The Truth About Rejection, Disappointment, and Moving Forward
- Jul 1
- 4 min read
April Ratchford, OTR/L, is an autistic occupational therapist and the voice behind Adulting with Autism. She supports neurodivergent adults across the world with relatable storytelling, lived wisdom, and empowering strategies for real-life challenges.
Have you ever been told, “Rejection is redirection,” right after your entire plan fell apart? Maybe you lost a job opportunity. Maybe a relationship ended. Maybe a dream you’ve spent months or years building suddenly disappeared. Then someone hands you an inspirational quote and expects you to feel better.
As an autistic adult, I’ve never understood why people think these sayings are helpful. Rejection is redirection? Redirected where? Can someone provide a map, a GPS, or at least a PowerPoint presentation?
The truth is that disappointment hurts. It hurts even more when you’re autistic because we don’t just create plans. We create entire futures around those plans. When those plans disappear, we’re not only grieving an event. We’re grieving a version of the future we already built in our minds.
Why disappointment can hit autistic individuals harder
Autistic individuals often rely on structure, routines, predictability, and planning. Many of us spend significant time mentally preparing for future events. We create schedules. We research every possibility. We imagine outcomes. We build expectations.
When a major disappointment happens, it isn’t simply an inconvenience. It can feel like the floor has disappeared underneath us.
While neurotypical individuals may adapt more quickly to unexpected changes, autistic individuals often need additional time to process the loss of certainty that comes with disappointment.
The problem with toxic positivity
One of the most frustrating experiences after a disappointment is hearing phrases such as, “Everything happens for a reason,” “Rejection is redirection,” “There’s a silver lining,” or “When one door closes, another opens.”
While these statements are usually intended to be encouraging, they often dismiss the very real emotions a person is experiencing.
Disappointment deserves acknowledgment. Sadness deserves acknowledgment. Anger deserves acknowledgment. Grief deserves acknowledgment. You do not have to immediately transform your pain into a life lesson.
When disappointment changes everything
Recently, I experienced a significant disappointment. For over a year, I had been planning an international trip to Seoul, South Korea. I had the budget. I had the vacation days. I had researched neighborhoods, transportation, cultural sites, restaurants, and everything I wanted to experience.
This wasn’t simply a vacation. It represented possibility. It represented independence. It represented doing something for myself after years of prioritizing everyone else. Then circumstances changed.
My son’s educational funding needs became the priority, and the money I had saved suddenly had a different purpose.
Do I regret helping my son? Absolutely not. Would I make the same decision again? Without hesitation. Was I still devastated? Absolutely. Those truths can exist together.
Why you’re allowed to grieve a dream
Many people believe that if you make the right decision, you shouldn’t feel disappointed. That simply isn’t true. You can be grateful and grieving at the same time.
You can be responsible and heartbroken at the same time. You can choose your family and still mourn what you lost.
One of the most important lessons I’ve learned is that disappointment doesn’t disappear simply because someone else thinks you should be over it.
You have to allow yourself to feel it. Ignoring disappointment doesn’t make it go away. It simply makes it stay longer.
The difference between staying stuck and pivoting
People often confuse acceptance with pretending everything is fine. Acceptance isn’t saying, “This doesn’t bother me.” Acceptance is saying, “This hurts, but it’s real.”
Pivoting doesn’t happen because someone gave you a motivational quote. Pivoting happens after you’ve allowed yourself to process the disappointment. You acknowledge it. You sit with it. You become angry about it. You grieve it. Then, eventually, you ask, “What’s next?”
Not because you’re happy about the situation, but because life continues moving forward whether we are ready or not.
How to move through disappointment without losing yourself
If you’re currently dealing with disappointment, consider these strategies:
Allow yourself to be upset: You do not need permission to feel disappointed. Your emotions are valid.
Stop comparing your timeline to others: Some disappointments take longer to process than others. There is no deadline for grief.
Separate the disappointment from your identity: A failed plan does not mean you are a failure. A closed door does not determine your worth.
Focus on the next step, not the entire future: When life falls apart, trying to solve everything at once becomes overwhelming. Focus on the next step. Then the next one. Then the next one.
Remember that adaptation is a skill: Autistic individuals spend their entire lives adapting to unexpected situations. While it may not feel like it in the moment, adaptation is one of our greatest strengths.
Disappointment is part of life, but it doesn’t have to become your home
Disappointment is unavoidable. Every person will experience dreams that don’t happen, plans that change, and opportunities that disappear.
The goal isn’t to avoid disappointment. The goal is to survive it. Feel it. Acknowledge it. Be angry if you need to. Then, eventually, pivot.
Not because rejection magically became redirection, but because your life continues beyond the disappointment.
Sometimes the strongest thing you can do isn’t pretending you’re okay. It’s admitting you’re disappointed and continuing forward anyway.
Read more from April Michelle Ratchford
April Michelle Ratchford, Occupational Therapist, Podcast Host
April Ratchford, OTR/L, is an autistic occupational therapist, writer, and global advocate for neurodivergent adults. As the creator and host of Adulting with Autism, an internationally ranked podcast with over two million downloads, she blends clinical expertise with real-life lived experience. April specializes in supporting autistic young adults as they transition into independence, higher education, and adult identity. She is known for her clear, empowering approach that makes complex neurodivergent challenges accessible and manageable. April is currently advancing her studies in neuroscience through King’s College London to further elevate her work in autistic well-being and adult development.
