new habits. See if you can find activities in your city in meetup groups or with friends where you can explore hobbies.
When we feel stuck, it can be helpful to get out of our comfort zones and try something new. This could mean taking a class, learning a new skill, or even just trying a different type of food. Trying something new can help us to gain a new perspective and open our minds to possibilities we may not have considered before.
3. Help Someone Else
When we are feeling down, it can be hard to focus on anything else. But helping someone else in need can be a great way to shift our perspective and get unstuck. Make it a point to do ONE random act of kindness per day.
Whether it’s volunteering at a local charity, donating money to a cause you care about, or simply lending an ear to a friend in need – taking action to help others can make us feel better about ourselves and our situation.
By taking the focus off of our own problems and putting it onto someone else’s, we can gain a new perspective on our own lives and find ways to move forward. Plus, helping others is a great way to build relationships and create meaningful connections with those around us.
4. Seek Guidance from a Coach
When we’re feeling stuck and everything seems to be going wrong, seeking guidance from a coach helps us reset our intentions, so that we can rebuild and move forward. A coach helps with motivation, clarity, and accountability to identify any limitations or emotional blocks that may be preventing us from making progress.
There is no shame in asking for help and sometimes: we just need a bit of support to figure out where we need to go. A transformational coach can also offer tailored strategies and professional guidance that empowers us to reach our goals more effectively.
5. Use EFT Tapping with a Trained Practitioner
The Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is a mind-body tool that can help us to release negative emotions and gain clarity in difficult situations. It involves tapping on specific acupuncture points on the body while focusing on a particular issue or emotion. This helps to release any emotional blocks we may have to move forward with more clarity and positivity.
EFT tapping in personalized sessions can be transformative with a practitioner to regulate the nervous system when we feel stuck and hopeless. Tapping release negative emotions, old memories, and beliefs that are holding us back and shifts our perspective to feel more empowered, emotionally resilient, confident, and optimistic.
Conclusion
Overall, getting unstuck when it feels like everything is terrible can be a difficult road but you don’t need to do it alone. With these helpful tips, practicing patience and kindness with yourself, and implementing intentions and small changes, your whole life starts to transform bit by bit.
Do you need help rebuilding or maybe need to refresh your life at the moment? My 6-week Re-wire, Refresh, Renew transformational coaching and EFT program is exactly what you need to get clarity, set intentions, release emotional blocks and fears, step out of your comfort zone and start to thrive again. Book a complimentary consultation with me today.
Andrea Hunt, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Andrea Hunt is an online transformational life coach & EFT Practitioner for expats and digital nomads. A US expat who's lived in 7 different countries, Andrea helps those who boldly took the road less traveled to thrive abroad with confidence. She understands the challenges of planning a move abroad, integrating into a new culture, finding new friends and social circles, rebuilding life after a job loss or breakup while living in another country. She helps you empower your mindset and erase your limiting beliefs to thrive.
Photo credits:
.jpg)
