Written by: Nancy J. McKay, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Discovering Yourself Through Horses
While I was training to become an Equus Coach, I learned many valuable lessons and skills. I want to share my three favorite reasons why working with an Equus coach is so valuable.
Horses are amazing animals and because they are prey animals, they are extremely sensitive to their surroundings and to the energy that humans transmit – and this is where my lessons started.
On my first day of training, I was asked by my instructors to bring a mare, Sundance, to the paddock from a nearby pasture. Sundance is a beautiful horse who happened to be in heat. She was also a little pushy. This was my first time working with Sundance and I was a rookie when it comes to horsemanship. I found myself struggling a bit – quite a bit. I did my best staying “on task”, so to speak, and I was determined to get Sundance from Point A to Point B without incident.
While I had been taught earlier how to ask the horse to do what you want and to continue making that request until it’s met. I didn’t do any of that. Sundance pushed me and I pushed back. No requests - just pushing and struggling. The problem was this: her focus was on one thing and one thing only - letting me know who she thought the boss was - and trust me when I say it wasn’t me!
As we finally arrived at the paddock, I led Sundance through a narrow gate in the corner, where awaiting her arrival was a very handsome gelding named Cooper. Sundance, who let’s remember is in heat, conveys to Cooper in no uncertain terms how damn sorry she is that he’s, well, a gelding for crying out loud. They are both whinnying, and Sundance is cavorting all around, with me hanging on to the lead rope for dear life.
Sundance is excited. Cooper is excited. I´m excited – and by excited, I mean my heart is beating a mile a minute and my sense of security is in a downward spiral. Horses are surrounding me as they flock in from all sides to see what the hell´s going on. Thankfully, all three of my instructors help me out of a tricky situation.
Reason One: You will discover yourself
The next morning, I woke up with an understanding of where the previous days’ event went south. I had approached gathering Sundance as a task, rather than inviting her to join me on a stroll as a partner. I felt like I failed her and myself. So, when my last opportunity for coaching that weekend presented itself, I decided I owed it to us both to try once more.
I invited Sundance to join me in the round pen. She was still pushy, and my coach instructed me again on how to communicate my request. Sundance was pushy going through the gate. She was full of her sassy, magnificent self as we entered the round pen. My coach, after listening to my discovery and my intention to apologize to Sundance and to try again, instructed me to go to the center of the round pen and listen to what my heart told me.
As I stood there, Sundance came alongside of me, aligning her heart with mine. We slowly walked around the round pen, our steps almost matching, with no equipment whatsoever. There was no pushing or cajoling from either of us.
After a bit of watching this dance, my coach asked me to come over to the rail. She asked me “Who are you, and what did you do to Sundance?”
Reason Two: You Will Learn Your Truth
How did that happen? Here’s how - because I allowed myself to be vulnerable, to be authentic and to speak from the heart.
Horses always respond positively to the truth because once the truth is spoken, an immediate relaxation comes over the human body. And here’s the deal, horses don’t have an agenda and they just don’t lie. When I apologized to Sundance, I felt the authenticity of my emotions, and she relaxed because she felt it too. She responded positively. It was pure magic.
We can learn our truth when we work with horses. I ask my clients to be present in the moment and to get grounded in their true nature and strength. If they are experiencing painful feelings, I ask that they don’t transfer them onto the horse. I help them own it and feel it for themselves. When they are willing to accept this discomfort and are truly present, they will experience a moment when the answer comes from deep within their inner wisdom.
As such, my clients truly discover parts of themselves that have been lost.
The horse engages and moves with them in a way that is beautiful to watch. When the client holds their intentions and concentrates on the possibilities, their heart is opened by the horse every time.
Reason Three: Pure connection
It is only by being present in the moment that one can distinguish between a fear-based state of being and an authentic state of expression.
I experienced reaching that authentic state of expression while working with Sundance, and the feeling was one of pure connection.
This experience showed me where in my life I need to be more open, more vulnerable, more authentic and to speak from my heart.
Life can be so much richer and valuable if we all just can put down our armor, one piece at a time, one layer at a time to reach those in our herd.
When was the last time you truly allowed yourself to be seen and how are you doing at speaking from the heart?
Nancy J. McKay, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Nancy J. McKay is a recovery and resilience expert, a certified life and Equus coach who helps women find their voice and build their courage. Her mantra that created her new career was “I didn’t get sober and survive cancer to be miserable.” Nancy founded Amazing Outlook Coaching, LLC in 2018 at the age of 61. She works with women virtually and with the help of horses to help them uncover the limiting beliefs that are keeping them stuck in the muck, so they can create a life filled with joy, purpose, and freedom by finding the gifts in adversity. Nancy is also an author, and speaker, sharing her inspiring story of recovery and creating a new life after cancer.
Nancy lives in Lakewood, Colorado, with her husband and their two rescued Westies.
