The Art of Conflict Resolution and Navigating Difficult Conversations with Ease
- Brainz Magazine
- 4 hours ago
- 5 min read
Written by Monique Farmer, Founder
Monique Farmer, APR, is the founder of Avant Solutions, a PR and communication consultancy that helps nonprofit organizations, government agencies, and small businesses elevate their messaging and build stronger connections with their audiences.
Picture this: we’re sitting in our favorite little coffee shop, the kind where the barista already knows your order. There’s a low hum of conversation around us, the scent of cinnamon from someone’s latte, and we’re leaning in, talking about that thing you’ve been putting off.
You know the one. That awkward conversation with your co-worker who keeps “forgetting” to CC you on emails. Or the friend who always seems to cancel at the last minute. Or maybe something at home has been sitting heavy on your chest for weeks.
Let’s be honest, conflict isn’t rare. It’s not some rare thunderstorm. It’s more like a steady drizzle. It shows up in an email that lands the wrong way. In a meeting where the air turns thick and suddenly everyone is “checking their notes.” Even in a short text that makes you reread it twice and think, “Wait, what did they mean by that?”
Here’s the thing: conflict itself isn’t the villain. Avoidance is.
When we dodge the hard stuff, little issues grow roots. And the longer they stay buried, the deeper they run. Before you know it, you’re watering weeds instead of planting what you actually want.
But here’s the hopeful part: if you can reframe conflict as a signal, a little flag saying, “Hey, something here needs attention”, you can turn it into an opportunity to connect, clear the air, and sometimes even strengthen the relationship.
Emotional intelligence: Your secret weapon
In Chart Your Path, one of the first things I tell people is that you can’t change what you’re unaware of. That’s where emotional intelligence (EQ) comes in. Think of EQ like the travel mug that keeps your coffee warm even when the conversation gets heated.
It comes down to three big skills:
Self-awareness: catching yourself thinking, “Wow, that comment just pushed my buttons.”
Self-regulation: taking a slow sip before responding so you don’t pour gasoline on the fire.
Empathy: wondering, “What kind of day are they having?” instead of assuming the worst.
I’ve seen entire conversations turn 180 degrees because one person chose to stay calm and curious instead of defensive. When you pause, even momentarily, you give yourself the gift of choosing your response rather than reacting from pure emotion.
Active listening: The game-changer
Most people don’t listen; they reload. They’re just waiting for their turn to speak.
Active listening is different. It’s leaning in, nodding, and letting the other person know you’re truly tracking with them. In practical terms, that means:
Repeating back what you’ve heard: “So you’re saying…”
Resisting the urge to interrupt.
Ask follow-up questions to make sure you understand.
It’s like tuning an old radio. At first, all you hear is static. But if you keep adjusting, you hit that sweet spot where the message comes through crystal clear. And here’s the secret — when people feel genuinely heard, they often soften. They may not agree with you yet, but they will stop bracing for a fight.
Stop avoiding the hard stuff
I get it. Hard conversations aren’t fun. They can feel like voluntarily walking into a cold shower. But here’s the truth I’ve learned, avoidance costs more than discomfort. Every time you sidestep a necessary conversation, the problem grows and your energy drains a little more.
My book Chart Your Path's From Tension to Tranquility framework discusses “Confronting the Situation” as a turning point. It’s Step 4, where all the preparation pays off.
To make that step feel less daunting, start with:
Something soft: “I want to make sure we’re on the same page.”
Facts, not accusations: “Three times this month, the project updates didn’t come my way.”
Behavior, not personality: “When the updates aren’t shared, it delays my part of the work.”
This way, you’re addressing the impact, not attacking the person.
A coffee shop 5-step plan for difficult conversations
1. Reflect on your emotions and decide what you really want from the conversation. Is it resolution? Clarity? An apology?
2. Request a time to talk, no ambushing someone in the hallway.
3. Relate by starting with common ground: “We both want this project to go well.”
4. Respond using “I” language to share your perspective without making it a blame game.
5. Revisit the conversation later to make sure you’re both still aligned.
A real-life story: The day I chose courage over comfort
There was a time in my corporate career when a colleague repeatedly sent emails to the team right on top of mine, undermining my work. I gathered examples (Step 2 in my framework), strategized timing (Step 3), and finally knocked on her office door when the moment felt right.
I kept my tone calm, laid out the facts, and asked if it was intentional. My colleague was shocked I’d brought it up. But here’s what mattered: I walked away knowing I’d spoken my truth. I can’t guarantee she changed her behavior because of me, but I changed. I learned I could stand up for myself and survive the discomfort.
This is a leadership skill
How you handle conflict tells people whether they can trust you in a storm. Leaders, whether leading a team, a family, or just yourself, earn trust by showing you can address tension without letting it spiral into chaos.
When I work with women navigating big life changes, we often discover that their conflict style, avoider, attacker, or somewhere in between, mirrors how they generally handle change. Learning to face uncomfortable conversations is just training for bigger life pivots.
So ask yourself: What outcome protects both the relationship and the goal? Then follow through, check in, and make sure everyone leaves the table clear, respected, and maybe even relieved.
Your challenge (coffee optional, but recommended)
Think of one conversation you’ve been avoiding. This week, take yourself through these steps:
Diagnose why you’ve been avoiding it (Is it fear? Uncertainty? Lack of clarity?)
Gather your examples so you’re ready with specifics.
Strategize your timing. When are you calm, and when are they most likely to listen?
Confront with courage and kindness.
Circle back to ensure things are truly resolved.
Bottom line: Conflict is inevitable. Chaos isn’t. If you can be the calm in the room, you won’t just resolve issues, you’ll build trust, strengthen relationships, and prove to yourself that you can handle far more than you think.
So, finish your coffee. Take a deep breath. And remember, the conversation you’re dreading might be the exact doorway to the connection and clarity you’ve been craving.
Read more from Monique Farmer
Monique Farmer, Founder
Monique's firm specializes in developing tailored communication strategies that help clients share their stories, enhance their reputations, and make a lasting impact.
She is also the creator of Anvil Ready, an online tool that streamlines the process of building effective communication plans, designed specifically for communication professionals who need clear, actionable strategies.
With extensive experience as a former Public Affairs Officer for the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers, as the former director of communications for Nebraska’s largest school district and in corporate communications for ConAgra Foods, Monique and her team understand the complexities organizations face when managing their reputations.
