The Emotional Journey of Becoming My Parents’ Caregiver
Updated: 1 day ago
As a Reiki Practitioner, channeler, yoga teacher, and sound healer, Rosie weaves together energy work, movement, and sacred sound to create deeply transformative healing experiences. Through the circles she hosts, she guides others on their healing journeys, holding intentional space for alignment, release, and reconnection to their inner wisdom.
For me, that transition happened gradually. I don’t think there was one particular day when I suddenly thought, I’m now my parents’ caregiver. It happened little by little, through doctor appointments, phone calls, medications, paperwork, and the growing realization that my parents needed more help than they once did.
As children, we grow up seeing our parents as the strong ones. They are the ones who make the decisions, take care of the household, worry about us, and make sure everything is okay. We don’t really think about what happens when that changes until it does.
COVID-19 changed so much for so many families, and mine was no different. My parents began experiencing more health issues, and their independence slowly started to change. What had once been normal everyday life became something that required more planning, more assistance, and more involvement from me.
Eventually, in 2022, that meant moving them closer so I could help care for them.
When love and caregiving become complicated
It wasn’t always a smooth transition. I definitely had my days when I struggled.
I was, and always will be, very close to my dad. We had a really great bond, but as his health deteriorated and he became more dependent on others, he became angry and bitter.
Looking back, I can understand some of that anger differently now. Losing your independence has to be incredibly difficult. Imagine spending your entire life doing things for yourself and suddenly having to rely on someone else for the simplest things, but understanding it didn’t always make it easy.
I had a young family and a husband at home, yet whatever my dad needed often became the priority. My siblings lived out of state, so there was only so much they could physically do. I was the one nearby.
And it was frustrating. There were times when I felt pulled in every direction, being a wife, being a mom, taking care of my own responsibilities, and also being the daughter my parents needed me to be.
That experience taught me that caregiving is complicated. You can love someone deeply and still feel overwhelmed. You can be grateful that you are able to care for them and still wish you had more help. You can know you are doing the right thing while sometimes wondering how you are going to keep doing it.
Trying to find help for aging parents
One of the biggest struggles wasn’t only the caregiving itself. It was trying to find help.
People don’t talk enough about how difficult it can be to get elderly services and assistance.
Both of my parents eventually needed help at home around the clock. I applied for services through insurance, medical programs, elderly services, and hospice. In the beginning, we had no help.
My siblings and I ended up splitting the cost of private care, which took a toll on all of us. For several years, we paid out of pocket simply because there wasn’t another option.
I spent endless hours trying to figure out whether my mom or dad qualified for certain benefits or services, making phone calls, filling out applications, waiting to hear back, and hoping they would be accepted into a program.
It made me wonder.
Who advocates for our seniors?
Who advocates for the senior community when their families aren’t involved? Who makes those phone calls? Who fills out the paperwork? Who keeps asking questions when the first answer is no? And what happens to the senior who has no one doing those things for them?
Those questions stayed with me.
The part of aging we don’t talk about enough
My father eventually passed away, and then I watched my mother experience another kind of loss.
She hadn’t only lost her husband. She had lost the person who had shared her everyday life.
That made me look at aging differently.
We often focus on the medical side of getting older, the medications, doctor visits, diagnoses, and physical limitations, but there is another side that deserves just as much attention, connection, companionship, having someone to talk to, having somewhere to go, and feeling like you are still part of something.
As our parents age, their worlds can become smaller without us even realizing it. They may stop driving. Friends pass away or move. Their health limits where they can go and what they can do. Activities that were once simple become difficult.
And suddenly, the person who spent a lifetime surrounded by work, family, friends, and responsibilities can find themselves spending much of their day alone.
My mom is now 78. She is legally blind, diabetic, has dementia, and has myasthenia gravis. She takes 19 pills a day and insulin four times a day. I still have to request and apply for benefits for her year after year.
Would I like her to have more coverage and more support? Yes. Am I grateful for what she receives? Absolutely, but I have fought hard for it. I often wonder about the seniors who don’t have someone willing or able to fight that hard for them.
Our seniors still need connection
Through my own experiences with my parents and through spending time with the senior community, I have realized how much our elders still have to give.
Sometimes they don’t need another person telling them what they can’t do. They need someone willing to sit with them, listen to their stories, laugh with them, include them, and remind them that they still matter.
There is so much wisdom in our senior community, but we have to slow down long enough to receive it.
One day, it may be us
One day, if we are fortunate enough, we will be the ones sitting in those chairs.
We will be the ones hoping someone calls, hoping someone visits, hoping someone asks what we think instead of assuming they already know, and hoping that even though our bodies may have changed, people still see us.
The circle of life
Taking care of my parents has not always been easy. There have been moments of frustration, exhaustion, sadness, and grief. There have also been moments I wouldn’t trade for anything because somewhere along the way, the roles reversed.
The people who once made sure I was okay became the people I needed to check on. The hands that once helped me became the hands that needed mine.
And maybe that is part of the circle of life. They spent so many years taking care of us. Now it’s our time to make sure we take care of them.
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Read more from Rosalba De La Rosa-Ruiz
Rosalba De La Rosa-Ruiz, Spiritual Wellness Practitioner
Rosalba “Rosie” De La Rosa-Ruiz is a Reiki Practitioner, channeler, yoga teacher, and sound healer devoted to guiding others through transformative healing experiences. Blending energy work, intuitive guidance, movement, and sacred sound, she creates heart-centered spaces that support deep release and reconnection. Through her circles, classes, and one-on-one sessions, Rosie empowers others to align with their inner wisdom and step into greater balance and authenticity. Her writing carries the same intention, offering insight, inspiration, and practical tools for the healing journey. Connect with Rosie to explore more of her work and upcoming offerings.
