Surrender Is Not Obey, Or – Where Lies The Force Of Femineity?
- Oct 10, 2023
- 4 min read
Written by: Dragana Favre, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
In my clinical practice, I meet often people who are trying so hard to go against the emotional or spiritual obstacle. Then, suddenly they stop, and let the obstacle enslave them losing entirely control of their choices. There are also the opposite examples: those who keep on swallowing, suffering, silently absorbing and then one day, it is too much, the big boom overwhelms them. To switch from one mode to another is frequently more realizable then slowly trying something in between: to surrender.
The concept of surrender holds a complex and multifaceted role within the realms of psychology, spirituality, and gender studies. Marion Woodman, a renowned Jungian analyst and author, has extensively explored the significance of surrender in understanding and distinguishing positive from negative femininity*. And, importantly, before continuing, let’s name the things correctly: femineity has nothing to do with the fact of being traditionally, sexually, biologically or spiritually a woman. It’s an inner quality, one of the fundamental forces, existing in ALL (human) beings.
To grasp its significance, it is imperative to clarify the distinction between surrender and obedience. Surrender is not about submission or blindly following external authority. Instead, it is an inner process of yielding to one's authentic self, embracing vulnerability, and allowing the deeper layers of the psyche to unfold. It is a courageous act of surrendering to the wisdom of the unconscious, which often contradicts societal expectations and norms.
Obedience, on the other hand, implies compliance with external rules, authority figures, or societal norms without questioning their validity or alignment with one's true self. Obedience often stems from fear, insecurity, or a desire for approval, whereas surrender arises from a place of self-awareness, self-acceptance, and inner growth.
Positive femininity is intimately linked to the concept of surrender. It involves people's ability to connect with their inner wisdom, intuition, and authenticity. It is a state of being where people embrace their vulnerability and acknowledge the cyclical nature of life. This aligns with the Jungian idea of the anima, the inner feminine aspect of a person's psyche that represents the soul and deep inner wisdom.
We can characterize positive femininity by the following qualities
a. Authenticity: Surrender enables people to shed societal masks and roles, allowing them to be true to themselves. It encourages an authentic expression of one's thoughts, emotions, and desires.
b. Intuition: Surrender invites people to listen to their intuitive insights and inner guidance. It acknowledges the profound wisdom that arises from deep within the psyche.
c. Vulnerability: Positive femininity recognizes that vulnerability is not a weakness but a source of strength. Surrendering to vulnerability fosters emotional resilience and deep connections with others.
d. Flow and Adaptability: Surrender involves letting go of rigid control and embracing the flow of life. It encourages adaptability and the ability to navigate life's challenges with grace.
e. Empathy and Nurturing: Surrender allows people to tap into their nurturing qualities and express empathy toward others. It fosters a sense of interconnectedness and compassion.
In contrast to positive femininity, negative femininity is closely tied to the concept of obedience. Negative femininity is characterized by the suppression of one's authentic self in favor of conforming to external expectations, often imposed by a society. Obedience, in this context, perpetuates harmful stereotypes and reinforces the subjugation. In other words, the femineity is shameful to be shown and needs to be hidden.
The pitfalls of negative femininity include
a. Self-Erasure: Obedience often leads to self-erasure, where people sacrifice their own desires, dreams, and needs to fulfill societal roles and expectations.
b. Dependency: Obedience can foster dependency on external validation and approval, undermining a person's sense of self-worth and agency.
c. Repression: Negative femininity is marked by the repression of emotions and desires, which can manifest in physical and psychological health issues.
d. Perfectionism: The pursuit of perfection as a form of obedience can be detrimental to a mental and emotional well-being, leading to anxiety and self-criticism.
e. Disconnection: Obedience can result in a disconnection from one's intuition, inner wisdom, and authentic self. This disconnection can lead to a sense of emptiness and fulfillment.
So how to find the balance?
It's important to recognize that both surrender and obedience have their place in human experience, but their roles must be carefully balanced. The key lies in discerning when surrender is an act of empowerment and when obedience becomes a form of self-sabotage.
a. Empowering Surrender: when rooted in self-awareness and inner growth, it can be a profoundly empowering experience. It allows people to access their inner strength, creativity, and authenticity.
b. Discerning Obedience: when it involves the suppression of one's true self or perpetuates harmful stereotypes and gender roles, it needs to be recognized and named. It is essential to differentiate between healthy conformity to societal norms and blind obedience that stifles personal growth.
c. The Journey of Self-Discovery: Distinguishing between positive and negative expressions of femininity requires a journey of self-discovery. It involves introspection, self-reflection, and a willingness to challenge societal expectations.
The concept of surrender plays a pivotal role in distinguishing positive from negative femininity. Surrender, when approached as an inner process of self-discovery, authenticity, and vulnerability, empowers women to connect with their inner wisdom and intuition. It allows them to embrace their vulnerability, adapt to life's challenges, and nurture their relationships with compassion.
We can all reclaim our power, nurturing a more balanced and harmonious world for all, if we dare to start the journey or to surrender to its call for initiation! Not to give up, not to lose ourselves in the battle but to find the third solution, to choose and to listen the smartest person of our own solar system: ourselves!
the main inspiration for the text is to be found in the works of Marion Woodman, notably in: Woodman, M. (1982), Addiction to perfection: the still unravished bride: a psychological study, Toronto: Inner City
Dragana Favre, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Dr. Dragana Favre is a psychiatrist, psychotherapist, and a seeker of the human psyche's mysteries. With a medical degree and extensive neuroscience education from prestigious institutions like the Max Planck Institute and Instituto de Neurociencias, she's a seasoned expert. Her unique approach combines Jungian psychotherapy, EMDR, and dream interpretation, guiding patients towards self-discovery and healing. Beyond her profession, Dr. Favre is passionate about science fiction, nature, and cosmology. Her ex-Yugoslavian roots in the small town of Kikinda offer a rich backdrop to her life's journey. She is dedicated to helping people find their true selves, much like an alchemist turning lead into gold.
