Written by: Catherine Cabrera, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
We learn about the Golden Rule as early as kindergarten: “Treat others as you would like to be treated”, the importance of treating people with kindness and respect, and “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don‘t say anything at all”. This got me thinking about my therapy clients, friends, family, and even myself, and I noticed a common theme: these rules are often applied to others, but they’re not always applied to the self, so how does this impact mental health?
If you don’t have something nice to say…
Did you know that according to the Cleveland Clinic, the brain processes around 70,000 thoughts per day? Of course, your investment in these thoughts can vary, and a lot of them happen without you even knowing! Think about when you’re driving, breathing, walking – most people don’t actively think about how to do these things. You just do them! Now it’s important to note that not everyone has an internal voice. Only 30-50% of people experience an internal monologue; however, for those who do, it tends to come with an inner critic with varying levels of intensity. Catherine, why are we talking about this? Identifying when your inner critic is speaking to you can tell you a lot about your experiences, your internal narrative, and thus, how and what you say to yourself. Having an inner critic is not inherently a negative thing, as it can serve as a guide for your values, beliefs, and goals. Unfortunately, it can become problematic when your inner critic becomes overwhelming and impacts your self-perception. For a lot of people, their inner critic isn’t wholly theirs either. It can be adopted from other people in your life, or even society as a whole, regardless of your individual belief and value system, and this discrepancy or misalignment can lead to a variety of mental health challenges, especially when internalized into your personal narrative.
Role of internal dialogue in mental health
Your internal dialogue is constantly communicating with you and creating your internal narrative – everything you think, observe, and respond to is through the lens of your personal narrative. This is where the power of language impacts your mental health! It all starts with the lens in which you perceive the world around you. Let’s look at a few examples:
Anxiety
People who experience anxiety report a variety of physical, emotional, and mental responses to the anxiety itself – but where does the anxiety come from? For some people, there can be a chemical imbalance in the brain that contributes to their experience, but there can also be a hypervigilant inner critic and internal narrative. This, combined with anxiety being rooted in fear, creates an internal narrative that something will go wrong, you are incapable, you will fail, etc. With this narrative, it makes sense you’d become scared and/or nervous, no matter if there’s an actual threat, and your inner critic will, well, criticize you for it! It tells you you’re being silly, not trying hard enough, you don’t deserve it, etc. How crappy is that?! With the internalization of these thoughts, you’re likely to grow more fearful and avoidant of the things that lead to them, and thus, believing the narrative even more.
Depression
Like anxiety, depression presents itself in a multitude of ways. However, the role of internal dialogue is slightly different. Depression typically comes with an overall negative perception of yourself and/or the world around you, directly feeding into any critical thoughts you may have. I’m not enough. No one cares. I’ll never be successful, so why should I bother trying? The internalization of these thoughts makes you less likely to seek out evidence to challenge them and less motivated, which gradually shapes and supports the negative internal narrative.
Trauma
When people experience something traumatic, it can have a wide range of impacts on their physical, emotional, and psychological experience from that point forward. Just as trauma encompasses a plethora of possible experiences, the way it’s internalized will vary from person to person as well; however, the process can look similar across experiences. Many people who have endured a traumatic event(s) show signs of depression, anxiety, and PTSD following the experience. With that, the internal narrative can shift based on their individual experience – feeling broken, scared, hypervigilant, unlovable, or like you deserved it in some way. While none of these are objectively true, your feelings toward the event and yourself shape your internal narrative and your inner critic parrots these feelings back to you, supporting the narrative further.
People-pleasing
In my practice, a majority of my clients self-identify as people-pleasers, meaning they will typically do or say anything they can to please those around them with the hope they will be accepted and liked. Can you see where I’m going with this? If you identify as a people-pleaser, you probably have an internal narrative that resembles this idea – in order to be accepted and liked, you have to shift or change your opinions, beliefs, behaviors, etc. to fit those of the people around you. This could be family, friends, colleagues, culture, or even society as a whole. With this narrative comes a strong inner critic. Think about it: every person you interact with can have vastly different opinions, belief systems, and values, leaving A LOT of room for your inner critic to, well, criticize you! Everything you say, everything you do, even the thoughts you have are being monitored and judged by your inner critic because you feel you have to adhere to everyone else’s beliefs simultaneously. It can leave you feeling unsure about your own personal beliefs and opinions when in solitude, and many experience identity challenges as well.
Perfectionism
Perfectionism, often in tangent with people-pleasing, tends to give free range for the inner critic. Why? Because if you’re a perfectionist, you likely adhere to the internal narrative that in order to be loved, worthy, good at something, etc., you have to be the absolute best, or perfect, at literally everything you do. While it can sometimes be honed in on specific areas of your life, it’s often a generalized belief that seeps into all aspects of life. Like with people-pleasing, if you have to be perfect at everything you do and with everything you say, your inner critic will pick apart every little thing. This is exacerbated by the fact you as a human being will rarely be perfect – humans are inherently imperfect – meaning this narrative is setting you up to be disappointed, feeling less than, incapable, unworthy, and susceptible to criticism at all times.
Noticing a trend?
While the above list is by no means exhaustive, are you pickin’ up what I’m puttin’ down? There’s a common theme across all of the examples given: the narrative, or lens, you navigate the world through can have significant impacts on your mental health. I want to clarify that this does not mean to practice toxic positivity – sometimes things really suck and it’s okay to honor that! But the internalization of these types of thoughts and experiences can play a major role in how you perceive yourself, the people around you, and life in general.
What do I do with this?
An activity I guide my clients through to address this is identifying what your narrative is. If you were writing a character description for yourself, what would your strengths be? Weaknesses? Beliefs? Worldview? All of these things are a part of your narrative. From there, think about your thoughts – I know, it can feel weird, but bear with me! Pay attention to your natural train of thought without trying to change anything. Where does it go? What does it tell you? How does it make you feel? This can give you an idea of how your internal narrative is impacting you on a small scale.
If you find you’re struggling with a strong and overwhelming inner critic, or other mental health challenges, I encourage you to seek support from a professional to explore these ideas further. It can be intimidating, but you’re worth the effort to help yourself build a more compassionate narrative!
Catherine Cabrera, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Catherine Cabrera is a therapist who specializes in treating anxiety, eating disorders, obsessive thinking, and related mental health challenges. After years of living with anxiety and feeling like there was no hope for change, Cabrera explored the underlying purpose of emotions and their interaction with thoughts and behaviors. She has since been passionate about helping others better understand their emotions and use compassion to build a more positive relationship with their thoughts and feelings. She is the owner and founder of Inner Strength Counseling, providing professional mental health care in Virginia.
