The Art Of Asking For What You Want
- Mar 16, 2022
- 5 min read
Written by: Erika Davey, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
If you are like me, you have received mixed messages about asking for what you want out of life. You hear that you must ask for what you want, or it's your fault when you don't get it. Another way of saying this is, "It is OK to not get the best table in the restaurant, but it is not OK to not ask for it." But, you also hear direction to not be pushy or greedy, and to be grateful for what you have.
The truth of the matter is, in order to get what you want, it is necessary to ask for it.
Having a strong sense of self-worth is the most important factor in the art of asking for, and getting, what you want. Whether you are asking your boss for a pay raise, your friend to do you a favor, or for someone to change their behavior, believing you deserve what you are asking for is very important. Three essential steps to getting what you want
1. Believe you are worth it Even if:
You have had a lifetime of experiences in which you were made to feel inadequate
You have been told that people such as yourself (gender, age, education, ethnicity) should be satisfied with what they’ve got
You are afraid that by doing well, you will make someone else, such as your spouse, friend, or parent, feel inadequate
Look into the reasons you feel unworthy and release that fear. Open yourself up to receive what you want and need.
2. Understand your WHY Before making a request, figure out your "why". One of the best ways to do this is to write down your reasons. A thorough and honest self-evaluation will expose your true motivations and you can use this list of reasons when asking. By organizing your thoughts ahead of time, you will be less likely to feel rattled or embarrassed while asking for what you want. If you can’t come up with enough reasons, then it’s possible that you are not asking for what you really want and need.
3. Base your request in reality It is important to ask for something that can actually happen...no one can come back from the dead, some hearts can't be changed, and some things won't be healed. When asking, express yourself honestly and clearly share what you need and why you need it. You can, and should, ask for what you want energetically. The most important factor in being able to manifest what you want = your thoughts.
“Whatever you believe, you will find that you are correct. ‒ Dr. Wayne Dyer 5 steps to successfully manifest anything you want Step 1. Choose what you want to manifest Decide what you want, really understand why you want or need this, and believe that you will receive what you ask for. Step 2. Visualize what you want to manifest Sit quietly and really focus on how you will feel and act once you get what you have asked for. Avoid the temptation to imagine the steps you will take to get what you want. Instead, focus solely on how you will feel and behave once you receive what you desire. Dr. Wayne Dyer gives direction to “feel the feeling of the wish fulfilled." Step 3. Get rid of things that stand in your way Identify and remove any limiting beliefs, negative mindsets, and people who don't support your goals. Avoid being impatient. There is a level of trust required to be a successful manifester. Believe that things will happen at the right time. Step 4. Listen to your gut Once you ask for what you desire, it is important to listen to your gut and follow the advice you receive to move you toward your goal. Any kind of negative feelings (e.g. anxiety, worry, anger, and doubt) or negative beliefs will inhibit your ability to hear your intuition and follow through on what feels like the right thing to do. Step 5. Recognize and appreciate Gratitude and appreciation are positive feelings that will replace negative thoughts, limiting beliefs, and doubts, so it is important to fully notice and appreciate anything you receive.
My personal manifesting success story:
About 5 years ago, I set a goal to be "location independent," meaning I can earn my living from any location, allowing me to travel and work 100% digitally.
At the time, I had a full-time job as a Physician Assistant working in surgery.
So, even though I didn't know how it could possibly happen, I sat quietly and envisioned my location independent status. How I would feel, what I would do with my time, the fun I would have exploring new places and the freedom of being my own timekeeper
I had no idea of the logistics or how this could happen, so I focused only on how I would feel and the adventures I would have.
And it's happened! I made it happen! This week, I shift to a full-time position as a Tele-medicine Physician Assistant in a new position that plays to all my strengths and supports my goals. And, I'll have time to focus on my Enneagram-based coaching practice helping people enhance their relationships and communication – a side goal that hopped on this dream's coattails! Dream on, my friends, it works!! Learn more about my Enneagram-based coaching practice. With peace and gratitude, Erika Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Erika!
Erika Davey, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Erika Davey is a Coach, Mentor, and fellow human who works to overcome her own struggles every day. With over 25 years of experience in healthcare, the last 18 years as a Physician Assistant, Erika thought she knew how the body worked. Then, six years ago, she found herself exhausted, consumed with chronic abdominal pain, and full of anxiety. After trying everything offered by physicians and nutritionists, she began to realize that classic Western medicine doesn’t address the connection between mental and emotional wellness and physical symptoms and pain. She didn’t want to shun her medical training, but was intrigued to learn more, so she pursued a Health Coaching Certificate and extra education in Gut Health, Hormone Health, and Emotional Eating. She explored the world of self-healing, chakra health, meditation, and energy management in an effort to calm her mind and heal her spirit. And, she dove deeply into the Enneagram, fascinated by the insight available into our secret fears and why we do what we do. She is elated at what she discovered — a combination of the wisdom and insight of the Enneagram, the benefits of science and Western medicine, and energy management and self-healing techniques. By increasing her self-awareness and learning how to set and hold boundaries, she has been able to trade anxiety and overwhelm for resilience and calm. Now, Erika uses the Enneagram to help her clients achieve self-acceptance and enjoy a sense of peace and contentment in everyday life.
