Tending the Inner Garden – Lessons on Peace, Process, and Presence (Part 1)
- 5 days ago
- 9 min read
Dr. Diane Jackson Schnoor is a nationally recognized speaker, educator, and children’s literature specialist. Founder of Dr. Diane’s Adventures in Learning and host of the Adventures in Learning podcast, she helps organizations use play-based learning to foster collaboration, creativity, and empathetic problem-solving.
They say we don’t truly start growing up until we start looking in. This past year, as I celebrated my 55th birthday, I found myself in a season of deep reflection. Inspired by "heart conversations" with some of the strongest women I know, Gayle Forman (whose original post inspired this one), Alicia D Williams, Vanessa Brantley-Newton, Bernadette Chi, Lynn Coles, Kristie Green, and Dr. Ellen Albertson, as well as the quiet, steady love of my husband, Barry, and our daughters, Miranda and Ella, I decided to take stock.
Putting this list together was a rare opportunity to pause and see exactly where I am right now on the path. In this first part, I’m exploring the "seeds", the internal shifts, the messy feelings, and the scientific method of living a joyful life. If you created a list of 55 things you’ve learned, what would be on it? What’s similar on our lists, and what would you add from the richness of your own experiences?
Here are the first 25 things I’ve learned about tending the garden of the self
You Control Your Inner Peace. There are so many things you don't control, who is going to buy your house, what the madman in the White House is spewing, why your neighbor feels the need to fly a hateful flag, but you do control your reaction to those things. Your inner peace is your own.
Feel Your Feelings. You don't stop caring. Don't let yourself get numb to the horrors and joys of the world around you. Stuffing emotions doesn't work. They just come back to bite you later. So you may as well acknowledge and make peace with the messy, often contradictory feelings that inform who you are.
Manage Your Feelings. While you can and should feel your feelings, you also have to find ways to manage them and keep them from controlling you, see control your inner peace. That looks different for everyone. For me, it involves meditation, journaling, yoga, nature walks, daily exercise, calling friends and loved ones. It may look different for you. Find strategies that work for you, and use them.
Don't Be Afraid to Ask for Help. This one is big. I’m the oldest daughter of an oldest daughter. For a long time, I thought I had to do everything myself. We need connection and we all need the advice and counsel of others wiser than ourselves. There's no shame in therapy, counseling, or picking up the phone to call a friend.
When You're Wrong, Admit It and Move On. I hate being wrong, and this may be the only time I publicly admit this. But there have been many times I've messed up. The best thing to do in those cases is admit it, learn from it, and seek forgiveness if necessary, and grant it to yourself. Then move on and do better next time.
Shampoo. Rinse. Repeat. So much of life follows this cycle. Try something. Fail or succeed. Learn from it. Try again or move on. Repeat.
Live Life Like You're Practicing the Scientific Method. In case you need a refresher from your childhood, the scientific method is basically observe, form a question or hypothesis, research, run tests and collect data, reflect and revisit your idea, and try again. This applies equally well to a playful and joyful life.
Make time to:
Observe and wonder. It’s so important to literally stop and smell the roses. Let yourself really see and wonder at the small miracles happening around you.
Get Curious. Go down rabbit holes. What is that funny orange fungus on the tree that looks like an elf’s ear? Why do gentoo penguins sound like donkeys? What are the benefits of play?
Dig Deep and Investigate. Go beyond TikTok and memes. Spend time reading, exploring, taking deep dives to learn more about the things that interest you. Listen to podcasts. Read articles or books. Talk to experts, you’d be surprised at how willing people are to share what they know with you.
Try Something New. Use your research and observations to give you the guts to try something new. Maybe it’s going to a Science on Tap gathering sponsored by your local museum. Or volunteering with the Food Bank. Or taking a once in a lifetime trip to South Africa to explore conservation with other authors and illustrators.
Get Messy. Trying new things isn’t easy or clean. You’re going to be a beginner. You’re not going to be immediately good at something. But you won’t know until you try, so roll up your sleeves and dive in.
Learn from Your Successes and Failures. It’s easier to learn from success and sweep failure under the rug. But failure is a huge part of learning. If you mess up once and never try again, what are you keeping yourself from experiencing? What gift are you hiding from the world? Failure is feedback. It tells us what we still need to learn. Let it inform your next steps just as much as you let success fuel you. What did you learn from the experience and what can you try next?
Refine and Revise. Use your experiences to help you refine and revise your ideas. That first mug you made in pottery? Lopsided, yes, but has the beginnings of good form? What can you do to make it better next time? You struggled with loading shelves at the food pantry, but you loved the people? What other roles could you try out to gain the camaraderie but work to use your skills?
Try Again. Use the experiences, the data, the reflections, to shape your next attempt. Whatever you do, don’t give up. Use what you know to plan your next attempt.
Say YES, especially when you're scared. When you are offered a chance to do something outside your comfort zone, do it. The worst that happens is you fall down or vow never to do it again. But so often, this is the growth zone, the chance to break free and discover something new.
Keep your passport current. Always be ready for the next adventure.
When you think you know everything, think again. Don't allow yourself to be stuck in certainty. Be open to the possibility that there's more to learn, another perspective to take.
Put away the phone. This one is hard for me. Phones are addictive. But, for your own happiness, unlock the apps that limit your time on social media for a start. Work towards being able to truly put it away. What can you do without your phone? Spend time in nature or at a museum. Curl up with a book. Be truly present with family and friends. Enjoy the real, honest to goodness connection of just being in the present moment.
Call your loved ones. Here's where the phone does good. Use it to connect, to call those who are far from you. Check in on your parents, your kids, your loved ones. Use the video feature if it makes you happy.
Don't forget to write. Support the US Postal Service and send a note to let someone know how special they are to you. Texts and emails are lovely, but there's still something magical about getting physical mail, and the stamps are so cute.
Buy local. Support your local coffee shop, book store, artist, farmer's market. Get to know the people in your community who create and sustain. Give them your business, not the big box stores.
Plant a garden. Even in the city, you can grow a plant. There's something magical about watching tiny shoots sprout from a garden plot, a pot, a window box, a raised bed. Nothing beats the taste of home grown strawberries or tomatoes.
Put out birdseed. Get to know your bird neighbors. Observe the cardinals, sparrows, robins, finches, even the scampy squirrels. Get to know your personal birds. Take time to watch them while you drink your morning coffee or tea. Learn them, name them, begin to connect to the world around you.
Find the fireflies. Nothing is more magical than finding the first fireflies of summer. Take time to walk, to watch, to bask in their soft twinkly glows.
Make walking a daily part of your life. I need trees, and nature. Find time to walk by yourself in gratitude. Touch the bark, observe the nests, feel the difference in temperature as you enter the shadows, listen for the birds, smell the air, it changes depending on the season. Find a place you can walk in week after week. Spend time noticing, really noticing, how this one place changes. It might be walking around the block in your city. It could be the local botanical garden or park. It might be a favorite nearby trail. Do this for a year. It's worth it.
Read widely. Seek out stories that transport you into other cultures and perspectives. As a white woman, there are a number of books that reflect me, even if it didn't feel like that as a child. My heroines were Anne of Green Gables, Betsy Ray, Jo March, Sarah Crewe, Mary Lennox, Elizabeth Darcy, Anne Frank and Laura Ingalls. There were a few others who shifted my point of view, Peter in Peter's Chair, Max in Wild Things, Aslan, Charlotte and Wilbur. As an adult and educator, I know what I missed by not experiencing other cultures and points of view. My own privilege was locked in place early on and it has taken years to chip away at that. Reading books by diverse authors and illustrators, engaging fully, learning from them, sharing them with students and teachers, amplifying them on the podcast, these are all ways that I am seeking to grow, to cultivate empathy, to be curious and humble about the things I don't know. Each story that transports or offers a window is another treasure on the journey to discovering myself and my sense of purpose.
Hug like you mean it. I’ve always loved hugs, but COVID taught me not to take them for granted ever again. Offer up hugs and put your whole heart and presence into them when the offer is accepted. You can have an entire conversation without saying a word.
Dogs are forever friends, but cats will steal your heart. Take time daily to appreciate the love and companionship and antics of your furry friends.
Dance in the grocery aisle if you feel like it. No one cares if you bop to the beat or off the beat while pushing your grocery cart down the aisle. Don't worry about what others think. If you feel like dancing, dance. That goes for anything else that brings you joy. Don't worry about what other people think. Lean into your joy and your unique ability to find and spread that joy.
You can't change your sleep preferences, but try to wake up to see the occasional sunrise on the beach, totally worth it, or stay up late to see the Northern Lights.
Don't just do something. Sit there. This one came from Thich Nhat Hanh and it took me years to learn this. Action and transformation doesn't just come from doing and busyness. My best decisions come when I give them space to breathe. The same can be said for how I move and live and act in the world. Actions need to be informed by contemplation and reflection. We have to stop, breathe, take time to just observe and be. Even if it's a moment of breathe in, two, three, four, breathe out, two, three, four, take that moment to create space.
Don't just sit there, do something. It's also not enough to sit on the sidelines and hope things change. You have to be willing to speak up, stand up, take action. But you don't have to do everything and you don't have to do it alone.
What comes next?
That’s the first 25. In the next part, we’ll explore more ways to be the superhero in your own life, and to carry the joy of a life well-lived as a beacon of hope for a weary world. While you’re waiting for part two, please check out the Adventures in Learning podcast for more stories of hope, empathy, action, and joy.
Read more from Dr. Diane Jackson Schnoor
Dr. Diane Jackson Schnoor, Speaker, Podcast Host, Education Consultant
Dr. Diane Jackson Schnoor is a nationally recognized speaker, educator, and podcast host who believes better learning, and better leadership, start with play. With more than 30 years of experience spanning classrooms, museums, and universities, she helps organizations create environments where curiosity sparks collaboration, creativity fuels critical thinking, and empathy drives problem-solving. Her work blends children’s literature, play-based STEAM learning, and real-world leadership to show what’s possible when we commit to learning and leading through play.
