Transcending the Constraints of Labels – Uncovering Your Authentic Self Amidst Multiple Roles
- Brainz Magazine
- 4 days ago
- 5 min read
Updated: 1 day ago
Written by Walé Akíngbadé, Author and Storyteller
Walé Akíngbadé is a children's book author and storyteller whose work explores culturally rich themes of identity, courage, imagination, and personal growth. He is the creator of Golden Threads of Inspiration, a collection of allegorical books and music that inspire readers to embrace life’s deeper lessons.
How do we hold on to who we are when life piles role upon role on our shoulders? At the book launch event for The Tree That Found Its Roots, a mother's feedback resonated with the human side of me and inspired the artist in me. She shared how she had wept while reading because she had defined herself solely by her titles daughter, sister, wife, mother, teacher, and suddenly realised she no longer knew who she was outside of them. Her vulnerable confession echoed my own journey and the stories many readers have shared about the book. It also highlights a universal ideology, that when we accumulate so many labels, we emphasise defining ourselves by them so much that we could easily forget to look beneath them to see who we really are.
When roles become our identity
My earliest lessons in identity came from summers on my uncle’s farm in Ibadan. We dug ponds for tilapia, collected eggs from poultry, and snacked on fruit while elders told stories of cunning tortoises and brave hunters. Those evenings taught me that identity extends beyond labels, it is rooted in the values we carry and share. Values such as curiosity, resilience, empathy, and compassion.
Later, when I moved to London as a teenager, I accumulated new titles. For the first time, I was referred to as a black person, later, I also became an engineering student, a music producer through my hobby, an MBA candidate, a start-up founder, and, most recently, an author. Each role revealed a different facet of the same person, mostly from others’ perspectives, yet none defined me completely. The more I clung to titles, the less room I left for curiosity and growth. Psychologists who study identity development point out that adolescence and early adulthood are natural periods of exploration. Still, there is a danger in assuming that a single role fully captures who we are, especially at a stage of development when parents may be quick to express pride in a momentary phase a child is going through, thereby attaching an expectation for the child to hold on to.
Paulo Coelho writes in Manuscript Found in Accra that there is beauty in simply being, as a flower does, rather than constantly chasing external validation. The Copt, a key character in the story, responds that “Instead, when asked if it feels useful for merely producing the same flowers over and over, the flower replies, 'I am beautiful, and beauty is my reason for living.” The quote illustrates that one's value does not come from utility but from inherent beauty and purpose. Paulo goes on to write, “Don’t try to be useful. Try to be yourself, that is enough, and that makes all the difference.”
Why we cling to roles
We cling to roles because society rewards consistency and clarity. Social media amplifies this by encouraging us to brand ourselves with neat descriptors. In the workplace, we are often hired and promoted for our ability to perform a specific function. There is comfort in knowing who we are supposed to be, and fear in stepping into the unknown. However, when circumstances change, such as when children leave home, careers pivot, or relationships end, we may feel unmoored. It’s at this point that we typically realise that our identity has been tied to a job description or family role rather than to inner qualities that endure.
Creativity as a mirror and a balm
Neuroscience research indicates that expressive writing and other creative activities facilitate the processing of complex emotions, integration of experiences, and reduction of stress. For me, composing music and writing stories created a safe space to explore feelings I had hidden behind my professional façade. Characters inspired by folk tales and modern life helped me unearth unresolved emotions and reconnect with the storyteller I’ve always been. Whether through writing, painting or dance, creative outlets offer a judgment-free zone to acknowledge and transform feelings. They remind us that we are more than the sum of our duties and that the act of creation can be a path back to ourselves.
Navigating ambition with integrity
Ambition is not the enemy of authenticity, the challenge is to strike a balance between drive and self-reflection. Early in my career, I chased promotions and start‑up valuations, sometimes compromising my values. It took conscious practice to ask, 'Why do I want this?' Will this goal ground me or further fragment me? In my forthcoming book, A Merchant’s Tale, the protagonist Yuri faces a similar choice, whether to continue pursuing wealth at the cost of his integrity or honour his values, even if it means turning down opportunities. He discovers, as many of us do, that success devoid of self‑awareness feels hollow. The tree may grow tall, but without deep roots, it will topple in the first storm.
Lessons for self‑discovery
Living across continents and balancing technical and creative careers has taught me several lessons:
Identity is dynamic, not fixed. Our postcode or profession does not define us. Our core values and passions provide continuity through change.
Slowing down is wise. In cultures that glorify speed, taking time to reflect and create can feel countercultural. Yet, it is essential for processing experiences and aligning with our purpose.
Ambition must align with intention. It’s admirable to strive for excellence, but we should regularly ask: Why do I want this? Will it make me more grounded or more fragmented?
Creativity is healing. Channelling struggles into art transforms pain into insight, it may not erase the past, but it reduces its hold and becomes a beacon to others.
We belong everywhere and nowhere. Cross‑cultural experiences expand our perspective and remind us that home is defined by the values we carry, not a fixed location.
An invitation to parents
Self‑discovery is a lifelong conversation between the roles we play and the values we hold. In The Tree That Found Its Roots, the sapling only realises its strength when it sinks deeper into the soil that has always supported it. This children’s story resonated with that mother because it mirrored her own awakening. If you are a parent, it offers a gentle way to explore big questions with your child. Reading together can spark conversations about what truly nourishes us and how our value isn’t tied to the roles we play.
Take a moment with your children to reflect on your roots:
What values travel with your family through change?
Which roles energise each of you, and which ones feel heavy?
How can creative expression: drawing, music, journalling, or poetry, etc., help you explore who you are beyond your titles?
By nurturing these discussions early, you help your children grow deeper roots in a world that constantly asks them to chase new labels. You also rediscover parts of yourself that may have been forgotten along the way. If this story resonates with you, explore The Tree That Found Its Roots together. It might just open a conversation that changes how you see yourself and how your children see themselves.
Read more from Walé Akíngbadé
Walé Akíngbadé, Author and Storyteller
Walé Akíngbadé is a storyteller, counsellor, and the creator of the Golden Threads of Inspiration series. Born in Ibadan, Nigeria, he learned the value of diligence, family, and storytelling while tending to poultry, gardens, and fish ponds with his older cousins. In his late teens, he moved to London to study engineering and later earned an MBA in Boston, working in tech startups across multiple continents. After a 20-year stint in corporate life, he turned back to music and writing as a form of healing, which eventually led him to pursue an NCFE Diploma in Counselling. Today, he combines business insight, cross-cultural experience, and emotional intelligence to craft picture books and essays that explore identity, resilience, and compassion. Walé now lives in the United Kingdom.
