The Dark Side of Keeping the Peace and Why Your Niceness is Not Neutral
- Brainz Magazine
- Jul 16
- 4 min read
Chris Suchánek is the Founder and Chief Strategy Officer of Firm Media, an award-winning national marketing agency specializing in helping plastic surgery, oral surgery, and med spa practices thrive.
I was raised in a family deeply rooted in dysfunction and abuse. It shaped me quietly and invisibly into someone who believed that keeping the peace was survival. Later in life, I found myself building businesses surrounded by more nice people than I could count. People who said the right things, smiled at the right times, and seemed agreeable enough until the pressure was on.
What I eventually learned is that I had been bringing my people-pleasing patterns into leadership, expecting harmony where I should have been expecting ethics. After setting boundaries and taking back what belonged to me, I discovered something that changed how I lead. I prefer good people over nice people every single time.
The nice people always seemed to find a way to shift whatever we were building to benefit themselves. Good people are different. They seem to be in it so that everyone gets to win. They show up with integrity. They are clear, fair, and rooted in something real. And that, I have learned, is where true teamwork begins.
Somewhere along the way, keeping the peace became a stand-in for emotional maturity, spiritual growth, and wisdom. But let’s be honest: too often, what people call peace is fear dressed in polite language.
When one person backs away from conflict, someone else steps forward with control. Passivity does not eliminate tension; it simply hands power to those who want it most. Harm does not always need loud applause. It might just need your silence.
We have all seen it: the people pleaser who smiles through discomfort, the so-called good girl who never pushes back, the nice guy who avoids confrontation at all costs. They freeze. They fawn. They stay quiet while damage takes place around them. And they believe they are keeping things peaceful.
But in truth, their silence is not harmless. It is permission.
Niceness is not kindness
There is a world of difference between being nice and being kind. Niceness avoids the truth; kindness tells it. Niceness seeks comfort; kindness chooses courage. One is about image; the other is about integrity.
Often, people who consider themselves nice do harm without realizing it, not because they are malicious, but because they are afraid. They fear being disliked. They fear creating discomfort. They fear speaking up and becoming a target.
But by avoiding discomfort, they allow dysfunction to grow. A fragile, false peace takes hold, one that protects no one and costs everyone.
Avoidance is not virtue
Let’s be clear: avoidance is not peace. It is not maturity. It is not compassion. It is fear, plain and simple. And when fear is given authority, it silences truth.
The fawn and freeze responses are real. They are survival strategies. Many of us learned them early. But survival strategies do not belong in leadership roles. If we never challenge them, we begin to see silence as virtue. We confuse neutrality with kindness. We believe being agreeable is being good.
But silence in the face of harm is not neutral. It is complicit.
The spiritual sedation
Nowhere is this more obvious than in some circles of the spiritual community. You know the phrases: "Just stay in love," "Send light," "Let go of judgment."
Let me say this clearly: that is not enlightenment. That is sedation.
This type of sugar-coated messaging puts your protective instincts to sleep. It weakens your discernment. It dulls your ability to respond. And, worst of all, it teaches you to abandon your own power in the name of being peaceful.
Love without boundaries is not love. Forgiveness without accountability is not healing. And peace without truth is not peace. It is denial.
If your version of spirituality tells you to be quiet in the face of abuse or injustice, it is not a path to higher consciousness. It is an escape route.
What real peace requires
Real peace is not the absence of tension. It is the presence of truth. It requires clarity, voice, and boundaries. Sometimes it comes with discomfort, and other times it comes with resistance. But it always comes with integrity.
You do not get to call yourself peaceful if your silence makes room for harm. You do not get to call yourself kind if you let abuse continue unchecked just to avoid a difficult conversation. And you do not get to call yourself evolved if your only move is to stay silent and hope it goes away.
It is time to show up
If you have been taught that your job is to keep everyone calm, I understand. Many of us were raised in environments where peacekeeping was the only way to stay safe. But that role is not serving anyone.
You can choose something different. You can learn to speak up. You can set boundaries. You can protect your peace by protecting your voice.
It will not be easy. You may feel guilty. You may feel fear. But those feelings do not mean you are wrong. They mean you are growing.
Peace that requires you to shrink is not peace at all. And silence that allows harm is not kindness. It is avoidance that keeps injustice alive.
The truth is that your silence was never neutral.
Read more from Christopher A. Suchánek
Christopher A. Suchánek, Founder, Chief Strategy Officer, and Speaker
Chris Suchánek is the Founder and Chief Strategy Officer of Firm Media, an award-winning national marketing agency specializing in helping plastic surgery, oral surgery, and med spa practices thrive. With over 25 years of experience spanning the entertainment and specialty medical sectors, Chris has worked with iconic brands like Warner Bros., MTV, and EMI Music, earning international acclaim, including a Grammy Award with Brainstorm Artists International.
