Three Beliefs You Need to Unlearn to Trust Yourself Again
- 1 day ago
- 5 min read
Written by Jaime Waterfield, Leadership Development Coach
Jaime Waterfield is a Leadership Development Coach with over 25 years of experience in the technology sector. With a career spanning nearly all functions of the business, she helps leaders build sustainable, business‑grounded leadership as they navigate growth and increased responsibility.
What if the reason you struggle to trust yourself isn't a lack of confidence, but a collection of beliefs you've never questioned? Many of us have learned to seek certainty, rely on external validation, and avoid mistakes at all costs, often at the expense of our own inner knowing. This article explores three powerful beliefs to unlearn and why strengthening self-trust may be the key to becoming the leader, professional, and person you're meant to be.
Why is trusting yourself so hard?
Even highly capable people can second-guess decisions, seek reassurance, or wait for more certainty before taking the next step. Self-trust is our belief that we can rely on our judgment, make choices aligned with our values, and navigate challenges without constantly needing someone else to validate our direction. It draws on self-awareness, belief in our capabilities, and a willingness to listen to our intuition even when outside voices are loud. ScienceInsights explains that self-trust can gradually erode as setbacks and disappointing outcomes cause us to question the reliability of our own decisions.
But setbacks are only part of the story. Many of us have also spent years learning to look outside ourselves for the right answer. We are rewarded for gathering more information, following expert guidance, minimizing risk, and avoiding mistakes. While these habits can be useful, they can also teach us to seek permission instead of listening inward, chase certainty before taking action, and discount what we already know to be true.
Rebuilding self-trust is not simply a matter of accumulating more positive experiences or proving ourselves capable. It requires examining the beliefs, habits, and assumptions that have taught us to question our judgment, ignore our intuition, or look outside ourselves for answers. In many cases, strengthening self-trust is less about learning something new and more about unlearning what has been getting in the way all along. The following three beliefs are ones I had to unlearn to find my way back to trusting myself.
Three beliefs to unlearn to trust yourself again
1. Other people's opinions matter more than my own: I was taught that good decision-making meant gathering as many perspectives as possible. The more important the decision, the more people I consulted. While seeking advice was considered thorough, it also led me to believe that other people's opinions, experiences, and judgments were more reliable than my own. When an idea or direction was challenged, it was easier to ignore what I felt or knew to be true.
Learning from others has tremendous value, but perspective and authority are not the same thing. While others can offer valuable insights, your experiences are uniquely yours. Intuition is often dismissed as irrational or emotional, yet it may be better understood as recognizing patterns that our training and experiences have prepared us to see. It integrates experience, observation, values, and inner wisdom, often showing up as a quiet knowing long before logic can fully explain it.
Unlearning this belief doesn't mean ignoring advice or making decisions in isolation. It means remembering that your perspective belongs in the conversation. The objective is to avoid assuming that others' opinions are inherently more valid than your own and to recognize your intuition as a credible source of insight.
2. I need certainty before I can move forward: When faced with uncertainty, my default response was often hesitation. I would delay decisions, overanalyze options, and search for additional information, hoping that one more piece of evidence would make the right path obvious. While gathering information felt productive, it often kept me stuck. Rather than moving toward a decision, I was using analysis to avoid the vulnerability that comes with not knowing.
Certainty is often treated as a prerequisite for action, but growth rarely works that way. Whether pursuing a new opportunity, stepping into a leadership role, or making an important life decision, there will always be information we don't have and outcomes we can't predict. As explored in Brainz Magazine, waiting to feel ready can weaken self-trust because much of what we need to understand can only be discovered through experience. Waiting for certainty may feel responsible, but it can also become a way of avoiding the vulnerability of moving forward before the entire path is clear.
Letting go of this belief doesn't mean acting impulsively or ignoring the risks involved. It means accepting that uncertainty is part of any meaningful growth experience and that not everything can be known in advance. The objective is to stop treating certainty as a prerequisite for action and instead trust that clarity, learning, and confidence can emerge through experience.
3. I have to get it right: For much of my life, mistakes felt like something to avoid at all costs. Whether in my career, relationships, or leadership roles, I put pressure on myself to make the right decision and get it right the first time. When things didn't go as planned, I quickly focused on what I should have seen, known, or done differently.
Many of us learn to attach our worth to our performance. Success becomes evidence that we're capable, while mistakes become evidence that we're not. Over time, this can create an unhealthy relationship with failure, where every setback feels personal rather than instructional. Yet research highlighted in Psychology Today suggests that errors play a critical role in adaptation and learning. When mistakes are viewed as feedback rather than a verdict, they become a catalyst for development rather than a threat to self-worth.
Challenging this belief doesn't mean lowering your standards or being careless with decisions. It means recognizing that mistakes are an inevitable part of learning, growth, and leadership. The objective is to stop treating mistakes as a reflection of your worth and instead view them as feedback that strengthens resilience, deepens self-awareness, and builds self-trust.
The wisdom was there all along
Self-trust is often misunderstood as confidence, certainty, or an unwavering belief that we'll make the right decision. In reality, self-trust is something quieter. It is the willingness to listen to ourselves, honor what we know, and move forward without needing guarantees.
The opportunities that shape our lives and careers rarely arrive with complete clarity. The next level of leadership, a career transition, a difficult conversation, or a bold new direction often requires us to act before we feel fully ready. In those moments, self-trust becomes less about knowing the outcome and more about believing in our ability to navigate whatever comes next.
The good news is that self-trust is always available to us. As we begin to question the beliefs that have shaped our thinking, we create space to hear our own voice again. What emerges is not a new version of ourselves, but a deeper connection to the wisdom that was there all along. From that place, we often find the courage to pursue opportunities, embrace growth, and become more fully who we are capable of being.
If you're navigating a career transition, leadership challenge, or season of uncertainty and want support reconnecting with your own inner wisdom, book a coaching call. Together, we can uncover what's getting in the way and build the self-trust needed to move forward with greater clarity and intention.
Read more from Jaime Waterfield
Jaime Waterfield, Leadership Development Coach
Jaime Waterfield is a Leadership Development Coach with more than 25 years of experience in technology, software, and services organizations. Having worked across nearly all functions of the business, she brings a rare, end‑to‑end perspective to leadership development. Her work focuses on helping leaders build sustainable leadership capability that aligns people, performance, and business outcomes. Through AspiHER, her signature women’s leadership program, she supports women navigating growth, promotion, or expanded leadership responsibility in gaining clarity, setting sustainable boundaries, and leading with confidence without burning out or losing momentum.
